Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Question about foster cat

50 replies

Daffyducklet · 08/12/2024 22:02

This is really difficult for me to write down, please be gentle.

I'm fostering a cat for a local rescue. She came to me quite wild due to no human contact for over a year. She's 10 years old and has gradually come out of her shell, however she had a problem where she was shaking and scratching her ear for a while. I can't pick her up, only recently been able to stroke her at all and even then she can turn on me without any notice. So I asked the rescue to take her to the vets as they're used to trapping/ catching rescue cats. It wasn't about the money, I was happy to pay, just couldn't catch her and put her in a carrier. Due to the fact that the rescue are extremely busy it took a long time for them to sort this out. She turned out to have an ear infection and it was treated with antibiotics. Following this she was returned to me. However she's no friendlier, still turns on me unexpectedly.

I've previously had siamese cats and really miss having one, they are so different, very affectionate and bond with you. I don't feel bonded with the foster cat at all. However I think if she returned to the rescue she'd not be rehomed due to her nature. I guess I know I have to keep her. Please don't misunderstand me, I stroke her when she wants me to, she's fed high quality food, looked after really well, allowed access to my whole home. I treat her really well. I just don't love her 😔 I shouldn't have taken her in in the first place I guess, but there was no way of knowing how she'd turn out.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 08/12/2024 22:44

How long has she been with you? I fostered to adopt a cat who turned out to have an ear infection, that took ages to resolve. It took me a while to bond with her, Because of her health issues. Although I knew she was a lovely affectionate cat. She may just need time to feel
And may improve when she feels better and safe. Particularly if she's in pain.

Original poster
Daffyducklet · 08/12/2024 23:07

She's been with me since February. It took weeks for her to even come out of her hiding place during the day. I understand that the ear infection was making her crabby. I just thought she'd improve afterwards. She'll sit next to me and let's me know when she wants to be stroked but can turn at any moment, lashing out with claws.

OP posts:
MarmaladeSideDown · 08/12/2024 23:13

Presumably you are fostering her so she can be socialised, which wouldn't happen if she were in the rescue shelter. To be honest, you have probably done all you can for her, and they can't necessarily expect your fostering to be permanent.

Original poster
Daffyducklet · 09/12/2024 00:19

MarmaladeSideDown · 08/12/2024 23:13

Presumably you are fostering her so she can be socialised, which wouldn't happen if she were in the rescue shelter. To be honest, you have probably done all you can for her, and they can't necessarily expect your fostering to be permanent.

I think they just needed a quiet patient home urgently for her.

OP posts:
Mumofacertainage · 09/12/2024 01:22

Some cats will always claw or bite, my boy loved a lap but stroke him too much and he would let you know. Over time I learned when to stop by watching his eyes ears and tail. I knew when to stop and hardly ever got scratched or bitten.I read into it and it seems to often be when a kitten was taken from the mother too soon, so had not been taught to behave, but I also think they have very differing natures. My old boy never lost his edge and bit the vet on his last day.
There is a lot of info on the web and Jason Galaxy is worth looking at. Wise cat people on here will have advice. You are doing a good thing in helping them be ready for a home. A lot of experienced cat owners can live with a fiesty cat.

MarmaladeSideDown · 09/12/2024 09:07

Daffyducklet · 09/12/2024 00:19

I think they just needed a quiet patient home urgently for her.

Show quote history

Yes, and in your quiet and patient home, she stood the best chance of having what she needed, which was to learn how to get used to being with people again. You've basically done the job now, so it is probably time to say to the shelter that she is ready for rehoming, and that you've decided not to keep her long-term.

biscuitsandbooks · 09/12/2024 11:30

She may well be like this forever - it's not exactly uncommon cat behaviour. We've had our oldest rescue for almost 8 years and he still lashes out when he's had enough of doesn't want you in his space.

If she's just a foster you're under obligation to keep her but the behaviour you describe sounds pretty normal to me.

Original poster
Daffyducklet · 09/12/2024 22:02

I've spoken to the rescue and they don't think they can rehome her as she is, so she'd stay at the rescue. They've hundreds of cats and kittens needing homes that would be rehome easier than her 😔 The problem is I'm nervous around her, expecting her to lash out at any moment and she probably can pick up on that. Yet sometimes she wants to be stroked and if I'm busy on the phone or something she then scratched or bites me because I'm not paying enough attention! It's so difficult to get it right. I'm not entirely sure her ear is OK either, but can't take her to the vets - apparently she had to be sedated as she attacked the vet.

I'm glad she's happier than before, but just don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
BellaBBB · 09/12/2024 22:27

Do you think she might be happier at the rescue? I am a cat lover, but I don’t think I could live with a cat who gave me no joy at all.

andweallsingalong · 09/12/2024 22:33

Could you do a phone consult with the vet and get more antibiotics to make sure the ear gets better and see how that helps her?

My rescues took a long time (years) to fully chill out, but were more predictable and I got them for life rather than a foster so it was easier.

Scampuss · 09/12/2024 23:01

When my latest rescue (semi-feral stray) came home I found a treat she really liked, decanted them into lots of little pots so they were always at hand, and every time she went into honey badger mode we would shake the nearest pot and give her a treat to distract her. She's been with me 4 years now and she's an absolute delight in so many ways, funny and cuddly and inquisitive, but she still can't be stroked without keeping an eye on her. She also has lots of dental/biting type toys which have helped in part to redirect her strong urge to bite things.

Scampuss · 09/12/2024 23:04

Does she go outside at all? (I'm assuming probably not as she's a foster?). That might help.

(I've been bitten twice whilst writing these posts, a gentle one, which she stopped when I said 'ow' and then a firmer bite just to have the last word).

IndigoBlue · 09/12/2024 23:48

Returning her to the rescue is not necessarily a bad thing, they’ll hopefully be able to get her to the vet more easily and put in other steps to get her closer to being rehomed following on from what you’ve done. Maybe they’ll be able to rehome her as semi feral farm cat.

The decision to foster her in February can be updated at any point based on how things are going for both you and the cat. And if it’s not a good fit try fostering a different cat / or different rescue.

Original poster
Daffyducklet · 10/12/2024 00:02

BellaBBB · 09/12/2024 22:27

Do you think she might be happier at the rescue? I am a cat lover, but I don’t think I could live with a cat who gave me no joy at all.

Thank you for understanding. This is exactly the problem. I get no joy from her and feel I could be giving a living cat a home instead.

OP posts:
Original poster
Daffyducklet · 10/12/2024 00:04

andweallsingalong · 09/12/2024 22:33

Could you do a phone consult with the vet and get more antibiotics to make sure the ear gets better and see how that helps her?

My rescues took a long time (years) to fully chill out, but were more predictable and I got them for life rather than a foster so it was easier.

I'm not registered at a vets, moved here just over a year ago. It was the rescue that took her to their vets. Getting them to do anything takes forever because they're so busy. Besides the antibiotic drops would have to go in her ears and she had to be sedated for that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Daffyducklet · 10/12/2024 00:05

Scampuss · 09/12/2024 23:04

Does she go outside at all? (I'm assuming probably not as she's a foster?). That might help.

(I've been bitten twice whilst writing these posts, a gentle one, which she stopped when I said 'ow' and then a firmer bite just to have the last word).

She can't go out here, I'm near a busy road.

OP posts:
TheLongRider · 10/12/2024 00:30

I think you've done as much as you can for her. I've been fostering cats and kittens for three years and all of my long term cats are rescues. I have one girl cat who has been with us for eight years and she still bites without warning. We can put up with her but she is an absolute terror.

I think part of being a fosterer is the fact that you are not the cat's final home. You do as much as you can for them in the time you have them. If you're afraid of her, she may pick up on that and it may make your relationship worse. Ultimately you are not her human. She may well be perfectly fine with someone else.

Do not feel guilty about the rescue being busy, that is their chosen role and job as a rescue centre. They need fosterers and should be supporting you. There is a point where the animal is their responsibility not yours. You are a credit to them and to you to have socialised her this far but now is the time to let her go back to the rescue.

Original poster
Daffyducklet · 10/12/2024 00:33

TheLongRider · 10/12/2024 00:30

I think you've done as much as you can for her. I've been fostering cats and kittens for three years and all of my long term cats are rescues. I have one girl cat who has been with us for eight years and she still bites without warning. We can put up with her but she is an absolute terror.

I think part of being a fosterer is the fact that you are not the cat's final home. You do as much as you can for them in the time you have them. If you're afraid of her, she may pick up on that and it may make your relationship worse. Ultimately you are not her human. She may well be perfectly fine with someone else.

Do not feel guilty about the rescue being busy, that is their chosen role and job as a rescue centre. They need fosterers and should be supporting you. There is a point where the animal is their responsibility not yours. You are a credit to them and to you to have socialised her this far but now is the time to let her go back to the rescue.

Thank you. I think this is what I'm going to do. They need to take her back to the vets anyway. I don't want her to pick up on the fact I'm scared of her and I'm becoming quite upset about it. I just feel so sorry for her, she had a tough time by the sounds of it. But I could be giving another cat who needs it a loving home.

OP posts:
biscuitsandbooks · 10/12/2024 07:23

It sounds like the rescue are neglecting her needs if they're not even providing her with basic care.

EmpressaurusKitty · 10/12/2024 07:29

biscuitsandbooks · 10/12/2024 07:23

It sounds like the rescue are neglecting her needs if they're not even providing her with basic care.

It sounds like the rescue are neglecting your needs too, OP. When I fostered, they checked in with me regularly to see how everything was going. All cats were registered at the local vet in their name & they paid all the vet bills.

Original poster
Daffyducklet · 10/12/2024 09:38

They kind of are, but I know they're very busy. They didn't follow up once after leaving her here, only replying (eventually) if I contacted them.

OP posts:
TwinkleDee · 10/12/2024 09:45

I am no expert but am a cat lover and can completely understand why you'd feel they way you do.

I wonder how she'd do if you fostered another less feral cat to help socialise her?

Original poster
Daffyducklet · 10/12/2024 15:17

TwinkleDee · 10/12/2024 09:45

I am no expert but am a cat lover and can completely understand why you'd feel they way you do.

I wonder how she'd do if you fostered another less feral cat to help socialise her?

I darent risk that in case I end up with fighting cats.

I've reached out to the rescue, their reply, they're too stressed at the moment, could I give them some time?! They're always too stressed, they've taken on too much 😔

OP posts:
charlieinthehaystack · 10/12/2024 15:23

Our local rescue has a lot of farm cats which if taken in as a kitten can be turned into loving tame cats. older cats it can be hard to change their nature. Cats which are a bit temperamental she tries to rehome to small holdings stables etc which give them a place to shelter and food but they dont have to mix with humans or go into the house unless they want to. maybe this is the sort of life this cat would prefer? it can be hard with cats they are by nature very independent and stubborn. i know from experience with rescue animals it can take an awful long time; one dog we have now has taken 5 years to get sociable and in fact a lovely dog cats can take just as long if not longer

Chemenger · 10/12/2024 15:24

I fostered a semi wild cat a few years ago (there’s a thread on here somewhere about him). He spent a month under the Christmas tree hissing and clawing everyone then a couple of months on the stairs doing the same. I got him to the point that he could come and sit leaning against my leg and I could brush him. Couldn’t pick him up or have him on my knee. A lovely man who “just wanted another living thing in the house” adopted him quite quickly and they lived happily ever after. The rescue just needs to advertise your cat properly and someone will appear.