Question about foster cat

[Daffyducklet]

This is really difficult for me to write down, please be gentle.

I'm fostering a cat for a local rescue. She came to me quite wild due to no human contact for over a year. She's 10 years old and has gradually come out of her shell, however she had a problem where she was shaking and scratching her ear for a while. I can't pick her up, only recently been able to stroke her at all and even then she can turn on me without any notice. So I asked the rescue to take her to the vets as they're used to trapping/ catching rescue cats. It wasn't about the money, I was happy to pay, just couldn't catch her and put her in a carrier. Due to the fact that the rescue are extremely busy it took a long time for them to sort this out. She turned out to have an ear infection and it was treated with antibiotics. Following this she was returned to me. However she's no friendlier, still turns on me unexpectedly.

I've previously had siamese cats and really miss having one, they are so different, very affectionate and bond with you. I don't feel bonded with the foster cat at all. However I think if she returned to the rescue she'd not be rehomed due to her nature. I guess I know I have to keep her. Please don't misunderstand me, I stroke her when she wants me to, she's fed high quality food, looked after really well, allowed access to my whole home. I treat her really well. I just don't love her 😔 I shouldn't have taken her in in the first place I guess, but there was no way of knowing how she'd turn out.

What would you do?

You need to tell them no you can't wait. I think they'll keep fobbing you off unless you stand up to them a bit

But you should be honest with the rescue and tell them that fostering just isn‘t for you: you need a lap cat, not a traumatized animal that might take more than a year until it fully trusts you.

You're probably right, but I can't rehome a cat because my mum had three and is getting older and less mobile, so I'm aware I may have to take them in at some point. I hate living without a cat so thought fostering would be a good alternative.

Normally I would, but I know how stressed the lady running it is. I'll give her a few days and then try her again.

The problem is that fostering generally means taking on traumatised or "difficult" cats until they're suitable for a new home. It rarely involves taking on nice, easy cats who love people and just want a lap to curl up on.

There's nothing wrong with saying it's not for you, though - there's no way I could do it, I'd want to keep them all!

Not necessarily. I fostered 8 cats before getting ‘caught’ by my 9th - one was very shy but I wouldn’t say any of them were difficult. They mostly just needed a peaceful place to rest & recover & be cared for.

Six of them are lap cats with their new families, I think off the top of my head.

Yes, you're right that you can get lucky - but I do think if you're going into fostering you need to be aware that the animals aren't always going to be easy.

Yes, definitely.

One of ours gives me no joy - I live with her just fine. What’s the alternative?
I suspect the cat would be happier feral than in a cage at a rescue. Especially if she’s terrified of people she doesn’t know. It is my opinion that rescues can be unwittingly cruel in this way. Why I would never volunteer in one. The pervading opinion in them seems to be a feral or terrified cat is better in a cage because it will live longer. The poor cat would probably rather have never been “rescued” in the first place.

Can you keep her and get some kittens that bring you the joy and snuggles you’re looking for? 3 cats should be able to live together. Does she have access to outside?

have you tried felloway defuser?

You do need to get the ear infection sorted. That alone could be causing the behaviour. Have you called your vet to ask what they recommend they do in circumstances you’re in where you’re frightened to get her into a travel crate? Would they know someone with a barn that would take her on and feed her and give her a warm safe space to live out her days in peace away from people?

Does the rescue have another foster person who will soon be giving up their charge for rehoming? If so perhaps they can have yours and perhaps you can take on another in her place (but emphasise short term!).

I sort of took in a starving stray. I didn't want a cat but I also couldn't stand by and watch him starve. There was no way he could be rehomed immediately as it took us nearly six months of feeding in the garden before he would even come indoors. Anyway, we socialised him as much as we could - stroking him, keeping him in overnight, teaching about catflaps, got him used to washing machine, kettle etc. But he just couldn't cope with stbx feet/shuffle, ex scared him. We had reached a point where we were stopping that cat from blossoming. A rescue gave him to a foster and within two days he owned that house. You have reached the point where it's better for the cat to move on, hopefully to another foster.

I naively thought I'd be fostering a cat that needed a temporary home until it was rehomed.

I've got Feliway plugged in.

Oh... so you thought you were fostering but the rescue thought you were adopting? That's a big miscommunication on their part.

No, they knew I was only fostering. I think they've taken in more than they can cope with tbh. They have so many cats to rehome, they've taken in large amounts from farms for example.

It sounds like that's what you are doing though? It's just you haven't gelled with the cat in the way that you'd hoped you would.

I've had a lot of feral/vicious cats and I can assure you if you give them lots of space they will warm to you eventually but they will do it in their own good time. I always keep elbow length gauntlets for catching them for the vets and have a top loading carrier which is much easier to get them into.
All of them turned out to be the most outrageous cuddlers after a year or so.

But they seem to be hoping she can stay with me indefinitely.

Give them a couple of days, if you haven’t heard back and they have a physical rescue you could try and get someone to help get her in a carrier and take her back.
If not give them a cut off date to collect her before Christmas because you feel she needs medical attention.

Otherwise they’ll continue to take in more cats instead of prioritising the ones they already have. It sounds like an out of sight out of mind situation regarding her currently.

There’s no end in sight at the moment because they’ve said she’s not re-homeable right now and there’s no way to know if she ever will be.

Along with that you’re a volunteer, the cat is not legally yours and needs to see a vet so the notion that you just have to carry on unhappily looking after someone else’s aggressive and potentially ill cat isn’t going to likely be good for either of you.

This may be what it’s like looking after a semi feral cat but you weren’t made aware that’s what you were taking on, or given much support.

If it was a friend in the situation what would you tell them?

Sorry you're having to deal with this. It doesn't sound like the rescue is doing that great a job. They've taken on more cats than they can cope with and they aren't looking after them properly.
A cat shouldn't be left without vet treatment for an ear infection because they can't get round to taking them.

I suspect they might be one of the rescues that use the term fostering fairly loosely when what they're really doing is dumping difficult to home cats on fosterers and hoping that they'll feel so guilty they eventually adopt them. There are unfortunately some rescue charities that are run by well meaning people who do want to help, but without proper organisation and clear processes, end up in a bit of a mess. I also agree with the previous poster about feral cats. It isn't always a kindness to rescue a feral and force them to live with humans. Yes, they will be warm and well fed, but they'll also be terrified and stressed.

This is clearly not working out for you or the cat so they do need to take some responsibility and move the cat to another fosterer or rescue centre.

Fostering isn't always like this. I fostered for years and my experience was very different. If you still want to foster, have a look around for other rescues nearby.

I completely understand your point of view.
You are not unfeeling at all.I have had a similar experience for 8 years and our bond suffered terribly.
He was a feral born on the streets.
Not socialised at all, and would growl and lash out with teeth and claws
I was always wary of him even though I could read his body language.
As a result I didn't feel as if I loved him.
The funny thing is that he was put to sleep 5 months ago, and I'm surprised how upset I have been about him.
He had a rubbish life really.
It is very hard.
If it was me I would ask the shelter to take him back.
I wish I had rehomed mine

I'm so sorry to hear that. I think he probably did have a good life with you, he was fed and warm, even if he did bite and scratch.

I have asked them, but they asked me to give them a bit of time. I am regretting ever taking her on, but at least she's been warm and fed as I said. I just hope they don't keep me waiting too long.

No tbh they're not doing a great job. They do mean well, but they kept me waiting ages before they took her to the vet the first time and she must have been in awful pain, for months. I should have pushed now, but did regularly message them about it.

They got back to me after speaking to the vet. He didn't think her ears should still be causing a possible and said it's probably stress, also they can't keep sedating her to put drops in. She says she's looking for a foster home for her. I did say to her that I didn't expect to be left alone to deal with things. I'm not that impressed if I'm honest and don't want to foster again through them.

Do you still have her as I am trying to rehome my cat who may be a good fit for for you

I still have her. She's a little better, I'm just very careful and aware I'll never be able to pick her up. Sorry I can't help with your cat but thanks for the offer.

Please don't tell me yours was a siamese?!