How do we stop our boy cat beating up his sister?

[Grizelofthechaletschool]

We have two cats, a brother and sister, who we’ve had for about six months. They came to us at about 15 months old from a family member who could no longer look after them but who had them from kittens.

When they came to us they seemed to be a bonded pair - they slept together in a basket and on family beds and groomed each other. They occasionally play fought but it didn’t seem to be anything concerning. But for the past few months they have grown apart and more recently the boy is really going for his sister, to the extent of clumps of fur being pulled out and her having a few scratches on her face. She never fights back, and she’s also much smaller than him. She does seem frightened of him.

We have bought a Feliway-type diffuser but not sure it’s doing much.

Is there anything else we can do? They’re both such lovely cats - cuddly and sweet tempered with us and our kids - and we’d hate to have to rehome either of them.

We are experienced cat people, by the way, but never had two at once so maybe there is something we’re missing.

I rehomed the boy cat in this situation.

Do they have enough room and opportunity to get away from each other? Have they both been neutered?

Yes, both neutered. We have a 4 bedroom house and a biggish garden with lots of space beyond for roaming, so I’d hope that’s enough space

I have had this problem with my two littermates. They were best friends as kittens and then they grew up and the male randomly attacks her and pulls chunks of her fur out. It’s awful to witness when it happens and she screams like she’s being murdered.
We separate them when we’re not about, it’s the only way we can keep her safe.

It’s awful isn’t it. How long has it been going on with your cats? We’ve been hopeful he’ll grow out of it…

I have three cats and my boy cat intimidates his sister. The yowling is terrible but he has never hurt her. It’s all posturing usually because he wants something from me and uses it to get my attention. I separate them and put him outside every time. I recently put in feliway friends and things seem a little calmer. They are all neutered and there is a cat flap, separate feeding areas and litter trays.

Thanks everyone for thoughts. It’s just distressing. Not sure if we need to give the Feliway a bit longer, or hope that he might grow out of it?

They are 8 now and it’s been happening since they were about 2. It’s really upsetting as they were so close when they were younger. They used to snuggle up and clean each other and always had to be touching each other. Now she is terrified of him.
Ive resigned myself to the fact that the issue will never go away, sadly. Both are neutered and I’ve tried those plug ins, but to no avail.

It's unfortunately not that uncommon for previously bonded cats to fall out. As kittens and teenagers most cats love a playmate but as you go into adulthood and their personalities become more "set" you can start to have problems.

We've always been very lucky with ours but our last four cats were all introduced as single kittens into a home where none of the cats were pre-bonded. I think it makes a big difference.

Jackson Galaxy has some great advice about bonding cats if you can get past the "woo" element.

You need a water pistol and give him a quick blast every time he shows aggression to her

This is a good idea. Also I'd give them catnip too as it's
Calming for them also.

We have 9 year old sisters. Great as kittens but now hate each other. Only solution is to have them separate.

If it's got to the point where she doesn't fight back and is getting badly beaten you need to keep them separated at all times or expect to come home and find her dead or severely injured. He's turned into predator and she's turned into prey which is why she's so frightened. Or rehome one of them so she can stop living her life in fear.

If she was fighting back but losing you might have had a chance.

It's heartbreaking. We ended up with the girl cat in this situation as the previous owner rehomed her and kept the brother. We feel like we rescued her because when we met her she was so shy and hiding behind furniture until her brother was locked out and when we brought her home she turned into a completely different cat. Cheeky, confident, purry, with her tail held high and the affection is off the charts. She never looked back. It's a sad choice to make and hopefully you will be able to find another solution but I do believe we have a duty to put their health and happiness first.

Thank you - this was a sobering post but it’s advice we probably need to hear.

I meant also to say that it’s ramped up over the past 4 weeks or so and in that time, having previously been a prolific hunter, he hasn’t brought any ‘presents’ home. I guess there might be a correlation there?

Well... he's using his skills to hunt her instead. The poor girl.

You could keep them separated and do a very slow reintroduction with exchanging their scents/bedding and feeding in sight but far apart with lots of plug in feliway and doing lots of regular play sessions with him to wear him out but that could take months and still might not work, and you could never accidentally forget to keep them separated. I wonder if another new cat started coming around which bullied the male who took out his anger and frustration on the smaller, weaker girl. The problem with cats is that they are both predator and prey and once they have become one behaviourally it is difficult to change that dynamic. It's not that he doesn't like her anymore, it's that he wants to hunt her. It's very scary as a human when a cat redirects their aggression at you, but it must be terrifying when you are even smaller.

I'm sorry OP, what an awful position to be in

I think you need to rehome him. You could try hissing at him, and immediately separating them when it happens, but that depends on you being present when it happens, and I don’t think it’s workable.

I'd try the water pistol and hissing at your boy cat every time. And rescue your girl cat every time too. Poor thing.

And if that doesn't work then he will have to be rehomed.

My two are a bit like this. They aren't siblings, but they were introduced as kittens and used to play together.

He doesn't pull fur out, but sometimes he rough play fights and he likes to pin her down. She yowls and runs away. I think it's a type of sexual aggression once they reach a certain age. Although he is neutered, he still likes to sniff her rear end.

Not really sure what the solution is. Fortunately, it's not too frequent with my two.

We had something similar. It happened after the male was neutered, he seemed to become more aggressive ( which is counter intuitive) and We were sure his agression towards her was sexually motivated, perhaps frustration?

As the were pedigree cats, the breeder took the boy cat back, she rehomed him to a farm (!) where the farm cats kept him in order. They gave us a full sibling sister but from the next litter and after two days of caution they were inseparable for eighteen years.

Good luck OP, this is solvable though sad.

Thanks everyone. It doesn’t happen that often - once a week probably - but it’s often enough that it’s upsetting. They can be in the same room together without aggression at other times.

We’ll try some of the suggestions, but if they don’t work we’ll need to think about rehoming.

Just in case anyone was interested in how this is going we put feelers out to some local friends about regominh after seeing boy cat chase girl cat out of the house, across the road and into fields a few days before Christmas.

A friend of a friend is coming at the weekend to meet boy cat and see if he’s the right fit for her. He would be an only cat which I feel is probably right for him but I’m racked with guilt and uncertainty about it. Things have generally been better but we have been largely keeping them apart.

Ah that sounds really hard but I think it could be best for you all. It must be so stressful having to watch them all the time and you can’t always be there to protect her.

i think most cats tolerate each other at best and generally they are naturally solitary creatures and like to be the only cat where possible.

We had to rehome one of ours for the same reason though not siblings. He is now living his best life ever and with his great great nephew who is a similar size and personality so when they get too boisterous rough housing it's an even fight and they don't fall out.

Think of it like a house share. Do you want to be in one where it's amazing and fun or a bit shit.