Will they ever bond?

[Countingdays]

I adopted DCat2 a month ago. Followed all the guidance for introducing and after a while they were comfortable enough with each other to sleep in opposite corners of the same room, eat in the same place, roam around without animosity so I stopped separating them.

Today in the early hours I heard a couple of scraps between them (nothing major, no injuries just a bit of high pitched growling - didn’t see what happened as they stopped the moment I jumped out of bed). And another one this evening when we were all in the kitchen.

DCat2 is younger - about 2 and still really playful, whereas DCat1 is older, almost 6 so he wants to just lounge and sleep mostly. It breaks my heart because #2 just runs up to #1 and wants to give a little head butt or nose boop and sometimes play, but #1 is so grumpy he’s having none of it. She’s not bullying him, just wants a little attention now she’s braver around him and he’s rejecting her so I’m guessing this is where the scraps are originating from.

I know they’ve only been in each others company a month, but will they ever bond? Any experiences? TIA

I didn't do anything fancy when I introduced a new kitten to my older cat - I just brought the new one into the house. She (older cat) was perturbed for a week or so (hissing, batting him away if he approached) but then started to get used to him. After a month or so, they were curling up together.

I think it's random, though - sometimes they bond properly, sometimes it's more a case of tolerance and acceptance. Either way, they do usually learn to coexist!

I'm actually seriously considering getting a third cat so I'll keep you posted with how that goes!

@FridayNightFever ah maybe I am overthinking it! Just now #1 was napping at my feet and #2 wanted to join in and #1 hissed and relocated! I just want them to curl up together!

Most of those cute photos of cats cuddling up together will be of cats who bonded as kittens. It’s a very different matter when a cat who’s long been the sole cat of the house finds another cat living in what it thought was its well-established territory. Some will end up cuddling but many will either come to an uneasy truce and lead separate lives under the same roof or continue hostilities indefinitely.

Near-neighbours of ours did something similar to you. The original cat hated the newcomer so much that she left home and moved in with us. The owners gave us permission to keep her, they’d seen how much she’d loathed the newcomer.

@worrisomeasset thats what I’m afraid of the most - #1 just leaving! I hope they can come to some kind of truce and coexist at least. DCat1 is the sweetest boy and would break my heart if he decided he hated it that much! So far he’s always come back from his roams

We have three unrelated adult cats and they still have the odd “I’m the boss” type confrontation - as long as there are no injuries or stress related behaviour I tend to just let them get on with it.

I’ve got 5 cats and a dog (username gives it away). None of them curl up together and the last one joined us 3 years ago. They tolerate each other, except one cat that they all dislike (she’s a bully that they try to avoid). I would love for them all to be best friends but I’ll accept that they don’t fight all the time!

Give it time. My DNiece got a second cat about 8 months ago, a cocky young tabby boy who always wanted to play with the existing quite little older girl cat. They fought a bit, then moved to her tolerating him, and then only this week have started curling up on the sofa together.

You might not even get to the sofa stage, but you should get at least to the tolerating stage, which is enough.

I got a rescue girl cat to keep my older male cat company as he was a bit lonely and bored. They were like your two at first a bit grumpy with each other and occasional noisy battles. They have found a way to live together and hang out and have zoomies together from time to time but never ever curl up together.

interestingly, moving house brought them closer as it was mutual disruption for them both, they can now share a windowsill and will eat together, and I’m happy with that.

It just takes time. I have 2 older rescue cats ( 10 & 12 ) and last year got 2 brother kittens. I introduced then straight away.

12 year old really liked them, would let them nurse off him, cuddled them, cleaned them ect

10 year old hated them. Would growl, slap, refuse to go anywhere near them. It took him around 8/9 months to finally come round to them

I have two Dcat one is 14 and the other is 5 how they get on changes from day to day hour to hour. Sometimes they hate each other sometimes they love each other. They both have plenty of space and areas to go. They will often play together. They don’t really curl up together both are more likely to curl up to the dogs I suppose it’s a case of each to their own.

What you describe sounds like two cats who get on. My litter mate boys have the odd spat, sometimes one wants to play and the other doesn’t.
Unless they are injuring each other or showing signs of distress I wouldn’t worry.
Unlike a pp I have two bonded cats who were not litter mates. The litter mates get on fine but the spare is the one who curls up with one or the brothers.

You can't stop then unbonding.

Maybe a comfy hidey hole for DC1 to be comfortable away from the boisterous DC2?

I have got two siblings. At first they curled up tightly together always close. Then around year 2 it changed. If they pass eachother in the hall, a low growl emerges.

I have rescue cats that are twin girls, never been separated!
I have had them since they were 14 months they are nearly 10 now and hate each other. At least one hissing,fur pulling fight a day, they struggle to be in the same room.
I put it down to sisters!!

I have a pair of half sisters that arrived at the same time (born in the same home within a day of one another originally) and they lived to cuddle up as kittens! Now, at 11, they go from a tacit acceptance to the odd bit of support to outright fighting… I think it just is what it is at any time! What you’ve got now won’t always be the status quo over the years and it will shift and change as with any relationship over the years IMHO.

Have you got a feliway diffuser? If not try that, dh was very sceptical that it would work but made our cats rub along together. You can tell when it run out as they start getting a bit antsy with each other.

Theyll never curl up together but can happily be in the same room now.

Sometimes they never bond and I say this from experience. Some cats are loners and will never accept a second cat. You will need to have second cat choose a playmate so it leaves the older cat in peace. The stress of having the second can shorten the older cat's life, not to mention less quality of life. I had two cats for over a year and the loner cat never grew to love the new cat. Now loner cat is living her best life all by herself.

They have plenty of space to disperse and loads of hiding spots. We have DCs so there’s always plenty of beds and a cot they can go under / a pet bed on each floor (they never bloody use) and other places. I think I will give it time!

I have considered this but with the layout of our house we would need about a dozen. I did buy some of the oil you rub under their collars but honestly can’t tell if that made a difference

Thanks all!

Maybe the cuddling up together is wishful thinking, I just hope they can stop the fighting. This morning I found old cat swatting at young cat while she was politely sitting on a chair and the sound was horrific! She has a small blood dot on her mouth. They seem to be going backwards :(

Some cats that live together never really bond. That doesn't mean that they're at each other's throats all the time,they just learn to co-exist. Quite a few years ago,my late DM had 4 cats,2 of whom were brother and sister. None of them ever really bonded with any of the others,they just rubbed along and mostly kept out of each other's way! Previous to these 4 though,she had 2 female cats,from different litters,who fought at first,but within 6 weeks were true snuggle buddies. I'd say just give them a bit of time.

We have 3 female cats, 19, 16 and 8. They tolerate each other despite having all lived together for 8 years (16 years for the older 2). They don't groom each other, play or sleep together but they don't fight (just the occasional hiss from the eldest). My friend has just introduced a kitten to her 4 year old cat and a week in they are snuggled up together washing each other. So my answer is that your cats may grow to love each other, or they won't. That's cats, contrary little buggers.

We've had many cats over the years. Our first was on her own for many years before we introduced a second as a kitten. They tolerated each other, but never bonded. Over the years we'd lose one to old age, or in some cases serious illness, and eventually add a second again. Always (female) rescues, so differing ages but none of them got any closer than mutual tolerance.

4 years ago we adopted 2 brothers/litter mates. They were 5 months old, had never been apart, and they are inseparable. They sleep together, eat together, play fight, and are rarely more than a few feet away from each other. When one has to go to the vet, the other stresses. (They do not get on with our older girl, at all.) When they were placed up for adoption, there was another from the same litter who was adopted out separately. He was fine on his own but these two were clearly a bonded pair.

I think that close bond you are hoping for has no guarantees, even within litter mates. As long as they can happily co-exist, be happy :) As with people, some cats just 'click' and are best friends, the majority are tolerant of each other - and some outright hate each other!

Sometimes cats bond and sometimes they don’t. My cat hates other cats, but we had to take in another two as an emergency. Months later and she tolerates them with the occasional hiss. But they are never going to curl up together.

This is the problem - you want them to snuggle.

Mine are siblings, if fact I only got two because as kittens she needed her brother to feel safe. But now they're older, while he will go to her if she makes jer nervous meow, sometimes they hiss and chase, sometimes they ignore eachother. Very occasionally they nap close on the same bed or chair but they never snuggle.

They aren't cuddly toys, it sounds like your cats get on fine. I'd lower this Instagram expectation of snuggles and just enjoy them