Husband or cat

[Wedonttalkaboutboris]

Any help or advice urgently needed please! We rescued our cats a couple of years ago from a guy who hadn’t spayed his cats and was overwhelmed by kittens. They came unable to use the litter tray. We had a newborn baby and a three year old and, in hindsight, it was a really silly decision to take them on. However, the guy was struggling to even give them away for free and we’d just lost our much loved cat and had a free, large house. I was on maternity leave so thought I could tackle it.

The last 2 years have been a struggle in terms of using the litter tray but they mostly seemed to be getting it right- until this summer. We went away for 10 days and had a cat sitter visit each day. When we got back we realised that the cats had started urinating on the bathroom floor. One cat in particular is weeing outside of the tray and then I think occasionally the other is following suit. This has now sporadically continued. Every week or so I now have to mop up wee, disinfect and steam the floor. my husband began shutting the bathroom door in an attempt to stop this, which at first seemed to work. However, we realised last week that he had weed on the carpet outside of the door.

In the last couple of weeks, this now seems to have ramped up and he is weeing in completely random places. He does seem to be choosing tiled/laminated places for the most part- for example, he weed on the lid of a plastic box in my daughters room and in several of the fireplaces- on the tiles. However, previously he has also weed on our children’s bed sheets, towels and my eldest ds’ book bag.

They have 3 trays at the very end of our double garage- our house is large so we are very far away from them in general. We do try to clean them every other day but if I’m being honest- with 2 very young kids- it can sometimes go a bit longer. However, he has weed in inappropriate places even when the trays are clean. It’s very cold in the garage in winter and they are far away from the rest of the house so I do also wonder if he is just being lazy!

I’ve just come home today and he has weed in the main fireplace. My husband is literally at his wits end. He didn’t really want them in the first place as he was still very much grieving the loss of our first cat. He is very seriously talking about rehoming them if something doesn’t change. I just can’t live with the idea of our cats being in a cage in some shelter somewhere, abandoned. I couldn’t live with myself. The boy who is weeing everywhere is surely unlikely to find a home if they know he isn’t litter trained? He is such a cuddly, lovely cat and amazing with the kids otherwise.

Please any advice would be so appreciated. This is causing so much division in my marriage and is honestly coming between me and my husband. I’ve just booked a vet appointment for tomorrow afternoon- but in the meantime has anyone got any advice? I’ve just cleaned and put out 4 trays for them. We did use felliway plug ins while we were away (when they started weeing on the bathroom floor!)

You really need to be cleaning their trays more than every other day. Would you like to go to the toilet full of day old pee and poo. Mine are emptied more or less as soon as they've been used. Sorry if I've missed this but have you taken them to the vets to rule out anything medical. Also if it's stress, try Feliway plug. You mentioned you have a large house so you'll need a few around the place.

You need to make the litter tray the most attractive place to go. Did I read right that you have a big house but all the trays are in the garage? That's crazy. You need lots of trays around.

I've been in this situation when my cats were young and it's really stressful but we did manage to sort it by helping them learn good habits.

Start by keeping your cat confined to a small area of the house. He has a tray and nothing else tempting to wee on. He gets into the habit of using the tray for all wees. After a week of success, he gets a bit more of the house. Maybe a second litterbox at this point. Another week of success means more house (and more trays). If he stops having 100% success, you go back a step.

I would also continue to keep problematic areas closed off as much as possible. Basically try to set the cats up for success.

Yes mine would like to go out in the evening but they are at a higher risk of accident.

Shut in the garage and exploring creepy crawlers perfectly natural!

We clean the "main" indoor tray at least twice a day. Plus there is another one and the one they have overnight.

We shut them out of the shower room they used to pee in. Cleaned to an inch of its life and used this special spray to get rid of the aroma.

It's been hard work but it's not like we could rehome the boys with their issues.

They sit at the back door at "bedtime" to be put in their pen!!

Several trays in the same location is pointless. In a large house you’re supposed to spread them out, ideally 1 for each cat plus an extra and ensure there’s one on each floor of the house. In a multicat household you need clumping litter and the trays need to be cleaned after every use as much as possible- obviously you can leave the house and go out but the trays need to be the first thing you do when you get back. The only way you can get around any of the above is with a self cleaning tray and the litter robot is the only one I’d consider as the cheap knock offs are dangerous, but it costs £700 😬

If a cat has an accident what they’re telling you is that they want to use that spot as a tray so put one there if feasible. Bathroom is no problem, you surely wouldn’t leave a toddler in there unattended anyway unless you want your perfume to end up the toilet and various other toddlery calamities. Obviously you’re not going to put a tray in a kid’s bedroom but the hallway outside could be a good shout.

Definitely free access to the outdoors. Continue with the feliway plug ins and great that you have a check up with the vet booked to rule out health issues.

Good luck!

Cat, every time.

I have found this litter by far the best, little smell, excellent clumping

www.vancatuk.com

OP ive posted a thread tonight about my cat. He's a rescue cat and spends all night outside, even in winter. I've tried to keep him in at night , to no avail, he's a hunter and likes to be out. It's cold, but he's fine. Its me who worries about him, so I've bought a cat flap which at the moment he won't use!! My other cat on the other hand is very much a summer cat and he won't go out much in the winter, sleeps on our bed all night, all cats are different. I know a lot of people will tell you not to let them outside, of course it comes with risks and I would rather mine stay in, but some cats are just happier being left to roam at thier will. It might be worth a try letting then outside. I hope you work something out.

I absolutely love cats, but I am Team DH here. I simply could not tolerate living with cats that are continuously pissing all over the house. It really isn't fair on him and it isn't fair on your children either.

The reality is that your house probably smells of cat urine and your clothes may also smell. I had a friend who had a similar problem with her cat and you could smell it on her clothes the minute she walked into a room - she was completely nose blind to it but it was unignorable.

My thoughts are -

The litter trays are in completely the wrong place. They need to be somewhere central in the home, somewhere warm, and somewhere where you can clean them as soon as they have been used. When you say you clean them every other day, do you mean that you leave both urine and faeces in there for 48 hours or more? If so that definitely needs to change. We tidy up our cats litter tray as soon as we notice it has been used, so several times a day. Full change of litter every couple of weeks.

Your cats may actually dislike each other (not uncommon for sibling pairs) and would be happier living apart.

Those are the things I would be looking at in this situation. In all honesty though, as an objective stranger, I wonder if you've been dealing with this for so long that it's become a bit normalised and your not properly listening to your DH when he is telling you he can't deal with it.

On the one hand, if keeping husband is not a clear point for you, start a re-think! Given the choice between husband and cat, although it was sometimes close, husband and his DIY skills were always the winner.

Bathroom/cloakroom is the obvious place for litter trays. Same place for both creatures.

I’ve booked a vet appointment for tomorrow afternoon. We did have some feliway plug ins @Plump82 when they were kittens and when we went away but don’t know if they helped

Also just to add, maybe you aren't cleaning the trays enough, every other day is too long if the cats are using it all the time and it's full of wee and poo. Do you scoop throughout the day? If not, try to scoop the poo as soon as they've done that , cats won't use a tray if its dirty. Clumping cat litter is good as you can just scoop out the clumps without needing to empty the full tray every time.

I think you need to scoop more often to ensure the trays are attractive and put the trays all round the house , at least until you get them using them regularly .

Rereading this I don’t actually know that I’d bother with the vet yet… First I would make sure that every time a cat needs the loo there is a choice of clean tray available in a warm and central location of the house. And if that still doesn’t work then yes definitely see the vet but no cat is going to be pleased about having to use a collection of 2 day old dirty trays in a far away cold garage.

I g it as cars when my DD is a baby. No reason whatsoever a2year old means a cat litter tray can’t be in the bathroom.

The first thing I would do is get some feliway plug ins. They help enormously. Get them content in the house, dreamies, less stress (‘kicking’ them out won’t help them) Encourage them out yes but welcome them in when they want to. Keep
tge trays clean.

@thesunisastar I can see where you’re coming from- my dh is understandably sick of it. Given he’s working from home and I’m out of the house for over 10 hours a day, the litter usually falls to him and he just doesn’t keep on top of it. I’ve had lots of moments where I’ve thought they’re not worth this stress, especially when we’re already dealing with the stress of full-time work and kids. We have no family nearby.

I’m confident we/our clothes don’t smell of wee and the house hasn’t got to the stage of smelling (yet) as I do know the smell very well- I can spot it a mile off. It helps that he seems to be picking tiled/laminated surfaces too. The house is cleaned and steamed each week and we’ve had a rolling delivery of enzyme cleaner from Amazon since they were kittens and my eldest was being potty trained!

I’m going to try a tray on each floor of the house, with one in the bathroom they keep going in. Hate the idea of having trays in the house but I suppose it makes sense with it being winter and them being indoors more! Big boy, serial wee-er is currently out gallavanting, so will try to get him inside in a bit! He does seem to have established a large patch of territory in the neighbourhood.

What would the signs be that they weren’t getting on? Both boys seem to get on- they play fight lots and fall asleep together. They also get upset if one is locked out/the other in. They don’t seem to have a hierarchy. Although they can squabble over food- caught one pulling the other bowl over with a paw once! The smaller one is neurotic about food and I do wonder if a lack of it when they were younger/having to fight for it in a house full of animals- including dogs- has left them with lots of anxiety.

@tarheelbaby there are definitely days I’d choose the cat 😂

the litter usually falls to him and he just doesn’t keep on top of it.

And here is your problem. No cat wants to use a dirty tray.

@selffellatingouroborosofhate so, rather than cleaning every other day, scooping is the way to go? Again, I’m just not sure how to keep on top of this as I’m out of the house for a large chunk of the day. Or do I need to bribe/motivate/nag the husband to do it during the day?

I’ve just put a tray in the bathroom they’ve been using. I’m going to get some feliway collars tomorrow. They are happy and welcome in the house. They love the kids and seek them out.

I like this suggestion @TenderChicken
if more trays around doesn’t work, we’ll try to keep him in the kitchen and garage and work further out from there, with more trays as we go.

Thank you @RandomMess

How well do they get on? We have a pair of rescued 2 year old brothers and have two enclosed litter trays, one on each floor, because they can be quite boisterous with each other and a bit territorial. If all your litter trays are in the same place with one route to reach them, they can easily block access. We also find feliway helps, we weren’t sure it worked to begin with but we can tell when it’s running out!

If cleaning is hard, we use katkin which clumps really well to make it easier to scoop daily. I read somewhere that putting a little bit of their litter outside can help establish a wee spot but I’m not sure how well this works, esp in a wet winter, because ours prefer to go alfresco anyway.

If this behaviour is stress related I would also try some plug in Feliway too. You can also get a food additive which promotes calmness.
Given how much this is bothering you and your DH I would throw everything at it for a couple of weeks and see if you can divert your cats into better litter behaviour.
They're peculiar animals sometimes!

Try putting soil in the litter tray with the litter for a while and gradually make it mostly soil they might take the hint. Having said that make sure the cat isn't spraying their territory. Usually male cats but we have a fluffy bastard Female cat who will spray . Although she is used to being outside I had to bring in her litter tray and this finally stopped her.

Thank you so much for all of the amazing advice! A little update- several hundred pounds lighter. Took him to the vets today and urine sample didn’t bring anything back but they’re going to take a look at it under the microscope to double check anyway. They’ve given us 30 days worth of cystitis medication just in case. Bought lots of feliway plug ins and a calming collar. A covered litter tray has been in the bathroom since yesterday but- typically- he doesn’t appear to have used it yet! So haven’t put a tray on the third floor. @rrrrrreatt he doesn’t seem to get any grief off his brother and they get along really well I’d say- they play fight and groom each other for some of the time, and the rest of the time stay out of each others way. Until they want food, in which case, they will both have a staring contest with me. Have never seen any animosity between them.

Been scooping the trays religiously today. We use wood pellets though so I was thinking clumping might be better? Can anyone recommend a good value for money clumping litter? Ideally one I could order on a direct debit on Amazon so it just arrives regularly.

Going to throw everything I have at it for the next couple of months. The vet said to come back if things didn’t improve in a few weeks to bring him back in…although they probably would say that at £100 a pop! Vet confirmed he is a very big, chunky boy but not overweight. He has had lots of cuddles and got a huge amount of attention at the vets, which is attached to a pet shop. Did feel like asking if anyone wanted him 😅🫣 Just kidding….

Id highly recommend Cats Best. I buy huge bags of it from Zooplus. It's very easy to scoop out. But be careful as a change in litter can upset cats so maybe start with a smaller bag and just one tray to see how they get on. You don't want to create a new issue.