Do fee paying parents think there are no limits..

[darknessontheedgeoftown]

..to how much stress they can put teachers under? Have just spoken to yet another example colleague from a private school in an area of London full of high earning parents with massive equity and frankly spoiled and unpleasant children. I do wonder whether the parents know the pernicious effect they are having on teachers constantly expecting the earth and constantly fault finding. I myself left this destructive life behind as I couldn't face another 20 years of the stress and unpleasantness of the job. Admittedly SMT are gravely at fault for not protecting staff either but parents also need reining in.

My children have both gone through a London prep (youngest still there) and I don't recognise how you describe the parents. Certainly there are some difficult ones, but they tend to be in the minority.

I agree that your disdain for wealthy people is at odds with your job. Why not jump to the state sector?

As I said in the OP, I left teaching entirely mainly due to people like this some time ago. It makes me sad to see how people treat others. As for my friend, I think she will relocate out of the UK entirely. She's originally from abroad and it is both too expensive and too stressful here for her to continue long term. I think this is a real shame that a combination of the cost of living and the unreasonable people have forced her out, she will be a loss to the country and the profession.

Did you do anything to try and constructively influence change? In my job I do get hounded and I have a number of ways of dealing with it. I really don't think the size of bank balance has a lot to do with the way people behave.

Not really sure what you expect of people who choose to go private.

My close friend used to teach in a prep, although left because she was sick of the stick from parents who considered that they were basically paying for a grammar place, and blamed the teachers if that didn't happen.

She now works in a PRU and loves it. Definitely the right move for her.

A prep is not grammar so that makes no sense.

The role of a prep school, In addition to providing an enriching curricular and co-curriculum programme, in addition to excellent pastoral care, is to prepare a child for its next school (the clue is in the name).

IME, prep schools are very good at sending their leavers onto the most appropriate senior school. It's only when parents have inappropriate expectations and go against the advice of the prep school that this falls flat.

I ask the OP again, can you be specific about your complaints? My parents keep me on my toes and don't allow me to be complacent or lazy, but that is perfectly reasonable, IMO.

As a parent myself, I pretty much have the attitude that I am paying for the school to get on with it, but I only represent about half the parents with this view. Others are in the "leave nothing to chance" camp, so they send their children to the very best schools they can, and do their bit on top.

We all want the best for our children, whether as parents or teachers.

Did you do anything to try and constructively influence change? In my job I do get hounded and I have a number of ways of dealing with it Sorry, but that made me laugh...

That is simply impossible for any teacher to affect any changes, if the SLT aren't 100% behind you - and even then, maybe not!

Schools, indy or not, are simply not as other organisations. Neither the customer, the government, nor the organisation itself, thinks of a school as anything other that being there to do as it must to get results... above average results by government edict (think about it, and yes, sadly it is true).

As for teh hating rich parents, I could agrre, but would modify it to include any parent who uuters any sentence closely akin to "What are you going to do about it?" to the teacher at every opportunity but never to the student - whose failure is always the fault of the teacher.

If you have never said that, can't see why anyone would think it, lete alne say it, then much of OPs post will be utter anathema to you.

If you have you'll just think she is a whinging cow best off out of schools!

And yes, I am another that Goviot ministers and Idiot parents/students pushed out of a job I otherwise loved and was very good at!

I can' tnow imagine wha I put p with it for so long. Self emplyed ow and if someone pushes, I push back. Why? Because I finally have the same freedoms others take for granted!

Ye gods, the spelling, the spelling

This is a really interesting thread!

I don't recognise what the OP says as applying to a majority of parents. The majority tend to be respectful of teachers and very supportive.

However, I do very much recognise a vocal minority who do effectively see the teachers as directly under their management (as 'they pay the fees'. They try to get special support for their children, children into top sets based on opinion rather than objective evidence and teachers to give their children one to one support, which would clearly be impossible if applied to all students. I have seen teachers left in tears on parents'evening after particularly gruelling beastings from parents.

Wanting the best for one's child should not extend to deliberately disadvantaging other students. Also berating teachers in front of students is actually being a very poor role model. Some parents do need to think about this.

It is also up to schools to support teachers (in public at least). The top independent schools more than happily explain to obstreperous parents that they have every right to take their children elsewhere. The Ines who need the feed can be less supportive.

Having said that disliking rich people is completely the wrong attitude in the independent sector (or anywhere for that matter).

It does make sense Bizzy. Parents wanted to get their children into a super selective rather than pay another 7 years fees.

They considered that their prep school fees were buying this.

What perhaps the parents who act unreasonably don't realise is that if they persist hounding and stressing teachers out the mental health crisis in teaching will get worse and worse. This in turn will cause teachers to go longterm sick being replaced by supply teachers and fewer and fewer people with options will want to enter a profession which can be so damaging. The most unreasonable ones will probably not care as long as Piers or Jemima get into their first choice uni, but they might once the overall quality of educational provision suffers when self respecting graduates give it an even wider berth than currently.

I don't like most wealthy people, I find they are generally lacking in empathy, ub pleasant and entitled.

Athrawes,

'These parents are paying for a product'

The problem is that some of them think they know what the end product should look like but actually don't and, not only that, they interfere in the manufacturing process of the 'product'.

Imagine a BMW buyer deciding to go on to the factory floor or the design lab and tell the workers there the best way to make the BMW. That is sometimes what happens in teaching though....

Many teachers, sorry, ex teachers ,will make such sweeping genrealisations about a whole people.

Maybe if you stop to think why a group of people who entered a profession because they cared, wanted to help, make a difference, left feeling so bitter, you might have a tad more empathy with them when they post frustrating, embittered, frazzled posts!

I know it has taken me over 2 years to regain anything approcahing the personality I had before teaching grabbed me by the throat and shook the living daylights out of. I also know I still harbour any number of generic prejudices, fed by the utter fuckwits who helped hound me out of a job I once loved.

Kneejerk responses to people who have no empathy for embittered teachers is one of the behaviours I have yet to rid myself of

And still with the poor spelling!

At least the holidays are good

I have experience of both sectors, and also experience of secondary and primary. IME wealth of the parents isn't the issue, or weather they are paying school fees.

Some parents, irrespective of wealthy and income, want the impossible and will hold teachers accountable. Some don't care. Most are somewhere in the middle.

OP - do you have experience of the state education system and acknowledge you get just the same from some parents, even when high income isn't a factor?

In seriousness though, teaching doesn't sound any different to any other profession. I'm a lawyer (not loaded, don't worry) and I deal with people tellin me how to do my job and demanding my time constantly. It's not a unique problem, and I certainly wouldn't attribute it to class/status/wealth, just some people are dicks

Beached
Indeed. Before I was a teacher I had a long career in a different profession, which was stressful and involved dealing with all types of people, so do not see that it is any easier or harder being a teacher than doing any other job that involves... dealing with people.
Teachers who have never done another job seem to think theirs is uniquely difficult.
It isn't.

OP you don't really specify what actual behaviour from parents that you mean.

Complaints about the teaching? About their DC's progress?
Requests for extra work?
For extra help?
Requests for DC to move up a set?
Emailing constantly with Qs or requests?

OP there is a huge teacher shortage.

Your 'friend' could easily get a job in a school with few wealthy parents. In fact the more deprived the area, the more they need teachers. They often get paid more too.

Simple solution.

Teachers who have never done another job seem to think theirs is uniquely difficult. having done many other, stressful jobs befoe i swicthed career to teaching... I used to agree with you!

It isn't AGain you are right. the job isn't dificlut. But god help you if you work in a school or college that has any 'issues' that cause a climate of separatism, and protectionism.

I can only assume that all teachers who haven't worked in such a climate would think those who find teaching too stressful a poor little delicate flowers... but, having worked in both types of college, I can know that when the culture becomes self feeding it is time to get out, as only the arrogant, disinterested an aggressively greasy pole climbing employees will survive long term!

Which is why there is such a hight turnover in many schools and colleges! The weak, the nice, the still wet behind the ears, rose tinted spectacle wearers leave - with varying degrees of sanity intact!

What the hell is happening to my spelling tonight? Shocking! Even more so when I remember, I am only drinking rooibus tea!

I have never known of any independent school where teachers are off long term for "stress". Or when supply teachers are called in for ad hoc cover.

I wish the OP would come up with something realistic to complain about.

If she could be even a little specific we could have something concrete to discuss.

If she could be even a little specific we could have something concrete to discuss. Always difficult when the issues are many, varied and longstanding.

And if you want to see stressed staff i the indy sector, have a look at FE colleges! All indy, many very, very stressed!