Said goodbye to my sweet boy today and I'm not OK

[Motherofvoid]

Just needed to share with some other cat lovers. My beautiful boy was put to sleep today. He was 13 (so not really that old in the grand scheme of things) and rapidly declined with kidney disease resulting in kidney and liver failure over the space of 2 months. He hated the renal food and I must have tried every one and every other supplement available.

Please be kind. I'm already overcome with guilt that I didn't make the decision sooner, he was still eating, drinking and very affectionate, jumping up in the window and onto the bed until yesterday which is why I didn't.

Yesterday, he wouldn't eat at all, and he was very lethargic, I slept on the bathroom floor with him overnight. This morning he seemed quite unsteady and I knew it was time. It wasn't until he was on that vet table I realised how much weight he had lost. I feel so broken, this is my first experience of pet loss. The vets were great and tried to reassure me but I can't help but feel I could have done more. My poor boy, I am so so sorry 😢..

Im so sorry. He was lovely. It’s the last act of love we can do for them is know when it’s time to let them go. I lost my old 19 year old boy 3 years ago and I still miss his bad tempered, funny quirky ass. Sending love

So sorry, OP - he was lovely. We said goodbye to his opposite number, our beautiful white girl, almost bang on two years ago, and today I teared up in a class (teaching it) talking about her. I read somewhere - maybe even here - that when pets go over the rainbow bridge time stands still, so when their person/people pass they are just there waiting for them. I love the idea of our girl thundering down the garden steps like a white flash to meet me like she did thousands of times when she heard the back door open.

(I’m not at all religious so I hope this doesn’t offend anyone.)

I’m so sorry @Motherofvoid for the heartbreaking loss of your wonderful boy💔
He was gorgeous and his love for you is shining out of his beautiful green eyes💚
No matter how long we have these special souls in our lives it’s never long enough.

@Judystilldreamsofhorses I'm so sorry for your loss.

It's quite poetic that when he passed there was a beautiful rainbow in the sky. I'm telling myself that rainbow was for my boy. Please nobody try and take that away from me.

The crematorium couldn't take him until tomorrow, I couldn't resist another cuddle with him. I wish I hadn't, he was so stiff and covered in urine. My poor boy, I loved him so so much. I don't know how I'll get through this. He was my everything. I am broken

Just woken up and it's hit me like a train, I just want him back 😭😭. Oh moo moo you were the best boy I will spend the rest of my life missing you x

Oh I can hear your pain @Motherofvoid - my heart hurts for you. If it would help, can I suggest phoning the Cats Protection or Blue Cross Bereavement Helplines ? The day after Elton died, I was in pieces with shock and sadness so phoned the Blue Cross - out of desperation really, as I had so many thoughts running around my head. Like your Milo, Elton died of kidney disease and it was such a shock, even though we knew he was very ill, as they are so brave and just keep going ,until they can't anymore. The lady I spoke to was lovely and really listened and understood . It helped me and may help you?

What a beautiful boy - I have a soft spot for the blackies - and how lucky you were to have each other. It sounds like he was happy with you till the very last day, and then he told you it was time to let him go. You clearly had a strong communication with him.

I know how bereft you must feel now, the loss is so much. Just let the feelings flow, and yes, there are resources online by people who understand how you feel. The shock of the last day is fresh now, but slowly, in their own time, the good memories will come back to comfort you.

🤗

Thank you all for your kind words, they really have helped. He has just left to go to the crematorium now and he's taken my heart with him 😭.

Oh OP. I can feel your anguish. Hold onto this if you can: you rescued him from a bad start and gave him all the love he deserved. You slept alongside him on his last night and gave him the gentlest end. He knew only love and kindness in his time with you, and he is free from pain. He had a good life, because of you

Dear @Motherofvoid , I’m so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you lying on the bathroom floor with him and the beautiful rainbow. He’ll always be with you. True love. I know this heartbreak too. My little darling had to be put to sleep three years ago. I too laid on the floor holding him while he was in his little bed. I knew the day was coming that would be his last and didn’t know how I’d bear it and it was worse than I ever thought possible. He was my little shadow, always wanting to be close by my side. An album of his photos shuffle on my phone’s wallpaper so I still see him every day and it’s a comfort. I hope you too can find some peace and comfort to help you through.

@HatStickBoots thank you.

My boy was also my shadow, wherever I was and whatever I was doing he would be behind or bedside me. Washing up his dishes was particularly hard as I just kept expecting him to appear in the doorway like he always was. Going to the toilet I've been staring at the door expecting him to appear. I can't believe he's gone forever.

I cannot settle at all ATM, I haven't eaten and have been crying more tears than I thought I had in me.

Today has been the longest 24 hours of my life and whilst it's not the same and I expect it'll bring me way more upset I cannot wait for his remains to come back home to me in the morning.

Your baby was gorgeous, I love black cats and I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s an awful pain, give yourself time to grieve and be kind to yourself. Your gorgeous boy knew love and happiness every single day with you ❤️ you gave him a lovely life. I still have my Sooty’s ashes and I find it a comfort as his remains will always be with me.
The night times can feel worse as you’re alone with your thoughts but in time you will be able to focus on all the happy times and the lovely pictures of your baby.
Thinking of you xx

@Januarybluesss thank you. I am really struggling at the moment. I know it's still very early days but I am distraught.

I know I made the right decision but I still wish he was here doing his usual exceptionally loud purr and kneading me because he can sense I'm sad.

He was my reason to get up in the morning and now he is gone 😭.

It's so hard to lose a cat you love so completely. When my girl died I was so upset I couldn't speak. I just cried and cried. My adult DS got me a large photo frame with shPes cut out of it and he helped me choose photos of Maigret to go into the frame. I have it hung in my hall by the front door so it is the first thing I see when I get home everyday. Maybe you could do a cat montage OP for you Moo Moo.

I’m so so sorry for your loss. You have nothing to feel guilty about, this is an impossibly hard decision and it’s one that I dread having to make one day. You did everything you could and he will have felt so loved and comforted by you ❤

So sorry for your loss MotherofVoid. I’ve been through this a few times now and it’s always devastating. You’re losing a member of the family. Moo moo looks a wonderful boy and it sounds like he was very loved. Sending hugs 🫂 💐

I’m so sorry about your beautiful boy.

{{{hugs and hand holds}}}

I am sorry to hear about your lovely Milo @Motherofvoid .

I lost my tabby and white cat Gabby about 12 years ago. She was 13 and had fluid on the lungs and it was very traumatic the way she died (can't bring myself to go into detail).

It was several years before I could bring myself to get another cat, but 3 years ago we adopted Herbie who is a big black and white character and very different to Gabby.

So I know what you are going through. All the best and take care x

I am so, so sorry. You did everything you could for him. You gave him the best life. I have a cat with kidney disease too - the vet told me that yes, they would like them to eat the renal diet food, but ultimately what matters is that they eat. Anything at all.

I hope you will manage to sit with your sorrow until your heart opens up again - there is another void out there who needs you.

@pointythings Thank you, maybe one day I'll be able to think about another but I can't imagine putting myself through this pain again at the moment.

He is back home in his little box now, I have his paw and little nose prints and a small bottle with his fur clippings. Very bittersweet.

Sorry to hear your sad news, take heart that you gave him a wonderful life. Hard as it is putting our pets to sleep is the last act of kindness we can do for them.

What a darling boy

I adore black cats..I was fortunate to have 5 living with me at one point and they ALL looked different 😍

I'm so sorry, it is an absolute gut churning wrench to say goodbye but you did the kindest and the RIGHT thing

I know I haven't posted on here in a few days so might not get any response but just wanted to vent really.

I know it's only been 5 days but now the shock has worn off this pain is unbearable. I can't seem to stop crying, the skin around my eyes is all broken and sore. I'm not sleeping, barely eating and just not looking after myself.

I feel embarrassed admitting how much I'm struggling, and think those around me expect me to just get over it and move on. But I can't, everything makes me think of him and I constantly think I hear him at his water bowl or his sweet little chirps. I haven't been able to put his things away yet and I keep staring at the box with his ashes.

He was my world and I'm so lost without him.

Will it get easier? How do I start to move forward from this ?

Photo of my sleepy boy during one of our many morning snuggles 😢.

Yes it does get better.
In my opinion, it's really important to put their stuff out - it really does help.

I buried our old boys ashes in a spot he liked in the garden and planted a rose.