Said goodbye to my sweet boy today and I'm not OK

[Motherofvoid]

Just needed to share with some other cat lovers. My beautiful boy was put to sleep today. He was 13 (so not really that old in the grand scheme of things) and rapidly declined with kidney disease resulting in kidney and liver failure over the space of 2 months. He hated the renal food and I must have tried every one and every other supplement available.

Please be kind. I'm already overcome with guilt that I didn't make the decision sooner, he was still eating, drinking and very affectionate, jumping up in the window and onto the bed until yesterday which is why I didn't.

Yesterday, he wouldn't eat at all, and he was very lethargic, I slept on the bathroom floor with him overnight. This morning he seemed quite unsteady and I knew it was time. It wasn't until he was on that vet table I realised how much weight he had lost. I feel so broken, this is my first experience of pet loss. The vets were great and tried to reassure me but I can't help but feel I could have done more. My poor boy, I am so so sorry 😢..

@Motherofvoid it does get easier - it kind of shape shifts I think. It’s utterly shit though. I got our vet to do our girl’s paw prints and I had one tattooed on my inner arm so she’s always with me, and we got some nice photos printed and framed too.

We adopted our now cat very quickly after saying goodbye to our girl, and that really helped me. I appreciate that’s not for everyone though. He didn’t replace her in any way, he couldn’t have, and it took me a long time to truly love him (because initially he was The Wrong Cat) but he’s an absolute joy and we love him so much now, even though he is a big orange pest.

I can remember being in the specialist referral vet place and saying to my MIL, would she do the chemo (which for us was only going to extend our girl’s life for a short time, not cure her) if it was her cat? She said something along the lines of there being lots of cats in rescue who really needed a lovely home if we didn’t. Our boy had been little a stray kitten and he popped up for adoption at just the right time.

@Motherofvoid @Judystilldreamsofhorses I agree with Judy. We got our rescue girls a month after our lad left. They helped. Never him but we grew into them and they us.

You loved him very much, and you still have a lot of love to give
and you need a new purpose in life / reason to get up in the morning.

it's time to think about adopting from a cat rescue - either an adult cat or a kitten
or adult cats or kittens or even a cat with a kitten i.e. mum and kitten

not a black boy as Milo cannot be replaced so I would consider a female
or a couple...

Thank you all for your kind words. Whilst I appreciate the sentiment I am really not in the right frame of mind to even think about welcoming another cat yet. It wouldn't be fair on them coming into such a sad environment when I'm not ready or able to give them my all.

@Judystilldreamsofhorses I had considered a tattoo but as I've never had one I've ordered a charm for my bracelet with his nose and paw prints on.

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon I know it may sound strange but I think when the time does come I may gravitate towards another black boy. Not to replace him, nothing ever will. I can't quite explain it but I just feel I am a black boy cat mum 🖤.

Thank you all again.

@Motherofvoid i can truly identify with everything you say. I’m so so sorry for what you’re going through. We made a wooden box for our little one and buried him in the garden. We planted little white dianthus called Memories around him, a lovely old rose bush, forget me knots and a little cat statue. I still cry over him and am doing so right now. The pain of their loss takes a long time to ease. It’s been over two years for me. We adopted another little one a year afterwards and think of him as a younger sibling of the others. Ours have always been black rescues. I’m sorry for the pain you’re feeling. My Dp bought me a locket in the shape of a cat’s face. I put little J’s fur inside. It’s something 😞

@Motherofvoid So sorry
Do not let people push you. We were under pressure to take a stray after Breadcat died and we were still just so upset. It felt like we would be betraying her or devaluing her somewhat.
6 months on we did adopt. She is not a replacement she is completely different. Breadcat cannot be replaced

Please don’t feel guilty op, you did the best for that beautiful boy And he knew he was loved. I had to say goodbye a couple of years ago and I am so glad that he went at peace on my knee, being stroked and thanking him for our time together. Sadly they don’t have our life span and we must part. It hurts like hell now and I hated coming home and missing him. To get to His age shows he was loved and looked after and is an achievement. Sadly not all cats get to that age. Like me in time you will smile when you see his photo and remember how happy you were together. Meanwhile big hug and well done he was one of the lucky ones and you will acccept this in time.This horrible pain is the price we pay for love

@HatStickBoots thank you, I don't have a garden so my boy will be staying inside on a memorial shelf. I regret the box that I chose for his ashes, as it was less than 24 hours since he passed I wasn't in the right frame of mind and just wanted something sturdy to keep him safe, but am looking into having a custom urn made.

@Breadcat24 thank you, I think I know in my heart one day I will welcome another but I'm just not ready and it wouldn't be fair. Your girl is beautiful ❤️

@Mumsgirls thank you ❤️. I know he wasn't young but I still thought we had more years together but even a lifetime wouldn't have been enough.