Do I HAVE to go on the residential?

[rainsbows]

Private prep school. I'm the only class teacher with young children so I can't fathom leaving them for a week though the trip involves my class (and another). Do I really have to go or can I request I cover another class whilst another member of staff goes?

I am under gp/psychologist Care though not medicated. I've had no OccH check at this school. I did at last school.

That is a huge dripfeed. Do teachers have to submit a medical form before you got the job? Would you need to declare any ill health? (Genuinely don’t know with teaching). You’ll need to speak to them as if you’re not ever going to be able to go on residential it will impact on the rest of the team.

When you speak to them you’ll need to figure out what your actual reasons are, whether you want to leave your children, childcare or your mental health.

Cross post about health declarations/ occy health.

All the above nerr such is the extent of the anxiety.

What is the actual care you’re getting? With this level of anxiety I’m amazed you aren’t having CBT if you’re not on medication.

Exactly what Rhonda said.

Massive sympathy for your anxiety issues. However, having been in almost exactly that boat, forcing myself to go was the best thing I ever did. Being so busy and focused on your pupils' homesickness, worries and triumphs could well help you detach from your inner chatter. It was a real turning point for me in overcoming huge issues and enabled me later in my career to step up and volunteer for things I would otherwise have run away from. Could you do a visit one weekend so you know the journey and the basic set up before you go? I agree though that you need to get DH of a grandparent on board so your childcare arrangements are secure otherwise you will just be adding to your anxiety.

I am having CBT - my third round. I've tried ssris but I nearly died through serious side effects so psychiatrists won't allow other medication. I have cbt with a clinical psychologist instead. Also been prescribed the Linden Method on the NHS.

You need to speak to your head asap. I'm in slt at a primary, some years teachers would rather not go on residentials for various reasons and, asking as there is good notice, we swap people in and friend up covering g their classes. Personally, I wouldn't want someone leading g a group at residential if they really didn't want to be there.

Sorry, loads of typos !

And you school knows nothing about this?

Time for a frank conversation with them, I think.

If the trip isn't till the summer, perhaps you could go for a weekend visit with the family beforehand, so it isn't unknown.

Even if you say you can't leave your 3yo this year (which will raise some eyebrows) presuming you like the job there's next year to think about and the year after. You can't expect just not to do this part of the job indefinitely (unless you can convince them it's a reasonable adjustment for disability, and that'd really be a nuclear option and might not succeed anyway) so you're going to have to find a way to do it. Given that, you might as well find the way this year, and avoid a lot of hassle.

Nerr I’ve taught in state and independent. I’ve had to do a occ health form and then had to see a occ health doctor to get clearance to work. They then write to your employer and say if they believe you can do the job, and what amendments. I access private therapy so when my MH was bad a few years ago, it was a requirement that I was allowed time off to access support if needed. Then my head asked for it to be out of school hours when possible.

I also have a long term physical illness which my head knows about through me telling him. In this conversation I asked for an occhealth but was declined. I thought it was essential in recruitment though.

You still need to check your contract - if it says you have to go and you signed it knowing full well that you couldn't for medical reasons you need to see where you stand.

I'm in a state school and our contract says "and any other duties that the head teacher deems appropriate". Residentials come under that.

So the anxiety is the real issue? And childcare difficulties, although genuine could be resolved somehow but are really an excuse?

I can't advise on the anxiety but many posters have already given good advice.

The part I am struggling with here thought OP is how did this not come up in the application/interview process for a private school? I don't think I've ever completed a form or had an interview where they didn't want to discuss my contribution to the extra-curricular life of the school and trips. It's a huge part of the job. I hope you can get the support you need from your employer but don't try to make it about your childcare issues as you started to on this thread. They need to know if your mental health is having an impact on your work and how they can best support you.

Think I'll hand in my notice

Why not have the conversation with them first?

You don’t know how sympathetic they might be until you ask. They obviously think you’re a good teacher or they wouldn’t have given you the job.

The problem with avoiding things due to anxiety is that it feeds into the anxiety. You don't get a chance to prove to yourself that something is in fact fine, because you don't try it, so it remains forever scary. You really need to find a way to make this work, so that you can prove to yourself that you can do it. Discuss it with your therapist, as you have a range of thoughts which you will need to address (worries about your kids / your class / transport / childcare etc) - you can do this! And you will be so proud after!

Btw, one reason you're not getting a lot of sympathy for the anxiety is that many of us have dealt with children who have been very anxious about residentials, sometimes for years coming up to the year they actually have to go, sometimes with issues like "will my child be night dry by then and if not how will they cope?", often with the residential week being the longest the child has ever been away from parents. This isn't adult diagnosed anxiety, it's just normal. But it's serious for the child nonetheless, and generally we have to support them into being brave enough to go despite their fear. Fortunately, they do generally have a great time - but their own familiar teacher being there is a huge part of making it so. So many of us are seeing this from the pov of the children in your class.

That’s a bit drastic when you’ve not even attempted to resolve the situation with the school. But it’s the anxiety talking.

Do you like the job / school?

So is it the he anxiety or the childcare that’s the real issue?

Leaving kids is shite. My current job seven days in I had to leave mine for a week. DH had to step up.

I know at my school I had to complete a medical questionnaire when I started which included mental health issues. If this was not the case with you then I would go and see the head and explain you haven't felt there has been an opportunity to let him/ her know about your situation. Then tell them everything including how you are having a variety of treatments. Hopefully they will be supportive and make reasonable adjustments including excusing you from the trip. If not, perhaps as they feel you have hidden your anxiety, then at least it will be out in the open and you can look for a way forward. Much better than worrying and panicking possibly unnecessarily.

Oh poor you, OP - that puts a different spin on things. I think you're going to have to level with your employer about this; makes more sense to do that than leaving the job without even discussing. Is your GP involved? If not, I'd suggest getting them on-board before discussions with school.

I used to have huge anxiety about unknown travel etc, and i can completely understand wanting to do anything at all to avoid being in that situation - it's a horrible feeling.

Ok. Not wanting to leave your kids isn't a great reason. Yes, it sucks, but it's not impossible.
Childcare is often not an excuse. Can DH take leave? Any grandparents who can come and cover? We have used both of these to cover work trips. If is rare that there is no-one available, especially with the notice. btw, taking your kids isn't appropriate.

The anxiety is the only reason you have so far given that may actually stop you going. But you need to talk to school about it. Handing in your notice without exploring the options is a snap reaction. Slow down, think through the possibilities, and talk to the head (of keystage or school).

Sorry, x-posted with your further info.