Guilt about adopting kittens after losing my soul cat

[WotthehellMehitabel]

I wonder if you fellow cat lovers can help me unpack my feelings about this... We lost our little panther girl just after Christmas. It was sudden and too soon. She was my soul cat, it broke our hearts and we've grieved her terribly...

But the house is really feeling empty without feline energy and this week DH and I finally went to see some kittens in a rescue. Well of course, they are adorable... 😻😻 They're about 12 weeks, Mama Cat has decided she's done with them, they just need a vet check and then it looks like we'll have a brother and sister...

And I came home and just sobbed... I feel almost guilty about having new ones - keep telling myself they're not the colour I'd have chosen (they're not but it doesn't matter)... that I'm too old to have kittens (60)... that we should get work done on the house first... that I won't love them the same...

I think it's maybe that this is the final 'proof' that my special girl has gone. Oh blimey, there I go, blubbing again... We had her and her brother (also died too soon) since they were kittens, and I can remember feeling Adopters' Remorse in the early days, but after that we really bonded and couldn't have loved them more...

It's going to be okay, isn't it? I feel like such a daft bint... Can't tell anyone this, they'd just go 'Yay, kittens!'

And indeed, yay kittens... 😁 But feeling a bit raw today...

Do it. We recently got a rescue cat after 20 years with the best cat in the planet. New cat is 'wrong colour' too but already love him so much.
Way better to have a cat ( or two ) than no cat imo, even if they aren't The One.

Thanks for that, @Judystilldreamsofhorses (love that song, btw!) I hope it's something like that.

I can understand it - they're lovely people at the Rescue, clearly caring and knowledgeable about cats, and they've had people do the dirty on them - saying they'll spay and then not, or selling the cats on... 😠 It's not flattering to be lumped in with that crew, but it's in the cats' own good, so that's the most important thing.

Little Mama was just keen to get her kittens gone so she could start making more - this is why we spay as early as possible, isn't it?!

But you remind me @Judystilldreamsofhorses - names!!! 😂 I have a shortlist, it will just take a few days to see what suits them as their characters come forth out of the initial scaredy phase...

(LOVE the name Louie 😍).

You do know @WotthehellMehitabel that are all waiting for the kitten photos?

We’re going to see B&S play a full evening of If You’re Feeling Sinister in June!

When we first adopted Louie he took to hiding (in very plain sight) on top of the fridge. I stuck a box up there and put the blanket he came with in it. Two years on and he still often hops up there for a nap, particularly after being out - this was today. That box has seen better days and I constantly dither about switching it, but it’s “his” box. I know you wanted kitten pics @Grumpyoldpersonwithcats but have the dancing cat for now.

I lost my soul cat a number of years ago now - broke my heart. I still remember every significant date to do with him. Then lost his brother a few months after my mum died. Totally heartbroken.

Three months later I ended up with another two cats - was only supposed to be one when I was looking. I, too, had the same worries - would I love them enough, would I feel guilty for “replacing” them etc?

I love them both for their entirely different personalities. I’m actually still shocked by how I’ve fallen in love with them and don’t feel like I’m diminishing the love I had for my two amazing prior boys.

When you bring the new arrivals in, don’t try to force your feelings. Their antics will usually steer you to new experiences and new feelings, which will lead to bonding.

Do I miss my first two? Yes, without a doubt - I bloody loved them and they are entwined in so many of my life experiences.

Do I love my two new additions? Yes without a doubt - getting to know their own quirks and personalities has been amazing.

Louie is GORJISS!!! What a fine fellow, @Judystilldreamsofhorses ... 😻🐈 (Oh wow, that B&S gig - jealous! Have a great time in June!)

Sorry for the break in comms but the kitties have landed! And are adorable. The little boy is confident and affectionate, already rubbing up to us and purring; his sister is not keen to be touched yet but not too afraid of us, happy to play and eat lick-e-lix off my fingers.

We're being patient, spending time sitting and playing with them, but also giving them plenty of time to settle and to snooze (curled up together), and they're rewarding us with the most amazing, hilarious, kitten-clumsy zoomies...

Cat tax to follow once I've figured out how to post photos safely. Thanks to everyone who encouraged me, while also understanding some of the difficult feelings. I've loved hearing about your own special little guys. 😍

Your soul cat has sent you your lovely new kittens because she knows they are the right cats for you ❤I'm so glad to hear they are settling in well!

Ah fantastic they have landed, I wish you well in all the trouble and mischief ahead for you. Stay strong!

it took me a year after my old girl to get another cat. That’s just me. I now look at my 2 rescue sisters and wonder what could have happened to them if I’d not got them

Yay kittens 🤣.
Looking forward to the pictures.

Re posting photos safely, just never post the same photos on different websites.

Because mine have been garden based interlopers I either name them on a whim in the Vet's desk when they ask or take my time trying out things and seeing what their personalities are like.

Yay, kittens! 😄

Behold my new tiny overlords... Their tininess is not very apparent from this photo, but be assured they are very ikkle indeed...

They've had two nights with us and he's already friendly, affectionate and purry, and will accept a little picking up; she circles us while Brother is getting love as if she'd like to join in, but still backs away from touch; but she seems relaxed and interested in our presence, will happily play, eat and use the litter tray around us. We think she had maybe a more traumatic capture, but we're just respecting her wishes for now, spending quiet time in the room, hanging out...

They're playing well together too - hilarious and sometimes terrifying to watch - the chasing and ambushing goes both ways, and if one of them gives the Mew of Rebuke in a game, both sides respect it and back off immediately.

I may start a new thread with a more positive title for any further updates... 😍

Clara is tabby girl, Morris (or Mo) is cow-patterned boy.

I can’t see any photos!!!!

I guess they have to clear it at MN HQ?

They usually clear quite quickly, just saying 😁

just to warn you, my 4 year old sisters rescue cats still run around like wildebeest at least 2 times a day.

my saying most days is ‘stop it that’s your sister’

Ach... much as I'd like to imagine that MNHQ hoards all the cat pictures for themselves in a secret underground gallery... I know it's my techno-incompetence to blame...

Let me try again...

They're getting more energetic by the day... Our last kittens arrived full of giardia so I think that made them less bouncy, this is a new level of intense... It's a bit frustrating that he's so full-on affectionate and she's still loath to be petted, but I think we're doing the right thing, letting her take her time... she'll take food from my hand, but shies away from touch. I don't want it to become her 'normal', but I don't want to force it... if anyone's had a very shy kitty, I'd like to hear how you handled it. 🙏

He was scoffing a bowl of food tonight with his tail languishing in a bowl of water... idiot... 🙄 Tellya what though - my DH is in CatMan heaven with him... 🥰

Sorry to hear about your loss. My beautiful boy died in my arms during covid and i was devastated by his loss.
Just ten days later a desperate plea on facebook for a home for a kitten who had been turned down four times. It seemed like the universe was telling me i couldn't be without a cat.
And when i went to collect her, there was her sister too!
I still miss my boy, he was a very special cat, but these two bring us joy daily, which doesn't undermine my love for him.
To paraphrase: 'Someone told me you can't buy happiness. They had gorgotten about kittens.'

We were devastated when our cat passed away in 2007. He was around 16. The house was so different and quiet without a cat we just had to give a rescue cat a new home a few weeks later. He was 6 months old when we adopted him he is 19 this year and still going strong. I don't think our house would be the same without a cat.