Guilt about adopting kittens after losing my soul cat

[WotthehellMehitabel]

I wonder if you fellow cat lovers can help me unpack my feelings about this... We lost our little panther girl just after Christmas. It was sudden and too soon. She was my soul cat, it broke our hearts and we've grieved her terribly...

But the house is really feeling empty without feline energy and this week DH and I finally went to see some kittens in a rescue. Well of course, they are adorable... 😻😻 They're about 12 weeks, Mama Cat has decided she's done with them, they just need a vet check and then it looks like we'll have a brother and sister...

And I came home and just sobbed... I feel almost guilty about having new ones - keep telling myself they're not the colour I'd have chosen (they're not but it doesn't matter)... that I'm too old to have kittens (60)... that we should get work done on the house first... that I won't love them the same...

I think it's maybe that this is the final 'proof' that my special girl has gone. Oh blimey, there I go, blubbing again... We had her and her brother (also died too soon) since they were kittens, and I can remember feeling Adopters' Remorse in the early days, but after that we really bonded and couldn't have loved them more...

It's going to be okay, isn't it? I feel like such a daft bint... Can't tell anyone this, they'd just go 'Yay, kittens!'

And indeed, yay kittens... 😁 But feeling a bit raw today...

If you're not excited about new kittens then you need more grieving time my love and nothing wrong with that. Meeting new kittens will inevitably bring up feelings of loss, but if that feeling of being bereft is overriding the glory of new fluffy family members then you owe it to yourself to give yourself a bit more time. A few tears is one thing, but full on sobbing tells me that you're not quite ready to open your heart or your home to new cats. I wish you well as I know how hard it is to get over cats passing.

So sorry to hear you lost your soul cat. Mine’s next to me washing himself. The thing is, if you love cats you…love cats. Your soul cat would want you to be happy. Enjoy the kittens. Oh and cat tax please once they’ve arrived. Xxx

@Arlanymor Diolch, bach! That's the thing, I AM excited too... I just tend to be a bit of an over-thinker... I was so excited I couldn't sleep, so the sleep deprivation might be a part of it... 😁 It took a good few months to get over her brother passing... it's been three months now, so I don't know if waiting four or six would change that...

@Whosthetabbynow That's the sort of thing I miss, the companionable washing, the kitty presence... ❤️ I was tidying the garden earlier, and gardens really need cats (and vice versa)... and these kids do need a home, and have a cute back story (born around Christmas and Mama hid them in a church...).

Might ask if we can see them again to be sure...

Rwy'n deall - I really do. I remember the one and only time my mam gave me time off school when I wasn't sick was when our first cat died. I cried and cried on a stool in the kitchen the whole day... and then I WAS sick from the emotion, so I guess it evened out in the end!

Have another visit - maybe this was just an outpouring that you've held back? See what the two little dwts do on your second visit. And then make a choice.

Anfon cariad. Xxx

We've never been to see a cat but have had 17 since 2022. They all came into the garden on their or their mum's say so. I've currently got 7 here and honestly 2 that have died I knew from kittens and adored them since their mum got run over and they came to me meeping for food.

I have never stopped thinking about them even though I have more now that I also adore. Cats need houses and owners that will love them, and there isn't a limit on how many you can fall in love with.

Meeping is a brilliant word as kittens can't properly miaow can they? Like Beaker from the Muppets!

My once in a lifetime cat has been gone over 20 years. I know there will never be anyone like her and I still miss her. But it hasn’t stopped me loving all the other cats that have come into my life since she died.

There are not enough good homes for all the cats who need them. And loving one very much doesn’t mean you don’t have love to spare for others.

To me, a house doesn’t feel like home without a cat pottering about.

Aww I am sorry to hear about your lovely cat baby. I too had a boy cat, I loved him so much, then another one who was killed soon on the road so I didn't get to love him that much.

I think you do both things at the same time - always and forever, love your old cat, but today also enjoy other cats, especially baby ones who need somewhere safe to live.

It's perfectly acceptable to love your old cat until the day you die. My husband has two dogs and the boy dog is old now and I ADORE him. He's going to break my heart in the next year or two, and I feed him extra biscuits, and that's the price of loving animals. x

Grieve for your old cat but don't go catless for too long. In my experience new cats don't 'replace' your previous cats because they all have such different personalities so there"s no need for feelings of guilt. If in any doubt just think what a great job you're doing taking on two rescue kittens.

On that basis I'm firmly in the 'yay kittens' camp. As a previous poster has said, a cat free house just doesn't feel right.

I'm sorry for the loss of your panther girl. It's so hard when they go.

I was devastated when we lost our previous girl cat (also too soon). The grief was like nothing else I have known. I soon found myself looking on rescue sites, and feeling guilty, like I was replacing her.

The truth is, none of them can ever be replaced. They are all their own special little souls. It sounds like you have a tremendous amount of love to give, and those kitties need a home. It sounds corny, but I always thank my current cat for helping to heal my heart 💖

It's also quite lovely, in a way, that they were born around the same time that yours departed. Like they were meant for you.

Also, I am trying to think of churchy names for them! Pew and Steeple? Haha.

Grieve for your old cat but don't go catless for too long. In my experience new cats don't 'replace' your previous cats because they all have such different personalities so there"s no need for feelings of guilt

This. I lost my cat last year to cancer, he wasn't very old - it was sudden and too soon. I think it's possible to have more than 1 soul cat and he was definitely one of mine, not ready for another cat anytime soon but a house without a cat isn't the same.

I think you've cried because it's another wave of grief, just being confronted with the fact that your girl is gone.

Kittens will fill your heart and your time, sometimes having someone new to pour your love into is the best healer. You'll never forget your girl and you'll never replace her. Your new kittens will be wonderful in different ways.

But, if you do feel it's too soon,that's OK. Tell us about your panther girl, what was she like?

We lost our lovely boy to cancer last year. He and DH were sole mates and he was absolutely devastated and still says from time to time now (nearly a year later) how much he misses him. We have a new little feline friend however, as an old friend died and his DCat needed a home, just before Christmas. She took a while to settle in and was a bit too feisty at first but is now happily sitting next to me on the sofa. This one has decided she is more my girl than DH's but even he says how nice it is to have another cat in the house, even though he still misses his boy.

I lost my soul cat just over 3 years ago - he was still under 8 but developed rapid onset CKD and lost half his not inconsiderable weight (over 6kg, so lost 3kg) in 6 months.

I hadn't really had a choice about filling the cat shaped hole in the house as his sister was devastated and as an indoor only cat with me out all day she needed a companion. I feel in a way I was very lucky in that, as I didn't get the guilt of thinking I was replacing the irreplaceable and could tell myself he was for her not me.

As it happens, I do love Tobias very much and Girlcat is very happy to have a second slave in him who she can order about and bully. But I still remember my beloved Boycat & miss him to this day.

We lost our loveliest girl to cancer in 2024 - per pp it was all sudden and unexpected and my heart was broken. Just a few days after we had her pts I saw a little boy cat on the Cats Protection website, and it was like she’d put him there for me to find. DP was adamant it was far too soon, but he went away for work the next day, and I filled out the application form thinking nothing would come of it… The following week I went to meet him in foster care, and before DP came home he was installed on top of the bookcase, hissing like a little orange demon.

I didn’t love him at first, and he was a total project to get him to love me - but he was exactly the cat I needed. Totally different to our girl. He just turned three in January and I love him so, so much, even though he’s an absolute pest a lot of the time. When he came to live here we thought he’d never be a lapcat, but now he’s the cuddliest wee lad and such a funny little soul.

I miss my girl so much, I think about her every day. I break up for Easter next Friday and it was the first day of the Easter holidays that we brought her in for scans and tests, then she was gone the following week, so it actually feels really raw again now, weirdly. Louie was never a replacement for her, he never will be, but he was exactly what I needed to help heal my heart, and we were what he needed as a little lost boy who had been born in a shed and unwanted. His shed days are long gone and he’s lying on our bed right now. Did I put the electric blanket on for him? Of course!

Our cat - my daughter’s soul cat has been missing since new year. She’s devastated. Middle daughter found out via her ex he had two biological brother kittens. We really agonised over it but we now have two little idiots helping heal her heart

I knew you'd understand, you lovely people! 🤗 Thank you for sharing your stories - they were moving to read, I feel for you all - and it makes me realise that we all go through this deep, special love, and grieve accordingly... ❤️ Cats are the best, and cat people are the best...

🙂

I can't answer everyone right now but I do agree that I was probably just going through a confronting stage. The reality of it, time to move on. I think I needed to cry it out. But the last few weeks I've been looking yearningly through the local Cat Rescue sites... I've even been watching The Dog House Australia, and now I want to adopt... an Australian... 😂

My ginger boy was an amiable idiot, a sporting hunter with an amazing 'jump jet' leap on him, goofy, greedy and loving, with the softest, most rubbable belly know to hoominkind... My black girl was a tiny, bossy little smartypants, determined that everything should be run according to her particular wishes... but she used to look into your soul... whereas he just looked into your sandwich... 😁 She thought he was an oaf, but he was her oaf, and acted as her bodyguard out in the neighbourhood...

I'm grateful for every day I had with them, but I know that life without cats is simply not as good as life with them. 🤷‍♀️

Read ‘Goodbye Mog’ children’s book.

I lost mine 18 months ago to cancer. I still touch the bed where he used to sleep when I walk past. I’m still devastated about how quickly he became unwell xd Shortly after we adopted a young cat. He’s daft as a brush, he makes me laugh every day and he loves affection. I do love him, he’s not the same, but he brings joy every day.

All the cat rescues near me are saying they are overrun - so if you have room it’s a good idea.

What a beautiful post @WotthehellMehitabel . Your little panther was lucky to have you to see her specialness and memorialize her . And of course her ginger brother!

I totally get it. But a new cat will really help you get over your soul cat. You’ll love them just in a different way. It’ll be fine.

I think i know how you feel. I lost my 17 yr old girl late 2019. Swore blind I was going to let myself grieve & purely by chance the following week a friend's daughter had an 11 wk old kitten she decided to rehome as her hours at work had changed.

For a good few weeks I did question my sanity with what seemed to be the destructive whirlwind spawn of satan moving in as I was used to a very quiet, chilled pensioner cat!...but I love my current girl to pieces & wouldn't be without her. She is the same colour as my old girl but completely different personality wise, I love her company & having her around means that even though I was grieving my old girl she was a welcome, Annoying, entertaining distraction who I now wouldn't be without.

I can't answer everyone right now but I do agree that I was probably just going through a confronting stage. The reality of it, time to move on. I think I needed to cry it out. But the last few weeks I've been looking yearningly through the local Cat Rescue sites... I've even been watching The Dog House Australia, and now I want to adopt

It's not moving on, it's just letting kittens help heal your heart a bit, like others have said. At first they're a balm then before you know it, they've purred and chaos-ed their way into your heart too

Ha! Bawled my eyes out in Waterstones reading that one! 🤣 It's a heartbreaking work of staggering genius... 🥺

Well they had their vet check today and apparently were good as gold and passed with flying colours! So we're going to pick them up tomorrow and are busy kitting out their rumpus room with beds, litter trays, little places to hide and climb and eat and poop in safety... the usual kitten caboodle, you all know it... My heart is glowing! 😁

The only thing I'm concerned about is that the Rescue want to retain their microchips in their name - I think it's because they've had people in the past not look after them properly and would want them returned if so. But I'm a bit worried that this would cause issues with insurance - and would their vet records belong to us? It also feels a bit less than... familial to have your cats technically 'belong' to someone else... Will chat to them tomorrow, hope it's not a deal breaker...

Isn't it funny how cats just touch some of us? The way they are, their independence and softness and wildness... their daftness and their dignity, often in the same minute... and their unshakeable sense of self... we just vibe to it... Best animals ever. ❤️

Are you sure the chip thing is long term? When we adopted Louie we had a month’s “cooling off period” (it wasn’t called that but that was the gist of it) when he remained chipped to CP, and after that they changed the chip to my name. In that four weeks we could have also officially changed his name, but we did not.

There was four weeks of free insurance included in the adoption fee, and I had our own policy set up to kick in the day before that ended. We had to bring him to the vet for a second jab, and it was actually our usual vet they use so DP just had him added to our records from our previous girl there.