TAAT : favoritism

[user789653241]

I' m not a teacher.
There is a thread going on on the primary section. Some people says there is clear favouritism happening at their dc's school. Nobody is saying that all the school/teachers are like that. But in my experience, it does exist at my ds's school.
It's not teacher/school bashing. But some teacher seems to take it very personally and one said "School would be awesome without the fucking parents, I'm convinced."
Do all the teacher think it never happens in any school? Are we the ungrateful parents if we think it happens at some(well, in my ds's) school?

As I made clear earlier, my only beef on that thread (and this) was with posters (not even necessarily you specifically, although you seem to be taking it particularly personally) who were claiming the PTA/lead roles link. I simply do not believe that there are professionals out there who, as I quoted previously, would sit down to discuss, say, casting a play, and place a child who had no interest or talent in acting or singing, in a major part, simply on account of the fact that his mum might have helped with the tombola at Christmas.

Hmmmm we have one teacher at primary and there have been mutterings - other parents have said in the past this teacher has definite favourites, middling ones and ones they really don't like. But when they taught DC1 I liked them - thought they were good for DC1. I didn't really understand why some parents didn't like them.

DC2 now has the same teacher...I'm less thrilled. It is nothing major, nothing obvious just a general vibe. At parents evening they were very positive about them - maybe even overly positive - and it now feels a bit dishonest I could give a few egs how what was said to me doesn't match what I'm seeing or hearing from DC2. One eg I was told DC2 had done a great piece of specific work - one of the best in the class (which I actually don't need to hear - I rather not hear) then a few weeks later I notice there is a display up of that exact work and DC2's isn't included. That might sound silly, an over reaction on on its own it would be but it is coupled with everything... In fact DC2 has almost nothing up on display - even in the class room. They did an assembling thing and DC2 wasn't chosen to do anything (she was one of 5 children who didn't out of nearly 30 and from what DC2 has said in passing I could have guessed which children they would be - and they aren't the naughty ones (who did have small parts to keep them out of trouble) or the quiet ones or ...anything that would really single them out.
DC2 is easy going and hasn't really noticed - so I'm just counting down to the end of the year ...but if they get the same teacher next year I will be gutted. I mentioned this to another parent and they said like I did for DC1 - they liked them, they were good for their DC...
And YY to the confident, smiley, people pleasing ones ones always being the chosen ones all through the school - that is true at my DCs school.
I guess if you are a teacher you want your play/whatever to be the best...so chose the best...but that means the ones who are less confident never get a chance to become more confident and the confident ones just become more confident become the star pupils.
DC1 never got to speak at a parent assembly - not even a sentence/word. Same is true for several children in her class. In fact for the leaver's assembly they have to write down a memory of school and a few get to read theirs out - my DCs was a shared one with one of the 'stars' who was helping to lead the assembly so already had a lot to say. But the 'star' read out my DCs words -they didn't even get to do that. In plays they maybe got one or two lines at most. tbf they did never really put themselves forward. But a couple of times at an activity they did have to talk in front of a large audience - and were absolutely fine - in fact I was surprised how good - as good as any of the 'stars'. They could have had more of a chance.
DC2 (bless) does want the attention more and does volunteer, puts themselves forward ...but again there are a couple of really confident DCs in their class and they never really get a look in ...and they do notice (which is hard, I just keep telling them to keep volunteering and do the best they can when they get to do anything at all like that) But it does feel a bit like deja vu.
Actually the school did completely surprise me a couple of years ago - a DC I knew outside school, had never been one of their year's 'stars' got chosen for the main part in the play in their last year and did an amazing job. It felt slightly odd seeing that classes 'stars' playing supporting roles to this child.

And I am on the PTA ....have actually been an office bearer and have been for years - really don't think it makes any difference - it is the personalities of the children...

I just wanted to add this short article about the various ways favouritism could negatively impact the classroom environment. It’s addressed to teachers and even if you feel you are good at compensating for natural variations in your feelings towards individual students, I think it makes for an interesting read.

www.smartclassroommanagement.com/2011/10/29/teacher-favoritism-is-bad-for-classroom-management/

If you have the time, I’d be very grateful if you could read it through.

When my DS was in Y6, he found himself in a class with a strongly hierarchical social structure and a teacher who focused more on the more confident, charismatic children.

He sensed that he and one other isolated boy were less favoured than the other children. It was as if the teacher’s preferences were perfectly in line with, and reinforcing of, the playground pecking order.

Even if I am preaching to the converted here, and I suspect I am, I’d just like you to recommit yourself to consciously trying to level the playing field, to give those children who don’t engage as easily a chance to connect with you and to feel valued.

I cannot tell you what a difference it would have made to my DS if his teacher had been more alert to the dangers of favouritism.

100% agree it's the personality of the children.

Work up on walls - it has to be redrafted for it to go on the wall in our school, written on neatly, so I must admit sometimes it's the children who get it written and redrafted quickly who's work ended up on the wall. I try and get everyone's up though - Id hate them to think it was about the quality of the work as they do all work so hard and are proud to see their work up in the wall.

I think leavers assembly etc should have every single child involved but these things are a nightmare to organise. Plus you don't always know who has done what with previous teachers - I picked the same world book day winner this year as last year but I didn't know she won last year.

between fair enough - like I said this teacher has a reputation ...and now I know why! The work on the walls - that particularly display wasn't re-written...they were photocopies- think a letter to my favourite author kind of thing and they did represent a range of abilities. And I recognised the names ...I cringe as I type this but from that and what I've been told by DC about what goes on in class - the 'favourites' thing does seem to be true ..... Let's put it this way I don't recall seeing anyone of the other 4 who didn't take part in that assembly's work up there either... but then it is only one year (fingers crossed) and DC is still making progress and seems oblivious - so it will be fine.

And this is a smallish school, the teachers very definitely know all the children and will know that they were the ones who were the main performers in last years play or did the last parent assembly...and it is the same faces every year.
I notice - even for classes my DCs aren't in ...if someone told me yr X were doing a parent assembly I bet I could guess which children would be most likely to be the leaders - but then actually maybe because the teacher saw them do a great job last year or whatever.....

A good few years ago I watched one play and all DC1's class had non speaking roles. (The school don't do whole school plays - they do a nativity with the youngest 3 classes and then they do another play with the older 4 classes, with the eldest class doing most of the main roles -it is their year).
I thought it was really entertaining - there was one really main role and the child that did it was fantastically good. I remarked about how good they were a few years later to a fellow parent who is also a teacher (not at DCs school) - and they said they absolutely hated it ... they thought it was so unfair, it made them angry.
I hadn't considered that because there was one huge role only a couple of others from their class had reasonable roles, the majority made a brief appearance as part of a group with maybe a line if they were lucky as did a few from the next class -the rest and the youngest 2 classes (ours were the youngest) were chorus. How would I have felt if that had been my DCs last play? - their main one, were they should have the most to do and it was all about one child.

It was a really good point ...I think choice of play is really important - try and avoid 'starring roles' if you want to give a reasonable role for all children who would like one - give them all a chance - and even if they fluff a line or whatever - it is a school play not Shakespeare...

Thanks clam. I didn't say pta = lead role. I said same face every year( pta, governor and bright children). I didn't take anything personally at first, until you kept quoting my comments. Any ways, it's no point, I tried to explain my point, but you don't want to, by saying "don't believe", "bollocks", "can't be bothered", etc. You must live in the perfect world every human being is lovely.

Oh and at my ds's school, pta shares same staff room with teachers, so some of them pta members seems to be first name terms with some teachers, and they don't hide it.

irivine I'm on the PTA - so on first name terms with some of the teachers in my DCs primary ...and the secretaries ...and this will really get to you - I'm even on first name terms with the HT ....but like I said my DCs have never had special treatment - same can be said for other PTA members...
In fact thinking about the children who are/were 'stars' off the top of my head -their parents have done zero to help the school except turn up to fairs etc... one I know never even did that unless their DC had a role/something to do ...

unlucky83, that's the whole point. In some schools, it won't happen. But do you know it never happens in any school? And I only mentioned first name terms because some teacher says they don't know who is on pta. It may be true at their school, but not my ds's school or your school. That's all.

OK, so some teachers in some schools are on first-name terms with some members of the PTA. That still doesn't mean they're going to give those parents' kids prime position in teams/events. Credit us with a little bit of professionalism, fgs.

I'd like to think that all teachers are professionals and would never do x, yor z, however we occasionally see teachers who have done precisely x, y or z ending up in the news, where x, y or z is far worse than giving the same kid the lead in the harvest festival and the nativity.

So yeah, there are probably teachers out there who play favourites. But most won't, for obvious reasons.

Unless you were some sort of insane people pleaser I can't see what you'd gain as a teacher from giving the parts to the children of those on the PTA. I agree that sometimes it might be the same children picked for things more often than others (and God, most of us work so hard to avoid this) but trust me, this has absolutely nothing at all to do with who their parents are. I have some children in my class who I absolutely adore and really am not a fan of their parents.

And equally, have some parents who I've got to know a little bit more through trips or events, but that doesn't influence how I feel about their child. At all.

The PTA are of no benefit to teachers. They don't tip us or provide biscuits in the staffroom or wine for INSET days.
The PTA exist to benefit their own children and their school community, so why would teachers want to roll over and perform for them?

^ that is what I was trying to say.

My Ds worked out within 4 weeks of Y5 that his CT only spoke nicely to the Dc on the green table(whatever that was ), the floods of complaints by other parents about how the CT spoke to their Dc (and mine for that matter) pretty much backed up what he said. I just used it as an example to Ds tbh. Not everyone will like you but then you don't have to like everyone either, just always remember to use your manners even when others the adults that should set an example forget theirs.

Well, we experienced clear favouritism in our son's primary school. The local grammar school do a series of afternoon sessions where a small group of kids from local primary schools go to "experience" the grammar a year or so before the 11+.

The few kids chosen were ALL the sons/daughters of the head, the teachers, the TAs and the PTA - completely ignoring ability and likelihood of securing a place there. Nothing was publicised beforehand, none of the "chosen few" knew about it. It was only after the sessions had finished that it was mentioned in the school newsletter.

In the end, of the 9 kids that went to the grammar, only 1 had been on the experience sessions, the head's daughter, so that proves that they didn't select the kids likely to get there, they selected the kids who were related to staff and the PTA.

Nepotism at it's finest!

Like any job you get on better with some than others- children and parents. The trick is to make all parents think their child is one of your favourites. At the end of the year I always ask my TA who they thought were my favourites, they never get it right! It's just some children need more attention/love than others.