How to help my sad boy?

[CleanShirt]

Yesterday stbxh came and picked up girl cat, leaving boy cat alone. I was away for Easter so didn't see the handover, but boy cat is generally upset while I'm away anyway.

He's been shouting non stop since I got back last night and needs all of the attention and cuddles. Feel like the poor little guy is grieving.

I've had today off but have to go out for a few hours and have tomorrow off too to spend the day with him.

Any tips or tricks of how to make my little man feel better? He's a very sweet little soul and I feel so bad for him.

When will his girl pal come back? He is distressed cos he doesn't know why she's not with him.😢

Feliway if he responds to it. Plus catnip if he responds to that, one of mine lolls about like a junkie.

Things for him to do, like a tunnel or cat tree. Does he respond to those bird videos on an iPad?

I'm allergic to Feliway but the Comfort Zone calming cat collar is a big hit here. Transforms a very sad, very neurotic cat into a chilled out cat. Wearing it for a day seems to break the cycle and she'll then be OK for weeks.

No 😞 long story but stbhx doesn't care about anything but himself, including the cats. She's 14 and he's 5 so he's known her all his life.

I have feliway and ALL the toys but he just wants to be near me all the time, which obviously isn't possible as I have a job! Feel so sad for him.

So STBXH is keeping girl cat and you are keeping boy cat? Although he’ll be sad for a few days he will probably be fine after that. Cats don’t grieve for long in my experience and he may become a more confident only cat.

Or if girl cat is going to keep coming and going with STBXH that is going to be more disruptive.

I have to say I'm impressed at your sad boy.

Looking back over my cat deaths, including sibling pairs, not one has mourned for longer than 30 minutes, including supposedly bonded pairs.

One sibling in particular behaved as if it was the best day of her life.

So you have a v special boy there.

@AnnaMagnani in all my years of having cats I've never met one like him. He's an amazing little thing! I have to move into a friend's house with him before I move into my permanent so also stressing about having to move him twice.

@TenThousandSpoons that's a good way of looking at it, no she's gone forever now so at least he won't have to go through it again.

Girlcat was the same when Boycat had to be PTS, they were litter mates so had been together they entire lives. Being an indoor only cat & me working at the office every day that didn't help. It took me introducing a toyboy to her and giving them a few weeks to settle together before she got less clingy with me.

If he goes out, I would be very worried that he may go looking for her.

@Allergictoironing I'll definitely be getting him a pal at some point but we have 2 house moves ahead of us so can't yet 😞

Made me sad reading this. Sorry you're going through this, and sorry for your boy too x

Glad you're going to get him another pal

Thanks @HappyHappyy. I'm sad too. Poor guy is so confused. If I could spend 24/7 with him to make him happy I would!

Poor wee pet! I'm sure you are very sad too xx

@Canthave2manycats I am, and I miss girl cat! She was a funny sausage but it was just me and the cats for 3 months and she had just started being supper soppy to me. She's a pee-er tho, I won't miss that!

Ah bless! Good enough for you ex... 😉

Exactly... Let's hope she doesn't take a dislike to all his new things 🤣

😂

Have you tried Feliway (or equivalent) diffusers for him yet? That may help a bit. Plus Zylkene - I know it's usually recommended for things like moving house & Bonfire night, but it's a good general de-stressor so may help. Valerian is another calming herb that may or may not help a little.

None of these will be a cure all of course, but may help him get over the initial rawness of losing his friend until you can sort out a longer term solution.

@Allergictoironing I've had a feliway plug in on constantly since stbxh left.. not sure if it does anything but I won't turn it off!

He is still shouty today but seems a little cheerier. Had to be coaxed into eating his metacam laced breakfast (on it long term) but is less glued to my side this morning. He slept under the covers with me for the most of the night so I'm tired today!

Bless him. Our oldest cat grieved massively when our middle girl died unexpectedly. I really didn't expect it as they weren't particularly close, but we rescued him as an adult and he'd never known our home without her.

He was really withdrawn for a few days and slept in her "spot" regularly for about a month or so. We did have another cat in the house which I think helped, but a month later we did get another kitten (unplanned) and it made a huge difference. He accepted the newcomer within 48 hours.

He was quieter but definitely sadder yesterday and slept on her spot on the bed. I've had to come back to work today and it's awful, I want to look after him! He's still eating and had a good roll around in some catnip and begged for Cat TV a few times, but it's fits and spurts of happiness.

Also just confirmed the first (temporary) house move will be on the 21st, so more upheaval for the poor chap. Hope he can be resilient we're in our forever home.

So sorry you are going through this, sounds like a tough time all round and bless you, you are most worried about your little cat, I hope that once you have done house-hopping, you, your fur baby and your new soon-to-be-found feline overlord will have many happy years together

I wonder if a new home will actually make things easier as it will be a completely new start for him - it won't have the same associations with her as your current house does.

Bless him (and you) - he'll be okay

Thanks @Pudmyboy and @fieldsofbutterflies. It's all very tough but he's kept me going for the past 4 months!

That's a really good point re the fresh start and I hope it does help him. We'll probably be there for 2 / 3 months before I complete on the new place - not looking forward to keeping him indoors!

He slept under the covers with my for most of the night, interspersed with donkey kicks to my belly so that was fun. He's literally velcro right now and I can't wait to get home and see him.

Keep looking at the local Cats Protection for new friends for him, far too soon but I like to daydream!

(edit - very aware this post is lacking picture tax but I'll pay my dues later!)

Tax paid!

He is a very gorgeous boy! 😻