Signed off sick for pet grief

[MellowYellow552]

I'm a pet sitter. One of my furry clients was PTS last week, the day after I concluded my assignment. I'd looked after her for a few years and she had health issues but I noticed something wasn't right with her. Since then the family have been in deep pain. One of them has been signed off work because of reaction and the little boy has begun acting differently, whilst the mum is holding it all together. I lost my cat a few weeks ago and understand completely. People don't take this seriously enough ("it's just a bloody animal" kind of responses).

I'm going to start pet grief counselling training which I had thought of after losing my last cat but this has pushed me to it.

I recently had to put my much loved cat to sleep after 18 years and a short illness. It was really sad, but no I cannot compare losing him to a human family member dying. I loved him dearly, but a week later I got new kittens and life moves on.

I would not take compassionate leave if my pet died. A few days holiday perhaps .

The apple doesn’t fall far etc. Cold heart.

You are the ridiculous one tbf.

I've sanctioned compassion leave for almost ever human circumstance I can imagine and have even been told I'm far too generous about it.

But I draw the line at pet grief. If someone wants to go to the doctor and avail of certified sick leave, that's absolutely fine but otherwise no, it's not grounds for compassionate leave.

I worry about the resilience of people these days.

While I personally understand and agree that an individual's grief over losing a pet can be as intense as losing a human relationship, it's appropriate that society as a whole doesn't treat these losses equally. There are good reasons for maintaining a distinction between human and animal loss at a societal level, even if individual experiences of grief can be comparable. reasons for my view are:

1. If society were to equate pet loss with human loss, it might inadvertently trivialize human death. This could be seen as disrespectful to the complexity of human relationships and the broader impact a person's death has on a community.

2. The loss of a human often has wider-reaching consequences for a community - loss of a provider, caregiver, or friend in wider society. While pets are valued companions, their loss typically doesn't have the same ripple effect on the broader community.

3. Human relationships often involve more complex dynamics, shared histories, and intricate emotional connections that develop over decades. While pet relationships can be profound, they can not match the multifaceted and complex nature of long-term human bonds.

@howtostoptime @timeforanewmoniker so out of interest where does it end? Compassionate leave for a cat. What about a hamster? A goldfish? A fish that lives in your pond outside?

While pet relationships can be profound, they can not match the multifaceted and complex nature of long-term human bonds.

Just because you haven’t experienced it, doesn’t make it not true. A bond is a bond, raw grief is grief.

I think some forget that not everyone has a family. Some get pets for companionship because they are lonely.
When you spend all your time with them they become a member of your family. I'm a first time dog owner and the love my partner and I have for our pup is second to none. She's part of our family unit and our best friend and we dread the day that she leaves us.
It's gonna be hard and I would only hope my employer or any employer would understand this.

A dog or a cat is not capable of forming relationships with the same level of complexity and richness as a human can.

My dog died on a Friday, I did not take any time off. But I (and family) were so utterly sad, like tears would just fall without being able to stop them. And had someone told me that a year ago I would honestly have secretly laughed a bit. I have relatives I was sad they died. But our dog my whole heart just hurt, because I seriously miss her so much. My dad is very ill and has weeks left, and this will be a grief I can not yet imagine. I don’t want to. It’s not to compare. But it still doesn’t take away the grief from when our dog died, in her bed on a field behind the vet. It doesn’t.

It’s like you have to be ashame for grieving, that it’s not normal. But my colleagues who have been through the same said they knew exactly how I felt, and yet none of them talked about it when their dogs died. It helped me to know that it is actually normal to grieve my 14-year old dog.

This thread confirms to me the amount of actual arseholes that linger on MN.

I put my oldest dog to sleep yesterday. He was 15. My daughter is devastated, and I loved him but I worked today. I've had a number of pets in my life, and I know I will outlive them. So I give my pets the best life I can, but when the time is right then it's time to let go.
I know some people feel differently - I just had a friend say she loves her dogs as much as her children. I do not share that sentiment.
I list my husband suddenly 15 years ago (just after we got the dog). Losing my dog is no comparable at all.

The parent-child bond is typically more complex and multifaceted. It involves a deeper level of responsibility, shapes one's identity more profoundly, and has broader societal implications. Parents are responsible for shaping a future adult, which carries immense ethical weight. The relationship evolves dramatically over time as the child grows and develops.

Pets, while beloved, have a more straightforward role in our lives. The love for a pet can be intense, but it doesn't usually involve the same level of sacrifice, long-term planning, or identity shift that parenting does. Pets remain dependents throughout their lives, while children grow to become independent individuals with their own complex identities and relationships.

Many humans are cold hearted fuckers tbf. And not worth grieving.

Purely comes down to the individual person and their (genuine) experience, reaction and situation.

In the same way that one person may need compassionate leave if their granny dies and another might not care.

It's not a one size fits all.

I personally cared a lot more about my cats dying than my FIL or uncle dying, for example. My uncle was old and passed away peacefully, lived hundreds of miles away. When my cat died it was after a very long terminal illness that required several vet trips a week, often at late hours, and round the clock care with medication at set hours every day. I had to watch her slowly decline and it was brutally difficult. So one affected me a lot more than the other.

@timeforanewmoniker so as a manager you would allow an employee paid time off for the death of a gerbil? How do you tell if it is genuine? It would be very easy to put it on if one were so inclined. There is something to be said for resilience.

@RedHotWings I completely disagree , I love my dogs and they make me happier and calmer and more content than any human relationship has ever left me feeling. People under estimate hugely how much love and companionship a pet can give you , unconditionally. They help heal pain from broken relationships , grief , life problems , some people can't Connect with other people for a variety of reasons , pets can be your best and happiest bond

It has taken me six months to manage not to tear up whenever I think or talk about my beautiful girl who died earlier this year. I miss her so much, she should be lying in her bed next to me right now. The only thing that makes me feel better is having my other dog curled up on the sofa next to me and hoping that one day I will walk with her in yellow-flowered meadows again.
Op, pet grief is real.

What specifically have I said that you disagree with?

I would be insulted if someone insinuated my loss of a pet was not comparable to losing a human. I have family and friends but death of a pet is worse for me. Why can't people accept that different people have different feelings about things? I don't judge you for being upset about a parent dying for instance, it would not however impact me in the same way and I would be able to continue working

My 16 year old cat died 2 weeks ago. My manager let me leave 2 hours early without pay as long as I made the work up the next day.
I still feel a real sense of loss and miss him dearly. I agree that it isn't generally viewed the same as losing a human family member.

There's also something to be said for compassion.

I run my own business and we have a pet bereavement policy for staff.

If they take the piss with it then that means we've hired the wrong person.

But we have never had people abuse it. They are genuine. It's very clear that it has meant a lot to them that we have that policy when it's come up, and we've had - male - employees in floods of tears about how much their childhood dog or cat was always by their side and they can't remember their life without them and they're struggling to cope.

Never had a gerbil come up but it's our policy so I wouldn't turn it down.

If it became an obvious piss take where they had an ant colony with a contagious disease and wanted a week off per ant, that would obviously be different.

@RedHotWings

A dog or a cat is not capable of forming relationships with the same level of complexity and richness as a human can

This part about the richness and complexity of bonding with them .

Same here. Never in 25 years has anyone taken the piss. Never.

Exactly right , i am a vet nurse and obviously euthanasia is a big part of my job.
One of the saddest situations which we all agree on is when an elderly person has their pet put to sleep , this may be all they had and it is heart breaking.

Big thanks to all those lovely bosses and colleagues who recognise the grief of losing a pet, same compassion at my work , it is a great support when every single one of my team knows how someone is feeling and why they are in tears when its one of our own who have lost a friend 😢

I still miss my stupid floof hound who sadly passed 9 years ago.

I was much more devastated when he died, than I have been when people have died.

Grief doesn't allow you to choose how you feel about a person or a pet dying.