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Original poster

Am I doing the right thing.

49 replies

Andtheworldwentwhite · 14/05/2025 07:05

my lovely boy. He is 16. He has had a brain problem for a few years. It makes him twitch , started in his head and is now moving down to the rest of his body. This will continue though the rest of his body.

He has had a few times of weeing on the sofa. And every so often he doesn’t clean himself or his poo comes out on its own. Not sure what.

He is loosing weight. The only way to sort all of these is to have tests done. But he has a heart murmur so sedating him with his age and heart isn’t the best idea.

The vet thinks eventually his brain will start effecting his legs.
we are on our second infection of the year. First was an eye infection and then now an ear infection.

After talking to my husband ( and our vet who is a friend of ours ) we are going to give him the lovely warm summer and then let him go.
He loves laying in the sunshine and sleeping. Which is what he is mainly doing now.

Main reason is the legs may go at any point. He seems to be getting less confident, he cries a lot more than he used to especially when he comes back in from the garden or during the night.

I am really struggling with this decision. I feel it is taking him earlier than maybe he should be going. But the thought of him loosing his ability to walk when he isn’t home ( he is an outdoor cat and gets distressed when being made to stay in ) feels me with fear. I don’t want him to suffer. He isn’t in pain at the moment. But his brain problem is causing toilet problems for him.

sorry I am rambling now. Just wanted to see what others would do.

OP posts:
Malvala · 14/05/2025 07:08

So sorry about your lovely boy OP.

It’s the single worst thing about being owned by cats. The old adage is the only way to think about it “better a day too soon than a day too late”.

Also I know it’s difficult and you’re rightly feeling sad but you forgot to pay the tax. All posts must be accompanied by a photo ☺️

Original poster
Andtheworldwentwhite · 14/05/2025 07:28

Ah sorry. He is my gorgeous boy. About 11 years ago he decided he didn’t want to live with the lovely lady up the road. She had other cats and he didn’t like that. So basically said shove over I’m coming to stay with you. He choose us. ( his owner was fine with this )

Am I doing the right thing.
OP posts:
Original poster
Andtheworldwentwhite · 14/05/2025 07:29

Have added a photo. It says it is being reviewed

OP posts:
Motnight · 14/05/2025 07:31

Oh he's a beautiful boy.

Op, if I were you I'd try and prepare myself for having to let him go earlier. I feel terrible writing that, but an elderly cat's health can change very very quickly.

I really hope that he and you get the summer together.

CurlewKate · 14/05/2025 07:35

Honestly? It’s awful to think about but I think you should let him go now. Better a little too soon and calmly than a little too late as an emergency.

Malvala · 14/05/2025 07:35

He is absolutely gorgeous.

I know you want to get as much time with him as possible and that’s why it’s such a hard decision.

When the time comes you’ll know ♥️

Allergictoironing · 14/05/2025 08:02

You will be giving him a last gift, a peaceful comfortable death. Cats don't look on life the same way people do, they very much live for the day.

I had to do the same for my gorgeous Boycat, he was only 8 but had acute CKD. I found that planning everything out in advance helped me - the date in the calendar with his favorite vet, time booked off work, DSis booked to come with me to hand hold & drive me home after, what I wanted to do about cremation/ashes etc all decided in advance.

Meant I knew I could spoil him rotten those last couple of weeks without caring if it wasn't "good" for him, I had nothing that would add to the stress of the day so I could concentrate on making his last day as good as possible for him. And it was, very calm and peaceful with a content cat.

Tortielady · 14/05/2025 10:14

As a pp says, cats live in the moment. Your sweet boy won't think you're horrible if you let him go sooner rather than later. If he has any awareness, it will be that it's more of the same. Regular punters at the vet get used to the examinations, the prodding and poking and injections. He won't know that for you, it isn't the same at all. When we had to let one of ours go because of cancer, she was at her ease because she had had her favourite tuna and we were both with her. Give your lovely cat plenty of TLC and see him on his way when it's time. He'll let you know when he's ready.

Original poster
Andtheworldwentwhite · 14/05/2025 10:16

Motnight · 14/05/2025 07:31

Oh he's a beautiful boy.

Op, if I were you I'd try and prepare myself for having to let him go earlier. I feel terrible writing that, but an elderly cat's health can change very very quickly.

I really hope that he and you get the summer together.

Yup. I know. We have talk to our friend about it. She says it’s okay for now. But the slightest sign and I will do it. It’s so so hard. If u could see him u wouldn’t think there was anything wrong with him. He is still jumping up on high things etc. so even harder.
i think we will take things a day at a time. But nice to know that other people feel the same way.

OP posts:
macaroniplease · 14/05/2025 10:44

Well done for loving him and caring for him in the way that you have. How lucky you both were to find each other. From horrible personal experience, taking difficult decisions like this just strengthens and doesn't diminish the love.

Biggles27 · 14/05/2025 10:47

It’s the kindest gift you can give is a peaceful dignified passing

weve had to make this call for two horses and one dog in recent years. Is it easy? - no

One I’d left too late and the pony suffered horrendously on his last day. It was truely traumatic, the vet came as quick as he could but was on another emergency so we had to wait - we weren’t there when he became so bad. We had to drive to the stables having had a come now, drop everything, we think pony is dying call. Thankfully the yard owner had already called the vet as he was clearly so bad. It was a traumatic experience for everyone and as it wasn’t planned his body couldn’t be collected for over 24 hours

our other pony left us on a sunny morning, stuffing his face with his favourite foods, surrounded by love and peace. He left the yard as soon as we were ready for him to leave

our dog, our baby, left this world in peace and dignity, held by me and dh, again feeding him his favourite foods. Calm and held in my husbands arms, being cuddled which he loved

Am I posting this through floods of tears? Yes. Do I miss them? Everyday. Did we make the right decision to let the pony and dog go before they got worse like our other pony? Absolutely

when we have animals I believe it’s our responsibility as much as it is to feed them, to allow them a kind passing

its a horrible part of having pets and it’s painful saying goodbye. I send you so much love as I know how difficult it is to make that call

Mrsgus · 14/05/2025 10:52

We are getting to the stage where we need to start having this conversation about our dog, (who we've had since she was 9 weeks old and is now 15) so I absolutely feel your pain. She is starting to struggle getting up steps and is becoming incontinent, but is not showing any sign of being in any pain, although we do think she may have dementia due to some symptoms she is displaying but she doesn't appear to be suffering (yet). She loves nothing more than lying in the sun and I know, heartbreakingly, this is going to be the last summer we have with her. It's an absolutely awful decision to have to make but the kindest and right decision. My heart goes out to you.

BuildbyNumbere · 14/05/2025 11:04

You need to do what is best for him and if he is suffering then need to let him go, don’t leave him to suffer over the summer especially if he is in pain.

Owl55 · 14/05/2025 11:04

Be kind , let her go x

Applepe · 14/05/2025 11:05

Andtheworldwentwhite · 14/05/2025 07:05

my lovely boy. He is 16. He has had a brain problem for a few years. It makes him twitch , started in his head and is now moving down to the rest of his body. This will continue though the rest of his body.

He has had a few times of weeing on the sofa. And every so often he doesn’t clean himself or his poo comes out on its own. Not sure what.

He is loosing weight. The only way to sort all of these is to have tests done. But he has a heart murmur so sedating him with his age and heart isn’t the best idea.

The vet thinks eventually his brain will start effecting his legs.
we are on our second infection of the year. First was an eye infection and then now an ear infection.

After talking to my husband ( and our vet who is a friend of ours ) we are going to give him the lovely warm summer and then let him go.
He loves laying in the sunshine and sleeping. Which is what he is mainly doing now.

Main reason is the legs may go at any point. He seems to be getting less confident, he cries a lot more than he used to especially when he comes back in from the garden or during the night.

I am really struggling with this decision. I feel it is taking him earlier than maybe he should be going. But the thought of him loosing his ability to walk when he isn’t home ( he is an outdoor cat and gets distressed when being made to stay in ) feels me with fear. I don’t want him to suffer. He isn’t in pain at the moment. But his brain problem is causing toilet problems for him.

sorry I am rambling now. Just wanted to see what others would do.

He looks just like my boy! I’m doing exactly the same thing, OP, letting mine enjoy one last spring / summer before it gets too much. I’m a bit worried about it being too hot, he’s not a fan, but as long as he’s enjoying food and fusses and tormenting his dad , we’ll keep going.

PuppiesProzacProsecco · 14/05/2025 11:08

You're 100% doing the right thing OP - a gentle end after a lovely summer before things become really unpleasant for him. I have an 11 year old dog who will be getting the same loving end very soon and most definitely before she becomes really ill.

Timetodownsize · 14/05/2025 11:11

He's beautiful. We had a similar situation with our gorgeous boy but the kindest thing to do is let him go. We waited only until dd could get home and had a last lovely sunny day with him in the garden. Big hugs as it is the hardest thing.

stampin · 14/05/2025 11:29

He's the double of my lovely Joe, he only made it to 10, I adored him.

Over the years I've had a number of cats, so have had to make that decision several times. I find that the day sort of becomes obvious, when they look at you and sort of ask for help. I'm having a little cry on your behalf. x

Klozza · 14/05/2025 11:35

I genuinely thought you were talking about your 16 year old son, even when you said vet, and I was puzzled over why you were taking a human to the vet. It wasn’t until you posted the picture that it dawned on me. He’s bloody gorgeous, and I’m so sorry that this is happening to him.

Our 16 year old family cat became exactly like this around Easter 2 years ago, wasn’t making it to the litter try, couldn’t clean herself, didn’t want to eat much, losing weight etc. My sisters did take her to the vet but they said that the tests needed would require general anesthetic and there was a high chance that with her age and health condition that she’d just crash, so we all made the decision that it was best to let her go peacefully. Your boy’s lived a long and happy life, you’ve given him so much love, please don’t feel guilty for giving him a dignified end 🩷

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 14/05/2025 11:36

I'm so sorry. We sadly had our cat pts a couple of years ago, the vet said he "could" go a bit longer but he was losing weight fast and had a terminal illness. I wanted him to go whilst happy, not wait until he was sad, the vet came to us and Rodney was on my hsubands knee and purring happily. I think you either go slightly early or it's too late, it's never the exact right time and my personal preference is early, yes maybe your cat goes another month or two, or maybe you find him unable to walk and stranded far from home 3 weeks before that point and the being PTS option is the only thing possible because hes suffering at that moment. It's impossible to know unfortunately, and I think you're doing the right thing having him go whilst he's still himself. My mums cat got to the point where he couldn't walk, and she says she felt that was too late and he was so unhappy. I think we want to keep them forever, but it's more selfless to let them go before life gets too tough. Big hugs

Pherian · 14/05/2025 11:40

Andtheworldwentwhite · 14/05/2025 07:05

my lovely boy. He is 16. He has had a brain problem for a few years. It makes him twitch , started in his head and is now moving down to the rest of his body. This will continue though the rest of his body.

He has had a few times of weeing on the sofa. And every so often he doesn’t clean himself or his poo comes out on its own. Not sure what.

He is loosing weight. The only way to sort all of these is to have tests done. But he has a heart murmur so sedating him with his age and heart isn’t the best idea.

The vet thinks eventually his brain will start effecting his legs.
we are on our second infection of the year. First was an eye infection and then now an ear infection.

After talking to my husband ( and our vet who is a friend of ours ) we are going to give him the lovely warm summer and then let him go.
He loves laying in the sunshine and sleeping. Which is what he is mainly doing now.

Main reason is the legs may go at any point. He seems to be getting less confident, he cries a lot more than he used to especially when he comes back in from the garden or during the night.

I am really struggling with this decision. I feel it is taking him earlier than maybe he should be going. But the thought of him loosing his ability to walk when he isn’t home ( he is an outdoor cat and gets distressed when being made to stay in ) feels me with fear. I don’t want him to suffer. He isn’t in pain at the moment. But his brain problem is causing toilet problems for him.

sorry I am rambling now. Just wanted to see what others would do.

It’s a hard decision, but it’s better to let him go. He’s an outdoor cat and he could lose his ability to use his legs at anytime and since he’s outdoors it could be anywhere.

Which will be distressing for you when you can’t find him and he never comes home and for him when he dies a horrible death because he can’t get back to you.

I think you need to do the right thing for him and either keep him enclosed outdoors so he can be monitored and kept safe or indoors.

If you can think of every excuse in the book not to do either of those things, you need to let him have a peaceful ending in your arms sooner rather than later.

It hurts, I’ve had to do it before. My cats ashes are sitting on my desk in front of me. I will never stop loving her, but I have the comfort of knowing she didn’t suffer.

Hoppinggreen · 14/05/2025 11:40

I am sorry your lovely cat is so poorly and having been through this myself I have to ask WHO do you think will benefit from his "lovely summer"?
It won't be him
I know its so hard to let them go but it does sound like its time to do it now. Your cat is probably in pain as they mask it so well and he does sound distressed now
Sometimes its more loving to let them go - I had to do this a few months ago and it very peaceful and quick and not as awful as I expected. It was sad and I miss my cat but it was the right decision

stampin · 14/05/2025 12:00

Klozza · 14/05/2025 11:35

I genuinely thought you were talking about your 16 year old son, even when you said vet, and I was puzzled over why you were taking a human to the vet. It wasn’t until you posted the picture that it dawned on me. He’s bloody gorgeous, and I’m so sorry that this is happening to him.

Our 16 year old family cat became exactly like this around Easter 2 years ago, wasn’t making it to the litter try, couldn’t clean herself, didn’t want to eat much, losing weight etc. My sisters did take her to the vet but they said that the tests needed would require general anesthetic and there was a high chance that with her age and health condition that she’d just crash, so we all made the decision that it was best to let her go peacefully. Your boy’s lived a long and happy life, you’ve given him so much love, please don’t feel guilty for giving him a dignified end 🩷

Edited

It's because it's in trending, so you don't see 'Litter tray'. I thought the same.

Sunnyside4 · 14/05/2025 12:01

It's not an easy decision to make. I've went through it for a few months with both of mine, but in both cases woke up one day and just felt the time was right. While he can get himself out into the sun/fresh air and watch the world go by, let him do it. If one day, he just can't/there are other problems, then you will probably feel that's the time to let him go.

I had my cat, Toby, went to the rainbow bridge in the month of March. It was just warming up then, and I have a lovely memory of him coming to me outside and just sitting in the sun with the warmth on his back. Life wasn't easy for him, but I think he enjoyed his last few days.

TryingToRecover · 14/05/2025 12:05

Klozza · 14/05/2025 11:35

I genuinely thought you were talking about your 16 year old son, even when you said vet, and I was puzzled over why you were taking a human to the vet. It wasn’t until you posted the picture that it dawned on me. He’s bloody gorgeous, and I’m so sorry that this is happening to him.

Our 16 year old family cat became exactly like this around Easter 2 years ago, wasn’t making it to the litter try, couldn’t clean herself, didn’t want to eat much, losing weight etc. My sisters did take her to the vet but they said that the tests needed would require general anesthetic and there was a high chance that with her age and health condition that she’d just crash, so we all made the decision that it was best to let her go peacefully. Your boy’s lived a long and happy life, you’ve given him so much love, please don’t feel guilty for giving him a dignified end 🩷

Edited

I also thought the OP was talking about her son!