How else can we help our new kittens be less afraid?

[Scaredycathelp101]

Our 2 new rescue kittens have been with us just over 24 hours. 4 months old, up to now have lived in kennels with litter mates (were with mum for first 10 weeks). Not been handled much, only by the lady who was fostering them.

They are completely terrified. Spent all yesterday evening hiding in the cat basket. Came out during the night & have used the litter tray/eaten a little.

Since we got up this morning they have found new hiding places and won’t come out. Tried enticing with toys/treats but no joy. We have a feliway plug in, have the same food/litter as they are used to, have them confined to one room and with lots of places to hide if they don’t feel safe. They haven’t eaten or drunk anything/been to the toilet all day.

We are trying to leave them to it as much as possible but is hard with 2 kids (9,13) who are desperate to talk to/play with them. How else can we help them feel secure/less afraid of us?

I’m not a dog lover. I’ve been a cat owner for most of my life (including multiple kittens) but have obviously been lucky that all our previous ones were always happy to be around us, play, cuddle etc. I’ve never experienced cats as nervous as these.

I don’t want to give up on them, but am trying to be realistic and consider if we are what is best for them. Some cats simply don’t like homes with children and if that is the case, is it fair to them to make them stay in a home where they are permanently stressed?

I’m just expressing my thought & worries - I don’t know how on earth you make that sort of decision.

They're tiny babies who have been in your house less than a week. You have no way of knowing whether they're unsuitable as they haven't even settled in yet.

I think you have very unrealistic expectations.

If you've been a cat owner 'most of your life ', you should know that every cat is different, and that cats need to be treated with respect for their animal natures. They're not lifestyle accessories or toys for tweenagers. You were talking about giving up on these kittens after one day!

Have. Patience.

Yes that may be so. I hold my hands up.
I’m no expert on nervous/feral kittens nor is anyone I know irl, so I was only trying to seek reassurance it’s all going to be ok. I so desperately want it to be.

i don’t think it’s unreasonable to voice my internal worries - but I can see I need to stop that now as it’s not helping. We are going to persevere and are not giving up on them. If they never come round to us then I guess we have ghost cats.👻

That’s reassuring thankyou

I am another who think you and your family need a shed load more patience.
my teenage cat took over a year to actually sit on my lap, and even at 11 years of age the cat sitter has never seen her.

live your lives and ignore the kittens and they will come to you quicker. Chase them and they will stay hidden as they won’t trust you.

ignore them, but feed them and do the litter, obviously 🙄

The thing is, they'll pick up on your anxieties- you just need to give them time and patience.

Thanks. We are caring for their basic needs but otherwise ignoring them. The rest of the family are feeling much more positive about it all than I am to be honest. I’m hormonal and worrying far more than I should.

We've had kittens and cats from a multitude of backgrounds and we've never had a single one that didn't settle.

While some were out and exploring within a day, most took longer and I'd say two weeks was probably more the average, but if can be months depending on their backgrounds and personalities.

Nervous cats just need plenty of time and patience - if they do come out, don't make it a big deal, just carry on as normal.

If it’s still going on without improvement in a few days my suggestion is to stop treating them as nervous domestic kittens and instead treat them as completely feral kittens and take away their hiding places so that they have to socialise. I saw a video of an American lady socialising a feral cat: the cat spent many hours each day was in a large cat cage on her kitchen worktop in a busy kitchen just watching her go about day to day life and every so often she’d stop and push a yummy snack through the bars etc.

It is bad luck sorry this is the situation

Many years ago when my family adopted a terrified kitten my stepdad removed the door from her room and replaced it with a screen door. She was safe but could see and hear family life. When she emerged from that room she was ready to be part of the family.

We adopted a cat and he took 3 months before we could touch him, now he'll sit on your lap & we can lift him for 20seconds, it's definetely a long game, but well worth it.
I still am insanely happy when he comes and makes his biscuits on my leg 🤣

@Leyenda thankyou, we will see how things progress. We’re gradually removing the boxes we initially put out, the last one goes tomorrow, leaving only the igloo & beneath the bookcase which I can’t really do anything about.

@Overtheatlantic someone actually suggested to DH today that we crate them so they can be near us but ‘safe’. I’m not sure on that now they’ve had almost a week of relative ‘freedom’ - they’re enjoying exploring and sitting on the cat tree/windowsills, which they won’t be able to do if we crate them.

@Kwam31 😂glad he’s warmed up to you. That gives me hope.

I’ve sat in the room all day with them doing some paperwork. They’ve been purring loudly inside their bed but haven’t ventured out since. I noticed them watching me at various points though so I suppose that’s good.

I've just remembered the other bit of advice my vet gave me when I adopted a father and son. Son was up for everything instantly and I had trouble trying to interact with the Dad because of this little face going 'but me.....' I despaired of ever getting Dad confident. She said progress will be in very small steps and you may not notice it so set yourself a date in 6 weeks to look back and you'll be amazed. And she was right. He wasn't cuddly but was sitting on the sofa not under it and now 2 years later he is a soppy sook.

How long would you all keep them confined to the one room for?

The lady we got them from suggested a week which we’ve almost done but I’m not sure they are ready for more of the house yet - it surely just gives them access to more places to hide?

@helpfulperson thankyou, that’s useful advice from the vet. Maybe I can use this thread as a means to look back & track their progress

We never confined any of ours to one room unless overnight or we were out.

They take a while. Our two skulked for a few days. Within weeks they were accompanying us on the walk to school, sleeping on heads, jumping up on spare chairs to dine at table with the family.

I don't agree with leaving them when they have come to you after not being handled much at all.

They'll hiss and spit and claw you but you need to pop on some gloves and just ignore all that and pick them up and strike and handle them - use treats and make sure they're hungry if possible

You run the risk of the socialisation window closing otherwise. Just get in there and confidently handle them regularly

@BattyOwl I am with you. Once they are settled and confident they need to know you are worth spending time with. If they haven't had cuddles how will they know how awesome they are?

You could wear gauntlets and nuzzle them gently with your chin.

Totally normal. Wait a few days and you'll be wishing they would go and hide again! Saying that I'd make sure to catch them at least once a day for a cuddle!

My friends cat hid under the sofa for two weeks and now comes running to the front door when he comes home.

We had semi feral kittens and very similar experience to you. One hid behind the piano and one hid behind the washing machine! I would confine to one room for sure when you are all out for the moment. I think when you are in, you could see how it goes. Ours became the most loving little cats.

These aren't feral kittens though - the socialising window is also already closed at their age.