I don't love this cat. This is the wrong cat

[Namechangetohidemyevilness]

3 years after having my furry soul mate PTS and 2 years after the new one arrived home, I still don't feel the love. New puss is friendly, affectionate, undemanding, cute, all the right things, and I stroke and play, and cuddle, but don't feel anything like what I felt for the missing one.

Is there any hope a close bond will ever develop? Is the chemistry just wrong? Was the timing wrong? Was there only ever one cat for me?

No cat can be the cat who was your soul mate. If the question is, are you as wonderful as soul mate cat, the answer is always going to be no.

Because they are a different animal and you are not in the same mental and emotional space as you were then. No cat can ever pass the test you're setting.

Best to stop hoping and expecting that they could and just enjoy them for who they are ⭐🐅💕

I seem to have used a tiger emoji! A tiger might give soul mate cat a run for their money... 😉

yes, this is why I will never get another cat, he would not be the The One. I also lost mine 3 years ago, its still hard sometimes

@LauderSyme has nailed it, your new cat sounds adorable, just enjoy their company, we always have one furry soulmate we'll never forget but your heart is big enough to let this little one in.

My grandmother left instructions that her ashes must be interred with those of her feline soul mate. "Let us be together" she wrote... 😪😘

I've had multiple cats over the years and have had different feelings and relationships with all of them.

I know it's really hard but you need to try not to compare the current cat with your old cat - they're not the same animal and it's not really fair on the new cat to always live in your old boys' shadow.

We lost one of ours at age seven last year - it was really sudden and such a shock. We raised her from six weeks of age and she was so affectionate, confident and friendly - and while our others (we currently have three) are very different, they're all wonderful in their own ways and I'd be equally as heartbroken if one of them died.

Wouldn’t it be awful if after some years with your ‘not quite good enough’ current cat, he inevitably dies and you realise he was also special, just different? You may fail to notice a genuine bond because you are distracted by him not being his predecessor. What a waste of years of mutual affection that would be.

I don't love my cat. He's fine and everything but he just sees me as a food dispenser. There's no huge bond. I look after him well but I don't think I'll get another one when he's gone.

I haven't had another one to compare it to though so that's maybe not overly helpful.

I haven't had a cat since I lived with my parents as a child, so these are old memories, but I'd echo what pps say about them all being different. I can remember feeling very upset when they all died, but in different ways, and having different feelings for them in life.
I'd say relax and enjoy having an affectionate, undemanding and beautiful (I'm sure) cat!

The fact that you mention your late cat, who was your soul mate, makes me think that maybe it was a bit soon to get another cat.

It's ok though. You can still be a happy cat person with a happy cat despite not feeling the same way. It sounds as if you have a good relationship and your cat has a nice life- he or she doesn't know that you're feeling like this or making comparisons. Taking a bit of pressure off yourself might even help the relationship develop a bit as you'll allow it to develop in its own way which might be completely different from that you had with your late cat.

Aww op give it time. I lost my girl dcat 7 years ago and got 2 new cats, in hindsight, abit too soon after (a month). At first we all thought it was a big mistake as they were nothing at all like our dear departed girl, completely opposite in many ways. As I said to my dds at the time, no they are not our old girl but they need us, and we have lots of love to give them. We love them now very much, they've never exactly replaced our old cat but have brought their own selves and lots of laughs too!

Thanks for the responses, I dont feel quite so evil now

I completely get it OP, my last cat was my absolute world & beside me always as we had such a special bond. I thought 2 years cat free would be ok before new DC but alas we just don't have much of a bond, he absolutely loves DH though

In a long life I've had a lot of animals. Of them, 5 were what I call Special. I dog, 2 cats, a pony and a Guinea pig. I've loved and enjoyed many others- but I've only had those 5 soul mates. Enjoy the cat you've got but don't expect too much ch of her.

I have had quite a few cats over the years. I have loved them and given them a good home and a good life but there was one very special cat in amongst them. None of my other cats could ever replace him but that was ok, I never wanted him replaced.

Oh, this has made me well up!

Sounds like a normal cat-owner relationship whereas the previous cat seems unlike a normal pet owner bond. So don’t overthink it. The cat won’t care.

When I was 18 I thought I’d found The One. I suppose at the time he was. I’m much, much older now and my current cat is now The One. I never thought any cat would match up to the long ago love but he has, he really has. X

Hello OP, I know where you're coming from completely. We lost our darling boy 3 and a half years ago and finally decided to get a cat just over 12 months ago now. He's a lovely little thing but I must admit I do find myself comparing him and I don't yet feel as in love with him as I did with our first. I'm hoping time will help and we'll be just as close one day! I'm sure you will feel the same too in time.

I lost my beloved Boycat a year ago, only 8 years old, from CKD. His sister is still with me and I adore her, but not quite in the same way as I loved him.

I also got a new (to me) rescue boy Tobias very soon after Boycat was PTS as Girlcat was pining so badly and as an indoor only cat, with a slave who works in an office away from home, was finding it very hard. I love Tobias now as well, but again not in the same way as either of the others. Girlcat gets on with him and they play, hang about together etc, but again not in the same way she did with her brother.

Boycat was my soul mate cat and could never be replaced. But the other 2 are still loved, and I'd rather be with them than not. So yes you may never feel the same depth of love for your new cat, but would you really rather be cat-less completely?

OP - I'm sorry you don't feel as bonded to your current cat as to your previous one. Cats have surprisingly big characters and in my experience one cat never replaces a previous one.
However - if you want to pay litter tray tax (photo of current cat), we'll all tell you what a marvellous cat you have, which may make you feel more positive 😸

Ooo yes, a pic please x

Here is my boy

This makes me sad saying this.

I lost one of my cats suddenly 3 years ago (she basically had a heart attack in front of me which traumatised me). I remember at the time saying the worst thing "I wish it had been her sister". I've hated myself for saying that ever since.

My little ginger cat is my shadow now, she spends every night on my bed, she walks in when I'm getting ready for bed and waits for me to get comfortable then wanders up and comes for a cuddle. She sleeps next to my feet in the study when I'm working, she runs up behind me every morning and jumps on the sofa just as I'm sitting down so I can give her attention. I'll be devasted to lose her, we've been through so much together, I remember sitting in the emergency vet with her last year absolutely terrified I was going to lose her.

I did get her a brother, he'll never replace her sister but he's his own character and I love him dearly. He's a pain in the arse but he is also very loving.

Love her for the cat she is. I bet in the (hopefully very far) future, should you lose her, you'd be devastated all over again.

We lost our boy just over 2 years ago. He was a real character, dearly loved. He loved us so much and fought so hard to stay with us. The whole family was devastated. He was the only family cat the kids really all had loved. I'd had other cats but when the children were younger.

I couldn't bear a house without a cat! I didn't feel ready but I was so lonely. So 8 weeks later I got two more. And 2 years on, I've got a 3rd. I love them all to bits. Each one is so different to our old man. I still feel a pang sometimes when I think that I wouldn't have them if he was still here. But sadly cats can't live forever, and these furries have brought so much joy to our home. Each cat has its own place in my heart, none of them are replaceable, but your heart can expand to love them all in their own way.

Give your girl a chance x