Awful middle class parents in SW London destroying teachers lives

[zas1]

My DB teaches at a private school in SW London. He desperately wants to leave as he says the expectations of the parents and their constant harassment are destroying his professional quality of life. So so so sad..

[Pud2]

Bdders123 - children are entitled to a good education, wherever they are schooled. Supportive parents are those who support their children at home, encourage them, help them to deal with disappointment, support the school and speak to the staff in an appropriate and respectful tone. That goes across the classes and across the different provisions. It is not right to say that independent school parents have the right to complain and state parents have to just sit back and accept what they are given. Wrong, just wrong.

[AuntieStella]

I don't think your dislike of London is the important thing here.

Your DB is not being stressed by London in general, or by Londoners (of any class) in general.

He is suffering debilitating stress in one particular school, where the leadership have not got a grip on excessively intrusive parents. As this is a private school, it can just sink or swim. You say he's taught in other schools, presumably without these such difficulties. So he could go elsewhere and, from what you say about his health, needs to do so asap.

Can you leave your views on London out of this, but keep reminding him he has choices?

[zas1]

Re:1 kind of person in London
Well I would not want to live there myself and the more I hear about those that do the stronger my conviction becomes. As long as the wonderful UK electorate continues to deliver Tory government after Tory government the housing crisis will never be resolved so I guess more and more there will only be 1 kind of person there-wealthy ones.

[DuchessOfWeaseltown]

'a group of people' OP - that is 8 million people!

Also I think you have a skewed and frankly inaccurate view. I know some phenomenally wealthy (think millions and millions in the bank) people in London (they're lovely, unassuming people, actually) and trust me when I tell you that the majority of middle-class people in London do not have lives like these people, the sorts of lives I think you may be imagining.

Most 'middle class' people around here, at least, while obviously being fortunate enough not to be on the bread line, are just very ordinary people with demanding jobs, difficult bosses, huge mortgages to pay (that they might well rather not pay, but can't avoid if they need to work in London; many people do), stressful and crowded commutes every day, etc etc. The idea that middle-class SW Londoners are all quaffing champagne and calling their children Tarquin, or whatever scenario it is you might imagine, is ludicrous.

I think what you are maybe thinking of is the sorts of lives that my millionaire aquaintances have: full-time nannies, housekeepers, cooks, no money worries, Petit Bateau clothing for their children, huge Range Rovers and several foreign holidays a year.

Not a single 'middle class' person from SW London that I know of has a life anything like that. We, for example, drive a very old car, struggle with our mortgage each month and are forgoing holidays for the foreseeable future as we are saving for school fees for our DD. We don't buy new clothes for ourselves (me and DH) unless we have to. We are extremely fortunate, obviously I would never deny this, but we have big outgoings due to our mortgage (and DH HAS to work in London) and we want to send DD private and so we economise. Most people I know are doing similar things.

[longtimelurker101]

The state parents take what they're given line is trotted out on here a lot by people who go private, its not true at all. State parents often trot out the line of "I pay your wages through my taxes".

[Ubik1]

sometimes I sit in PTA meetings wishing certain parents would throw in the towel and send their child to private school

[DuchessOfWeaseltown]

Also OP we have both voted Labour in every election since we became voters.

I don't know if anything I have posted so far might lead you to consider the possibility that it's not ALL Londoners who are evil, terrible people stressing your brother out, and not ALL m/c Londoners, and not even ALL m/c private school parents...?

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

I'm glad to see you looking out for your DBro OP when he's off work with stress. I know teaching can be an extremely stressful profession, depending both on the individual and on the school - and yes, maybe it's parents. Certainly it's management and general ethos and attitude towards supporting staff. I hope your DBro can make good decisions for his next steps in life's journey/ his career and work/life balance and lifestyle.
We moved out of London and found housing more affordable and greater access to countryside and generally quieter existence was good for us.
Concentrate on being there for him ATM and don't stress so much about those parents! Schools can often get the power balance wrong though between the different people involved, and teachers should be given more respect as professionals

[HermioneWeasley]

So you dislike all middle class people, everyone in London (and the SE?) and everyone who voted conservative?

You don't think you might be generalising just a tiny bit?

If you had put something about "awful working class parents who don't care that Chardonnay and Kayden do their homework" you would be rightly flamed.

[lorelei9]

zas "Re:1 kind of person in London - As long as the wonderful UK electorate continues to deliver Tory government after Tory government.... I guess more and more there will only be 1 kind of person there-wealthy ones."

45 out of 73 London Boroughs are Labour and quite a few of the blue ones were won on a narrow margin. London is not an amorphous mass of people who inherited property in Chelsea - far from it!! Most of us are just ordinary folk on an ordinary wage. In fact, the rest of England is far more Conservative than London.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Parliamentary_constituencies_in_London

data.london.gov.uk/dataset/general-election-results-2015

[longtimelurker101]

Isn't London mostly Labour seats too?

[itsmeohlord]

Such a school is a business - in it for the profit. So of course the leadership will side with the fee paying customer- the parent.

[zas1]

I still do not accept that on the basis of what I have heard there is anything other than a serious social cleansing issue occurring in London. When people have to earn £77k to buy an ordinary house or sit on massive equity in houses bought aeons ago that is not a normal nor healthy society. Many people "struggling" to live in London with the exception of those whose jobs only exist there would be far better off relocating and being mortgage free elsewhere. Some choose to stay put as they wouldn't countenance living elsewhere. Their choice

[trapdooragain]

my dd is being taught by a man who used to teach in a private school he said that they have smaller class sizes better facilities and do better than state school because he could put the time and effort into each individual student he also stated in many cases they have a better work ethic and my dd might achieve an A but she will still be disadvantaged if she went to oxford or cambridge she should still aim for them but be prepared to be a little fish and work 10x as hard to make it he added he firmly believes she can do this


thats a good teacher warning and encouraging in one

[SurlyCue]

This thread wasnt even about teaching.

[lorelei9]

zas, I looked at moving out but there's an issue of finding work, plus all my friends and family are here and I don't want to leave them.

as for social cleansing - yes, that is going on and it is a problem and there have been demonstrations, sit-ins in buildings all over town. We are trying to fight it. But yes, ordinary people are still here, for sure. And social cleansing - sadly - is going on in other parts of the country, isn't it?

and I'm not happy about the fact that my small flat earns more than I do - but what can I actually do about it? Unless you really vote for me to leave town, leave my friends and family and start again somewhere else because....it would be less overcrowded? That's tempting. but if you think I would be better leaving because there's less snobbery elsewhere, I'm not convinced. My mortgage is manageable because I bought when I was young.

I'm curious about whatever utopia you are living in. Presumably it's so fantastic, you don't want to tell Londoners about it in case we all rush there?

[zas1]

I know the Tory vote is higher outside which ironically means the elderly telegraph reading twats in Norfolk are stopping younger people in London having any chance of getting on the property ladder because they vote for a government which doesn't want house prices to collapse as they need to, particularly in London. Anyway I do care about my DB and hopefully he has a plan to leave teaching and London in the next 6 months. I'd rather he relocate than end up with a heart attack.

[DuchessOfWeaseltown]

OP, many of those who wouldn't 'countenance' living elsewhere might dearly love to live elsewhere but have young families who they would rather see in the evenings than sit on a 1.5 to 2 hour train journey home. Most people I know round here talk wistfully about being able to move further out (after all, we'd all be living in country piles worthy of our general snobbishness, don't you know?) but know that if they did so they woul be home at 8.30-9pm each night rather than 7-7.30 and would not see their children apart from at weekends.

[longtimelurker101]

I wouldn't live else wher but then I'm one of the people who has built up massive equity in two properties over the years I've lived here.

77K is the average people need to put down for a deposit, which means that lots put down far less and lots put down more. Thats the way averages work...

London is a thriving city, the "social cleansing"you talk about isn't happening to any great extent, all huan life is here. There are some examples of unemployed people being forced to move out of their rented properties cause benefits won't cover it any more. But people in work aren't being forced out. TBF it makes sense not to be paying someone £30,000 a year to stay in a flat in zones 1 and 2 when there are cheaper alternatives.

[nightsky010]

OP
I'm sorry, but you sound rather bitter about rich middle class Londoners and about the Tories winning the election and seem to be blaming them for making your DB ill?

You may have a valid political point to make, but you're not going about it in the best way. It just sounds a bit..... whiney?

(I say this as someone who has never and will never vote Tory btw, so please don't interpret that as an attack on non Tories.)

[lorelei9]

OP, if you think that Labour under Blair did anything to stop house prices rising, you are so wrong.

but tbh if your idea of London is that we're all rich and snobby and think that has something to do with a specific set of issues that one staff member at one school is having....then I don't really know why I'm engaging here.

[zas1]

Fine call me whiney or whatever you like. The situation is not right. And I may not be going about it in the right way but at least I am going about it.

[lorelei9]

zas, you're not going about anything other than trying to stick labels on people on account of where they live. I can't see that you've achieved much else with this thread.

but you have reminded me of this advert which is nice, although horribly blurry

[longtimelurker101]

By posting loony posts like this on mumsnet you mean? Great I'm sure the Labour party are really thankful for support like yours.

[zas1]

Let me return to my original point. My brother has been made ill due to stress from his job. Part of this is down to parental attitude and expectation. This is not healthy. I didnt like being told by one poster that my brother should "grow a pair" as I find this an offensive sexist expression. There have been people close to me attempt in one case successfully suicide. This is a massive problem in society at the moment and I believe we all have a part to play in the way we interact with those around us.