Signed off sick for pet grief

[MellowYellow552]

I'm a pet sitter. One of my furry clients was PTS last week, the day after I concluded my assignment. I'd looked after her for a few years and she had health issues but I noticed something wasn't right with her. Since then the family have been in deep pain. One of them has been signed off work because of reaction and the little boy has begun acting differently, whilst the mum is holding it all together. I lost my cat a few weeks ago and understand completely. People don't take this seriously enough ("it's just a bloody animal" kind of responses).

I'm going to start pet grief counselling training which I had thought of after losing my last cat but this has pushed me to it.

When I was a young graduate I got a call from my parents to tell me they were having to put my childhood dog to sleep. She'd been aging for a while so it wasn't completely out of the blue but it was still hard to hear. I tried to hold it together at work but I struggled and my lovely boss asked what was wrong, then told me to go home for the rest of the day to have some space.

Pets are part of our family so it's to be expected that it hurts when they go.

I was grateful I was WFH when my last cat passed away. I cried numerous times a day every day for a week 😢

❤️

Humans can form intense bonds with animals, and this should be respected.

But human relationships, especially with our kids, are different. They're not just about love or companionship - they're about shaping the future, sacrificing your own wants, and dealing with a constantly evolving dynamic.

Take my situation. I'm out of work right now because of issues with my kids' school. That's the kind of thing that comes with raising humans but not pets. Pets are there for mutual comfort, sure, but they don't demand the same level of self-sacrifice or life upheaval. A pet isn't going to grow up and need you in different ways, they are a static part of your life, largely there to make you, the owner, feel good.

I am one of the most resilient people
But when my horse died, yes I was off work

I'll try and explain it
When I fell out with someone, I went to see my horse. Or if work was shit, or if I had a bad day, I went to see her and ride
When everything was falling apart, she was my constant. I would go to the stables and spend time there or ride. For a decade
She was there through job loss, friend fall outs, relationship breakdowns, happy days, bad days

Then she died suddenly. I went to go to my comfort, my home because the worst thing had happened and it was gone. All I wanted was to go home and it wasn't there any more and I didn't know what to do

I thought when you read about peoples legs going under from them when they hear bad news, oh that's never happened to me, weird. When I got the call she had been found dead, my legs went and i was on the floor
My GP prescribed medication so I could sleep as I had cried so much my teeth hurt (also didn't know that could happen)

I was closer to her than I was my mum so yes I had more time off work for her than my mums death

It's like being homesick for a home that doesn't exist

I have had to cut contact to my abusive family. I have delivered at work all the way through complex grief for 18 months.

I have zero family now. I am alone. My cat is my family.

Maybe you will find it in you to open your mind a bit. Understand that there are things you don't understand and will never experience but your staff members might.

@RedHotWings
Ah I see what you're saying here , especially with children and their constantly changing dynamic.
Pets to me have always been a comfort , they don't hurt me or argue , they require a sacrifice as I can't holiday without them etc ( nervous rescues ) but yes they do make me feel happier and I really hope I make them happy too.
I recently tried dating again but I honestly stopped and decided I'm much happier being in alone every evening with them.
I hope your school situation gets better too

20 years ago when I was in high school, a class mate had 2 weeks off sick for bereavement. Her hamster had died.

@Haroldwilson it really depends and you can’t say it’s not the same. For me my 17 year old dog dying was much worse than when any of my family have died

Thank you. I do respect human-pet relationships. I have formed intense relationships with my pets which were genuinely meaningful. But it is not the same as human relationships, although this doesn't make it less important necessarily. Thank you re school. I wish you every happiness - with human and animals alike!

@spikeandbuffy Your last sentence is perfect. Thank you.

Very fair point and I'm sorry it took your post for me to understand it. I'll be more conscious of it in future.

I think I cried for 3 months straight when my Switchy died. My skin was so raw and painful and I wore sunglasses the whole time. I did manage to work and get on with day to day tasks but honestly losing him after 12 years was the worst pain I had ever felt (until
i lost my mum 4 years later but still a close second) I still wear his ashes in my ring 9 years on and doubt I will ever take it off. Fur babies are part of the family and he will always be a part of my soul. Xx

I can only assume you have never lost a parent or a child? Thankfully I haven’t but my husband lost his father and the grief and suffering was in no way comparable to losing the dog.
There are levels of grief and you do absolutely do grieve the loss of a pet and it takes time to heal, and yes compassionate leave might help some people but it isn’t comparable to losing a parent.

I've lost 4 dogs in my lifetime, the grief I had for them is totally insignificant to the grief I had, and still have for my daughter who died when she was 3. I find it utterly insulting when someone tries to tell me that losing their pet is the same.

I can only assume you don't know what it's like to not come from a loving home and to not have loving parents. Count yourself lucky.

@OpalSquid no, for some people it's worse and others it's not

I had barely spoken to my mum in a decade, why would I grieve her more than an animal I had spent twice a day every day for the last decade? The grief wasn't comparable for me either but the other way round

My cat was by my side for over 19 years. She was a link to my first husband, she sat with me when I miscarried three times, she was my shadow when I have hyperemesis.

She was my constant for two decades, if I didn't work for myself, I'd have booked leave as well.

Why do you assume all people come from a home with loving parents worth grieving? What a sheltered life you must have lived.

actually it happens... i worked with a lady who lost her dog, and she was signed off sick for 6 months!

a lot of people forget that for some of us, these fur babies are litterally our lives and losing them is the same as losing a family member x

I have lost both parents. Devastated by their deaths. But I can honestly say that the death of my dog hit far deeper and for much longer. I make no apologies for saying this. He was everything.

I don't know why it's hard to comprehend that the loss of a pet is far worse than losing a person/family to some people. With how nasty, harsh and judgy people are being on this thread it's really no surprise is it?

I lost my last dog 2 years ago and it was probably the most traumatic experience of my life and I don't really care if you think that's pathetic.

I spent 12 years with her, I've always worked from home we were together pretty much 24/7, I'm a homebody, I'm happiest at home with my dog and a book or tv show.
When you've spent 12 years with a constant companion that loves you unconditionally, doesn't judge, makes you laugh, follows you like a shadow and knows when you are sad then losing them is awful.

You have them put to sleep, get back home with your dogs lead/collar in hand, open the door and that little happy face and waggy tail that has been there to greet you every day for 12 years is no longer there. The house is silent, your dog's bed is still there, the toys, treats, food and bowls but no soul.
You go to bed and when you wake up there's not a little dog expecting a morning cuddle, your 12 year routine, no dog to let out, breakfast to make, medication to give walks to take. 12 years of love and routine gone.

You cannot get over that sort of loss in a day or two.

I think grief is not and should not be a competition.

I also think some people just have different attitudes to pets and people - for some pets are part of the family and just as loved as the humans, and for others they are loved but very much an animal.

There are people who, by choice or otherwise, don't have children, partners, siblings or other family. They're not necessarily elderly, either - but their pet may be their main source of love and comfort and companionship. I don't think anyone who isn't in that situation can say it's not a comparable grief to the loss of a human relationship because if you're judging that by how you feel about your human relationships, how can you possibly know what it feels like for that person?

I'm long term single & childfree, both by choice, happily an only child, and lost my beloved Dad 7 years ago and have had other family losses since. I have wonderful close extended family and friends, and yet when my cats die they will be absolutely the worst loss imaginable except for my parents, because they are the beings I spend most time in my life with and I love them more than I knew was possible. They are not replaceable for me - I may have other pets after them but it's by no means a certainty.

I'm self employed so don't have the leave issue, but I didn't have the best experience with compassionate leave from my employer at the time when my Dad died, so don't hold out a lot of hope for them around pets.

Is it the castle in Edinburgh who has a whole section in honour of the dogs who lived there?

I cried much more for my dog than my mother, it can absolutely be just as bad as losing a human family member.