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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

My cat is currently wanking on my shoulder...

50 replies

ILoveMyCatButHesAPervert · 29/01/2024 10:53

Newish rescue cat. Neutered male. From day one he has come to sit on me to have a wank (what else can you call it? Nothing sounds right when applied to my sweet cat.) I thought he was just happy and purring a lot the first time, then I saw the unseeable.

I know everyone will say just push him away, but he keeps trying and I feel bad for him. If he just did it on a cushion or something, that would be fine, but he never does.

Sometimes it's two or three times a day. He's eight years old FFS! Also it takes ages.

I've googled and followed advice for more play etc. We chase around the house for a good while every day. He isn't going outside at the moment as I'm scared he'll wander, but I am going to try to harness train him. He's been to the vet recently for other issues. I didn't mention this (will next time) but no indication of any urinary issues.

Had anyone else had this become an issue? It calmed down for a while and has just got more frequent again so I need to change something.

OP posts:
DiligentBanana · 29/01/2024 11:00

Is it you or what you are wearing? As in, if you took your top off would he, er, pay it the same attention - or is it your shoulder which is getting him off?

Overtheatlantic · 29/01/2024 11:03

Try wrapping different types of fabric around your shoulders to see if there’s a texture he doesn’t like? Like a towel or a fleece? Otherwise, 😂

Copen · 29/01/2024 11:07

My previous cat had a dedicated cashmere jumper for that on the spare bed (not being worn by me at the time, or ever again). Expensive solution but find a few different fabrics - soft fleecy things.

ILoveMyCatButHesAPervert · 29/01/2024 11:08

It did start with my fleece dressing gown, but he's not fussy. Not always my shoulder.
He'll start on my bare arm and then I get scratched by his back feet as he kind of shuffles...

OP posts:
Overtheatlantic · 29/01/2024 11:13

My old cat used to er, make love, to my fleece slippers. He became so enamoured with them that he carried them up and down the stairs, one at a time. Polygamy if you ask me.

ILoveMyCatButHesAPervert · 29/01/2024 11:15

I so wish he would adopt some cashmere or slippers. He only ever does it on me.
If I move him off he just looks offended and the whole thing is over.

OP posts:
fulgrate · 29/01/2024 11:16

I know everyone will say just push him away, but he keeps trying and I feel bad for him

Really Hmm

Jewelanemone · 29/01/2024 11:19

I'm sorry I have no solutions for you, but thank you for making me laugh, everyone 😆

Motnight · 29/01/2024 11:22

fulgrate · 29/01/2024 11:16

I know everyone will say just push him away, but he keeps trying and I feel bad for him

Really Hmm

Op needs better boundaries 😬

Copen · 29/01/2024 11:22

fulgrate · 29/01/2024 11:16

I know everyone will say just push him away, but he keeps trying and I feel bad for him

Really Hmm

What's the rolly eyes for? The cat is looking for comfort, he is not to know it's gross, so it feels bad pushing them away for a reason they don't understand. I feel the same way shoving my girl cat away at 4am to try and teach her not to wake me up. She doesn't understand why she is getting pushed.

Ginandcolic · 29/01/2024 11:27

OP I feel your pain! We adopted two boy cats a few years ago and they were constantly at it. However, it did seem to be a comfort thing for them, once they were more settled, they stopped and we haven't had any awkward incidents for ages now!

SaturdayGiraffe · 29/01/2024 11:28

You can justify pushing him away because if he was trying it on with a female she might do the same, or worse.

fulgrate · 29/01/2024 11:29

@Copen

What's the rolly eyes for? The cat is looking for comfort, he is not to know it's gross, so it feels bad pushing them away for a reason they don't understand. I feel the same way shoving my girl cat away at 4am to try and teach her not to wake me up. She doesn't understand why she is getting pushed.

But you are pushing her away?

ILoveMyCatButHesAPervert · 29/01/2024 11:32

Thank you, @copen, that's exactly it. At first I found it really intrusive and gross, but he has no concept of that.

I'm more concerned that it's an expression of something wrong as it seems almost compulsive. I'll talk to his vet. I haven't found them that great with behavioural things in the past though.

He was in quite a bad state when I agreed to take him and then had lots of vet visits to sort out his health issues. I felt bad for him. But he is becoming a bit of a brat now.

OP posts:
ILoveMyCatButHesAPervert · 29/01/2024 11:34

Ginandcolic · 29/01/2024 11:27

OP I feel your pain! We adopted two boy cats a few years ago and they were constantly at it. However, it did seem to be a comfort thing for them, once they were more settled, they stopped and we haven't had any awkward incidents for ages now!

That's what I was hoping. He has such a peaceful life now, as far as I can see. But it's getting worse again.

OP posts:
Jins · 29/01/2024 11:37

ILoveMyCatButHesAPervert · 29/01/2024 11:08

It did start with my fleece dressing gown, but he's not fussy. Not always my shoulder.
He'll start on my bare arm and then I get scratched by his back feet as he kind of shuffles...

Is my cat with you?

He grips the back of my hand between his teeth then shuffles on my arm. Almost every day since he was 6 months old. He’s now six 😬 Pushing him away results in injury to the back of my hand so I just have to wait until he’s bored.

We’ve investigated reasons for it and he’s neutered. Nothing really makes a difference

Edit - he doesn’t like being told he’s a pervert and walks off in disgust

WonderingAboutBabies · 29/01/2024 11:41

Oh dear, what an unfortunate location your cat has chosen! Can you have a small pillow/bundled up towel nearby so when he does start doing it again, you can put it under him and slowly move your shoulder away??

WolfFoxHare · 29/01/2024 11:44

We had a cat who liked to do this to a large goose stuffed toy. My brother at the time had a crush on the actress Claire Goose so we called the cat’s toy Claire, which we found more amusing than my brother did.

ErrolTheDragon · 29/01/2024 11:47

ILoveMyCatButHesAPervert · 29/01/2024 11:15

I so wish he would adopt some cashmere or slippers. He only ever does it on me.
If I move him off he just looks offended and the whole thing is over.

Push him off, maybe hiss at him? Ignore the offended looks, you need to say no, especially if he's scratching you. I'm sure he can find some other object if he really needs to.

ILoveMyCatButHesAPervert · 29/01/2024 11:50

OMG, that's awful, @Jins. Teeth!!

I so wish I had redirected him to a fleece pillow or something from the start, @WonderingAboutBabies,
but I had no idea it would be come an issue. I've never had this before. I will try but it's quite an ingrained habit now.

OP posts:
shearwater2 · 29/01/2024 11:55

Nearly all the cats I've had like nibbling clothes, drooling and cuddling. Not wanking - it's more like they consider me a surrogate mum and they are getting comfort from a "feeding" type feeling they had as kittens.

https://www.stellaandchewys.com/cats/why-cats-knead/#:~:text=Drooling%20can%20happen%20when%20a,in%20anticipation%20of%20a%20meal.

Though I think what the OP is describing is different!

ILoveMyCatButHesAPervert · 29/01/2024 11:55

I would never hiss at a cat, @ErrolTheDragon. That's not how you change their behaviour. I've had lots of experience with cats, fostered kittens with various issues. I just haven't dealt with this before.

I'm concerned as to whether there might be an underlying issue, or if I have just allowed it to become a habit.

OP posts:
LakeTiticaca · 29/01/2024 11:55

Never had a cat do this in 30 years of cat ownership. Being neutered I didn't they would get the "urge"😉
Although we did have a female (neutered) dog who used to hump people's legs 🤣🤣

DRS1970 · 29/01/2024 11:55

One of our cats would do something similar. But it was only when you wore a woolly or he was on a fleecy blanket. When you realise he is gaining some sexual gratification from kneeding the said garment it is like you are being sexually abused by a cat, not to belittle anyone else's experiences. The only solution was to keep those things away from him.

shearwater2 · 29/01/2024 11:58

My cats both love those blankets with a bit of something inside that reflects their own body heat - foil or similar presumably. You could try and put him on one of those and put some catnip inside it as well. Or sacrifice an item of clothing he finds, er, soothing 🙂

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