Senior cat being PTS, when is the right time?

[Kit24]

My senior cat has cancer and will need to be put to sleep soon. I am thinking of taking her in next week but I’m finding it difficult to let her go. She is still finding joy in life but in my heart, I know she won’t improve. The type of cancer she has is aggressive and the tumour has been growing over the last couple of weeks.

Today I’ve been spending time with her in the garden and she seems so happy. Rolling around on the ground, trying to catch blades of grass and sleeping in the sun. Part of me feels like I am doing the wrong thing but then I look at her and see that slowly, she’s losing her spark. Usually she runs to greet me in the morning but today she was slow and sleepy and took ages to get up from where she sleeps on the coffee table. The vet said to bring her in when she’s stopped doing basic things like eating, drinking and using the litter tray. She’s still doing all this but I worry she’s hiding her pain from me.

She was over grooming last week (I think because she was in pain) and using her scratching post more than usual so I went to the vet and asked for some stronger pain relief in a last ditch attempt to give her more time. The vet nurse was kind but she told me that the tumour is growing fast and by now it will be causing problems for her so I need to think about making the decision. She said it didn’t matter that she was still eating because animals will always try to eat as a survival instinct. I agreed with what she said but I am not in a good frame of mind and I got quite tearful (a bit embarrassing in front of the whole waiting room.) As it goes, the pills taste horrible and it’s a struggle to make my cat take them, even disguised in cheese and tuna etc. She spits them out so she’s missing doses sometimes.

I live with my sister who shares the cat with me. She is reluctant to euthanise her and wants to take each day at a time. But our cat is not going to get any better and I don’t want her to suffer. And then I remember how she was so happy in the garden today and I don’t know whether it’s the right decision.

I am not sleeping well because of worry about our lovely girl and also about losing her. I dread phoning and making the appointment, having to put her in the carrier and take her to the vet (she hates it) and I can’t bear to go home without her. I keep thinking about how empty the house will be and how all her things will still be here. Yet I know it needs to be done. I’ve never had to make this decision before and it’s so hard. I considered home euthanasia but my sister doesn’t want that and I don’t think our vet offers it anyway.

Does anyone have advice on how to know when the right time is? And how to cope with such a sad day?

It's very simple but heartbreaking

' Good morning. I need to book Kitty in to be put to sleep today,

I wish to be present
I would like a timed appointment as I really don't feel able to sit in the waiting room with hundreds of other pet owners waiting to see a Vet.
Otherwise I will wait in my car until it is my turn and you can phone me and I will then come in with Kitty.
Please can you also arrange for her to be cremated and the ashes to be returned to me / I will then be bringing Kitty home to be buried in the garden.

if you can say all that without bursting into tears after the first sentence you will be doing exceptionally well.

Luckily my Vets can anticipate me from the 1 question onwards and they ask and i am able to sob yes/no in reply.

Please do not take any children with you to the appointment. as you say ' we ' will be taking her to the vet.

Thank you @OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon
it will be my sister and I, we won’t take the children. They will be with our parents.

Is there a best time of day to book for? I don’t want to wake up to her eager for her breakfast and take her there straightaway but if I leave it until the evening she will be asking for her dinner. She is a cat who is very fixed on her little routine.

I feel so terrible taking her now when she still has some happiness left but I can see she is in pain in other moments and she’s only going to get worse. I don’t want to wait until she’s in crisis and suffering. It’s so hard.

I really feel for you OP, it's an awful decision to make,but it definitely sounds like it's the right one.

You've had some good advice here already, especially from the person who said to please put your cat's things away in a cupboard or something before you go - it's so traumatic to come home and then have to deal with their bowls etc.

We have lots of pets, most of them elderly and/or a bit wonky, so sadly we usually have to face this situation at least once a year. One thing that makes it a bit more bearable for us is to ask for the last appointment of the day, or the last afternoon one. That way we're not walking out, sobbing, through a waiting room with other people there.

And don't worry about crying on the phone or in front of the vet. No matter how often we have to deal with this, DH and I are always a sobbing mess. Our vets sometimes get upset too, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

You know that phrase "grief is the price we pay for love"? I think it's very appropriate here.

Please don't over think it.
Let her have her breakfast as I suspect that will be before your Vet opens ?

do you know what happens ?

it is not like being booked in for an operation when you are told not to let Kitty eat after 12 midnight and not to drink after 6 am etc.

you need to try and be big and really brave, no weeping and wailing in the Vets as you do not want Kitty distressed.

you want it all to be calm and peaceful.

it will be very quick.

I will try to keep it together for her. I’ve not cried in front of her yet so hope this continues. The reason I worry about feeding her is that she gets car sick and I don’t want to feed her too close to the time she’s going. It would be sad if she was sick in her carrier and that was her last journey. Maybe I can book the last appointment and just give her a cat yogurt and not a heavy dinner.

I know a bit about what happens from when my childhood dog died and my parents described it. But I’ve never been present for an animal being pts before so I am a little apprehensive. I hope it will be peaceful.

We booked the last appointment in the day on the basis it would be quiet/no barky dogs, and had a nice day at home - it was sunny so she was lying out in the garden and she had tuna and Philadelphia, her favourites. I had to be taken out a special back exit as I was so upset, and the vet offered us to pay over the phone later. I asked the vet nurse to take her pawprints and had one done as a tattoo a few weeks later, with a little heart as I always called her “my sweetest little heart”. Unlike pp we didn’t put her things away, as I couldn’t bear the idea of her being gone from the house altogether. (As it was we adopted another cat indecently quickly.)

If I had to go again I would have asked for her to be sedated first as something went wrong initially and she cried out - the vet did then take her out and sedate her which was the point I became quite distressed myself. She slipped away peacefully after that with me holding her and both of us telling her how much we love her, which I think is not a bad way to go. We left her in the furry pad of her carrier, and she looked like she was having a snooze.

I’m weeping typing this - it’s so awful, and I feel so sorry for you.

Have you tried getting some wafer thin ham.and wrapping tablet in ham? That's how my cats takes their flea tablets and worming tablets. They love ham.

ok, cats live in the moment Kitty does not know this is her last car journey, so if she is sick then she is sick

it will be peaceful if you and your sister are calm.

are you both going into the consultation room ?
take some tissues with you.

save your tears for when it is all over, take some comfort in the fact that Kitty will not know she has died.

It's been a long time since I had a cat or dog PTS without sedation

but yes just incase your Vet does not do this as part of their normal procedure, ask for it.

however i have found that sometimes the Vet takes my pet away to be sedated and I no longer wish that as i want to be the last person that my pet hears/sees/smells.

@Judystilldreamsofhorses What a lovely tattoo, I’m sure you feel that you carry a bit of her with you 💕 sending love because it’s so upsetting to lose a furry friend. Thanks for sharing your experience and advice. 💐

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon My sister is not sure if she can face going in but I definitely will. She has given me so much love and happiness and I would never leave her alone in her final moments. I will ask for sedation and try to be near her. Will the vet let me hold her while it happens? I don’t know how it will work.

Having had to PTS two cats & two dogs during the past few years, I understand how painful and difficult this is. The best decision we ever made though was to do it at home; it’s costly but so much better than taking a pet to the vets when you know they hate it. Whatever you decide, you will always question if you did the right thing at the right time. Ultimately you have to do what’s right for your cat.

I am so sorry that you are in this position. It really is the price we pay. We had to say goodbye to our beloved dog earlier this year. Sedation works very quickly, she just finished her bowl of steak and fell asleep before the final injection. We held her paw and talked and stroked her, and it was so peaceful that we didn't know when she was gone. Just sleep into deeper sleep. We fell apart afterwards, but that was us suffering not her. We didn't tidy any things away beforehand, because she would have noticed and thought we were packing or something. There's still a muddy paw mark on the window. Be kind to yourself.

Oh, I just thought of something else OP. We had a private cremation and the pet crematorium rang me unexpectedly to say the ashes were ready - my DP was down as the main contact and he was abroad with work, so they defaulted to me. I was at work myself, about to go and teach a class, and had to make decisions about urns on the hoof, crying in the office and knowing I had 20 under-grads sitting in a classroom wondering where I was.

I paid a small fortune over the phone, without realising I could have had the ashes in a cardboard container, and sourced something of our choosing at our leisure. I wish I had known that. I did get the PC to drop her ashes at the vet at least, as it’s miles out of town, so that’s possibly worth doing too if it’s more convenient.

@Judystilldreamsofhorses Oh that must have been so difficult, especially as it was unexpected. We will ask for an individual cremation - I didn’t know they offered different containers. I suppose you can source a nice container and transfer the ashes from the box? My sister was talking about making some jewellery with her ashes so we can carry her with us which is a really nice idea. I will feel better having her ashes because I’m haunted by the idea I’ll be leaving her with the vet and she won’t be coming home. At least then she will be ‘coming home’ in a way. I also plan to make a memorial for her in the garden because she loves being out there.

Warning - upsetting post

@Kit24

there is usually 3 steps

you are usually allowed to stroke her / talk to her the whole time
the vet will usually need / want to shave a little bit on one of Kitty's front paws
then the Vet will give the sedative
then the Vet will give the final ' medicine '

there will be a needle / syringe used during the procedure

Kitty will have fallen asleep
then Kitty's heart will stop

then the Vet usually checks with a stethoscope that Kitty has passed away.

usually you will be allowed some time alone with Kitty
Kitty will still be warmish and soft, Kitty's eyes may be open.

Warning:

Kitty may pass urine or faeces afterwards, sometimes Kitty may pass ' air ' from her mouth, it is air leaving her body she is not still breathing.

if Kitty is going to be cremated then usually the vet will take Kitty away, otherwise if Kitty is being buried in the back garden then you or the Vet if you feel unable to do so, will wrap Kitty up in a blanket / towel, so if you are taking her home with you take something that she can be fully wrapped up in.

then you and your sister will leave the consultation room, with your cat carrier - anyone/everyone in the waiting room at that point will be very aware what has happened as they can see the carrier is either empty or that Kitty is all wrapped up.
you may find someone acknowledges your loss, you may even find you get offered a tissue.

some vets have a side or back door that you can leave through.

Depending on your Vet and your relationship with them , you may be expected to pay the bill there and then.

It is usually all very quick, you may realise afterwards that you were only in the consultation room 15 mins.

I was offered a few different options but they didn’t say I could get the ashes “loose” and do something with them myself. Afterwards I felt like this was wrong, and they made money off the fact I was upset and on the spot. The container we have is sealed so not possible to get the ashes out. We have her on the hearth, and I tell our naughty new ginger boy she is keeping her eye on him.

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon we went straight to the injection with no sedation initially - I would 100% request the sedation if I found myself (god willing in a long time off) in that situation again. I didn’t know what to expect and really wish I had posted here. We were given the option to leave the carrier/pay later but DP (so grateful for him) actually dealt with all that while a kind nurse took me out a back door.

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon Thanks, that will help me prepare. I didn’t know some of those things happened. It’s going to be such a hard day. I thought about your earlier suggestion of going out somewhere afterwards to avoid the pain of going home without her. If I feel up to it, I’ll do that. But I fear my sister and I will be a huge sobbing mess once it’s all over.

@Judystilldreamsofhorses Your cat was gorgeous. My dad used to have a white cat just like that! I didn’t know you can’t open the boxes so that’s something to bear in mind for my sister’s memorial jewellery idea.

@Kit24 she was the absolute best girl. Her diagnosis was so completely unexpected (we’d had her back and forth a few times for puking, but she was otherwise “well” right to the very last day and it was always put down to “just hairballs” until I pushed for tests) that it was a terrible shock to lose her at only ten.

We miss her so very much. I comfort myself knowing that she had the absolute best life with us, and that we did our absolute best by her to stop her having pain and suffering - I hope you will feel the same way too.

@Judystilldreamsofhorses It was similar for us too, very unexpected. She was fine up until May then started drooling heavily so we took her to the vet and they discovered the cancer and said it was terminal. A horrible shock because we thought we would have her for many more years. I can’t believe how quickly this disease has progressed in such a short time. And like you, we are heartbroken.

I comfort myself by thinking that she had a lovely home with us and was very spoiled. Even the vet used to say she was like a princess 😂 even this week she’s had all the treats but I noticed today she is tearing her fur out rapidly and her back is looking very sore and bald. I can’t let her suffer like that so I know it’s time. It’s nice that you now have a ginger boy, I’m sure he has a great life too.

My husband was with our cat, during the final moments.

The vet asked my husband if he wanted to be with the cat while it happened, and his reflexive answer was 'no'.

Which he instantly changed his mind about. He was so glad that he could stroke the cat's head and let him hear his voice.

I have been around animals all my life and have had to say goodbye too many times. I wanted to share with you my thoughts about guilt.

There's a saying "better a week too early than a week too late". I have never regretted putting an animal to sleep too soon. This is why I understand you feeling guilty but for the reasons you've stated there is no place or need for guilt. You should feel proud that you've chosen the quality of life for your beloved pet over your obvious pain in losing them. It is going to be incredibly painful which makes this last act you do for your cat the ultimate expression of love for them.

Please tell the vet practise exactly how you're feeling and how they carry out the process so you're aware. Can I suggest when you book the appointment paying for the treatment so you can just leave afterwards.

@Kit24 it’s absolutely brutal, and I am so sorry for you.

My DP didn’t want another cat, partly because I had been so distraught and he didn’t think it would be good for me, but I am so glad we have this little thug. He’s a very different cat, and only 18 months old - he will never, ever replace our girl but we love him, and he dances which is utterly charming.

I was a day too late with my dog. The journey to the vets consisted of my dp cradling her whilst she yelped constantly the whole way. It was horrific.
Honestly, these things happen quickly and it is the kindest act you can carry out for your cat.

We took our dogs body back home with us and had her cremated at the local pet crematorium. We had the ashes back the same day.

Sorry @Pr1mr0se , I was reading the thread back when I realised that planning on going out somewhere else after the vet was your suggestion. My mind has been all over the place this week so I got mixed up.

@Judystilldreamsofhorses Aww your new boy is lovely. How cute that he dances! I have a soft spot for ginger cats 💕

@JustSaltPlease I’m sorry about your dog. It’s so hard to know sometimes when the right time is. I hope you find comfort when you think she is at peace now 💐