DM pushing cats over - am I overreacting?

[PurpleSky300]

This is going to sound ridiculous, mountain out of a molehill stuff and I'm prepared for that but it's driving me insane.

My Mum is a "cat person" and has always liked cats, she currently has 4. But she has a habit with them that I can't stand - instead of waiting for them to settle themselves on the couch or whatever, she pushes them onto their side. Wants to groom them, pushes them over. She'll pick them up and sit them on a cushion and then push them down like dolls.

I get the sense that her cats are totally used to this and they just roll around and re-settle on the cushion and carry on. Whatever. But today I saw her push my cat over for grooming - my cat is old and has arthritis - and I went nuts. She kept saying "I haven't hurt her, she's fine" and just making one excuse after another so I pretty much kicked her out of the house. How hard is it for a grown adult to understand that a cat with arthritis issues is not a fucking toy that you can rag around?

You're not overreacting, it's weird and horrible - cats are sentient beings with autonomy over their bodies, and pushing them over sounds unpleasant and possibly frightening for them. They aren't dolls!

Don't let her near your cat again.

Sounds like her cats are used to this behaviour mine would probably bap her for it Charlie does an excellent line in deranged hissing if you mess with his spin cycle

Your not overreacting though

If she tried this with my cat it would scratch her! It doesn’t sound ridiculous. Imagine if every time we sat ourselves down and were in the process of making ourselves comfortable how we want, someone forced us or pushed us down to how they see fit. It sounds rather controlling to me. Why can’t she let the cats settle themselves? Has she said why she does this?

My cats would be fine with a very gentle nudge to direct them, they are easy going and relaxed when my kids gently hold them like a baby, often falling asleep and moving away when they want. Some cats will dislike this, some due to physical disability. The best thing was to tell your mum (which you’ve done), then leave it, expecting her to follow your direction in the future. It’s not worth getting upset about a one off behaviour, she clearly loves cats and direction will hopefully mean there won’t be a repeat.

not being unreasonable at all it is really out of order and i feel for the poor cats! it sounds like with her cats they’re used to it but with your cat it’s even more out of order due to her health issues and because she isn’t used to it. it’s really rude to the cats and i would have done the same if i were you!

She thinks it's normal and she thinks I'm being ridiculous. She won't listen to me. If you can imagine someone straightening up a sofa - plumping the cushions, tidying the throw etc - it's done in exactly that manner. Push the cat on it's side, bring the tail round into a circle, stroke on head and carry on.

It should be common sense not to do that to someone else’s arthritic cat. You don’t know what might be ouchy to them the way their owner would know. Though having said that, I have a confession.

I push my cat over when she’s on my bed. 😬 She sort of fwumps down onto her side and then rolls around while I scratch her chin and ears. If I don’t make her lie down she just keeps body slamming me and purring. But she does know “lie down” so I will also tell her that and she usually listens.

Honestly, I think you gave overreacted “going nuts” and throwing her out of the house! I think just saying “please don’t do that to xxx she has arthritis” would have been sufficient.

Next time she goes to sit down, push her over and ask how she likes it

Honestly, I do stuff like this to my cats all the time - it doesn’t hurt them and it’s certainly not aggressive or painful, it’s just part of the way we play and bond. One of mine will even keep getting up and get me to do it multiple times as he thinks it’s a game.

A cat that doesn’t like it will soon make their feelings pretty clear - either by getting up and moving away or scratching/biting.

That said, if you don’t want her doing it to your cat, then that’s fair enough, but I do think there are some massive overreactions on this thread.

Sounds a bit OCD. I have to stroke mine from neck to tail. Sometimes he likes it, sometimes not, but I have to do it.

Cats will not tolerate anything being done to them that they don’t like. My cats won’t go anywhere near anyone other than me and DH so they’d never be pushed over. They do love being pushed around by us however! I know, because they keep coming back for more.
Presumably OPs cat yelped and ran off when her DM pushed it over? If not, then it wasn’t hurt in the slightest. But to throw her Dm out is very OTT!

Unfortunately there are people who are 'cat people' but show little respect for their feline's autonomy! Her cats seem used to it, but yours obviously isn't and shouldn't be treated that way.

I definitely do it to my two, gently body slam them so their soft fluffy underbellies are showing and I can fluff their tummies. I wouldn’t ever dare do it to a cat that wasn’t my own though!

Pushing is part of cat body language, surely? They push each other, push us… they use their head and shoulders or sides, usually, for size reasons we’d use a hand!

Maybe individual cats train their owners to do it, then it becomes habit.

I can’t imagine a cat being pushed over. When I groom my dog I will kind of roll her down on to her side gently. She won’t naturally do that because she would rather not be brushed.

It sounds absolutely nothing like fucking OCD

also ‘a bit OCD’ - come on, do better

I do this pushing with one of my cats, he loves rough and tumble, the other two wouldn't like it at all. If I still had my beautiful Sunny cat who was old and arthritic I'd also lose my shit if anyone dis that so no, I don't think you're over reacting and I think on your mum needs to keep her hands off!

It depends on the cat. One of my cats likes this, so I do it - the other one doesn't, so I don't. Not something to try with an unfamiliar cat - you risk getting clawed.

Mine would run away if I did this. And to do it to an elderly cat is not ok. Mine do like to have their necks rubbed until they fall over. But that’s their choice.

I agree with pp who said that cats push each other, push us. If they don't like it, they will let us know.
Did you cat yowl, or run off? Does he generally still jump on things and play?

I think you were ott for kicking out mother out when you could have just said that you worry about your cat, and tend to be careful with him.

Very occasionally roll cat on her side and then belly rub, she purrs wildly at this point and rolls about like a complete Jezebel. Gives a look of contempt and disdain when you stop. I never knew a furry face could have so many expressions.

I would never do this to anyone else’s cat as I value my hands. She also likes being cradled like a baby. Never had a cat like her before.

I don't think you've over reacted at all. Your dm is an animal lover with no empathy at all for a poor cat suffering from arthritis. I really do not understand how she can be so dismissive of the effects of arthritis. You need to keep her away from your cat.