How do you prepare yourself to say goodbye?

[Fontainebleau007]

Feeling very emotional today. My cat is 17 and has gone down hill slightly the last few months due to arthritis but otherwise well in herself. Today was an emergency vet trip after there was blood in her urine. They want to do an ultrasound and blood tests and even mentioned the word "tumour"
I'm such a mess. I have had her since I was a teenager and couldn't imagine her not being here.
Even if she is ok for now, I know the end will be edging closer and closer anyway. How do you prepare for the loss? I can't even think about it without crying. I'll be devastated. I love her so much 😢

Oh it's hard for sure. I arranged for the vet to come out when my male cat was going downhill. It was far less stressful than a car journey to the vets. He didn't even notice what was happening once they'd sedated him. It was very calm and peaceful. I spent the night sleeping next to him before the vet came. The grief was hard. I think it's different from the grief you feel for humans. I still can't look at photos of him or scatter his ashes. All you can do is tell yourself that you gave your cat a lovely life and lots of love and that they're at peace now.

It's awful. The waiting was the worst, once it was over it was a bit of a relief. Plan what you want to happen. Do you want to take her home afterwards, or cremation? Individual, where you get the ashes back. Or one where you don't. All of my girls deaths have been peaceful and dignified. The vets have all been wonderful though.

I second that the waiting is the worst. My friend works at the pet crematorium and messaged me to say "I have him and he's safe with me now" which made me cry again but somehow relieved that she was with him

Tearing up again writing this and it's been over a year, I have a gorgeous new cat who makes me laugh every day but my old boy will always be part of me

@T4phage thank you so much for sharing. Heartbreaking but glad it was so peaceful. 😢 That's all you can hope for 🤍 100% agree, she's so so loved and has had a wonderful life with us x

@Toddlerteaplease thank you I definitely would like to have her cremated I think and have her ashes. I'm so glad yours were peaceful, that's exactly what I'm hoping for 🤞🏼💕x

@buffyspikefaith aww thank you so much for sharing. I'm so glad your friend was there that definitely sounds comforting though heartbreaking 💔 they definitely will always be a part of us x

I also agree that the waiting is the absolute worst. We had our beautiful girl pts last week - she was 20 and we’ve had her since finding her as a stray kitten. She was diagnosed with a large tumour 3 months ago but was absolutely fine (just a bit creaky but 100% her normal self). She went downhill just over a week ago so we booked a private vet to come out. She went whilst lying on her cushion in front of the woodburner being cuddled. Incredibly peaceful 💕

@Snooks1971 oh goodness I'm so sorry to hear that 😢😢 that sounds so peaceful though bless her 💔x

I’m in exactly the same position OP.

It’s my cats 18th birthday today and I can’t stop crying because I know the end is likely near.

She’s been such a healthy cat. Then earlier this year, she was diagnosed with kidney disease and high bp. But we got it under control and she was her happy self again.

Then for the last 2 months she has had blood in her urine every day. No antibiotics is working and the vet has felt a lump which he suspects is a bladder tumour. In the past week, she has been hiding in her bed and only coming out to wee. She’s eating and drinking well but only when I bring it to the room she’s in. She seems too nervous to wander downstairs like she always does. She purrs when I stroke her but isn’t coming for her usual lap cuddles.

I’ve had her since i was young adult and she’s been there through it all! My mum dying, children being born, cancer journeys. She’s been my calm comfort at the end of every day. I don’t know how I’m going to cope with her loss.

It feels like an awful waiting game. But I also don’t want that final day to come. I also don’t know when you know it’s time. She bounced back earlier this year so I don’t want to end things too soon if she might get better. But I also don’t want to leave it too late so she’s suffering. I don’t know what the right moment is.

We had her paw prints cast last year and that’s something I’d recommend doing if possible. I’m grateful to always have them now.

Thinking of you and your beautiful cat x

@Daydreamer2017 oh noooo 😭 that's devastating to read. 💔 it's so hard to know when it's finally time, I think too I will be questioning every little thing. Just give her as much love as possible in the meantime. Im sure you'll know deep down when the right time is. 😔

I love the idea of paw casting what a great idea thank you!

Thinking of you both 😢x

We're in a similar position here. DCat is 18.5 and we've had her since she was 8 weeks old.

She's been healthy right up until about a year ago when she started losing weight for no apparent reason and developed arthritis in her back legs. She's on monthly steroid injections, a daily oral painkiller and an appetite stimulant but seems happy enough - still coming for cuddles and chirruping away to everyone. However she has started to smell of stale wee (not cleaning herself properly) and is obviously feeling the cold as she jumps on laps as soon as you sit on the sofa.

We've bought her a cat heat pad which sits under a blanket on her favourite chair, though obviously we can't keep that on all the time.

We've been trying to gently prepare the kids (10 and 8) but I don't know what to do when the time comes - do we tell them in advance and allow them to say goodbye, or is it better to do as my friend suggested and have it done while they are at school and just tell them that she went downhill quickly and had to go to the vet?

When we had my dog put down she let us know it was time by becoming very withdrawn but I worry about leaving it too late for DCat as they are so rubbish at letting us know when they are ill/in pain.

@CaveMum awww no that sounds very similar! 😭 I also have DC 10 and 8. I did actually talk to them about it lightly last night. They seemed to know what I was going to say before I said it and went on to give her lots of cuddles. 😢
I think only you know your children best and know if they could handle it all 😞
So so heartbreaking 💔 x

@CaveMum I’m worrying about the same thing! Do I tell my children before or do it when they’re at school!? They’re 10 and 6. I had a brief chat with my 10 year old today to let him know that our cat is feeling poorly and I have to keep an eye on her.

We have a 12 year old dog and it’s always very obvious if he’s not feeling right. But as you say, cats hide it so well! So it could all be very sudden.

I had to say goodbye to my family dog 10 years ago (he lived with my parents) but I’ve never been with a pet when they are put to sleep. I can’t bare to think of that moment :( I keep bursting into tears every time the thought pops up.

She’s still hiding away but has eaten. She hasn’t pooped for quite a while so I may need to call the vets to help her constipation.

Keep praying she’ll suddenly come down the stairs acting her usual self!

I know that 17 and 18 are great ages and we’re very lucky. But having them in our lives so long makes it so hard to imagine them no longer being here.

I hope we all have good times with them still ahead xx

@SparklesandRainbows we’re all in very similar positions with children of the same age. It’s so tough x

@Daydreamer2017 most definitely is!! Xx

A friend told me 'Better a couple of days too soon than a day too late'. When a cat is near the end they stop eating and drinking and can end up lying in their own urine. To have to euthanize them is horrible and I have been through it three times. Our cats' vet made it as calm an experience as possible. They had a soft bed for the cat to lie in and gave them an anesthetic before giving them the medicine to stop their hearts. One of our cats was so weak he died on receiving the anesthetic. I found one of our cats lying in her own urine so I knew it was time, unfortunately she developed a painful blood clot the day of her appointment. I rushed her straight to the vet who saw her immediately but if I had had her euthanized the week before she wouldn't have had to suffer that pain for the best part of an hour.

My DC were in their early to mid teens when the cats died and I told them ahead of time so they could grieve and say goodbye to the cats before they went to the vets.

@DemonicCaveMaggot oh wow that's heartbreaking 💔 I completely agree with you. It's definitely better too soon than too late that they are suffering 😢x

Tell your children, give them the chance to say goodbye. My children understood at 6 and 8 and they would have been devastated to go off to school and come home to find their cat gone.

The best thing i did for myself and my 16yo cat was to not wait until quality of life was anywhere near gone. He was still eating, drinking, pooing and peeing normally but starting to get repeated uti's and the arthritis jabs he was on once a month starting wear off after 3 weeks, then approaching 2 weeks. He wouldn't tolerate any other medication so i made the decision. I could have eked out another few painful (for him) weeks or months, I'm sure, but i said goodbye to him while he was still in reasonably good health, curled up on his favourite chair with as much tuna as he could eat in his belly and he quietly slipped away. I'm glad i didn't wait until some big deterioration happened to force my hand. Having the control over it and consciously deciding not to wait until he was anywhere near suffering was the biggest thing i could have done to help myself deal with it.

@SparklesandRainbows when might you know what issues your little beauty has? X

@Laalaalaand aw thank you for sharing that's so sad but lovely he went like that ❣️ I would definitely want to do something similar with her favourite food! I'm thinking salmon she loves that 😊 yes my boys are definitely going to have the opportunity to say goodbye. There's definitely going to be a big emptiness when she's gone 😢x

@Snooks1971 managed to get a urine sample into the vets today, there was more blood but not as much. She's more comfortable this afternoon though and her last wee was clear. Just waiting for them to ring with the results then book her in for an ultrasound and blood tests 😢x

You don't prepare, you ride the wave.

Everyone expects you to cry, so let it all out.

@ImWearingPantaloons oh absolutely 💔

Ah ok, bless her. The unknown is absolutely terrible. Once you know what you are dealing with, if it’s bad news, you have a cry, or several, then you move forward and as @ImWearingPantaloons beautifuly put it, you ride the wave.

I asked the vet what we should do when our girl was diagnosed with her tumour - he just said, keep doing what you’ve been doing for the last 20 years. And we did that for the next 3 months. It is horrible not knowing, then knowing! It makes you value every day though.

I second telling your children when the time comes. Oddly, mine would have coped better with the loss at the sort of age yours are but mine are older teens now and were absolutely besotted with her…also one has dreadful anxiety and so we dripfed the information. They knew she was 20 with a tumour so it wasn’t a surprise. Good luck to you and your beautiful girl x

@Snooks1971 aw thank you so much for that, I really appreciate it 🤍 I think I'm really scared to know but all I can do is give her as much love as possible. Shes currently snuggled up with me on the sofa, won't leave me alone 🥺 it really is lovely (though heartbreaking) to have support and hear everyone's stories 💕 xx