Awful middle class parents in SW London destroying teachers lives

[zas1]

My DB teaches at a private school in SW London. He desperately wants to leave as he says the expectations of the parents and their constant harassment are destroying his professional quality of life. So so so sad..

[captainfarrell]

I'm on your side . I just don;t think the nasty, vicious comments on here are worth answering. They just want the last word. Imagine if there was a female equivalent of 'man-up', there'd be uproar. Grow some tits I say and have a heart!

[Duckdeamon]

I am sorry your brother is so unwell.

It does seem that you might perhaps be displacing your understandable anxiety about him with anger towards a certain subset of people he has had to deal with.

Lots of us who are vulnerable to MH difficulties for whatever reason can't cope with certain job situations (I even struggle with a fairly benign office environment tbh!) and teaching can be a very difficult job indeed.

[zas1]

I still haven't said anything??? What about harassing emails, 70 hour weeks, the SMT giving no support, parents calling up saying why isn't their son/daughter in set 1 when all they do is go rowing and do drama, the Mum that got up and walked out of a parents meeting because she didn't like what he said at a parents evening. Is that enough?

[lorelei9]

OP, it's taken you 6 pages to specify those things.....

[zas1]

Partly because all posters like you have done is take issue with the thread itself

[toccata010]

Sorry to hear that your brother is having difficulty coping with teaching in a private school. It's great that you are supporting him but I think you need to remember that perhaps this type of environment just isn't for him. There are lots of others for whom teaching in the private sector is very rewarding in many different ways. I hope he's able to make a successful career change.

[Run247]

If your brother's attitude is anything like your own when it comes to conflict resolution, then I can understand why parents would be in uproar.

I'm sorry he is having a hard time, but I think you are getting emotional, rather than dealing with the situation rationally. Your DB should find a job where he is happier. Whether that's London or in a smaller town.

[EnglishWeddingGuest]

To be fair I did ask you that exact question at 19.40 and didn't get a response - I asked exactly what had happened

Each job has stressors - if he is not coping with what you describe he can :

1. Get training / assistance to develop skills to cope with it
   

1. Leave and try to find a job without stressors (but every job has something that is difficult to cope with)

[longtimelurker101]

Apart from the 70 hours weeks, it sounds a lot like teaching in any school tbf. Management are only helpful sometimes, but very often are not at all. I work over 50 hours a week most weeks and I''m a teacher in a comp.

Agree with English about the training and skills, there are ways to cope with demanding parents. The one I outlined above of keeping records of all your interventions and such is very effective cause it shows what you have done, above and beyond what is going on in the class room, and puts the onus right back on the child/parent.

[zas1]

I often wonder if the word "cope" is part of the problem to be honest. And actually parents aren't up in uproar against him, some of them are generally antagonistic and over expectant against the teacher
body as a whole. And Run I don't think defending myself including againSt accusations of lying is a sign of "getting emotional". I am really surprised by the responses here.

[toccata010]

When I said "coping" I meant that it is very clear from your opening post that your brother is not managing his job. Maybe he is simply not cut out for private school teaching? There is no wrong in that, horses for courses. Why did he choose to go into the private system as opposed to any other?

[zas1]

He is a good teacher but does not find 70 hour weeks good for his health. I don't know if that qualifies as "coping" but on that measure I wonder how many people here including those so defensive and antagonistic ones would cope. He took a private school job as the subject he teaches is more commonly taught in that sector. Definitely will be resigning in Jan-Mar and starting to look outside the profession for jobs too. He is ACA qualified accountant but would prefer not to do that again I think.

[longtimelurker101]

I'm not being judgey or funny but the mark load on a private school teacher must be significantly less than that of a state school teacher. Has he had any help with time management? Lots of newish teachers leave because they try to do too much or that they aren't effective at managing their time.

[IguanaTail]

There are difficult parents in every area and every strata of society. The parents at your brother's school may well be very pushy and demanding and that can be really annoying and demoralising. Also demoralising are parents who:

• shout and swear at office staff and/or teachers on the phone
  
• get physically aggressive, including tooling up their cars to give their kids weapons in preparation for fights
  
• refuse point blank to get uniform/equipment for their child
  
• never turn up to parents eve, or turn up just to have an argument
  
• actively undermine school rules by (for example) regularly phoning and texting their child during lessons and supporting their child in refusing to hand over items.
  
• collecting items such as lighters / fags and giving them straight back to their child in front of reception staff
  
• walking into detention rooms and loudly asking their child to leave, declaring the school is "shit".
  

I've seen all of the above. It's not that one is better than the other (although getting a call from Mrs Fussy just makes you roll your eyes, whereas a call from Mr Aggressive can make you feel quite intimidated) it's just different.

[lorelei9]

Cactus - I nearly ranted about the South Circular too, am now lol'ing so hard....

OP - seriously, you can't start a thread that doesn't state any pertinent facts, slags off 8million people before explaining the problem and then complain you didn't get a fair hearing.

Hugely sympathetic for teachers. You, not so much.

[lorelei9]

FWIW I hate the word "coping" as I often felt, while working 70 hour weeks, that it implied a very low quality of life.

It takes a lot of luck to find a job with supportive management and non-crazy hours in any sector, I find. I wish your brother all the best. I have found a decent job, finally - but it's slap bang in the middle of London and we're all pretty keen on the place, going for lunchtime wanders and whatnot.....so I suppose you think your brother shouldn't work with this nice supportive team that dares to have offices in London.

[zas1]

lorelei I want him to have a job that doesn't kill him in a place with supportive people who don't hate people with MH issues, wherever that may be.

[nightsky010]

@ Longtimelurker101

Completely aside from the fact that I disagree with the OP as I've already stated, I don't understand why you think "...people in work aren't being forced out."? House prices in London rise faster than salaries, so how can it not be the case that people have to move further out? When I was younger you could live in Zone 1 on a shop assistants salary!

[toccata010]

Maybe I should have said "managing' instead of "coping". But what is very clear is that the OPs brother is not enjoying his life as a teacher and he needs to do something about that.

By the way, in your title post did you mean to type teacher's or teachers'? I'm very interested to know if you were referring to just your brother or all the teachers in SW London who teach children of awful middle class parents?

[zas1]

Well he says a huge number of his colleagues detest their job for the same reason so plural.

[longtimelurker101]

Well lots of people who have been here for more than the last few years haven't been effected nightsky, maybe thats what I'm getting at.

Sadly, as much as people are praying for the bubble to burst it won't. There will be 10 million people in London in ten years time, housing supply won't keep up with that level of demand.

However things like Crossrail will make it easier to commute.

[Foxyloxy1plus1]

70 hour weeks are common for teachers in state schools.
Harassing emails are not uncommon.
Unsupportive SLT are a regular feature of some state schools. I've had more unsupportive HTs than supportive ones, even when I was part of SLT.
I've wept quietly, away from everyone after being unsupported by one HT.
I've wept quietly after being castigated by a parent who subsequently removed his child from the school.

Teaching's like that. It's probably like that in places all over the country.

If the OPs DB is suffering so much, it's toxic and not the environment for him. I hope he gets out, if that's what he wants and finds a different career. Many teachers are doing just that.

[nightsky010]

Longtimelurker
I see what you mean, but I strongly suspect that anyone not currently affected either owns already and is not trying to move and / or they have a lot of money (in comparison to someone on average wage).

My relative in her late 90's finds it absurd that 'normal middle class people with decent jobs' (like her elder brother had in the 1940's & 1950's) can no longer afford to buy in the centre of London - her elder brother was a Barrister and saved very hard for a townhouse in Knightsbridge which he bought in about 1950... which is now worth £30m+!!! One day we may be complaining to our great grandchildren that you need to be an oligarch to live in Walthamstow! (I do however aknowledge that there are some cheaper bubbles where prices haven't risen as quickly though.)

[nightsky010]

OP
I am honestly trying so hard not to see your posts as resentment for the middle classes and rich Londoners and hate / blame placing on the Tories? It just sounds so similar to a lot of posts I've read elsewhere along the lines of voters needing to accept responsibility for deaths which will occur due to Tory benefit / health reforms, especially when you talk about your brother being suicidal.

Can you reassure me this isn't the case?

( I say this as someone who detests the Tory benefit / health reforms and (as previously mentioned) would never vote for them, so I'm really not saying this for political reasons!)