Need urgent advice, mental health down the drain

[PineCone98]

Adopted a adult cat a couple of weeks ago from a local rescue. Things are going awfully, she does not like my DD at all (age 6), she's just going for her when she walks past now, scratching, swiping, hissing, jumping at her legs and growling. She is incredibly stressed, I can't keep them apart as cat is just meowing if in one room and my DD is getting more and more upset and its causing cat to be more stressed out. She is also having diarea on the carpets, I can't cope. She has drawn blood on DD arm and DD is having melt downs. contacted the rescue and they said they have no space for me to return her, even though they can't it a trial run. I feel so bad for the poor kitty..

Sorry, they said it was a trial run when we rehomed her, but they said they're over ran

Give it time. She is brand new and settling in.
Keep your daughter apart from your cat and let your cat settle in.
They do take a while to come to terms with their new surroundings

Also take your cat to the vet for a health check to see what's causing the bowel issues.

Tell the rescue you can't keep her - not taking her back is ridiculous.

I don't know what to say to the rescue, they said no space, or they'll contact me when a space comes up again, but I can't live like this. It is causing so much stress for us all really

Say you accepted a trial, the trial isn't working so you are taking her back. Take her back. Leave her there. As harsh as it sounds, if they are offering trials they keep the space free, otherwise they aren't offering trials and shouldn't say they are. Plus I would report to RSPCA and if they aren't a single standing organisation, to their organisation. I bet they are getting donations for caring for animals and farming animals off to people who aren't coping with them is NOT caring for animals.

Poor kitty? Your poor six-year-old little girl!! It’s terrible that they’re saying you can’t take the cat back. I would remind them it was meant to be a trial.

I would just return her immediately and leave her there. Up to them to decide what to do.
Your daughter shouldn't have to endure this in her own home!!

Yes of course DD too She was so upset as she just wants to bond and play with her but the cat has took a dislike and now won't even interact with me, which she previously was doing. its been awful. Sorry I am just so stressed with it all. Luckily the rescue are now being helpful as I messaged again explaining this situation is stressful and unsuitable for all and that it's causing a lot of anxiety, they said they will make space somehow and don't understand why she is being like this. But I am just trying to arrange it as I am meant to be working tomorrow and they are only open 10-2

Just feel like crying, despite this, I don't think DD wants the cat to go. I feel like a terrible person

Not because of taking her back because I know its what is best for us all but I just feel like a failure in some way

Before you do anything, take her to a vet. She sounds ill. Ongoing diarrhea can be something significant. If you can get her healthy, you may be surprised how much she changes.

This year I rescued a young rambunctious adult and my senior cat appeared horrified and scared of her, to the point of expressing aggression. I couldn't figure it out because I introduced them slowly, they've both lived happily with cats before, and whilst the youngster is rough and rambunctious as young cats are, her body language was 100% play, to the point of rolling on her back to show her tummy in the 'I'm only playing' gesture if senior girl was upset. I honestly couldn't figure out why senior girl was so scared of her.

And then I got her on a supplement for athritis, which I should have been doing before. She is faster, more agile, and 1000% more tolerant of her sister. She may be annoyed by her sometimes, but she's not scared of her. They'll even lie together when the youngster is being calm. She never was scared of her. She was scared of being grabbed or shoved, because it hurt. She is now on my knee purring, having happily jumped from the bureau to the couch and completely ignore her sister reaching up to paw her. I strongly suspect your cat is sick, feels weak, and percieves a young active child as a threat. Cats don't just hate people for no reason, that's us putting human emotions on to them.

I'm guessing here, but from what I've seen in the past your DD was so excited to have the cat home that she probably pushed it a little bit too far too quickly for that particular cat. I'm also guessing this is your first cat, so neither of you would be able to recognise the rather subtle signals cats can give off when they aren't happy with something.

This isn't in any way to blame your daughter, she's acting the same as any child of that age (especially a girl) would do and just wanted to make friends. If the cat was a bit offish your DD probably tried harder to make friends, until eventually the cat took a swipe. Now you have the cycle of DD trying to make friends, cat trying to keep her away, so DD tries harder.

IF - and that's a big if - you feel it could be worth another go, have a chat with the rescue. Say you think this may have happened and you will try from the start, if they would be happy to extend the trial period.

This will involve your DD having to near enough ignore the cat for some time now, we're talking maybe weeks rather than a few days. Same goes for you. She gets fed, watered, litter done, spoken to (softly) like you would a frightened child. Left to go where she's comfortable, when she's comfortable with absolutely no interference. In time, she will start to come out more and enjoy your company.

In the interim, read up a bit on cat behaviour and the signals the put out. Have a poke round a few videos of Jackson Galaxy on YouYube, or see if you can watch his "Cat from Hell" series (hint - most of the cats had issues that he sorts).

Agree with pp. Sounds like it's all been too much too soon for this cat. You really shouldn't ever approach a new rescue, let them come to you.my rescue was still hiding behind the sofa a week in so I just let her be and put her food there (she is a lap cat now btw). Also cats don't like the sudden movements and excitability of young DC. Some laid back cats can learn to live with them, especially if from kittenhood but many will remain skittish around children, especially If the children keep seeking them out. Some of the more reputable rescues often insist on no young DC for these reasons.

It sounds like way too much, way too soon. A cat who is lashing out and having diarrhoea is going to be incredibly stressed and upset.

If you're going to keep her, or at least give to a proper go, then the cat needs to back to being in one room and your DD needs to be kept well away - yes, she might miaow at first but she'll settle - she needs a chance to get used to you and her surroundings without DD being involved.

You go in and spend time with the cat alone - talk to her, give her treats and just generally get her used to your smell, sound and presence. Only once she's settled and comfortable around you should your DD get involved.

Thank you for your replies. I did explain all this to DD and knew the signs that a cat isn’t happy and I have told DD all about this. My DD is quite fast and bouncy, yes, but she hasn’t been grabbing at her or trying to pick her up, but cat is scared of the movements maybe so even her walking past the cat suddenly, she is swiping at her. Cat actually came to DD this morning which I thought was an improvement but my DD put her hand out and she scratched again. DD then gets upset as she thinks well I didn’t do anything, why is the cat doing this to me. And then the cat is more scared as DD is crying or getting upset. I tried the shutting her to one room last night, with everything she needs.
She has scratched all the carpet under the door though which has now come up. I did lots of research before and kept telling DD to let cat come to her. It seems as though cat has lived in a quiet home previously

Honestly, if the cat is that stressed I would take her back to the rescue - they can't refuse to take her.

So I have actually returned her this morning as they rescue said I could but they didn’t look at all happy with me. But for the sake of us all I think it’s for the best. Plus I’m starting to wonder if there is something going round the cats as I noticed a few litter trays in there with diarrhoea and also some mats thrown out the front with cat sick on them.. I know that a lot of the cats are not vaccinated and some are strays. It’s basically a cattery type set up, with pens outdoors. But I know they let the cats mix as well so it could possibly be an illness she’s had?

I don’t think they are vet checked or anything when they come in either and I did notice kitty was scratching a bit but I didn’t see any fleas on her so I’m not sure if they flea and worm?

Also did notice some sneezing from her. Can anyone advise ?

Sounds an absolute shit show of a set up at that rehoming centre. Are they a well known charity or a one-off private place?

One off private place that is fairly local

I know cat wasn’t vaccinated or chipped. And they said that would be responsibility for the new owner. They did actually get her spayed but I know cats are mixing in the outside bit of the pens so that’s unvaccinated cats mixing and I noticed some were fighting. Just general not great conditions. They were cleaning the pens in there but had just put dirty litter boxes out with diahrea in and vomit mats all piling up on the drive way. It’s basically in the rear garden of a house with quite a number of pens

This sounds like an awful rescue that isn't looking after its animals properly.

A decent rescue should not be rehoming animals that are not up to date with vaccinations or flea and worming. They should also make sure that their animals are checked by a vet (so that if there are any health issues, the new owner goes into it with an understanding of what the cat needs.) Micro-chipping is now a legal requirement for cats and it is not okay for them to leave that to the new owner either.

I'm sorry you've had such an upsetting experience. I'm also sorry for the cat, but it doesn't sound like she was the right match for you (and that's on the rescue - what you've said about them doesn't make it sound like they've done much thinking about what kind of home would be right for which cat).

Maybe try again with a reputable charity. There are lots of cats needing homes, and a decent rescue will be up front with you about which of them will do well in a home with a 6 year old. They should also let you visit with your daughter so that they and you can see how the cat behaves around her.

You should report them to the SPCA, emphasising what you saw with cats being sick and freely mixing. It isn't a well run, responsible charity and those cats are not being looked after to an acceptable standard.

Sometimes well meaning but naive people start these things up and get quickly overwhelmed. They often don't have enough money for the basics like vaccinations & vet care or the space & professional knowledge to deal with the infectious illnesses that cats commonly get, especially strays.

It sounds as if they may have an outbreak of cat flu/gastroenteritis, which can kill kittens and cats with weak immune systems. Flea infestations & worms can kill kittens too and make adult cats very unwell and miserable. Preventing the spread of illness in a cattery type environment takes a lot of very scrupulous hygiene measures and it sounds like they can't cope.

For you and your daughter, maybe it's too soon to get a cat and you need to wait a bit. She's still young and matching children to the right cat personality isn't easy. If you do get one in future, go via a well known reputable name, ideally one that uses fosterers as they will know the best type of home for the cats in their care.