Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

Advice to tell teenager cat being PTS

32 replies

Helpinghands23 · 17/10/2024 08:36

Hello,
My beautiful elderly cat of age 20 is clearly coming to the end and I think it’s time for her to be PTS. I have a vets appointment this evening for their advice and to examine her.
My 15 year old daughter loves our old girl more than anything and is currently in denial that the end is near. She keeps saying she will be ok even though I have tried to be realistic with her.
My question is if the decision is made to PTS should I tell my daughter before hand and offer her the chance to say goodbye or would it be kinder to just have it happen and come home and tell her the vet said it was for the best etc.
I want to make it as easy as possible for my daughter and don’t know what will be best. Also not sure I’m thinking clearly as I too will be devastated.
my daughter does know we have a vets appointment but will be at her dads.
thank you

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 17/10/2024 08:38

I’d get it done, if that’s the vet’s opinion, and tell her after. She knows this is a possibility, so could ask to be with you if she wanted.

SocksShmocks · 17/10/2024 08:41

My instinct is to tell her. You’ve already valid the groundwork, tell her before the appointment that a possible outcome is that the vet will advise the cat is PTS and if that’s the case it might happen stratighg away if that’s in the best interests of your much loved cat.

she’s not going to like the news either way and I think it’s better she can trust you to be honest.

SocksShmocks · 17/10/2024 08:41

Valid = laid

itwasnevermine · 17/10/2024 08:42

Ask if she wants to be there. I will always treasure being there with my boy at the very end

TeamPlaying · 17/10/2024 08:42

Tell her. Give her the chance to come with you.

redish · 17/10/2024 08:46

tell her, make sure she knows the trip might also involve putting to sleep (I think you said that it might?) and give her the option to be there at the end.

TwigTheWonderKid · 17/10/2024 08:50

I'd take her to the appointment then she can hear from the vet what they recommend and why and if she is PTS your daughter will get the chance to say goodbye.

PandoraSox · 17/10/2024 08:52

I would definitely tell her the situation and give her the option of going with you. That way she can hear the vet's advice for herself as well as be there at the end if she wants to.

purpleme12 · 17/10/2024 08:55

You need to tell her and be clear there's a very possible likelihood that she may need to be put down at the appointment depending on what the vet says
And so then give her the choice of coming or not knowing this is the position.
That's what I did with mine.

Spinet · 17/10/2024 08:55

Yes, definitely be honest and spend some time with the cat after school. A good chance to talk about kindness sometimes being painful but that if you love someone you want what's best for them. She will be upset of course, but that's ok. I'm sorry about your lovely cat. ❤

PandoraSox · 17/10/2024 08:56

Sorry you are having to make the decision, btw. It is heartbreaking 💔 (had to go it myself a couple of weeks ago) but it is the final loving act we can do for our beloved pets.

Roserunner · 17/10/2024 09:17

We had to have our cat PTS very suddenly in the summer as she became very ill very quickly. We have a teenage DC as well. When the vet called us back to say there was nothing they could do and it was best to PTS, we talked to DD and asked her if she wanted to come. She decided she did, DH wasn't sure it was a good idea but I think it did really help her. It was all very calm and peaceful and we all hugged and stroked her until the end. There were tears from all of us but she was very mature about it all and knew it was better than seeing her suffer.

I would give her the option to come with you if thats what she wants.

canyouletthedogoutplease · 17/10/2024 09:21

Tell her. Tell her that the cat is 20, which is past the age most cats reach by a fair mark and that they're at the end of their long and happy life. Death is part of life, there is no escaping it, and you can't protect her from that nor would you want to. Walk through it with her.

Please don't do it and then tell her, I can still remember the shock of walking through the door and being told the dog had been put to sleep that day. It's not a kindness, I promise you. Eat the frog.

AnellaA · 17/10/2024 09:24

Of course tell her and give her chance to say goodbye and have a tearful cuddle.

You aren’t a Colombian drug baron, don’t just “disappear” her cat.

Jifmicroliquid · 17/10/2024 09:28

Tell her. My parents didn’t tell 9 year old me about our cat and they simply came home with a collar.
I felt so let down and deceived because I didn’t get to say goodbye.

Kucinghitam · 17/10/2024 09:33

Tell her.

Our beloved old cat was 18 when she had to be PTS. We had already pre-warned DC who were 14 at the time, that our cat was getting very poorly and the vet appointment could well be the last. We gave them the choice whether to come along and they decided that they wanted to be there with her to say goodbye. She went to sleep peacefully with the whole family around her, like she had always loved.

I'm so sorry about your cat Flowers

OhMehGoddess · 17/10/2024 09:33

Our teen went with DH when our 20y old cat got PTS.
They got really close in his old age and he started just sleeping in his room. We had Him for a very long time. Before any kids.

Durdledore · 17/10/2024 09:39

My dad has just died and I had similar with my teens as you have with yours - the denial and the ‘he’s going to pull through’ when I knew all the signs were that he wasn’t, yet they wouldn’t have any of it.

Luckily I, like you, knew the day he was going to die as the hospital staff let us know how things were going for him so I took that moment to say ‘it’s happening guys, we need to be with him now for the last time’. It was very emotional but loving and beautiful, and I don’t think any of them regretted that last bit of time with him.

So I say 100% tell her as it will help with her bereavement that she had chance to be there.

Sending my condolences to you all. ❤️

loropianalover · 17/10/2024 09:41

DustyLee123 · 17/10/2024 08:38

I’d get it done, if that’s the vet’s opinion, and tell her after. She knows this is a possibility, so could ask to be with you if she wanted.

Please don’t do this OP.

Smartiepants79 · 17/10/2024 09:45

Don’t just do it behind her back. That’s not going to go well.
She needs to be told. Going with you to the vet might help her accept it necessary. Have you explained that as good cat owners who over their pet it is important to accept when it’s time to say good baye and put the pet out of pain and distress.

Spinet · 17/10/2024 09:47

Durdledore · 17/10/2024 09:39

My dad has just died and I had similar with my teens as you have with yours - the denial and the ‘he’s going to pull through’ when I knew all the signs were that he wasn’t, yet they wouldn’t have any of it.

Luckily I, like you, knew the day he was going to die as the hospital staff let us know how things were going for him so I took that moment to say ‘it’s happening guys, we need to be with him now for the last time’. It was very emotional but loving and beautiful, and I don’t think any of them regretted that last bit of time with him.

So I say 100% tell her as it will help with her bereavement that she had chance to be there.

Sending my condolences to you all. ❤️

I'm so sorry about your dad. This is lovely though and such good mothering when you must have been feeling pretty dreadful yourself. ❤

Lifestooshort71 · 17/10/2024 09:48

Tell her that it is a strong option and to say goodbye to Catty in case. Tell her she's old enough to understand that the vet will decide what's best for Catty and that you will go along with it for the sake of Catty.
Please don't let her go to her Dad's without knowing the probable outcome - it will be sad for you all but painless for the animal. Good luck.

Durdledore · 17/10/2024 09:51

Spinet · 17/10/2024 09:47

I'm so sorry about your dad. This is lovely though and such good mothering when you must have been feeling pretty dreadful yourself. ❤

Show quote history

Thank you, that means such a lot. ❤️

ScottBakula · 17/10/2024 10:10

I agree with pp , tell her what's going on and that your cat may have to be pts there and then .
It would be horrible for her to come home from hers dad's to find out what's happened .

Also give the vets a call before you go and explain that if dcat has to be pts you'd like the vet to help you explain it to your dd in a age appropriate way.
Any vet worth their salt will be good at doing this and it takes the burden and 'fault' off you.

Esgaroth · 17/10/2024 15:40

My mother had our cat put down when I was a teenager without telling us beforehand. I definitely would have appreciated a chance to say goodbye to him.

The last thing I said to him was a stupid joke. I know he wouldn't have understood but I'd have liked to tell him he was a good cat and I loved him.

I don't think you'll be making it any easier by telling her after the fact. She's still going to be equally upset that she's dead.

Swipe left for the next trending thread