Happy Birthday, Spare!

[EncantoSpice]

It’s the one year anniversary of the release of Spare, how are you all celebrating?!

In all seriousness, a year on what impact do you think the book has had on the Royal Family and the Sussexes?

In my opinion it clearly did very well commercially but in popular culture it became a bit of a joke. In terms of the RF I’m not sure it made much difference - to people who already didn’t like them it confirmed what they already believed, to people who did like them it was more evidence that Harry was no loss. I also think even a year later it has made reconciliation between William and Harry impossible.

The 'Spares' seem to go off the rails. Margaret and Andrew. Can't be much fun being less important than your sibling.

Anne managed ok. I think it's entirely possible to come to terms with a situation and make the best of it.

Princess Anne didn't.

And Prince Edward, after the failed attempt at half in/half out (and ensuing flops and scandals for both him and his wife) went back on the rails and it turned out all right in the end (and their personal lives seem to have gone the best out of all the late Queen's DC)

It's never a good approach to life to think about what others have, rather than what you have that others don't.

So thats one person. She seems to be an exception.

I've never been in position Of being a spare so couldn't say how I'd react and neither can you.

That depends on how many generations you look at. George VI was brought up as the spare and he was fine (indeed it was the heir that was the problem then) Also the Kents and the Gloucesters and Princess Alexandra are fine.

Margaret had a racy personal life, and was reported to be a crashing snob, but remained dutiful.

It's only really Andrew and Harry who have been huge problems, in very different ways, so perhaps they are the exceptions. Or maybe its a feature of how the world has changed - the press and social media perhaps having an influence?

The point stands though, doesn’t it. It is never a good approach to think about what others have and you don’t and not what you have and others don’t.

william and Kate seem to be trying to teach their kids about privilege, so possibly focusing on the latter.

It does strike a chord with me being the black sheep of the family living with a golden child! In childhood it is quite difficult.

Anyone saying it's never a good approach to think about what others have etc... doesn't really understand what it's like to be part of that dynamic.

It's too personal for me to give examples but Harry must've had it times a million.

I do remember reading an article about how Elizabeth was not tutored with her sister... when her father became king, she was 6, and taken out of lessons with her sister, tutored seperately and their bond was broken somewhat. And it is said that they didn't overdo the education of Margaret for fear of her overshadowing her sister the heir.

We don't really know if they are. Actually I would be a.terrible spare as I've got ADHD. Also my feminist side always fumed that the brothers came above the sisters despite the age order so yes I'd have been campaigning against the system.

thank God that's area they've cleaned up.

That's so awful.

No, but I have been the less preferred child.
I think that if your whole modus vivendi is that you're upset that you're not the heir to the throne, then you need to find a way forward which gets past this.

i don't think you can compare Zara, Peter, Beatrice, Eugenie etc to W&H.
the cousins are equal. they don't have a sibling that from birth is more important.
how ever you dress it up it can't be easy. from birth you know that you are the spare. then your sibling takes a wife and you are just their side kick, and when you take a wife, your supposed to fill the working gaps whilst they raise a family.
its a very odd set up.

But lots of ‘family businesses’ have a spare.

Farming for one, family firms are another. Looking at mine, where I was the one that would have got it had I wanted it. I didn’t so went to a cousin.

Stately homes another where the eldest son gets the lot and title. If no son to the next male heir. It’s not just the monarchy.

And I bet there is quite often resentment in those families but we don't hear about it as those people dont have the media scrutiny.

But let’s be honest, sibling rivalry and resentment, envy occurs in many families. It’s not unique to some form of dynastical society. And many times it’s not anything any one has done to cause it.

we also see lots of normal families where the kids grow up different, one well adjusted, one off the rails. And it was nothing to do with the home environment,

and in the main, many people are jealous, resentful at their core. Jealous of what others have, that they don’t.

it’s very easy to say this is all about his mum or his upbringing. But the reality is this shit happens in all sorts of families the world over.

Or you just get on with it and make the best of what you are dealt with in life.

A lot.
I don't think "Spare" indicated that he had moved on mentally, but we'll need to agree to disagree.

Yes, I agree.

It is an odd set up, @Samcro , I never said it was easy. I do however think that if you can't change a system you have to work out a way forward. He's got a family now and a life in another country so I hope that brings him contentment.

I come from a farming family. It was always understood that my brother would be the farmer. I wasn’t resentful at all. I just made my own way in the world. Strangely enough I felt sorry for my brother because his destiny was set out. Sadly my brother died young and I have come back to……..farming. This is my issue with Harry. He knew what was going to happen. He now lives his perfect life. Why he is still resentful is beyond me.

I also don’t think that he’s moved on mentally, people who move on mentally don’t continually attack their family

his book was a huge seller, but let’s face it, that’s because folks knew it was going to be salacious and throw dirt at rhe royals

he has taken on the press, but let’s be honest he fails on the regular. And some of it is a bit silly, like suing saying he’d offered to pay his security, and it looks like he never actually made any such offer to the government.

yes it happens in family firms. but that is not normally in the public eye.
it must be hard and sorry you went through that derxa ·
from the day he was born he was second best, not only in his family, but with the nation, that is not the same as a unknown(to the public) family firm.

There may well be the same kind of resentment in other families. And I daresay they don’t have the same (if any) media intrusion.

They also don’t seem to air that laundry in public though.

And you don’t often hear them try to pretend that their disenchantment is because they thought it was unfair to drag their wife into it. As others have said, that disenchant was already present.

He always seems to me as though there is a bubbling anger beneath. His inner hurt and angry child needs to be put down so that he can rest. Heal. It is a heavy weight to carry all that time.

We all have expectations and duties of some sort to bear. He always knew he wasn’t going to be the top dog.

I wouldn’t be resentful.

I’d be relieved.

And I’d be thanking my lucky stars every day that I had the chance to be doing it my way, out of the public eye mostly and without other burdens.

He wanted freedom. He got it. He just has to embrace it. I’m not sure he has yet.