Read Spare, actually ended up with a more positive view of the Royal Family

[GatoradeMeBitch]

I was on Harry and Meghan's side before I read his book. And in large part because of the disgusting and shameful way Meghan was treated by the British press which is a valid thing, whatever else is going on.

But after reading and re-reading Spare, I think I have a better impression of the Royal Family than before.

With Charles we learnt that he always came to tuck the boys in at night, never forgot that Harry needed the door open because he was afraid of the dark, and it seemed from Harry's own words that he did try his best to be a good and consistent parent within the framework of what he knew.

Harry's anecdotes about Kate made me completely change my opinion of her. It seemed like Meghan was trying to force a friendship between them (the lip gloss incident, the baby brain incident), when Kate had been around the Royals for a long time and would have learnt to be cautious of new and over-friendly people. And then when she did initiate a conversation with Meghan at Trooping the Colour she got a flippant one word response. And Harry thought Kate was in the wrong for that?

With William I just think, there are worse sibling dynamics. It's normal to want to be your own person at school, it's normal to want a best friend as best man, it's normal to not want to stay out all night when you have a newborn at home. Harry seemed angry that William wasn't the brother he wanted him to be, but ultimately that's not William's problem. At the end of the book William tells Harry he loves him and wants him to be happy, the kind of emotional reaching out Harry said he wanted, yet it seemed like he didn't try to meet him in that moment. It was also William who tried to have conversations about their mother which Harry rejected (which would undoubtedly have been one of William's crimes if it had happened the other way around, also the North Pole trip that could have caused him to miss William's wedding, imagine if William had done that...)

Even Camilla doesn't come across like a villain, once Harry has explained that there are people around the Royals who manipulate them and play power games with them. She as a new member of the family wouldn't have been immune to that. Perhaps she thought she could speak to her staff in confidence. And maybe a Prince gets to be shocked that his room was repurposed when he left home, but it's a pretty normal occurrence for most of us.

The book is fascinating as a historical document and the first time a Royal has (voluntarily) been so forthcoming and honest, but it's striking to me that his family just... don't seem all that bad, except the one obvious exception. Whereas Harry seems unaware of some of his flaws, like his blatant hero complex. (The motorbike anecdote made me cringe.) He's so ready to vilify his family over relatively normal things and not-so-normal things that he admits are out of their control, that it makes me wonder how things will pan out with Meghan. Once the dust settles and all the stories have been told (with no access to new ones now his family know he's an exposé writer) and he is missing the hunting trips and the summers at Balmoral, he will only have one person left to put in the role of villain.

why on EARTH did she allow all the drug references to stand: mushrooms, joints all the time, talking bins. Micro-dosing. The sexual references, ‘mounting a stallion’, the not ‘hot’, ‘greasy’ unfortunate, Pat?

So that she can leave him, publish her book and still look good?

@LadyHaversham any other possibilities? Maybe he refused to edit or she didn’t absorb it? Or thought it was honest & amusing? Fear you may be right.

This 100%

@peerie I think she knew about the role & had fully researched. She’s thorough, meticulous & everything is curated, down to the right shade of red on bespoke, guest blankets for a party. (& God forbid someone gets it wrong). The more I reflect on ‘Spare’ the more I feel she’s a planner & researcher to the core. She’s no dizzy fool. No ingenue.

I could also add re: a planning theme, an overarching ‘Diana’ motif resonates too possibly, lots of ‘spooky’ coincidences, notes Harry. Maybe too many…

Being totally foxed by a curtsey & the National Anthem? She’s often had to think on feet as an actress & adapt under pressure. No she didn’t google & Prince Andrew is easily mistaken for a servant, it’s that unassuming, humble character of his :).

I feel where Harry may have misled her is in how much power she/they actually had to change things up. He arrogantly thought he could maybe influence the Queen? It was, in reality, often a dull, passive role & you’re right, maybe not as expected, but she was clued up alright IMO. It SHOULD be a valued, monetised role, I think she felt, why not more of a commercial element? I think they were both surprised when ‘the best of both worlds’ ‘half in/half out’ was churlishly rejected.

Things needed to change, W&K’s office needed to be far more proactive. An apology for making Meghan cry wasn’t good enough, full press retraction warranted NOW! Except, it wasn’t that simple in reality. I thought it was interesting in the book H doesn’t refute his ‘what Meghan wants Meghan gets’.

I'm no fan of Meghan, but it sounds to me like she was just trying be make a lighthearted comment. It's called 'Trooping the Colour' and so when asked by Kate what she thought of it, she quipped that it was COLOURFUL. Haha! No, it's not particularly funny, but I don't think she was being snarky and I think the rest of them were po-faced to stand there in silence.

I honestly think a lot of the misunderstandings between Meghan and the RF were cultural. She grew up in a normal, middle-class family in California. She went to private school and Northwestern, which is a good university, but none of that would have prepared her in any way to join the RF and Harry doesn't seem to have done much to help her. He let her make mistakes that made her look bad and then railed at everyone else about it, rather than trying to help, explain and smooth things over.

Yes, he also criticised Charles for not speaking to him when he in Afghanistan, but someone from Charles' office said that every week Charles would carefully select the contents of a care package to be sent out to Harry and that Harry never mentioned that in his book.

It just sounds to me, if we're going to get down with the kids and talk therapy talk (as Harry so loves to do), that Harry and Charles' 'love languages' are just different. Charles shows his love for Harry by leaving him notes and sending him thoughtful packages of things when he's away, but Harry wants conversation - either on the phone or in person - and can't accept that other people aren't the same.

That gives me a lump in my throat: when I lived abroad once or even sometimes twice a week a parcel would arrive from my father. We weren’t a hugging or feelingsy family (who was back in the day?) but I knew I was loved. When a new book came out by an author I really liked I found a copy on my bedside table. When my shoes were muddy they were just quietly left sparklingly clean by the back door. Etc etc etc.

As for fruit baskets/flowers yada yada - I worked for a very prominent person. Those baskets were despatched by the tonne. All with gushy notes. It’s the sort of thing that happens in transactional circles.

Why dont we hear more on Prince Harry's attitude to an older, ( in his opinion)" not hot" ,member of staff at school.He used to imitate her awkwardly coming downstairs( due to health/ disability)... backwards,-:
for a laugh(?!).

@ThighMistress how lovely. Knowing you are loved is so important.

What was the Cut journalist suggesting, I wonder, post transactional, gushy, (if unusually bespoke) fruit basket? Will find the exact quote.

What amused me most was the overwhelming message from Harry that the Royal Family make a point of not responding to the rubbish that is reported about them. Hence their deafening silence to his book is very pointed and very effective…..

He really does come across as the most insufferable prick. Over privileged, entitled and with a total lack of empathy for anyone else or their feelings. He chooses to slag off his great aunt, Princess Margaret, for example. Not sure why - don’t think she had much to do with him. But she was obviously much loved by HM Queen and reading all of that must have really upset her children. He slags off matron Pat, with no sense of regret as an adult that his actions as a child were awful. He bitches about the awful press and their intrusion, while casually revealing deeply personal details about his father and brother. Total hypocrite.

noone has ever bothered to really inform him properly

I think that's far from the truth. Prince Charles got experts in to tutor both William and Harry - for example amazing ex MP Rory Stewart did 2 weeks with them in the summer once. As a history enthusiast I cannot imagine the privilege of growing up in that atmosphere, those palaces and castles, hearing the stories that involve your own family and have influenced the world. I just think he wasn't interested. From the excerpts I've seen he doesn't have much interest in British people, our origins or lives.

I too worry that in time Harry will really miss the UK, his family, his friends, people who have known him forever, the outdoorsy life he had as a DC, shooting, fishing, walking through the heather at Balmoral, etc.

Having lived abroad myself, to start with it's intoxicating to be somewhere else. I loved the different foods, sounds, smells, traditions, shops, language [not applicable to Harry], and it took a while for all of that to wear off and for me to start to really miss home, to appreciate the UK from afar in a way I didn't before and see it with fresh eyes.

The novelty of living in CA has clearly not worn off for Harry yet, but like the poster on page 1 of this thread who wrote a very perceptive post, I fear that one day Harry will realise how isolated he's made himself.

@maranella did he really complain about his dad not speaking to him in Afghanistan? I didn't think you could just phone someone up in a theatre of War? I could be wrong though.

Apparently, they have a secure phone line and each soldier can call home (or receive a call, not sure which), once a week or something.

I personally could not give a toss about the RF (other than thoroughly enjoying the pomp and ceremony of royal funerals) until Harry and Megsy Baby began their disingenuous woke preachathon.

After 3 years of hearing how racist and unkind we Brits are, and how wonderful and angelic Megan is, I am now a raving royalist.

Megan is cut from the same bullsh*t cloth as the likes of Justin Trudeau, Kamala Harris and Jacinda Adern. Fake compassion and style over substance. If it's a choice between that and the royal family, I'll take the cretinous inbred feudalists anyday.

@maranella I wonder too if Harry has considered that his actions will distance not only him but also his children from their family in the UK. They are not going to have the same relationship as Harry had with his grandfather, aunts, uncles and cousins. Meghan has her mother but no relationship with her father or his wider family. Essentially they have cut themselves off from everyone except her mother.

Yes @SilverGlitterBaubles it's a very unhealthy and sad situation. He clearly sees her as some angel sent to save him atm, but I wonder in time if the scales will fall from his eyes? I can't believe that anyone who apparently never has a bad word to say about anyone else can have so spectacularly fallen out with not only her own entire family, but his too, plus assisted his own estrangement. No wonder he believes them both to be entirely blameless victims 🙄

@maranella, the fact that Harry possibly sees Meghan as some living embodiment of Diana is worrying. IF the scales do fall from his eyes, if he sees her swearing at the TV or eating junk food or similar or more seriously any kind of transgression, how will he react.

I think that fact that he will not brook any criticism of her at all is what has caused problems for him and ended friendships in the past. Especially if she is as Bowers says, not none for compromise. It might be helpful or conciliatory to say 'I know Meghan can sometimes fly off the handle but she means well' or similar. It seems like he wasn't like this with other girlfriends? I wonder why he is like this with her?

If this paragon, as he sees her, one day leaves him, what then? It can't be helpful to believe someone is an angel in living form and beyond reproach. Will he be like that with his daughter? How will he be able to set boundaries and appropriate discipline?

and @maranella the climate of California is such that I would be very happy returning only occasionally to the UK. No wonder Meghan wanted to get back there asap, I am sure they both love the wonderful, cheering sunshine!

Yes and they are so lucky to live in a mansion with security, in light of the frequent gun masacres in america, one yesterday on Montere, California. All good though as Lilli and Archie will be given mass shooter drills in their schools.

Indeed, @purpledalmation .
I think I'd rather live with drizzle and grey skies.