Time off for childrens sickness

[Cantwineitherway1]

I started my new job in September. Had to have 3 days off so far for illness of my children, 1 day for myself when ds gave me his sickness bug. Youngest ds (13 months) has had a raging temp all day and only wants me, isn't at all well. Its looking likely i will have to have tomorrow off to be home with him.

I feel so guilty that it will be ANOTHER day off. Then i feel guilty for feeling guilty about being at work when my baby is poorly and needs me. I have a partner but he has also taken a lot of time off recently (plus baby doesnt want him!) But in terms of family theres noone else. What would you do? Feeling pretty rubbish tonight.

Thanks

[megletthesecond]

cupcake me neither. I wouldn't leave a healthy child with a stranger. Let alone a sick child.

[CaptainBrickbeard]

I’d be happy to reciprocate in the holidays titty but I wouldn’t take an ill child so wouldn’t expect anyone to take mine either.

[meditrina]

"Who in their right mind would leave their sick child with a total stranger ???"

Someone who cannot afford to lose their job.

It gets easier as the DC get older, and if you insist on qualified staff.

[AdmiralSirArchibald]

You just stay at home if you need to
I had my first child under the cloud of a head who was unkind about child sickness. It makes you feel sick with anxiety. I am about to go back with my second child, but this time I am SLT with a lovely head who is very supportive. Often there isn't another option and if your child needs you, they need you. DH and I split the days equally. Nursery is near my work so I respond to calls during the day, and he stays at home the next which he can do as a non teacher. Stay at home if you need to.

[reallytired17]

In general I do prefer nurseries for this reason ... less likelihood of being closed due to staff sickness or problems with own children. It’s a personal choice, though.

[Appuskidu]

That does seem a lot of time off already this term. Are SLT understanding? Are they paying you for those days?

[Booie09]

Apart from grandparents (who OP has explained about) would want to look after someone else's sick children? I'm assuming friends have children and wouldn't want you to pass it on and single friends will be working! Think employers need to take this into consideration.

[Cantwineitherway1]

Thanks for your replies.
Reallytired17 - I would be happy to leave him with DP or his mum (if that was an option but it isnt), whether he wants me or not. It was more the fact that he has taken more time off than me. I have told him that he will need to take tomorrow off if he is still ill as I cant take both days. We do share as much as possible but with 2 children it is harder (and while ds1 never gets ill ds2 is prone to everything!).

Despite feeling horribly guilty, i am a mum before anything else and my own child takes priority.

[CaptainBrickbeard]

At my school you are paid for up to six days of parental leave per year. If you have two children and chicken pox hits, it’s easy to use them up quickly but it is a policy I really appreciate and think is very fair.

[Reallytired17]

Yeah, I get that OP I hope I didn’t sound critical. I was speaking in general terms as I think so many of us fall into the trap of ‘they want mummy!’ and I think it’s that which tends to get up HT’s noses, not parents sharing the care.

[FatRedCrayon]

It's easy to say 'make plans for emergencies' but like you we have no parental support or other relatives (closest one lives 1.5 hours away with 3 kids and 2 jobs of her own).

I think it's easy to say but much harder to do. No-one will take an ill child. Having a 'backup childminder' simply isn't an option, no-ones going to keep a place open just in case!

I'm due back at work soon, after having DC2 and seriously considering not working in part to avoid this. Had to have 4 days off over a few months with DC1 and got into trouble for it.

[Reallytired17]

Yes, and supply isn’t practical either when you book nursery places that you may not need!

Plough on, OP. It’ll get better!

[GeorgeTheHamster]

I would hope that once your school knows that DH is doing as much as you are,they will accept the situation. Many families allow the DH to take less time off, or only take the planned time rather than the unplanned illness days.

[Bitlost]

I use emergency childcare but it's £££. Work pays for it for up to 8 days a year. I think suggesting OP spends so much money on a single day's childcare is ridiculous.

[Macaroni46]

Could you ask for the day off but unpaid?

[iamthedanger]

Jeez, my husband is a headteacher and while it's not ideal he totally understands situations like this. It's often par for the course when you have staff with young children in winter. As school staff we've had several episodes over the years with the children getting ill and not having people who could look after them. We tried not to take the piss, we shared days off and we hoped our SLT were understanding. Like someone else suggested if necessary ask for unpaid days off. As the kids get older hopefully it'll get less frequent

[thebookeatinggirl]

Emergency childcare is rarely available in more rural areas. And even if it is, I have yet to find a service where an emergency nanny will care for child with violent vomiting and diarrhoea, or a dangerously high temperature, or chicken pox.

OP I really feel for you. I've been through that stage, living hundreds of miles from family, with a husband who worked away for weeks at a time. It is very very hard when children are ill. I ended up stopping working for a while. Mine are older now and it does get easier. I have no advice except to say I do get frustrated with people who say, well you just have to make alternative arrangements and sort out emergency childcare. Who would take a child with explosive diarrhoea who isn't family? No one that I'm aware of....

[junebirthdaygirl]

Could you set something in place soon for days dc isnt sick but childminder cant have him. I was a sahm for a few years and had an understanding with a working friend that if childminder let her down at last minute l would take him. At least them fays would be covered. I wasnt expexting to be paid back but could have asked her in the holidays. She just baked me a cake or something. We are still friends long after our dcs are reared.

[Acopyofacopy]

Your own children are more important than your pupils. Your school knows that you are a mother with young kids and that you are not taking the mickey.

If your baby (not teenager!) is sick, you stay at home! It might be different for people who have family around. My childminder does not take sick children.

And if you pay for emergency nannies: is it really worth paying to go to school? I’m pretty sure the nanny will get more than you earn per day.

Madness! Stay home when your baby is sick!

[TittyGolightly]

I’m pretty sure the nanny will get more than you earn per day.

That’s an odd argument. Keeping your job has a value!

[TittyGolightly]

Your school knows that you are a —mother— parent with young kids and that you are not taking the mickey.

Being off 10% of the time someone is expected to be at work wouldn’t be tolerated by many employers.

[Reallytired17]

Its not ten percent, and many employees would be able to take annual leave. The difficulty in teaching is always going to be its rigidity - it can’t be helped but it does mean if your child is unwell and you don’t have any support then what can you do? Realistically, your options are limited.

[RichmondAvenue]

All those banging on about setting up alternatives! Ha! What about when there are no alternatives! Both sets of grandparents still work and live an hour away. Nursery will not rake poorly kids. DH and I share illness but it's hard. Pisses me off these people who say we should set up alternatives. For some people, there are no alternatives. I take any children sick leave as unpaid sí that makes me feel a little less guilty.

[Piggywaspushed]

I agree with nannyogg

OP, everyone knows that when you have children you will go through a few years (especially, even nowadays, the mother) of having a bit more time off, particularly in winter.

I know lots of 'never been off' types who slagged other staff members off and then the minute they had children they learnt!

I too have no family nearby - mum 5000 miles away, dad 500, MIL 250and no real networks.

I work full time and have managed.

Happily, my DCs are never ill these days. I think they got used to having to be bleeding out of their eyes before they had time off (free Ferris Bueller quote for you)

Your children are the most important children.

[Piggywaspushed]

Of course, the majority of teachers are female, so schools do tend to be a little more understanding around this than a lot of employers.