Senior cat being PTS, when is the right time?

[Kit24]

My senior cat has cancer and will need to be put to sleep soon. I am thinking of taking her in next week but I’m finding it difficult to let her go. She is still finding joy in life but in my heart, I know she won’t improve. The type of cancer she has is aggressive and the tumour has been growing over the last couple of weeks.

Today I’ve been spending time with her in the garden and she seems so happy. Rolling around on the ground, trying to catch blades of grass and sleeping in the sun. Part of me feels like I am doing the wrong thing but then I look at her and see that slowly, she’s losing her spark. Usually she runs to greet me in the morning but today she was slow and sleepy and took ages to get up from where she sleeps on the coffee table. The vet said to bring her in when she’s stopped doing basic things like eating, drinking and using the litter tray. She’s still doing all this but I worry she’s hiding her pain from me.

She was over grooming last week (I think because she was in pain) and using her scratching post more than usual so I went to the vet and asked for some stronger pain relief in a last ditch attempt to give her more time. The vet nurse was kind but she told me that the tumour is growing fast and by now it will be causing problems for her so I need to think about making the decision. She said it didn’t matter that she was still eating because animals will always try to eat as a survival instinct. I agreed with what she said but I am not in a good frame of mind and I got quite tearful (a bit embarrassing in front of the whole waiting room.) As it goes, the pills taste horrible and it’s a struggle to make my cat take them, even disguised in cheese and tuna etc. She spits them out so she’s missing doses sometimes.

I live with my sister who shares the cat with me. She is reluctant to euthanise her and wants to take each day at a time. But our cat is not going to get any better and I don’t want her to suffer. And then I remember how she was so happy in the garden today and I don’t know whether it’s the right decision.

I am not sleeping well because of worry about our lovely girl and also about losing her. I dread phoning and making the appointment, having to put her in the carrier and take her to the vet (she hates it) and I can’t bear to go home without her. I keep thinking about how empty the house will be and how all her things will still be here. Yet I know it needs to be done. I’ve never had to make this decision before and it’s so hard. I considered home euthanasia but my sister doesn’t want that and I don’t think our vet offers it anyway.

Does anyone have advice on how to know when the right time is? And how to cope with such a sad day?

@Kit24
Have you made an appointment? it's now Wednesday and you've been thinking since Sunday, your wee cat is in pain and distress please help her.

Yes she is being PTS tomorrow. We wouldn’t let her suffer. I think it’s the right time.

How are you doing, OP? I’ve been thinking about you today. 🤍

@Judystilldreamsofhorses Thanks for thinking of me. 💕

Today has been really hard because we did end up putting our lovely girl to sleep. I feel some guilt because she was having a good day, much better than yesterday. She greeted me when I got up, ate all her breakfast and spent some time in the garden before falling asleep on her favourite table. I was considering cancelling the appointment but then I remembered how stressed she’s been in the last week or so and I didn’t want her to suffer. For the whole car ride to the vet, I kept questioning if we were doing the right thing. She was like her old self, very curious and watching out of the window. But I told myself it was for the best given her recent pain and terminal diagnosis.

The vet staff were lovely. They took us into a quiet room straightaway and gave us some time alone with her before and after they injected the sedative. She was her normal placid, sweet self and didn’t even react to the needle going in apart from a slight flinch. It took effect very quickly and my sister and I held her and told her how much she was loved. The vet then came in and did the final injection then she was gone. It was very peaceful and we wrapped her in a cosy blanket before leaving her.

It really broke our hearts and we have both been crying all day. The house seems so empty without her and I miss the routine of giving her dinner etc. I asked the vet if we made the right decision and she said we did. We looked inside her mouth and saw the damage the cancer had done so she must have been hiding her pain from us.

I will always miss my gorgeous, affectionate girl. I keep thinking of her lying on the table at the vet and feeling very sad. It’s a strange mix of intense guilt and relief that she’s not suffering. We chose an individual cremation and a nice paw print urn for her ashes. But I think it will take a long time to feel better because I am devastated at the moment. However, I am glad she had a peaceful death and that it was dignified and that she didn’t die in pain or distress. 💕

RIP KItty

you did do the right thing, and you know that.

Would you like to tell us her name ?
and if you are able to attach a photo ?

Well done for making the hardest decision. It sounds like a peaceful end for a much loved cat.

Sweet old girl. They are so good at hiding their pain and you did her a kindness, however incredibly sad it is.

You did the right thing, @Kit24 - it was only going one way for her and she is out of pain now. It’s the worst thing ever, and I know exactly what you mean about the routine of your home being all out of whack. My friend crocheted a mini-version of her for me a few years ago, and I put that in her bed every night and said good night to it before bed which sounds unhinged but I couldn’t get past closing the kitchen door and saying nothing.

Take good care of yourself. I was worried about work and being thought foolish if I got upset, but people were SO kind. I’m a lecturer and always had a photo of our girl as my final slide, so I had to tell my students she was gone and gosh, they were all so lovely (a couple of the girls cried which set me off!). My manager bought me a beautiful orchid for her and we got loads of cards in the post too.

Do it. The time is right and this is from someone who was in the same position as you last week. I cried, I second guessed myself, I read signs that she was doing ok but really she wasn't.

I also couldn't leave without her so brought her home and buried her in the garden. Some vets will come to your house. They did with our last cat and that was my plan this time unfortunately she was fading faster than their availability so had to go to the vets.

My heart goes out to you. I feel your pain as ours is still so very raw but better to be a week too early rather than a day too late. Its the kindest last thing you can do xxx

@ThisMerryLurker

If you had even just read the last reply you would have realised that Kitty went to the Vet yesterday.

and if when reading the opening post on a thread, you click on see all - bottom right hand corner, then you would have been able to read all the Op's updates including the sad one she posted yesterday.

Thanks to you all for your advice over the past few days.

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon Her name was Millie. I hope you don’t mind if I don’t post a photo. I’m just finding things very hard at the moment and I can’t even look at photos of her. Hope you understand.

I am struggling a lot today. I had a bad night and was unable to get much sleep. I work from home and she always used to follow me around the house like my little shadow. I keep expecting to see her walking around or sat in one of her many spots in the house. Around this time she would be meowing at me for her lunch. It breaks my heart.

We packed up her things this morning and put them in storage. I didn’t do it earlier as some people suggested because she would have noticed. She was very perceptive and it might have worried her. I have a lot of food and cat litter that obviously she won’t use now. I’ve put it in the loft in case we ever get another cat because the expiry dates are far away. Some of her opened dry food I will see if I can donate. Not sure about her medication because there are probably rules about opened bottles etc.

Although I know I did the right thing deep down, I feel a bit like I robbed her of her last evening. Before we took her to the vet, she had been sleeping on the table. About five minutes before we left, she woke up and was meowing to go into the garden. Instead she had to be put in the carrier. I feel terrible and wonder if I should have postponed to give her one last evening with us. But the day before she’d been very lethargic and unwell and I wasn’t expecting her to have perked up so much. Just makes me sad to know that she wanted to sit outside and instead she was taken to the vet and never came back. I hope she would understand that I did it to help her. I was telling my sister that maybe we should have had a home euthanasia but she rightly reminded me that Millie was terrified of strangers in the home (she would hide until they left) so I don’t think any way would have been easy. At least she was calm at the vets and I hope she wasn’t scared, as we were with her.

Go easy on yourself. I had to call our girl in from the garden to go in the hated box to the hated vet, so I totally get that feeling - in our case she had eaten a tin of tuna and had a load of Philadelphia cheese, so was genuinely living her best life. Except for the big fuck off cancer that was eating away at her.

It felt criminal to say goodbye when she was so “well”. I was frightened that the next day or the next day or the day after that she might be seriously “not well” and need an emergency dash to the OOH vet miles away and everything happen in a panic. That would have been far worse for everyone. Your situation sounds very similar and while it is completely fucking awful and utterly heartbreaking, you did the brave thing for your lovely cat.

One last evening / one last morning / one last afternoon / one last

No

you would never forgive yourself if she took herself off somewhere to die - plenty of stories around where someone's cat has done that.
Just remember the damage in her mouth, you would not have wanted her to be in any pain. Very soon she would not have been able to eat or it would have been agony for her to try/do so. You didn't want that.

Just remember Millie was very loved and she knew it, Millie is unaware that she has passed and gone over the Rainbow Bridge.

Thank you @Judystilldreamsofhorses I’m glad you can relate to how I’m feeling. It’s a really hard thing to deal with. Like your girl, mine had lots of treats. In her last few days she had all the milkshakes, tuna, ice cream, ham etc, even though the vet said she was surprised she could still eat with the pain from the cancer. She was so brave.

She tried to climb out of the carrier when I was putting her inside and I feel horrible now. But I was also worried that if I left her, she would decline quickly and with the weekend coming up I didn’t want a crisis when the vet was closed. Even though I feel awful, I did think when I woke up this morning that it was the right thing. I hope she is still around in spirit and free from pain.

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon Thanks, I know you’re right. The damage in her mouth was already causing her pain and she hardly ate the day before she passed. That’s why I made the decision because it was too hard to watch her suffer like that. She was sniffing it but couldn’t bring herself to try, bless her. And I know that was one bad day and she was much better the next, but I’m sure the bad days would have become more frequent if we hadn’t made the decision.

I think she definitely knew she was loved. We told her again right at the end. I hope she is at peace now.

Do you use social media ? I have 2 Facebook pages/groups called Spotted Torquay etc

I would ask if anyone would like Millie's medicine, you can say it's been opened.

I sent all of a dog's medicine to the rescue she had been adopted from, both open and/or unused. ( They do happen to have their own vet on site and the Vet can decide which if any/all to use.)

and I often see offers on the rescue's facebook group page from other people offering and people accepting .

it's all a matter of trust - it would be a pretty nasty person that would tamper with a deceased pet's medication esp tablets. yes there may be rules ? but you are not selling or reselling. you would be giving. and if the other person wished to make a donation to a Cat Charity then that is nice.

That’s a good idea. I am part of a group for one of her medical conditions - I used to ask for advice back when she was diagnosed. I think there is a lady on there who sorts out donated medicine so I’ll ask. It would be a shame for it to go to waste. It would be very hard to tamper with anyway because of the bottle design.

I am not sure if anyone wants her half used dry food but I’ll offer it free on marketplace. Some other cat might benefit from it.

offer the food to the same group as the medical condition, someone will be pleased with it.

You did the right thing. Your lovely Millie has gone peacefully and avoided the suffering that was to come. That was the last gift you could give her and I have no doubt she knew how very much she was loved.

But it was a hard and heartbreaking decision for you. And the emptiness they leave behind is so painful.

Be kind to yourself over the days and weeks to come. It’s natural to grieve when you’ve lost a dear friend and companion.