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Original poster

My “missing cat” has been found, and doesn’t want to come home!

63 replies

unhappycat · 30/09/2025 18:04

Backstory: I rescued a cat in February. The foster family I rescued him through, wasn’t an official foster family (ie through a charity) but the lady had taken the cat in as he had been mistreated in his other home. She said he was around 1 years old, great with kids and dogs but not so great with cats (she had 3) so needed to rehome him.

I have two young children and have a lot of support from my parents who come to the house a lot with their dog who cannot be left at home alone (a whole other thread needed about that!)

It quickly became apparent that the cat did not like dogs. Fine, when my parents dog was in the house I would keep them separate. But he also clearly didn’t like being around young children, noise etc. He would often bite and scratch me unprovoked and after a couple of months I started to let him outside to burn off some energy and he would return in late at night.

I was concerned that he wasn’t happy here and would probably benefit from a home with no children/visiting dogs.

Then one night he didn’t come home. I was frantic with worry that something had happened to him, put up posters locally and on Facebook.

4 months has since passed and I received a message from someone in a very nearby street stating they think they have my cat. I went round to see if it was him. I walked into the house and he was happily lying on a cat bed, and had clearly been very well fed and taken care of! He wasn’t happy to see me 😂😂. Neighbour confirmed that he has been feeding him and letting him into the house for 4 months… I don’t know all of the details but the house didn’t appear to have any children and it was apparent cat was very happy there. Attempted to put the cat in a cat carrier but he was absolutely furious and wouldn’t get in! So I ended up driving home with him on my passenger seat with him growling and jumping around the whole time.

As soon as he got into the house he got distressed and ran to the back door, making an awful growling noise as if he just wanted to be outside.

I am concerned that it’s not going to work out with him being here, he has essentially been living at my neighbours house for the same amount of time as he was with me… and was clearly happier there. But where do I stand with this? Could I offer to let him stay with the neighbour if he’s ok with this?

OP posts:
TheWildZebra · 30/09/2025 18:06

It’s obvious you cannot meet the needs of this animal as a result of your circumstances at home. Why would you try and take the cat home? It’s not the cats job to be your emotional support animal. IMO I would return cat to the family that has been looking after him for the last 4 months and be happy that it’s found a place that he’s finally relaxed and happy.

Puppylucky · 30/09/2025 18:09

That's a bit harsh @TheWildZebra . The OP clearly wants what's best for the cat and is telling the story in a slightly tongue in cheek style. I'm sure they will do the right thing!

SirChenjins · 30/09/2025 18:10

If your neighbour is happy having the cat then it sounds like that would be the best environment for him.

caringcarer · 30/09/2025 18:14

Did you not ask if the cat could stay when you saw how happy he was there. I have found if you get a tiny kitten they grow up with dog and toddlers and knows no other way so are settled and happy. An older cat will have a past.

Original poster
unhappycat · 30/09/2025 18:14

Who said that the cat is my emotional support animal? @TheWildZebra? I want him to be happy and equally have my children to consider. The family who have been feeding him don’t seem to want him now, despite having been having them in their home since June. If they wanted to keep him, I’d be happy to agree knowing that’s what would probably be best.

OP posts:
TheWildZebra · 30/09/2025 18:15

Puppylucky · 30/09/2025 18:09

That's a bit harsh @TheWildZebra . The OP clearly wants what's best for the cat and is telling the story in a slightly tongue in cheek style. I'm sure they will do the right thing!

If it’s not in question whether or not to let the cat live at the neighbours, then why post the question in the first place.

sure, it’s sucks that the cat wants to live elsewhere, I’d also be disappointed and sad about it. But reality is it wasn’t a good fit for the cat!

not trying to chastise you OP, just talking straight. I’d be bummed as well but cats are not creatures that can be persuaded!

Original poster
unhappycat · 30/09/2025 18:16

@caringcarerI sort of said in a jokey way “you must be attached to him now, did you want to keep him?” But I got a very non committal response… despite it being obvious the house was very cat friendly, no signs of children etc…
I have doubts over this cats real age but I do know he had a bad start in life which is why I feel so bad for him and probably persevered for longer with him than I should have when I brought him home.

OP posts:
Letmeoutodhere · 30/09/2025 18:17

I would go round and ask them if they want him . If they don’t, take him to a rescue and explain he doesn’t like dogs children or noise.

TheWildZebra · 30/09/2025 18:18

unhappycat · 30/09/2025 18:14

Who said that the cat is my emotional support animal? @TheWildZebra? I want him to be happy and equally have my children to consider. The family who have been feeding him don’t seem to want him now, despite having been having them in their home since June. If they wanted to keep him, I’d be happy to agree knowing that’s what would probably be best.

i understand that, but didn’t read from your OP that the neighbours now no longer want him. I got the impression they were just informing you of his whereabouts. Perhaps they can hold on to it until you find another quieter home for it?

regarding the kids - they’re also not entitled to a cat that doesn’t want to be there and is stressed out by being around them. That’s not fair.

FurForksSake · 30/09/2025 18:19

Let the neighbours know you are going to attempt to rehome him but would be happy for them to have him. Or just let him back out and he’ll find his way back there 😆

Original poster
unhappycat · 30/09/2025 18:21

TheWildZebra · 30/09/2025 18:15

If it’s not in question whether or not to let the cat live at the neighbours, then why post the question in the first place.

sure, it’s sucks that the cat wants to live elsewhere, I’d also be disappointed and sad about it. But reality is it wasn’t a good fit for the cat!

not trying to chastise you OP, just talking straight. I’d be bummed as well but cats are not creatures that can be persuaded!

Show quote history

But the neighbours don’t seem to want him now… this is my dilemma. All along since he has been missing I said “I just hope he’s safe and being looked after as I don’t think he was happy here”. So to be honest I was relieved today to see him so happy and content in his new surroundings but the neighbours, for whatever reason, have had a change of heart.

OP posts:
Original poster
unhappycat · 30/09/2025 18:23

TheWildZebra · 30/09/2025 18:18

i understand that, but didn’t read from your OP that the neighbours now no longer want him. I got the impression they were just informing you of his whereabouts. Perhaps they can hold on to it until you find another quieter home for it?

regarding the kids - they’re also not entitled to a cat that doesn’t want to be there and is stressed out by being around them. That’s not fair.

Show quote history

I agree with you on the kids part. When I rescued him the “foster” family assured me he was great with kids… or else I wouldn’t have taken him in for his or their sakes. It quickly became apparent he wasn’t happy around them and just about tolerated me 😂.

OP posts:
EmeraldRoulette · 30/09/2025 18:36

@unhappycat you say the neighbour didn't seem to want him

But they didn't try and get him rehomed

So when you asked them, it's possible they didn't take it seriously. I would ask them again. It might be a no, but if they're happy to have him, it seems like he should go there. It sounds like they've looked after him very well. Maybe they didn't envision it being forever and just got stuck in a cycle I don't know.

But the conversation doesn't sound particularly conclusive and in the pressure of the moment, they may not have felt like they could really say "yes leave him here".

istolethetalisker · 30/09/2025 18:53

I might have felt awkward about saying I really want to keep your cat, even if asked, unless you made it very clear you were serious. Ask your neighbour again, making it clear that the cat's not happy where he is!

pizzaHeart · 30/09/2025 19:02

I would ask them in a more direct and clear way. Txt them that cat is clearly stressed in your house and nothing helps so you are going to rehome him. (You can’t rehome your children) And ask if they want cat themselves.
Put a deadline e.g if I haven’t got an answer from you by this Sunday I would go ahead through charity.
I would also ask them to confirm that they’ve got your message.

Letmeoutodhere · 30/09/2025 19:07

istolethetalisker · 30/09/2025 18:53

I might have felt awkward about saying I really want to keep your cat, even if asked, unless you made it very clear you were serious. Ask your neighbour again, making it clear that the cat's not happy where he is!

I agree

Idontknowhatnametochoose · 30/09/2025 19:09

He may well just go back there. Cats go where they're happy. If the lady calls you again you will know she doesn't want him. In that case it would be kindest to contact a rescue to find a new home for him.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 30/09/2025 19:49

Let him out. See where he comes back to. If he goes back there see if they contact you or not.

Allergictoironing · 30/09/2025 20:18

unhappycat · 30/09/2025 18:21

But the neighbours don’t seem to want him now… this is my dilemma. All along since he has been missing I said “I just hope he’s safe and being looked after as I don’t think he was happy here”. So to be honest I was relieved today to see him so happy and content in his new surroundings but the neighbours, for whatever reason, have had a change of heart.

Show quote history

The thing that makes me think the neighbours may have changed their mind is that you say they told you he's been going round there & virtually living at their house for 4 months. In all that time they haven't taken him to get his chip checked (I assume he's chipped, as that's the law now), but suddenly they get in touch to tell her they have the cat.

Maybe they've done the maths and worked out how much he would cost them?

Original poster
unhappycat · 30/09/2025 20:56

I let him out and within an hour got a message to say he’s back there.

i have all of his food etc here. So im going to message the neighbour to see if he wants to keep him, if not I’ll have to find a rescue centre 😔

OP posts:
Letmeoutodhere · 30/09/2025 21:10

unhappycat · 30/09/2025 20:56

I let him out and within an hour got a message to say he’s back there.

i have all of his food etc here. So im going to message the neighbour to see if he wants to keep him, if not I’ll have to find a rescue centre 😔

He’s voted with his feet

SpinandSing · 30/09/2025 21:27

It sounds like they basically stole him and are fed up with him now! Why did they feed him and let him live at their house before?

Can you suggest a cat share situation? Offer to cat sit if they have holidays or any time where having him really isn't convenient? The vet bills (if necessary) could be an issue though...you'd be ok the hook for these forever and he's not really your pet anymore.

MadisonMarieParksValetta · 30/09/2025 21:58

I really hope they take him. Strange that they had him 4 months and have suddenly contacted you. I wonder why they did that.

Dozer · 30/09/2025 22:08

You were unwise to ‘rescue’ the cat from its former owner’s home.

Household that fed and housed your cat acted appallingly, especially contacting you when they no longer wanted the cat!

Suppose it comes down to whether or not you will get rid of the cat, when it comes down to it, if the other household won’t take over ownership.

tierralee · 30/09/2025 22:29

sorry OP… but poor cat!!