I don't love this cat. This is the wrong cat

[Namechangetohidemyevilness]

3 years after having my furry soul mate PTS and 2 years after the new one arrived home, I still don't feel the love. New puss is friendly, affectionate, undemanding, cute, all the right things, and I stroke and play, and cuddle, but don't feel anything like what I felt for the missing one.

Is there any hope a close bond will ever develop? Is the chemistry just wrong? Was the timing wrong? Was there only ever one cat for me?

We tried to rescue another kitten. My boyfriend had a reaction so unfortunately we had to give him back. We had him 5 days. I thought id be fine with it, didn't think I'd bonded with him. I cried all day when I had to give him back.

Maybe you have bonded, just not in the same way. My cat I already has is definitely my cat.

My soulmate cat died age 13 over 20 years ago. His ashes are in my room. I’ve instructed DH that the cat’s ashes are to be buried with me. He was the most wonderful gentle, loving cat who was there for me through a miserable childhood.

My current cat is now 9. It took years I think to feel the love but I do now. It’s not the same as my soulmate cat and no cat ever could be but I love my current cat very much. So I would give more time OP.

My old cat was PTS in lockdown a family pet with rabbit too when the kids were growing up and great company.
I left it 3 long yrs until I got another.
It was lovely at first sight.
My new one is fiesty playful and a bit bitey but I love him too bits.
Maybe this cat will grow on you.

@Namechangetohidemyevilness ok, let's look at this a different way.

How would you feel if current cat went missing? Or became seriously ill, or worse?

I couldn't bear it if it was any of my three!! I do still miss my old boy and we talk about him often, but we all adore our 'new' cats.

I think my soulmate cat was my childhood cat (one of numerous cats, but this girl and I just had a special relationship). She was born when I was 10, and died when I was 22. But I've had very special cats since, including the two little sisters we got when we bought our first house, and they were my children when I couldn't have human children. They had their own bedroom, and got smoked salmon on their birthday!!

You will not love another in the same way. Sadly. But you will have happy companionship and nice cuddles. It's easier without that deep connection. It doesn't hurt as much later.

goodnessmeits2024 · Today 20:49

You will not love another in the same way. Sadly. But you will have happy companionship and nice cuddles. It's easier without that deep connection. It doesn't hurt as much later.

Do you think so? I have been devastated with the loss of every cat I have had.

Including Oscar, our blue tabby. We already had three cats and really didn't need any more, but neighbours moved and left him behind, so we fed him. We didn't consider ourselves his owners though, to begin with. He must have been hit by a car, because he turned up one day crying in pain, with a bloody injured leg. Of course we got him vet treatment but we asked the vet if they could possibly find him a new home. One of the vet nurses said she would have loved him because he had such a lovely nature but she had a dog and it wasn't a runner.

No less than 13 vet visits later, we couldn't part with him. He was such a needy cat! You couldn't sit in the garden but he was all over you. We sat on the kids' swings to get a break from him and he lay in the grass looking up at us adoringly. He pushed his way in the kitchen windows and walked all over the worktops and the cooker.

I wouldn't have said I was as bonded with him as I was with other cats I had. I did love him, very much. The day I went out to give him his dinner, and he was cold and stiff on top of a bookshelf from the living room that we'd put in the garage, and that he loved to sleep on, I was devastated.

I have 5 cats and I have different bonds with all of them. And yes, I do have a favourite - my big, insecure, needy, utterly loving tabby boy who came to me from a rescue via the mean streets of Newmarket. None of the others are quite the same to me. But I love them all for who they are.

I get it! Hadn’t had a cat since childhood, and she was amazing! Adored her. Just got my first adulthood one from a rescue, and I’m sorry to say - I just don’t love her like I have all my other pets, even 6 months in. She is dearly loved by my DC though so she’s here to stay

… but also agree with pp, in that the few times I’ve thought she’s been lost, I’ve been beside myself in tears!

I think this is very well worded, especially the last bit. You aren't evil @Namechangetohidemyevilness just honest about your feelings, and you are treating your new kitty well, so nothing to beat yourself up about

This is me too. I feel honoured that I got to spend the time I did with my sweet girl. She was like no other cat I've ever known. I love our current girl very much, and she is a pleasure and a joy, but it's not the same and I didn't expect it to be, and that's okay.

I hear you. We lost our very special cat nearly 5 years ago and neither DH or I can talk about him without crying - even now. But I need cats in my house and have filled the cat space. I love my girls but I know DH doesn't feel the same.

I had a wonderful black cat that was my soulmate. When he died aged 22 I'd had him far longer than my husband or the kids. I was totally devastated and I don't think I can ever have another black cat because it won't be him. We also have 3 other cats and a few years after my boy died my heart has been stolen by a special needs tabby kitten. Last thing I was expecting tbh. Give it time op, My boy can never be replaced but my tabby terror gives me so much joy.

I've had quite a few cats over the years, loved them all but there is a very special one up on a pedestal. We still talk about all the quirks of his furry personality years later.

Don't be hard on yourself, just accept your relationship with this cat as a best friend rather than best friend forever.