Pulling out of adoption before pick up?

[catadoption]

Please be kind as I am feeling wobbly and embarrassed and guilty.

For context, I am in a big city and this is the main adoption shelter.

DH and I have been looking for a cat to adopt, we saw a posting for an 8yr old Siamese male this week who has been on the site for a few months. The listing says that he is very nervous and shy and will need help to gain trust. This broke my heart and I loved the idea of being able to spend time helping him come out of his shell. We have never had a Siamese before. The listing also says he is vocal and nocturnal.

We went through the motions to start the adoption. I then had a wobble and backtracked, before deciding to go ahead with it. We 'met him' virtually via video call with his fosterer, though he was hardly on the camera at all and it was mainly us just talking to her.

We then filled out and submitted the adoption contract last nigh after the call. The next step is for us to contact the fosterer to arrange pick up.

But... I feel absolutely totally overwhelmed with anxiety and a strong gut feeling that he isn't the right cat for us. Deep down I thnk we are more suited quiet old boy who will be chilled to fit in with our lifestyle. But I've been reading a lot and I know that Siamese cats are loud and can be loud/energetic overnight. The fosterer did tell us he gets zoomies at 10pm. We are in an open plan one bed flat and I'm also worried about him disturbing the neighbours.

I think I have known all along he really wasn't the right fit for us but it's SO easy to get caught up in everything, all the language used from the shelter is very emotional and all the communications with them pull on the heartstrings about how much it means to them what you are doing.

I feel so embarrassed at the idea of going back and saying 'sorry, we actually have to pull out' as he has now been taken off the website.

DH is laid back and totally keen to just go ahead and give it a go - the adoption shelter will 100% take him back if it doesn't work with us as it's their policy - but I feel really emotional thinking that the little companion we are meant to have is out there and we will be missing out on him. I also don't want to put this cat through any further stress they don't deserve.

Has anyone ever been in the same situation? Did you pull out?

I need to contact them in the next hour or two either way but I feel so nervous and embarrassed.

It's normal to think OMG what have I done. I'd give it a go and see how you get on. He may turn out to be a good fit.

Noisy and zoomie in a flat- nope. Nows the time to change your mind

Much better for the cat to pull out now than 2 weeks after taking him home.

If you are looking for a shy, nervous, quiet older cat then make this clear. The shelter will have an alternative cat for you - there are plenty of those seeking homes.

It's fine to pull out if it doesn't feel right. There are plenty of other cats who need a home, it doesn't have to be him, and he'll be better off waiting for the right owners than moving into yours and then to another foster.

Zoomies at 10pm I would see as normal and to be expected but it doesn't last long. In isolation I would say don't worry about that, but it sounds like there's a lot more going on with him and he would be quite a stressful pet for you.

Siamese are often talkative, they enjoy conversations.
I wouldn't have said that they were any zoomier than other cats.
Some take well to a harness and leash but a very nervous one probably won't.
They are absolutely my favorite cat breed but if you don't feel comfortable then don't go ahead.

Is there a reason you haven't seen him in person?
It's a big commitment to take on an animal and I think you are right to pause if you're having second thoughts.
I have 2 oriental cats and they do get a tremendous burst of energy before bedtime and thunder about but then are just snuggly and fabulous until the morning. Cats are energetic in short bursts. They don't run around for long. Although for slim cats they are astonishingly heavy footed..

Pull out now rather than return him later for being loud and disturbing your neighbours
we had a Siamese as a kid
They are very loud!
Sammy was lovely but had been socialised well as a kitten

Orientals are great cats but being quiet isn’t their forte😂

its unfair to adopt him and then return him later because you’ve had a change of heart. Really unfair. Please don’t do it.

If you’re feeling this anxious about adopting an animal then gently I’d really think about whether you should adopt one at all until you can work out why you’re so anxious about it x

@catadoption Ideally you should have met him in person.
This would give a much better insight into what he is like.
Photos and Skype isn’t the same at all.

Agree- a change of scene will be very stressful for any animal- especially if he is to be returned as unsuitable.
Pull out now for cat’s sake.👍

Tbh op, the behaviour you’re describing is perfectly normal for literally every cat. I’ve never owned a Siamese, but every one of mine have been noisy bastards, and they all get zoomies. You can ask for a quieter cat, but they’ll only be able to advise you on their behaviour in the shelter, which isn’t going to be their normal behaviour. Once they feel at home and come out of their shell the chaos will commence. Bearing in mind ime the older the get the noisier they get. Once they get a bit older and start losing their marbles some of them screech all day. I honestly don’t know what you’re looking for if you want a cat that doesn’t meow or play

@Beamur they only offer virtual meetings since Covid unfortunately.

We aren't looking for a cat that doesn't meow and play. This isn't our first adoption. We lost our adopted old boy last year, he played and meowed loudly and had zoomies - but he was also chilled and relaxed.

Since we have been going through this process I've read a lot on the breed - I have never had a Siamese before - and I have realised they can be more high maintenance and demanding which I didn't realise when we saw his advert. But it does tally up with things the fosterer said about him and his traits.

I think I am going to pull out for his sake and ours, because I don't think it's fair to bring him into an environment which isn't suited to his personality. It's just hard and I feel completely guilty.

This is the opposite to our experience.

OP I would thoroughly recommend getting a pair. They tend to demand less of you but will still give companionship .

Orientals are great - but can be noisy and needy.
My other cat (also a rescue) would suit you perfectly. She's semi long haired and has very furry feet - she is utterly silent when she moves around, has the quietest meow ever, sleeps all day then demand very intense fuss for about half an hour before going out!

I love cats but I wouldn't go for an oriental - they do require more input than your average moggy and I don't think they're the breed for everyone.

If you're not comfortable, pull out and wait until a better suited cat comes along.

However saying that, I look after a bog-standard tabby cat who is the noisiest cat I've ever met, so getting a moggy is no guarantee of much!

Orientals are more “ Dog like” in that they love to play with their people and pine when the favourite person goes on holiday-
I looked after Parent’s Burmese and he MRRRRRAAAGHHHH’d loudly as he knew his main people were away.

He was also good at convincing me he’d never been fed while visiting parents, circling around my legs mrrrragghhhh !! Ing and jumping on the unit to bump me with his bonce to show how starved he was-

I’d open the fridge to get him a prawn 🍤 or his cat biscuits and mum would call “ Don’t feed him- he’s been fed!”
Id sneak him a prawn 🦐 anyway, as couldn’t resist his squeezy eyes and purring.
They know how to manipulate a soft touch.

They are great characters and some retrieve like dogs.

I look after some oriental mixes @oakleaffy and definitely recognise everything you're saying

I have to say, they're great fun to look after but I'm glad I'm not the one living with them! We have three moggies (two black and one ginger) and they're much less high maintenance, lol.

oakleaffy
Mine will retrieve if they're in the mood.
One of mine refused to eat for 5 days (she did eat, but only when no-one was looking) when I went away in the summer. She pines and gazes out of the window waiting for me. Until day 6 when she obviously decided I wasn't coming back and DH became her new favourite 😁

I think you are doing the right thing not to take him OP.

I have a very vocal cat (though not oriental). She is my third cat and I never knew cats could be this noisy. 'Meowing' doesn't do it justice, she sounds like an air raid siren, I can hear her from 2 floors away. And she loves to make noise almost constantly unless asleep, eating or on my lap (though thankfully not at night). I would find it very hard to deal with in a small property.

If you have gut feeling now that this cat is not the right fit I think you should pull out .

Orientals are really great! Knew a lovely Bengal who used to make dogs quiver in fear...and my brother's Burmese Girls..yikes.

They absolutely do not appreciate dogs on their territory.
When SIL bought a dog the cats did fighter jet ears and growled low and long.

It's not really fair to bring a dog into ''House cats'' territory, as the cats will defend.

Ginger cats are very feisty..and Black cats are gorgeous.
Son and his GF have a Black one, born of a feral mother.

we saw a posting for an 8yr old Siamese male this week who has been on the site for a few months

there's probably a reason he's been there so long .
You are 100% right not to go ahead , it would be far more stressful for him to be rehomed , try to settle and be returned .

Our male cat is very shy but he does love his house and garden and most of all my 21yo DD . We have brother and sister cats .
I wouldn;t like to imagine what it would do to him if he was rehomed again. A trip to the Vet traumatises him .

He;ll be fine and someone will take him on your cat is out there for you .