Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

My gorgeous boy 😢

48 replies

Purplesparklyhippopotamuses · 01/08/2025 15:54

I've just got back from the vet with my beautiful boy, I'm devastated - he has a tumour in his abdomen. Because of his age they don't think surgery/treatment would be the right route and now it's just about making him as comfy as possible for however long he has. They said it could be days, weeks at most 😢

He has been the best boy with such an adorable personality, you can't help but love him. He's so dappy he has us in hysterics most days with his uniqueness and his quirky little ways.

He is the most loyal cat, I often say he's confused himself with a dog... He's been my daughter's shadow since she was born, he would come and get us when she was a baby and lead us to her if she was crying. There will never be another Max 😢

I'm so scared of making this call, how do I know when the time is right? He's lost so much weight and is sleeping a lot of the time, but is still happy to sit and have cuddles. I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye to him 😢

Picture of Max enjoying the sun in the garden 🥰

My gorgeous boy 😢
OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 01/08/2025 15:56

I'm so sorry, he is gorgeous indeed. I hope your remaining time with him is peaceful and full of love. 😿

Dfg15 · 01/08/2025 15:57

Im so sorry to hear this. He's a gorgeous boy, and sounds like a proper character. They just insert themselves into our hearts don't they

Aout25 · 01/08/2025 16:06

I'm so very sorry to hear that, He has a gorgeous tummy!! Would I get out with my hand intact if I rubbed it?

You'll know when the time is right & you'll reward his love & loyalty by being brave & doing what he needs you to.❤️

it's beyond hard, but you'll do it because you love him, in the meantime enjoy every minute with him & spoil him rotten 💕

SpeedReader · 01/08/2025 16:23

I'm so sorry 💐 Max is beautiful ❤

(And in answer to your question – I've done end of life care once, and it was very clear when the time was right, as my cat's health deteriorated significantly over the course of a day. I decided it was best to head to the vet that evening. You might want to have the details of an emergency / 24 hour vet, if your regular vet does not run such a service.)

Original poster
Purplesparklyhippopotamuses · 01/08/2025 16:38

Thank you everyone. He is the most amazing cat. The wind will blow the grass and he will run for his life, has always been a terrible hunter and will wait for us to close the door so he can go out through the cat flap. He'll come out to greet us at the car when we've been out and guides us home. All hands are safe as he loves a tummy rub too! The house won't be the same without him 😔

OP posts:
Frenchfemme · 01/08/2025 16:49

So sorry you are going through this. As pp said, I believe you will know when the time is right to do the bravest, most heart breaking but kindest thing for your lovely Max. 💔

Frenchfemme · 01/08/2025 16:52

Just to add that I had my vet come to my house to help my 18 yr old Siamese cat Truffle to cross the 🌈 bridge.

follygirl · 01/08/2025 17:00

With my 2 previous cats I knew it was time when they started sleeping under our bed and hiding instead of sleeping on our bed.
One of ours has CKD but so far we’re managing it with food. He’s only 12 so hopefully will have more time.
It’s so hard isn’t it.

TrixieFatell · 01/08/2025 17:54

I'm sorry to hear this. We have had the same diagnosis with my old gentleman and are facing the same quandary. He had a steroid injection which has perked him up a bit, he's eating and drinking and going to the toilet. The vet said his heart and lungs were good, as were his kidneys. He's just becoming skinny which is hard to see. The vet has told us signs of pain which we are lucky he's not showing at this time. It's just so hard isn't it. I know people say better one day early then a month too late but it's so so hard.

DesparatePragmatist · 01/08/2025 17:56

I'm so very sorry that you have to go through this.

How gorgeous is your Max! He's really similar to my harlequin boy cat, also a complete nonsense who thinks he's a labrador.

A MNer gave me great advice when I went through something similar with my adored tortie: better a week too early than a day too late.

So do take comfort from knowing that you've already done your part by giving him a wonderful life of love, cuddles and pouncing, that he doesn't know what's coming so isn't worrying about it, and that your final act of love will free him from pain.

Toddlerteaplease · 01/08/2025 18:02

He’s gorgeous. You will absolutely know when it’s time.

FullOfMomsense · 01/08/2025 18:15

I'm so sorry, what a shame for you and your family. How lucky he is to have been so loved by you.
You will know when the time is right, and it's always best to be a day too early than a day too late, so please don't worry. Enjoy the time you have with him, keep him comfortable and spoilt. When the end comes you'll have made it very clear to him how loved he is because you've had the chance to squeeze all your love for him into this time.

Speak to your vet about signs to look out for. I'd say when he starts to show signs of pain that isn't manageable, stops eating and drinking completely and/or stops wanting cuddles, make the call. They can come out to you so he's where he feels safest, and you can take more time with him.

Allergictoironing · 01/08/2025 19:00

better a week too early than a day too late.

This. When my beloved soul cat Boycat got very fast acting CKD, it was a case of maybe a few months at the best (it was about 4 months in the end). I kept a very close eye on him and when I thought it was getting close I booked him in with his favorite vet for about 2 weeks time and then just spoiled him rotten for that time - no point in worrying whether something is good for them or not when they are that close anyway! Obviously I was prepared to rush him in earlier if he suddenly got much worse.

I researched and planned everything in advance including what I wanted to do about cremation etc, booked a couple of days off work, arranged for my DSis to come with me as I knew I wouldn't be fit to drive after etc. I found it slightly comforting that I had planned everything I could for his end to be as comfortable as it could be and I couldn't forget to do anything important on the day.

I think the hardest part was knowing the affect it would have on his sister, they had been together their whole lives and were indoor only cats once they came home with me as adults, and as I work out of the home she would be desperately lonely too. So I had the guilt of having to put feelers out in those last couple of weeks to look for a new companion for her.

Have a hand hold from me, give him a belly rub & a chin scritch as well.

Catsinaflat · 01/08/2025 19:21

We recently had to make this decision too. Our 19 year old girl who was blind and deaf but coped so well and still loved cuddles. We woke up one morning and there were some changes in her and we knew the day had come to say goodbye. It was a Sunday and owing to her vet anxiety we called a pet home euthanasia company who I have to say went above and beyond. The procedure was absolutely so gentle and peaceful. She literally just went to sleep on the sofa where she always slept. Yes more expensive but less traumatic all around. Maybe something for you to consider.
You love her and know her so well. You will know when the time is right but you could look up the Quality of Life scale for cats.

TheEndlessNight · 01/08/2025 19:35

I am so sorry you have this devastating news. Max is gorgeous.

user1471548941 · 01/08/2025 19:35

Just want to send love to you, Max and your family. I have 2 boys with health conditions that means we will get less time with than most, one of whom is also completely daft and scared of the breeze.

We recently had a scare with one of ours that made us discuss this scenario. We both agreed that given the choice we would prefer to plan the ending they deserve- calm and loving and not distressing for them, rather than scrambling around having to make decisions in a panic.

It’s so clear in the way you write about him, all your boy has ever known is love and that’s all he will ever know.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 01/08/2025 19:49

So sorry, OP. He’s a gorgeous fella. We had the exact same diagnosis last year with our lovely girl - it came as a huge shock as her only symptom was vomiting, and even the specialist vet at the referral place suspected IBS based on our own vet’s scans etc.

We were given the option of chemo and steroids to prolong her life, with a best case scenario of 12 months with the top tier chemo. We actually opted to let her go while she was still well in herself rather than go through treatment she would have found incredibly stressful, or watch and wait until she went downhill.

It broke our hearts, as even on her last day she was eating well, racing about the garden, happy as Larry - but I am glad we were able to spoil her and let her go with dignity and grace. She was only ten. I got the vet to do her paw prints and had one as a tattoo a few weeks later.

Tortielady · 01/08/2025 21:16

better a week too early than a day too late

I'm another who lives by this when it comes to end-of-life care for cats. In fact, a vet once told me "better two weeks too early than a day too late."

Cats don't have a sense of futurity and they don't know they are going to die. If they are regulars at the vet (which many will be by the time euthanasia becomes an issue) they'll have seen a lot of needles already and this is just one more. However, cats do know about pain, immobility, being sick and not wanting to eat, play or hassle their humans for attention. Being miserable and in pain matters to them, living to be as old as Methusalah...not so much. When we had to let one of our cats go because of oral carcinoma, we gave her a weekend of spoiling after the diagnosis and took her back to the vet on the Monday. The procedure was low-tech and humane and she was calm and relaxed throughout. As to whether it was a hard decision, we could see what was coming and that would have been worse for all of us. So ultimately, it wasn't that difficult.

ETA: Your boy is absolutely gorgeous. Wishing you and him peace.

Rattyandtoad · 01/08/2025 21:45

Oh he's beautiful. You'll know when it's time and you'll be strong cos that's what mums do and you are all his favourite people. How lucky he was to end up with you!! Second paying the money to have them come to the house . It does make a difference. Our vets cried with us. One thing is you'll miss him so much but also suddenly love everyone elses cats. No one is as good as Max but you'll watch cat videos, stop in the street and your kids will try to give dreamies to every cat they see!! Great cat parents don't suddenly stop being great cat parents because they don't have a cat.

Original poster
Purplesparklyhippopotamuses · 01/08/2025 22:40

Thank you everyone for such lovely words and big hugs to everyone that has been, or is going through the same. It is horrendously heartbreaking 😢
We have decided as a family to give him the best weekend ever with all his favourite treats, the poshest food, so much love and cuddles, he's currently curled up snoozing on my (his) favourite blanket having big fusses.
He is truly the best boy and has gotten me through some of the greatest times in my life, losing both my parents and my sister. I owe him everything. We will make the call for him next week. As hard as it is to imagine the house without him I love him far too much to see him struggling, and he's not the fun loving cat we are used to. The poor love is tired and so thin and I can't see him suffer. As a PP said, we'll rather do it on a controlled way and give him the best weekend ever rather than scrambled in a couple of weeks because we wanted to hold on to him for longer for ourselves - that's not what he needs.
He is the most amazing best friend, and I am so grateful he chose us to be his family 💗

Picture of baby max, was the most adorable kitten with his little mischievous face 😍

My gorgeous boy 😢
OP posts:
caringcarer · 01/08/2025 22:49

Aout25 · 01/08/2025 16:06

I'm so very sorry to hear that, He has a gorgeous tummy!! Would I get out with my hand intact if I rubbed it?

You'll know when the time is right & you'll reward his love & loyalty by being brave & doing what he needs you to.❤️

it's beyond hard, but you'll do it because you love him, in the meantime enjoy every minute with him & spoil him rotten 💕

This. He's a lovely boy.

Tortielady · 01/08/2025 23:08

Wasn't he a little sweetie? You're doing the right thing and will spare yourselves suffering as well as Max. Seeing them in pain is horrendous. A year after we let Delilah go, we had to make the same decision for our other old lady cat. Her situation wasn't as straightforward as she didn't have cancer, but several co-morbidities - CKD, hyperthyroidism, respiratory problems and a bacterial infection, pseudomonas, which gave her recurrent cystitis. There wasn't one overriding thing pulling her down, but she was clearly suffering and so were we. The night before I took her back to the vet, I worried that the vet would suggest another course of antibiotics, which would have been awful to administer and not in the interests of our little pusscat. However, she couldn't have been kinder or more supportive and I left the surgery, without my beloved cat, but with the comfort of knowing she was where another attack of cystitis wouldn't get her.

Max had a great life with you. He will have a lovely weekend and a passing many humans would envy.

SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter · 01/08/2025 23:20

What an absolute treasure. It's appallingly hard situation to be in Purple, I know. We had to have our beautiful collie PTS a week before Easter. We left it 2 days too late, and that will haunt me forever. I think you're 100% making the right decision to spoil him rotten this weekend and then let him go. <3

shellyleppard · 01/08/2025 23:22

Op so so sorry to hear this news. Hoping your time with max is extra precious x

Lemniscate8 · 01/08/2025 23:23

sending you lots of love. You have given your lovely boy the best life xx