Awful middle class parents in SW London destroying teachers lives

[zas1]

My DB teaches at a private school in SW London. He desperately wants to leave as he says the expectations of the parents and their constant harassment are destroying his professional quality of life. So so so sad..

[zas1]

MrsUltra go away and read the guardian article on male suicide and the comments beneath it linking phrases such as "man up" and "grow a pair" to the fact that men end their lives rather than admit to weakness and come back and tell me you still think it. I am not "clucking over" him I care about him, unfashionable these days I know.

[Ubik1]

i know the dirt of parents - ther

[MrsUltra]

Perhaps your bro should teach in state schools where "parents don't give a shit"?
well said - hardly think he would thrive there...

[zas1]

Mrs Ultra who do you think would thrive in the kind of environment you refer to?

[ilovesooty]

Weak heads who don't look after the welfare of their staff can happen in any kind of school.

MrsUltra when you've actually experienced teaching on a permanent contract you might have an opinion with some credibility.

[lorelei9]

zas, I'm fascinated that you specify SW London. These people exist everywhere, just as regular ordinary decent folk exist everywhere.

[EldonAve]

In a private school your DB probably has fewer kids to teach per class, better resources, fewer SEN/English as an additional lang children
More holiday days

[SurlyCue]

Anyone remember the thread a few week ago where the OP was having to buy oodles of pens that were repeatedly broken every day? That might provide some perspective for OP and her brother.

[manicinsomniac]

It's not just SW London

I'm not in London at all (though am at a prep school, admittedly) and within 25 minutes of emailing out audition information for this year's Year 3 and 4 Christmas production I had 3 emails telling me in detail how talented a particular child is and how much they deserve a lead part - one parent even attached a full on CV for her 8 year old!!

BUT -
a) we are talking about a tiny minority of parents. Most are delightful
b) these parents really care about their children and they are paying a hell of a lot of money - they're entitled to be able to ask and inform us of anything they like.
c) a minority of overbearing parents is probably the only thing that's harder about teaching in private compared to state - on the plus side you get smaller classes, more resources, better facilities, longer holidays, waaaay less paperwork, fewer observations/judgements and autonomy over your own teaching.

[Ubik1]

Sorry - phone playing up.

I think there are challenges teaching in either sector. Your DB has experienced the drawbacks of working in the private sector.

Our school has a fair number of 'motivated' parents. They have sharp elbows and are used to getting what they want. They weep and wail if their child is disadvantaged in any way. They try to run the school, challenging the head teacher about decisions he/she makes.

It's pretty shocking sometimes.added pressure for teachers.

[DuchessOfWeaseltown]

We are SW London (though not Battersea/Clapham) and intend to send our DD to a private school, OP.

We are more laid back, by some degree, than most of the parents around here, and this includes the state school ones.

To eb fair we are practically horizontal when it comes to this sort of thing as our own personal experiences of education have led DH and I to believe that happiness and creativity are the most important things.

We would both rather die than be, or be seen to be, pushy parents.

I appreciate that your brother is having a hard time and trust me I know the kind of people you are talking about (DH grew up in that part of London specifically, though it was different back then, so we still have friends/family in those areas) and I agree that pushy parenting is an epidemic around here.

I think is is just as bad in the middle-class-dominated state schools here, though. And I think some schools (fee-paying and state) are worse than others. Surely the head/senior staff and the ethos they establish has a huge amount to do with it? eg we are not considering sending DD to any school where we think the atmosphere is 'pushy' or where we dislike the head for this, or any reason.

[AnotherNewt]

There are lots and lots of private schools in SW London.

If the one he's teaching in now is a disaster area, surely he could move to a different one?

Is there any particular reason he has ruled out that course of action?

[derxa]

I just can't bear what these awful people are doing to society Oh give over. I'm an ex teacher and would probably have killed to teach in a school like your DB's. He has no idea of the pressures in state schools.

[zas1]

derxa He taught in a state school before.

[echt]

The advice to get a sense of perspective is ridiculous. The effects of unreasonably demanding parents cannot be usefully compared to that the effects of teaching in an underfunded/overcrowded, etc. state school. OP, I hope your brother finds a suitable job soon.

[DuchessOfWeaseltown]

Oh and OP I do have to say I slightly take issue with the phrase in your title 'awful middle-class parents'... I think 'awful parents' is enough, really.

It implies that all middle-class parents are awful when in fact, as pp have pointed out, I am sure there are awful parents across all class divides, for different reasons. No need to sanctify or demonise any one particular class. I used to volunteer in schools (state) and spent most of my life as a pupil in private schools, and my mother has taught in the state sector all her life. I think there is the same spread of awful parents from all backgrounds in those environments. Most are not.

I'm really sorry your brother is having such a hard time though, and I don't doubt that there are some parents who could turn competitive parenting into an Olympic sport.

[longtimelurker101]

I think OP you sound a bit deranged? Not o ly have you taken a swipe at middle class people, you have also made some really nasty remarks about London, there are 8 million people in this city, sweeping generalisations, ho hum....

[zas1]

I don't believe it is deranged to point out the shortcomings of a group of people or location. I don't like London nor the kind of people it attracts.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Sorry but your inverted snobbery is unpleasant to read

[zas1]

I don't agree. I think there is a serious problem here and people need to examine their attitudes. Some of the stories of entitlement I have heard are appalling.

[SurlyCue]

I don't like London nor the kind of people it attracts.

Yeah cause there's only one kind o people in London

[longtimelurker101]

The sad reality of it is that private school parents pay the fees and they can call the tune to a certain extent.

Also teachers need to be good at filtering reasonable requests amd flagging up the ones that they think are bat shit mental. On the grades thing, well, teaching in a MC school in outer London, I target kids who are below their MEG early, and when asked "what are you doing" can present evidence of what I've done. Contact with parents is important in this one, i particularly loved the parent who complained to the head that I hadn't made it clear that her beloved DD wasn't doing as well as she should be. I showed the head my intervention record ( which included phonce calls home, letter sent for below MEG and attendence at extra lessons) and said to the head: "What did she think all this was?" The head laughed and left it at that.

[lorelei9]

zas "I don't like London nor the kind of people it attracts."

seriously? There's like 8million of us here and the diversity is immense! There is a common thread of general friendliness and open mindedness but apart from that...I don't see how we can be lumped in as a group

[longtimelurker101]

Wow you must be amazing if you can point out the short comings of 8 million of us.

Oh please wise one, tell us more....

[Foxyloxy1plus1]

Bladders, I don't agree that state school parents have to suck it up. I've never taught in private, but have in lots of state and some of the parents there certainly give a shit and make their feelings and expectations very clear.

Some don't- of course - and that presents a whole different set of problems.