Pulling out of adoption before pick up?

[catadoption]

Please be kind as I am feeling wobbly and embarrassed and guilty.

For context, I am in a big city and this is the main adoption shelter.

DH and I have been looking for a cat to adopt, we saw a posting for an 8yr old Siamese male this week who has been on the site for a few months. The listing says that he is very nervous and shy and will need help to gain trust. This broke my heart and I loved the idea of being able to spend time helping him come out of his shell. We have never had a Siamese before. The listing also says he is vocal and nocturnal.

We went through the motions to start the adoption. I then had a wobble and backtracked, before deciding to go ahead with it. We 'met him' virtually via video call with his fosterer, though he was hardly on the camera at all and it was mainly us just talking to her.

We then filled out and submitted the adoption contract last nigh after the call. The next step is for us to contact the fosterer to arrange pick up.

But... I feel absolutely totally overwhelmed with anxiety and a strong gut feeling that he isn't the right cat for us. Deep down I thnk we are more suited quiet old boy who will be chilled to fit in with our lifestyle. But I've been reading a lot and I know that Siamese cats are loud and can be loud/energetic overnight. The fosterer did tell us he gets zoomies at 10pm. We are in an open plan one bed flat and I'm also worried about him disturbing the neighbours.

I think I have known all along he really wasn't the right fit for us but it's SO easy to get caught up in everything, all the language used from the shelter is very emotional and all the communications with them pull on the heartstrings about how much it means to them what you are doing.

I feel so embarrassed at the idea of going back and saying 'sorry, we actually have to pull out' as he has now been taken off the website.

DH is laid back and totally keen to just go ahead and give it a go - the adoption shelter will 100% take him back if it doesn't work with us as it's their policy - but I feel really emotional thinking that the little companion we are meant to have is out there and we will be missing out on him. I also don't want to put this cat through any further stress they don't deserve.

Has anyone ever been in the same situation? Did you pull out?

I need to contact them in the next hour or two either way but I feel so nervous and embarrassed.

Definitely so!..
Wailing for Mum
Mrrrrrarghhhh.
Mrrrraaaaaaaargh
Mraaaahhhh..

Then, when Mum eventually returns
''I have a new slave now, thanks...

But I'm susceptible to bribes.
The prawns are in the freezer.''

@catadoption The 8 yr old Siamese may spend the rest of his life with the Foster.
If he's happy there, it's kinder to leave him as you are doing.

Oh I could have written your post myself
I'm sorry to be so negative, but I would pull out now.Your gut feeling shouldn't be ignored.
I went through with it feeling the same, and 7 years later it's painfully evident that we and him aren't a good fit at all.
I wish I had had the courage to say no at the time It's been awful.
I knew from the first day it was a mistake, my heart sank every time I looked at him and still does.
My other 5 cats, over 40 years were immediately part of the family who I loved almost immediately.
It makes me very sad.

This isn't unheard of.
Could he be happier elsewhere..? Seven years of trying and still no connection.
Sounds like he was either feral [?] or poorly socialised as a kitten before you got him..

There was a very honest woman on a FB 'breed' page several years ago who adopted a specific breed of dog - She has had this breed before, but this particular dog just was so 'difficult' ~mainly his fears because of never being socialised in the critical early period with the outdoors, new people and situations.

He was never aggressive, just very remote and wanted to trot off with his tail between his legs to his 'safe space'.

The adopter's story went on for almost a year. She really tried.

The dog, a young one, had possibly been used as a 'stud' in a hideous animal hoarder /breeder situation- he had never left his indoor kennel, the rescue thought, as he was terrified of everything.

The rescuer just felt he wasn't happy with her, and she said {honestly} that he was not a 'rewarding' dog to own as even hot chicken wouldn't entice him to her

She missed that connection of having a dog happy to be in her company.

He chose to live in a kennel in her porch {not UK} and just turned away from humans.

Anyway...some background work was done by the rescue, and they found another dog of the same breed who was in the same 'hoarder' situation....and the male met with the older female {who was more outgoing}

They connected at once {makes me cry still, just remembering the story} and they think she could have been his mother. They certainly looked very similar .

He went to live with the older female.

He still didn't care for human contact, but the older female enabled him to at least live indoors and she gave him confidence to go outside on walks.

A happy ending for this very afraid boy who previously just wanted to hide away.

oakleaffy.
Thank you for your thoughtful message.
He was born on the streets, and was homeless for 2 years or so until we rescued him in an emergency situation.He was living within 2 metres of a 4 lane really busy road.
The woman who fed him asked would I adopt him. It was complicated by the fact that my previous beloved cat had just died of renal failure.I realise now it was far too early to have another cat.
I went down to meet him on the street itself.
There was no connection at all, but I did feel pressurised to take him.My fault, I should have said no.
I regret it so much.Hes not happy, neither am I.
Doesn't help that he's either ill, missing ,fighting or in trouble. We have spent thousands of pounds on him over the years.
The woman lives on our street too, so that makes it difficult to try to re-home him, she would not understand !
Oh that is such a touching story, how lovely I'm so glad it worked out .

Oh I really hope you go on to find the right cat for you OP, you did exactly the right thing by acting on your instincts and pulling out, there’s a cat out there that needs a home that will fit in with your situation perfectly. It’s so easy to get swept along by empathy/pity/guilt, and you encounter some awful stories when you’re looking for a cat, but it’s essential you stick to your guns and choose the one that is the best fit for you, once you’ve honestly decided what is going to work well for you. The cats you overlook will hopefully find their perfect home elsewhere. I found searching for our current cat so stressful I had to pause at one point, but we now have the perfect match we were waiting for. Please don’t feel guilty, a lot of charities make you wait 24 hrs before giving a decision after the first meet, as they know people get swept along by emotion and then common sense may kick in. They want you to be honest, it’s so much better for the cat, but the search can be very hard on you until you find the right one. Try not to meet a cat unless it looks like a really good match on paper and don’t worry about registering with several charities for your search and being clear on your ideal criteria. All the best 🤞

That makes sense as to why he is so ''disconnected'' from people.

He was never socialised at all.

If he's fighting, despite being neutered, it probably shows he was neutered far too late and still remembers how to fight hard.

He is to all intents and purposes a 'Feral'...at least in his behaviours.

There are cat rescues who take ferals who adopt them out to live informs in barns and sheds- He definitely doesn't sound like a normal pet cat.

He may well be happier living on a farm somewhere keeping down rats where he doesn't have to interact with people OR other cats.

I had two half Siamese cats for 20 years (Siamese can live for up to 25 years!} They were brother and sister and although they got on initially they ended up hating each other and we had multiple problems with separating them. They were both extremely loud and vocal, one time my girl cat got locked outside by accident and the neighbours thought a baby was crying somewhere in the building. They were also both extremely annoying at night, they would launch themselves off my chest of drawers onto my face at 2am just for the hell of it and they woke me up pretty much every night to the point where having a newborn later on was a walk in the park. They were also extremely affectionate and always cuddled up to me when I sat down, or under the covers when I went to bed, I loved them to pieces and they were my first babies but I will never have another Siamese cat again!

Mine is a quiet old boy. Rarely cries as has got me trained to respond to looks and body language. Cries if he needs to wake me up lol