DM pushing cats over - am I overreacting?

[PurpleSky300]

This is going to sound ridiculous, mountain out of a molehill stuff and I'm prepared for that but it's driving me insane.

My Mum is a "cat person" and has always liked cats, she currently has 4. But she has a habit with them that I can't stand - instead of waiting for them to settle themselves on the couch or whatever, she pushes them onto their side. Wants to groom them, pushes them over. She'll pick them up and sit them on a cushion and then push them down like dolls.

I get the sense that her cats are totally used to this and they just roll around and re-settle on the cushion and carry on. Whatever. But today I saw her push my cat over for grooming - my cat is old and has arthritis - and I went nuts. She kept saying "I haven't hurt her, she's fine" and just making one excuse after another so I pretty much kicked her out of the house. How hard is it for a grown adult to understand that a cat with arthritis issues is not a fucking toy that you can rag around?

Some ridiculous overreactions on this thread - cats' body language tells you everything you need to know about what they like and don't like. "Do it to her and see how she likes it" - do you people handle cats and people in the exact same way? Do you stop and scratch random adults behind the ears when they approach you? 😅

God sometimes we avoid even looking at my cat if she is in a certain mood - I’d hate to think what would happen if someone dared push her over!!

She is BVU to do that to a cat that is a) not familiar so may not expect it and b) has arthritis.

But I've had a cat who loved that (though more who didn't) so maybe her own cats all do. But she's still BU to do it to yours. And not to apologise to you.

Exactly. I don't know any humans who shove their bumholes in your face, or rub their cheeks all over yours, or crawl around the floor trying to trip you up

Cats are very good at letting you know when they're stressed or unhappy - one of my cats wouldn't appreciate being pushed around that much, but the other two love it and actively seek it out.

I wonder if all the "it's cruel!!" posters have just never experienced cats who love that kind of interaction. Many do - it's not abnormal.

Nope
You are certainly not over reacting in my book OP

I think its an overreaction, going nuts over something really quite minor that lots of cats like, she made a mistake and then dug in a bit when you attacked her, just asking her not to do it again because of the arthritis would have been a more appropriate response.

My Mum is the same with her cats but they clearly love it. And for my Mum, I think it's a sort of mothering. Same as she'd pick us up as toddlers and plonk us down at the table, scoop our legs round to face the right way and then serve dinner. It's perfunctory, practical affection. And as I said, her cats love and expect it. They stand next to your legs and wait for you to push them onto your lap/arrange them how you want them.

My cat won't countenance you looking at her, let alone touching her so I'd never do it to her, but I think having watched cats with their kittens, picking them up and putting them firmly where they belong is quite a normal and in my parents' cats' case, wanted and looked for behaviour.

My cat loves being boffed over - it's a game. Cats' play is very physical

Despite all the posts from people saying their cats love being played with like this? Cats are very physical in the way they play and explore - even our arthritic cat loves nothing more than bouncing off the walls and wrestling with his younger "brothers".

OP doesn't say her cat was distressed or in pain from what happened.

And she would have known. Cats make their feelings very clear.

You could argue that an arthritic cat can be helped to enjoy some physical play in this way, as long obviously as they enjoy it and it doesn't hurt.

Absolutely. I do cat-sits for a living and there are some cats who love this (even from a relative stranger) and others who would claw my hands off if I even attempted it, lol.

Cats aren't like dogs in the sense that they won't tolerate stuff they genuinely hate.

I think this whole post is more about OP's relationship with her mum.

@PurpleSky300 I can lend you my cat if you like. He'd rip her arm off if she tried that with him. He's a big softy, but mess with him at your peril.

my poor cat is 20 years old but can still look after herself so if she tried pushing her over she would know about it. She would leave a few marks for her!
I do not think its a nice thing to do to the poor cats come to that neither a dog either

What was your cats reaction?

As plenty of others have said, cats will let you know if they don't like something & many cats will enjoy this type of handling.

Your Mums cats would stay away from her if they didn't want her to do it.

Your cat will make his own mind up.

Your relationship with your Mum seems a bit 'difficult'.. why could you not just gave said 'please don't do that to 'car' I don't think it's a good idea with his arthritis.

i also have to ask - why was she grooming him?? (Or attempting to).

My cat is timid and more avoidant than aggressive - so at the vet's for example, she is more likely to squirm and try to get away than to hiss or growl. She meowed loudly when her back was touched and she never meows really so I know it wasn't pleasant. This isn't the first time I've told my Mum to stop doing it either, she just has no respect. She will say "Well mine like it" and carry on, I get nowhere. She will have just decided in the moment that the cat 'needed' grooming.

Also.. I know that some cats like this sort of thing. Some of my Mum's seem to have developed their own strategies to avoid the push at times, like doing a pre-emptive 'flop' as soon as they see her coming. One cat likes to flop on her back and be spun round in circles. But they're young, a lot heavier and a lot more playful. My moggy is only 6lbs.

I don't blame you for sending her on her way this morning.

Your Mum & I would probably have been NC long before now.

Keep being firm about your boundaries with her. Whether that's about your cat or you.

Yes, some cats do, yours clearly doesn't (hence the meow) he will probably stay away from her, but if you know she's coming or when she arrives I'd put him in one of his favourite places in another room. Not shut in or anything just out of reach until he decides otherwise AND I'd keep his grooming stuff in a new place AND I wouldn't hold back from telling her to leave 'cat' alone!

& like you did this time, show her the door if she keeps arguing.

you are NOT making a mountain out of a molehill!!

Eek, I do this with cats that will put up with it! They make such a great sort of “flumph” noise. Cats never do anything they don’t want to. It’s fine.

I love wobbling my cat over! 🥰🐈❤️

I do it with my cat too, but she is only about 18 months old and I see it in the same way that she used to "rough and tumble" with her litter mates. I gently push her and she flops and then grabs my hands while I rub her tummy. Once she has had enough she pushes my hand away with a paw and goes about the rest of her day. I will stop it as she gets older though I don't want either of us to get hurt 😼