Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

‘It’s me or the cat’

38 replies

Onthedoubleline · 15/02/2025 22:14

11 month old neutered boy kitten (huge tabby) has peed inside 3/4 times now. Unfortunately last night it was on the £700 mattress and he also pooed on it too. We had just come back after a long day out (which isn’t particularly normal) but he was purring/happy and our other cat happy/purring.

the kicker is he chose to pee and poo on our bed AFTER we came home?! I was in the next room. I just don’t get it at all. I don’t know why he is doing this! My partner says he is done with him and wants him outside - he is not a farm cat and although is happy outside he is a purring, cuddly, Velcro cat in the house. My daughters love him and it feels like an overreaction. He says if he doesn’t live outside he will leave.

Why did he do it and please, what do I do? 😪😪😪😪

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 15/02/2025 22:15

Is he an indoor cat? Vet check and bar access to beds for now.

SunnieShine · 15/02/2025 22:16

Team cat.

OnePearlFox · 15/02/2025 22:16

He needs to go to the vet to be checked over.

Supersimkin7 · 15/02/2025 22:16

Cat.

Partner in tent.

ChompandaGrazia · 15/02/2025 22:18

Does he have his own litter tray?

BlueSilverCats · 15/02/2025 22:20

Has he been seen by the vet? Does he have his own litter tray? Was it clean ?

While you investigate, just make sure the door to your bedroom/any other sensitive areas are shut.

invisiblebark · 15/02/2025 22:20

SunnieShine · 15/02/2025 22:16

Team cat.

Also Team Cat.

But an aside, get him checked to make sure there's no medical reason. Vet may also have some advice to prevent.

Pigeonqueen · 15/02/2025 22:20

Do you have a kitchen area you can contain him to with a litter box and access to outside? Take things right back to basics?

Beamur · 15/02/2025 22:23

How long has your DP been on the scene?

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 15/02/2025 22:26

Obviously team cat. Very left brained thinking off your partner. Your partners manipulating you which isn’t great.

Happy cats don’t toilet outside the tray, either he’s got a utility and seeking out a soft surface to toilet on or he’s stressed and acting out.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 15/02/2025 22:27

Your partners not abusing him is he and he was upset he came into the house?

GoldMoon · 15/02/2025 22:31

With 2 cats in the house , you should have at least 3 trays . The usual rule is a tray each plus 1 .
Do you empty the tray / remove poo immediately and regularly sift out the wee piles ?
I wouldn't condemn a cat to live outside unless you have a barn .
Hate to say rehome , your decision whether that's husband or cat .

Monvelo · 15/02/2025 22:32

Can he stay downstairs?

Original poster
Onthedoubleline · 15/02/2025 22:37

He shares one with his very bonded ‘brother’ cat. I need to have another, will do that.

DP on scene long before the cat but has little patience and shouts a lot, the cats both love me.

He has always peed on soft things but it’s very sporadic.

Goes outside every day and I think he mainly toilets outside too.

Thank you all so much it’s been the most horrendous 24 hours and I just can’t understand DP distressing anger issues anymore. He said I was being pathetic (infront of my 12 year old DD) and says the cat was malicious, that it was a deliberate ‘fuck you’ act because we had to go out all day. 💔

OP posts:
Left · 15/02/2025 22:43

Sounds like a couple more trays might solve it - one tray per cat, plus a spare is normally recommended- but worth getting him checked over at the vets too just in case.

Your partner sounds very unkind though, sorry OP.

Original poster
Onthedoubleline · 15/02/2025 22:50

Thank you, I’ll need to get more litter trays - just seems too little too late with DP so adamant.

OP posts:
Beamur · 15/02/2025 23:06

If it's stress there's a few things you can do. Plug in feliway, an additional litter tray, food supplements
Not having a shouty man in the house...

ADHDHDHDHD · 15/02/2025 23:07

Do you want to live with a partner that gets so angry over a cat?
And disrespectful to you too.

Maybe give him time to cool off elsewhere while you sort the cat out. And if you are happier with him away, then the human just doesn't move back in.

user2848502016 · 15/02/2025 23:14

Chuck the man out, keep the cat - but get another couple of litter trays and work out the location that your cat prefers for them,
maybe try different types of litter too. Keep bedroom doors shut for now too

BlondiePortz · 15/02/2025 23:18

OK you get rid of the husband will you be able to afford to keep on fixing this yourself?

Original poster
Onthedoubleline · 16/02/2025 02:34

BlondiePortz · 15/02/2025 23:18

OK you get rid of the husband will you be able to afford to keep on fixing this yourself?

And that’s the whole thing too 😥

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 16/02/2025 06:25

Also get waterproof covers for mattresses and duvets.

Mia184 · 16/02/2025 07:18

Team cat and I do think that your DCat pees and poops on the bed because of your „D“P. Do you live together? If not maybe try not seeing him for 1 or 2 weeks and I‘m sure your cat won’t have any accidents during that time.
Edited to correct a spelling mistake.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 16/02/2025 08:13

A animals aren’t malicious like humans are and it sounds like the cats might quite like your partner being out all day and more upset at him returning.

Youve got bigger issues with this man though than the cat. No one who loves their partner threatens to leave over a cat weeing on the bed. That’s not love.

cinnamonbunfight · 16/02/2025 08:18

Your cat needs to go to the vet, and your partner is abusive and needs to go full stop.