What are your cats' purrfessions?

[Catsmere]

I've known for a while that Dr Daisy is a pawdiologist (she always checks Mum's hearing aids when I change the batteries) and today she revealed she's a pawdiatrist, too, by examining Mum's feet when I changed her shoes for her slippers. This is on top of being a food inspector and QA expurrt for knitting.

What are your cats' specialties?

This total lack of cats working in the bread factory explains why my cats have to work so hard every day at kneading all that dough! They have way too many orders and just can't get through them all. They also refuse to use the worktop but prefer the sofa, the cushions, my legs, my stomach... can we please get some help round here? We can't keep up with all this kneading!

Actually Cheddar would be a baker. She's good at making biscuits.

Bug is an excellent sleeper (can do all- nighters after lengthy training) and professional worrier.

Malteser, his sister, is a serial killer and international assassin who is fiercely independent but loves snuggles on the quiet

Mine is a Bodyguard. As soon as a door is opened - room, cupboard, drawer, oven, freezer (weirdo), she needs to step inside inspect and make sure it’s all okay and nothing scary lurking inside. Once the sweep and surveillance is done she’ll step out and let me know it’s safe for me to proceed with getting pots or plates out, frozen meat, clothes, etc.

Ginger boy - expert pest control. He is the best mouser in the house.

Tabby boy - children's outdoor coach. He loves watching the local kids play games on the green.

Black girl cat - Police K9. She bites first and asks questions afterwards.

Grey + white boy - chief complainer and all round arse. He is the first to complain about things not to his satisfaction.

Black fluffy boy - Cleaning supervisor. He sits beside DH every night when he does the washing up. He likes to pat the occasional bubble. Secondary role as chief roast chicken taster.

Black + White fluffy boy - CEO. He commands the household through his presence.

Tuxedo boy cat - Introverted spy. He wants to be invisible but have a secure nest to watch goings on.

My big male Maine Coon is builder's (sparky and chippy's) mate. Loves a route around a tool box, will 'helpfully' play with the end of the tape measure and is guaranteed to decide the wallpaper table is the correct place for supervising the job. On evenings, he is chief Lap Warmer. He also takes pride in his early morning alarm skills.
His half sister has got her judgemental look down to an Art. Silent, she is the neighbourhood watch manager, keeping an eye out from the vantage point of everyone's sheds.
Sorry while very photogenic for some reason cannot attach them.

This was the best thread to wake up to!

Phoebe’s just been reminding me that she’s a healthcare purrfessional by washing my face while I’m lying in bed. Can’t let Daisy have all the fun.

My cat is ‘official seat warmer’. She keenly notes which chair I favour sitting in, and if I show any signs of heading towards it, flings herself on it and spreads herself out to ensure I won’t get cold by trying to sit in it before it’s ready. The trouble is she works so hard trying to warm it for me she usually falls asleep, poor thing. Talk about dedication to duty !

Rex is very high up in quality control for cardboard boxes and packing materials.

Inspects all deliveries inside and out and can find loose bits of sticky tape almost immediately which must then be removed asap. Job also involves stress testing the strength and effectiveness of polystyrene, foam or brown paper packaging to withstand both claws & teeth. Is especially knowledgable about the weight bearing abilities of bubble wrap before popping.

One of mine would be a chef and the other one would be a full time cuddler.

Little Shit would be a bouncer. He runs to the door as soon as he hears anyone on the steps. If he doesn't know you, you're not coming in.

Old Lady would be a corrections officer. A very mean one with no forgiveness of those who step over her boundaries, ie anyone.

Big Boy would be an influencer because he's stunning and everyone loves him, but he's incredible dim and serves no purpose beyond everyone thinking he's gorgeous.

My boy cat is a work-shy dole monger. But he has a hobby. Pulling up the carpet in the spare room. Little shit.

Mine black girl would be a general inspecting her troops. She takes a morning and afternoon turn around the garden, making sure that everything is in its place and next doors kitten isn’t hiding in a shrub.

It's this kind of behaviour that led to Mrs Floofy Pants having to sleep downstairs with that pesky dog. SO undignified.

She's mainly on garden pawtrol duty during the day and makes sure we know to get up and open the door for her to go out and keep an eye on things then pop back in about 5 minutes later at least 100 x a day.

Her Royal Floofyness is an exceptionally talented catawaller & garden pawtector. Especially if any other feline types DARE to show one whisker in her back garden.
She'll fuck them up. Simples.

And if they're not having any of her nonsense... well then she gives a little eye roll and whistles to that annoying dog to come outside to and scare them off by running up to them and then just. Stoping. Pah!!! The shit she has to put up with.

Some days she has a job as bedside water sampler. Very impawrant role.

On other occasions she has a cat nap on No1 son's bed. Because it's next to the radiator. Pawfect. 😻

Bernard - food critic - he's obsessed
Bonnie - Hairdresser - she's the pack groomer
Ben - Bouncer - he's a block scrapper
Bandit - well a bandit - he's a feral asshat
Sammy - AI developer as we are convinced he's a robot spy
Wee Man Bob - punk rocker - he's manic

My big cat Dolan would 100% be a security guard at a food court. Can’t do anything in the kitchen without him watching very intensely. Weesil (the kitten) would probably be a trophy husband. He’s very pretty and doesn’t have a lot going on upstairs 😬

Black cat would be an explorer, of the Victorian kind that needed rescuing every half an hour as he realises he's got somewhere he doesn't have the skills to cope with (anywhere outside his own house and garden).

Ginger would be a pawfect food taster as he loves exotic flavours but sometimes there isn't much left for the humans

Tortie loves to stretch out and sunbathe so would be a pawfect swimwear model (but no getting wet as she doesn't like the rain - destroys her hairstyle!)

Madam is the mistress of a catnip dealing empire, stashes the proceeds in her favourite box and has a ring of customers who are hooked on her product.
Her brother is the enforcer, looks thuggish and ensures debts are paid. I fear the house will soon be turned into a nip den with lights etc 😂 If I wasn’t needed to open the tins, I’d be out on my ear. Weirdly this whole scenario has been much discussed by the humans for several years.

Actor. A Sidney Greenstreet type. Could play Mr Creosote in the cat version of The Meaning of Life.

Empress of Earth and all Her Kitty Dominions.

Biscuit maker.

DCat is a butter taster. I can't make toast without him coming to the kitchen to ask for the butter knife once I'm finished with it. He's also a bed tester and a DSE break enforcer.

What a gorgeous thread which has cheered me up after a weird couple of days.

SleekBlackCat is a gymnastics coach, making sure I'm perfectly balanced and alert by getting under my feet, racing me up the stairs and jumping on the sofa just as I sit down. She's also an explorer and likes to breakdance on the duvet before bed.

FluffyTortieCat is queen of all she surveys, definitely some sort of aristocat, and I think must also be a burlesque or ballet dancer on the quiet, because of her floofy pantaloons and her tendency to walk sideways on the tips of her paws.

Both of them are also excellent bed warmers, laundry inspectors (it's not properly clean till it's been furred nicely) and tech Kitten Assistants

Edited because autocorrect changed aristocat to aristocrat 🙄

This thread just improves every day! 😆❤️

So many highly skilled ofurlords. I can only guess the reason they haven't taken over the world is because it'd be too much bother.

Since this thread is so entertaining, thought I'd tell you about the purrfessions of my past 4 kitties!

1. The first was your classic Constable Plod. He would patrol the neighbourhood on a strict route and woe betide any feline in the wrong place at the wrong time. They would get an earful. However he wasn't good at moving them along, only relying on a loud yowl to do so! He never made Detective Inspectpurr, just didn't have the grey cells!
2. This one was Metrosexual Kitty. The most fastidious feline imaginable, never had a hair out of place. He had no time for silly fights and instead concentrated on grooming and making sure he was eating the best quality foods! Was often seen sitting on the back doormat washing his face.
3. The third was a great Hunter, despite his first ever hunting expedition resulting in the retrieval of one slice of bread, white. Still, this may or may not have shown great skill as we do not know whether this slice of bread was on someone's plate or not when he, er, retrieved it. He went on to more normal feline prey and probably mercifully for the local wildlife did not make old bones. We will never forget the time he came home covered in fleas, but never said a word about where he picked them up. Perhaps they needed rehoming?
4. Well, this last one was our most talented and could have followed any of several professions. I think general Entertainer probably best describes him, even though at times he was entertaining only himself by shutting Metrosexual kitty in a cupboard or stealing a neighbouring kitty's food. He was also a first rate Comforter and knew immediately when you weren't well, and would go on snuggle duty. Once he famously showed me how to do a proper back stretch when I was on the floor with back pain. Looked me dead in the eye and I could have sworn he said 'no, not that way, copy me!'

Mine is a lady who lunches but in her (expansive) free time she is chair of our local Neighbourhood Watch Association. Nothing untoward passes her by. You call it nosy neighbour, she calls it community minded.