Read Spare, actually ended up with a more positive view of the Royal Family

[GatoradeMeBitch]

I was on Harry and Meghan's side before I read his book. And in large part because of the disgusting and shameful way Meghan was treated by the British press which is a valid thing, whatever else is going on.

But after reading and re-reading Spare, I think I have a better impression of the Royal Family than before.

With Charles we learnt that he always came to tuck the boys in at night, never forgot that Harry needed the door open because he was afraid of the dark, and it seemed from Harry's own words that he did try his best to be a good and consistent parent within the framework of what he knew.

Harry's anecdotes about Kate made me completely change my opinion of her. It seemed like Meghan was trying to force a friendship between them (the lip gloss incident, the baby brain incident), when Kate had been around the Royals for a long time and would have learnt to be cautious of new and over-friendly people. And then when she did initiate a conversation with Meghan at Trooping the Colour she got a flippant one word response. And Harry thought Kate was in the wrong for that?

With William I just think, there are worse sibling dynamics. It's normal to want to be your own person at school, it's normal to want a best friend as best man, it's normal to not want to stay out all night when you have a newborn at home. Harry seemed angry that William wasn't the brother he wanted him to be, but ultimately that's not William's problem. At the end of the book William tells Harry he loves him and wants him to be happy, the kind of emotional reaching out Harry said he wanted, yet it seemed like he didn't try to meet him in that moment. It was also William who tried to have conversations about their mother which Harry rejected (which would undoubtedly have been one of William's crimes if it had happened the other way around, also the North Pole trip that could have caused him to miss William's wedding, imagine if William had done that...)

Even Camilla doesn't come across like a villain, once Harry has explained that there are people around the Royals who manipulate them and play power games with them. She as a new member of the family wouldn't have been immune to that. Perhaps she thought she could speak to her staff in confidence. And maybe a Prince gets to be shocked that his room was repurposed when he left home, but it's a pretty normal occurrence for most of us.

The book is fascinating as a historical document and the first time a Royal has (voluntarily) been so forthcoming and honest, but it's striking to me that his family just... don't seem all that bad, except the one obvious exception. Whereas Harry seems unaware of some of his flaws, like his blatant hero complex. (The motorbike anecdote made me cringe.) He's so ready to vilify his family over relatively normal things and not-so-normal things that he admits are out of their control, that it makes me wonder how things will pan out with Meghan. Once the dust settles and all the stories have been told (with no access to new ones now his family know he's an exposé writer) and he is missing the hunting trips and the summers at Balmoral, he will only have one person left to put in the role of villain.

I expect that had they got on better, the remark might have gone down differently.

Is that the shopping trip where she allegedly walked past a newspapers central office several times?

Yes, and apparently saw a rack of headlines about herself in a shop that doesn't sell newspapers.

But she would have been upset if there had been headlines about her so even though there weren't in that instance apparently that counts as the same thing.

I feel the same OP. His grievances and arguments with his family were pretty much normal and most people can find something in all that they would relate with. I think what irks people is this lack of self awareness about this, his wealth and privilege and failure to acknowledge that he also has to take some responsibility for his actions and decisions. Hanging your family out dry, revealing personal conversations with them while also complaining about the impact of living in the media spotlight had on you is just so hypocritical. He seems like someone who really needs to grow up, get some perspective and ditch whatever LaLa land therapy he is having.

He came across as petty, vindictive and delusional! His family come acting as a normal family ( in the circumstances in which they live) who have made mistakes and simply don't know how to repair this rift!

I read it in end because it’s such a talking point, I thought it was a really interesting slice of life, but it didn’t really change my mind.

I think Meghan got some shocking treatment by the press, and clearly there’s some competition between households that really needs to be sorted out, but overall none of the family come across as unreasonable considering the trickiness of the setup.

While Harry comes across as likeable (albeit incredibly cosseted) it’s also clear they both simply wanted out. I don’t blame them for that at all, but neither is it the RF’s fault.

I was interested by how opaque the portrait of Meghan was. Charles and William quite vivid, but Meghan like Kate was no more than a sketch.

I haven't read the book, but I read one of the anecdotes from it about Charles leaving notes for Harry, often on his pillow, into adulthood, telling him that he was proud of him or praising him for certain things. Harry was critical of this, wondering why Charles couldn't say these things to his face. This really makes me think that Harry is massively over-critical and looking for fault with his family in general. My dad has never praised me, vocally, or by letter, I thought it was very sweet of Charles to leave notes - yes he's a bit uptight and stuffy sometimes, and very much a flawed human and product of his upbringing, but I think that anecdote shows how he did his best and cared about his children.

I agree and have sympathy for the royal family too. I think they have been dealing with a difficult child and an unpleasant adult in Harry for years. I bet even now Harry is lobbying behind the scenes and trying to get Charles to engage with him. I think Harry still wants half in half out.

I think Harry still wants half in half out.

Half wit.

He is.

I’m struggling to get through it. It’s just written in such a scathing and petulant tone about literally everything. He is so unbelievably out of touch with the real world. I suspect my views will be the same as yours OP if I ever finish it.

Exactly this.

I’m not reading or listening to the whole book but have read excerpts (not press interpretations) and heard clips. I think the tone is petulant and much of the content spiteful. It didn’t really change my view of the family as I had assumed they were human, if rich and privileged. I thought the part where he said that once William and Catherine married they didn’t just become the Cambridges, they became a household, and with that came house, office etc. articulated the problem in a nutshell. He thought it unfair that the only way he could achieve exactly the same as they got when they got married was to get married himself. Um….

I felt a lot of things reading this fascinating book mostly that Harry has some serious mh issues and probably so does William they both dealt owth things in their own different ways and dont really understand each other, seems like a big fat mess over misunderstandings misinterpretations and severe media meddling lies and outrageous behaviour. I didn't see any concrete proof that Williams or Charles offices leaked intimate stories maybe the papers did just make it all up to suit themselves, Charles says to him you can't control what media writes never complain never explain, just don't read it, this is the policy they have always had noone has ever come out to say this is true or untrue so why would Harry be any different. Because of the race element thats why. The rf should have realised this was different and should have come out to explain they made a big error there, but also Harry seems totally obsessed with what is written and whilst i can understand where it all comes from he needs to take his dad's advice and stop reading it but why should newspapers get away with inciting hatred causing threats to their. Lives and spreading false stories and hatred, well done to Harry for Making a stand and trying to change it. But if they communicated like a family instead of a corporation none of these would ever have happened. I think the trooping of colour comment was really not important and had no real meaning but is another example of cultures not understanding or trying to understand each other. Harry should have prepared her told her stuff but basically I think he doesn't even know half of the royal protocols are himself and noone has ever bothered to really inform him properly ie:being cut off financially v a nonworking royal living abroad cannot be paid for by tax payees money. Just not understanding. I hope they sort it out and I have not read anything terrible about rf which just goes to show the media are making it all up and its not a complete slating of his family he is genuinely troubled but also genuinely nice and well meaning.

@Sindonym - there's a difference. Diana's book, via Morton, was about her struggles. It was shocking at the time, because it revealed her mental health struggles. It was critical and pointed, but I don't recall it being petty or cruel.
Charles cooperated with the Dimbleby book (which I found dull), there was criticism of schooling and upbringing but there was not the same amount of personal vilification.
"Spare" is quite different to any other royal tome I've read in terms of approach, blame and victim mentality.

@GatoradeMeBitch I completely agree with you, Charles seems well meaning, pretty conciliatory and kind. He's limited by his upbringing, as you say, but clearly loves Harry and William, he's trying & he tried, to do the best job he can/could in the terrible circumstances.

I worry that Harry can't see ANY flaws in Meghan, no one is a paragon of virtue and she'll have weaknesses just like we all do. As Harry says:

‘I never heard her speak a bad word about anybody or to anybody’ On the contrary, I watched her redouble her efforts to reach out, to spread kindness., she send out hand-written thank you notes, checked on staff who were ill, sent baskets of food or flowers or goodies to aynone struggling. The office was often dark and cold, so she warmed it up with new lamps and space heaters all bought with her personal credit card’ (Where is procurement etc)?

[Isn't this all a bit 'Lady Bountiful' (?) and the negative side of this is then the 'boss' owns your arse in my experience and you have to step up at short notice and work longer hours etc, after all they've done for you etc...] [NB: later confusion on 'freebies' M distributed which was against rules, when the assistant 'trades on her position with Meg to get freebies' she's obviously fired] (??).

I thought it was interesting that M was so kind as to send a card to the member of staff who had suffered a bereavement. She asked if she could hug him when they met again as she'd been told it was wrong by palace, sent gardenia to plant in the son's memory. She was very kind in school, very genuinely. She's also trying to do the right thing. Later:

'Mr R appeared at our front door at Nott Cott.

He handed her a thank you note and gave her a tight hug’. - [It occured to me this was like something from a fairy tale, rewarded by the princess].

NB: this from The Cut: 'And then, quickly and decisively, as if it were my idea, the conversation ends. Meghan sets a harvest basket in my arms: a cornucopia of fruit and vegetables from their garden and a jar of jam from the Lili Bunny Garden + Larder (she had the labels made on Etsy). She smiles and waves as I make my way out the door, wondering if somehow I’d missed everything she was trying to say.'

To be fair she is very into manners, they 'maketh man', it's explained that Archie drops off emergency packs on way home to see that some don't have so much. (Aware this sounds like I am taking the piss, I'm not, surely there's a better way? He's very young though of course).

In any relationship, especially after several years together, even a saint is surely going to say to her partner 'that woman is a bit of a cow' or similar and IF we take H's words about Meghan at face value she never, ever has. Surely that's unnatural? Maybe she's a much better woman than me/us? Who knows. Wouldn't it be exhausting to be seen as a saint and put on a pedestal?

I stood back in awe at her ability, or determination, to always see the good in people’ 'she redoubled her efforts to reach and spread kindness'. Even over 'dog bowlgate' and Willy's 'attack' she's only 'terribly sad'. I'd have had stronger words indeed IF I felt Willy was in the wrong! He, H, was injured and had to ring his therapist.

I DO feel that some of the press was unforgivable etc BUT I also found myself thinking, brush it off and adopt a sense of humour and don't go scanning Twitter for negative stories as you'll always find them. I know it was the 'bigger picture' of unkindness and negativity as H/M saw it, and racism clearly inexcusable, but getting knickers in a twist over M's avocado toast contributing to environment destruction versus the press 'swooning' over avocados giving Kate glowing skin? Let it go.

I am undecided about H trying to get the press to apologise over the fact M didn't get the memo over wearing green at Grenfell.

I also worry about their relationship, the Queen said he felt he loved her 'too much'. It feels all very Jay Gatsby and Daisy Buchanan. Tyler Perry gifted them an extravagant and expensive grand piano, well it's all very materialistic some might say? Suddenly, H sees things through his beloved's eyes and they are shabby and second rate. He needs to do better. Thing is will it ever be enough when there are billionaires and trillionaires on the 'hill?

Why worry about those things? They don't really matter. Live in a 10 million pound home, or whatever, and don't care you're not tops in terms of stuff that matters not a jot really.

(H doesn't seem materialistic in the past, and the love he has for Africa just leapt off the page for me, he needed to be there really I felt, hopefully he can work there and do something meaningful and helpful).

'Wow, Megan said several times, wallpaper, crown mouldings, walnut bookcases, priceless art' as she looks around W and K's apartment, no bean-bags, Ikea and low ceilings for them. 'We thought sheepishly of our Ikea'.

It's interesting that Bower says, I believe, M and H collaborated with the ghost writer together, (of course they needed M's perspective for some parts I imagine). I thought it was interesting 'Harry' talks about housing 'units' as per Frogmore.

I want to be fair re: Meghan, I really hope for both their sakes she's truly in love with him, but I do find it hard to really believe at times, and find myself raising a cynical eyebrow, not least as she's so much smarter. Getting the role on Suits too, people really underestimate, I think, how very hard that will have been. Intense competition, it was a VERY big deal getting that part and the money was fantastic. Freedom, independence and respect and I also think she's a very good actress.

To her credit she's grafted, she's intelligent, very attractive, and has done really well. Maybe she's got her happy ending with a man she adores? I genuinely hope so, but the obvious use of the 'Rules' (Note to self, they clearly work). Makes me feel worried for H and yes, a little distrustful. (If really 'faking it' surely the mask would slip?).

I do find it very hard to believe she didn't research everything on the Royals and what was expected of her. It's only very sensible and she's that, in spades. Everyone said Harry didn't prepare her but she's always had to be self reliant and she's very ambitious. Her attention to detail is second to none, anyone that thinks about the exact shade of red in bespoke guest blankets and bespoke labels for the house jam just won't leave much to chance and wing protocol.

I hope they really are soul mates.

Agree, Camilla comes across quite well. I would have to hate her, just because my mother did and the back history that we all know so well, if for no other reason. Charles is so suited to her and she to him. They are better together and she's really proved herself I think.

Kate seems to be painted as a bit of ice queen, but what's the reality? A clash of cultures? H seemed to love her before? They have x2 I think (?) summits and one of the problems, as I saw it, is that Harry simply won't admit Meghan has feet of clay like any mortal. That must be frustrated, she was called 'Duchess Difficult' and this was totally unfair, etc. (It's interesting H doesn't exactly refute in the book he did say 'what Meghan wants, Meghan gets'.

And I agree that when William tried to really speak to him at Prince Phillip's funeral, he didn't have many opportunities for a face-to-face after all, Harry was adamant he wasn't trustworthy or believable, WHY? I didn't understand that. 'I swear to you on Mummy's life that I just want you to be HAPPY'[of course he does he's his brother]. Harry says poignantly 'I was already gone, already on my way to California' 'to break free and LIVE'.

It's interesting Harry seems to get particularly upset, niggled and worried when it's perceived Meghan isn't of the right background, class etc. He gets worked up that she's criticised for not wearing a hat, NB, Harry says:

Yuck - Meg’s bra strap was showing (Classless Meghan)

The next day. Yikes - she’s wearing that dress? (Trashy Meghan)
The next day, goodness, she still doesn’t know how to curtsey properly (American Meghan)

[Why not say who the hell cares and rise above it?].

As they are all seemingly so sneery and snobbish on class and class bound, I do wonder if Kate was privately a bit relieved someone was 'lower' in terms of the pecking order of these things than she was? They can be brutal and they were, 'doors to manual', etc. Maybe this unwittingly came across?

In Meghan's defence, too, I wonder if this is why she didn't invite more family to the wedding? She was heavily criticised BUT the nice sounding uncle, who got her the diplomatic plum role in the embassy (as she was interested in pursuing a possible career in International Relations at the the time, he lived on a trailer park. Intelligent but blue collar then). You can imagine the press/headlines. It would take a very confident person, if those around you judge on these things, and talk privately about 'F ing peasants', to say 'I don't care', especially when the press would pick up on it. If you are reinventing yourself and you've climbed the social ladder many turn their back on the lowly past, as they see it. According to an article around the time of the wedding interestingly, that's what the uncle said pretty much, he said he understood and wished her well.

(Harry talks about 'Kevin', nice chap, 'below stairs' etc, although M befriends him just as Mum did).

I wish them all well and as ever actions speak louder than words, let's judge them on those. What happens next?

@Peverellshire very interesting observations, thanks.

Must say, the claim that M “never has a bad word to say about anybody” certainly stretches credibility for me!

@GatoradeMeBitch I think you've summed it up perfectly. I was expecting tales of a cold and cruel father but actually it seems that Charles did the best he could. The way he calls him 'darling boy' just seems quite tender.

Overall the family come off quite well...just the usual family narks and tiffs but ultimately a lot of love and affection between them all. I don't know what Harry is expecting to come from all this but I would guess they're pretty deeply hurt by it all. I'm not really a royalist as such, but I definitely have a better impression of them now.

I think William comes across as entitled and as a bully. I feel he has totally turned his back on all that happened to his mother when the press hounded her and caused her so much misery. He is fake and keeps in with the press for good stories without any regard for his mother.
Kate had also come across as fake, I really dislike this couple, moreso after getting an insight into royal life.
What I know for certain is the life of royalty would be a living nightmare for me. It sounds like an awful,sad, lonely and pretentious life with no meaning and no way to be true to yourself and follow your dreams

Maybe it’s part of “The Rules” to be only kind, sweet, funny, never say a bad word etc when around your OH/DH? The gossip and complaining is for when MM’s talking to her friends?

IIRC MM’s Dad said when he was talking to MM on the phone he could always tell whether Harry was in the room or not by the way she spoke to him.

Very thoughtful post @Peverellshire . Chuckled at The Rules: clearly Meghan had a carefully-annotated copy!

She had her eye on the prize and won… but several things have gone awry since. I really believe that the A Lister billionaire lifestyle was the idea - with Windsor Castle as the UK base and also an LA presence; lots of foreign trips, galas etc.

it’s impossible to gauge how Harry is feeling now. People say he seems unhappy/regretful, but he appeared to be buoyant on the talk show, just loving the limelight and adoration.

What is certain is that the pair of them have the hide of a rhino, nay, a herd of rhinos.

he appeared to be buoyant on the talk show, just loving the limelight and adoration.

What is he going to do when the adrenaline wears off and the attention fades? The book is published, the publicity round is done. The only thing left is to do the in-person book signings at WalMart.

@Peverellshire That was epic! Harry wants everyone to see in Meghan what she has convinced him that she is. He is frustrated because nobody is buying it.

She has played a blinder considering that she came into the marriage with many legit question marks. Even Barry the Salesman would have seen them as red flags. For Harry The Prince, she was not a superior choice. I hope he realizes that it reflects his issues and that he is easily manipulated.

@LadyHaversham quite, someone who gets upset re: bad press over ‘avocado toast’, when he comes back to earth again? That said, the £££ a sweetner (?) It’s all very Faustian.

How will the philanthropists/society A listers/billionaires feel about the ‘power couple’ now?

@ThighMistress thank you. Could she have also had a carefully curated book on ‘Diana’ treating the project like bootcamp for a role?

Like Du Maurier’s Rebecca, Diana is seemingly omnipresent and has divine intervention via the Roman painting & Tyler, Meghan & Harry just can’t work out how Archie ‘knew’ it was of Diana the Goddess & It gave them all ‘chills’. Archie was fixated by if & stared at it. WHY? HOW? asks H? We’ll politely ignore the, clearly coincidental, fact that Meghan was coaching Archie on all significant features of the property all the time..Archie even gave a ‘significant gurgle’ of recognition when he looked more closely at Diana the huntress, spotting the parallel… [can you imagine the ghostwriter’s face at this point?].

Wasn’t there another incident with Granny Diana’s photo at Nott Cott? Some affinity?

’Below stairs’ Kevin, by sheer coincidence, chums up with Megan as he did with Di! She goes ‘below stairs’ too to fraternise with the friendly, Kev.

@Capri3 great observations.

I want to give Meghan the benefit of the doubt, I really do, but anyone who has read the book will know some of the more sensitive parallels. ‘She applied dark, dark lipstick to draw attention away from her bloodshot eyes’. Pre event. That’s a sophisticated, stylish, subtle nuance from’ Mr T K Max discount sale’.

All the handwritten thank you notes to vague members of staff & the gifts, the bespoke basket fell foul of the Cut article author? Can anyone shed light on what she meant by saying M wanted to say something else?

Weren’t similar letters/notes a Diana signature?

I could go further & say I feel Meghan may have ‘influenced’ significant swathes of the book. The housing ‘units’ at Frogmore, the familiar flowery language in other parts, the Americanisms, eg: ‘nightstand’ but they may be the Ghost.

If she did have a (significant) hand in it why on EARTH did she allow all the drug references to stand: mushrooms, joints all the time, talking bins. Micro-dosing. The sexual references, ‘mounting a stallion’, the not ‘hot’, ‘greasy’ unfortunate, Pat? If she really curates everything from the right shade of red in one off guest blankets, to allegedly the Trevor wedding video (in case it comes back to haunt her). Then her silence, could she, gulp, be handing him rope? She’s certainly no fool…