Honestly elephant I do that every morning but it disintegrates within five minutes as the bellowing starts.
Sweets would lead to utter pandemonium. Seriously, I'd have a riot on my hands if I did that.
It's impossible to actually do anything with them (!) (Names changed to protect the innocent)
Sarah's sitting with her chair pushed back and sideways on squealing at ear piercing level at Michael. Michael is leaning back on his seat and insulting Sarah and Nicola ('flirting'
) Nicola is shouting at Michael in support of Sarah, who is still shrieking in mock outrage. Anthony gets out of his seat laughing to go and see what the girls are screaming at. They are ignoring me telling them to shut up and sit properly X 100.
Lucy comes in late just when I've got Anthony, Michael, Nicola and Sarah quiet. Michael restarts the flirting by shouting that Lucy should be put on detention and this is accompanied by howls of laughter from Anthony. Sarah and Nicola start screaming again and Lucy joins in.
Ryan also comes in late, helpless with laughter and chased in by an irate sixth former. He is told curtly by me to sit down and flings his arm out in mock outrage. 'WHAT? But it wasn't ME, it was that Chloe from year 12, right, and I just went to the IT room to print off my science homework for Mr Jones (Kelly squeaks and starts asking her friends loudly if they had homework) and then that Chloe from year 12 told me to get to form right, so I told her I did cause I knew you would let me, then she says she's getting Mr Smith out and so it's HER fault ...' Ryan is getting a chair out whilst talking and making crash, boom, scrape noises.
Richard and Fred, who are actually quite nice boys but have recently had their voices break both decide to tell me something urgent in the middle of Ryan's monologue so Ryan's speech is accompanied by heckling to rival the House of Commons: Miss, Miss, Miss, Miss, Miss, Miss, MISS. When I eventually crack my calm facade and shout WHAT they ask for a tissue 
Anna has got a bottle of Dr Pepper out. I ask her nicely to put it away. Anna shouts 'for gods sake, why is everyone in this school always on my case?' Michael says 'Oooh!' (The shrieking girls and the laughing boys have been as loud as ever throughout the above row.)
Ian at the back decides he wants to move seats, scrapes his chair loudly then stands up with such force that it falls back, crash, clatter clatter scrape, repeat as he gets a new chair. In exasperation I shout at him to sit down at once. He flings his arms out in disbelief at this injustice. 'I was only sitting down!'
Damian at the front randomly starts singing Honey G. I tell him to be quiet at once. He chuckles to himself. My patience runs out and I raise my voice, tell them their behaviour is dreadful and to be quiet at once while I do the register or I will get senior management.
Silence falls. Bliss.
I go to the register.
'Adam?'
'Here!'
Jane then shouts 'miss!'
'No, I'm doing the register.'
'But miss it's really important. Is it chips today in the canteen?'
Dear fucking Lord.