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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

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Original poster

Coping with saying goodbye

36 replies

Abergale · 21/09/2023 04:58

Today we put my gorgeous cat to sleep. My partner is in denial and keeps saying maybe the vet can suggest something but I know it needs doing. I don’t think I could cope with making the decision twice when we already knew we were on borrowed time due to cancer.

I know it’s normal to be sad but I feel horrific. I haven’t stoped crying since I realised it was time on Monday and I feel awful that she’s suddenly dipped yesterday evening but vet doesn’t have earlier appt than 5pm today.

I just don’t know how to cope. I know she’s “just” a cat but she’s everything to me. I can’t imagine the house without her. I don’t have many friends and my partner works shifts, the idea of being home alone without her makes me feel sick.

how do I get through this? I’ve hardly slept since Monday and nothing is helping me feel calmer about this.

I don’t know what to do until 5pm this feels like torture. The cat doesn’t want cuddles right now she wants some space so I can’t even fuss her and tell her how much I love her.

OP posts:

pepsimax00 · 21/09/2023 05:24

From experience once it's done you know you've made the right choice and you will cope. You will grieve she isn't just a cat she's a part of your family. Sometimes it takes a while to hit but in time you will be ok with lots of happy memories. Just know you're doing the right thing for her.

pepsimax00 · 21/09/2023 05:25

Also I kept going out as I couldn't be at home with out my cat either I had to hide all her stuff I didn't get rid of it.

Sending love.

Original poster

Abergale · 21/09/2023 05:39

Would it be weird if I asked the vet to keep /donate her carrier? I know one day I will probably want another cat and need to buy a new one but the thought of bringing an empty box home makes me feel sick.

I will definitely have to clear her stuff away after vets. I sort of wanted to clear what I could yesterday but felt guilty as if she’d notice??

she’s just come into the room and her breathing is really irregular so I’m going to call vet in morning and beg for earlier appt or take her to alternative vet. Im worried she’s really suffering now and I’m kicking myself for thinking we could take our time and not taking annual leave. It’s just been horrendous at work which is adding to everything.

OP posts:

whirlyhead · 21/09/2023 06:10

Would it be possible to,have her put to sleep at home in familiar surroundings? It’s less stressful for the cat and the vet will take the body away. I always do this now.

I am sorry - I lost a cat to lymphoma a few years ago and it was a miserable experience. I still miss him.

Words · 21/09/2023 07:01

Oh my dear, I am so sorry. I have been through this a number of times, and it never, ever gets any easier to bear.

A home appointment might be a good option, if it's possible. If not, leaving the carrier at the vet is a very good thought.

In my experience, the waiting is horrific. The actual moment is not quite as awful as anticipated, maybe through shock. The real grief tends to hit the following day.

If you find yourself really struggling, there are pet bereavement helplines available. I think the Blue Cross has one.

I'm so very sorry you are losing your darling. X

Toddlerteaplease · 21/09/2023 08:11

Spend all the time you can with her today and spoil
Her. It's awful.

BirdIsland · 21/09/2023 09:00

This is the worst bit. Once she's at peace you'll also feel much better, knowing she's not suffering. Give her lots of strokes and treats today, and take some videos if she's up to it.

I had to say goodbye to my old boy a few weeks ago. It was very gentle and I cuddled him, he had no idea what was happening and just drifted off.

I would also recommend seeing if too can find someone to come to the house, it is a little bit more expensive but not much.

Lots of love to you, it's truly awful, they are such important parts of our lives. But you're doing the right thing. Talk to other 'animal' people who understand, they will get what you're going through. Also think about how you want to remember your little cat, we had our boy cremated and have a little cat urn. We also scattered some of the ashes with some wildflower seeds in the garden.

Roselilly36 · 21/09/2023 09:28

Aww bless you it’s awful, I can empathise. And actually we did exactly that, we said to the vets to keep the carrier, couldn’t bear the thought of bringing it home. Our last cat passed very, very quickly when he was pts, at 18 yo, it was definitely time. You will feel sad, it’s to be expected, but it will get easier with time I promise. One of the reasons we decided, no more pets, been through this 4 times and that’s enough heartbreak. Thinking of you today OP

BagpussSaggyOldClothCat · 21/09/2023 09:44

I'm so sorry about your darling cat. It sounds like it is the right time ❤️

Original poster

Abergale · 21/09/2023 09:51

@Toddlerteaplease i really wish I could be she is hiding away essentially asking to be left alone. It’s so upsetting thinking I’ll not hear her purr again.

she is usually on a special diet but yesterday we got dreamies which she is still interested in at least. Will need them to tempt her out in a bit.

OP posts:

strawberry12345 · 21/09/2023 09:55

I’m so sorry about your cat. It is awful but you will feel better invective she is at peace. The vets gladly accepted our carrier in the past. All the best for today

Ollifer · 21/09/2023 09:57

It took time for me to get over my cat. I brought him home from the vets and buried him in the garden and I now have a plant there that I got for his grave. I miss him so much over a year later. I was devastated and had to just give myself time to grieve.

Toddlerteaplease · 21/09/2023 09:57

The waiting is the worst bit, I felt huge relief when it was done. It was very sad, but very gentle and peaceful.

beguilingeyes · 21/09/2023 10:55

I lost my boy suddenly in February. He was just dead on our bed when we came home. He was only eight. I still can't talk about him without crying (I'm crying typing this).
We buried him in the garden, which helped. I didn't want to just get rid of the body.
It's the worst thing. Sending you all the virtual hugs.

Original poster

Abergale · 21/09/2023 13:29

She is gone. I felt a bit of relief because I had been so upset to see her suffering but now I am home and the house is SO empty. I just keep thinking how it’s permanent and I’m going to have to get up every day without our morning routine and spend my evenings without her. I keep expecting her to bounce down the stairs or hear her little footsteps come round the corner. I’ve got months of that ahead havent I?

the vet was lovely and was happy to keep the box and said it’ll go to charity.

OP posts:

BagpussSaggyOldClothCat · 21/09/2023 13:37

I'm so sorry, op xxx

caringcarer · 21/09/2023 13:56

I'm so sorry, but she's not in pain now. It's very hard for the first month. First thing in the morning is the worst. No kitty rubbing around your legs for their food. We thought we couldn't get another cat. After 2 month's my son said he just needed another cat. We got 2 kittens. They will never replace our first cat, who is buried in our garden in his favourite spot, but they did bring kitty joy and kitty love back into our lives.

Toddlerteaplease · 21/09/2023 14:16

The silence is deafening. You might not be ready yet but do think about another cat. It really does help.

Original poster

Abergale · 21/09/2023 20:30

Eventually I’m sure there will be another cat. Not for a while though.

Thank you for all your kind words. The task of living in the house without her feels huge right now. I am not the kind of person who’s bothered about being alone normally but I am nervous about the first night alone in a few days when my partner does night shifts again. And she was so calming when I was stressed. Bur all I have to do is put one foot in front of the other really, there isn’t really a second option.

It was definitely her time (if not a day to late) so I keep telling myself she is not in pain, I don’t have to worry about trying to work out if she is ok anymore. And that I am lucky to have had a cat that meant so much to me.

OP posts:

ComputerInitiateJump · 22/09/2023 11:31

Yes probably best to take some time to process your grief before thinking about another cat. You'll know when you're ready.
We always say our old girl (we adopted her 10 years ago age 3) will be our last but deep down I know we'll have to get another especially as there are so many needing homes. I love older cats who just laze around sleeping 😴

TheShellBeach · 22/09/2023 11:37

Try to be glad that you gave her a peaceful and kind end, after all the joy she brought you.
You've done the right thing.
I've been through this a few times and getting another cat does help once you're ready.
What was her name? Have you got a picture?

givemeasunnyday · 23/09/2023 01:46

So sorry to hear about your cat OP. I had mine pts this morning, I took him to the vet yesterday as he obviously wasn't well, but he deteriorated and I phoned as soon as I could this morning. It's not quite three months since the previous one, my youngest, died. I still have one at home, but it's going to take some getting used to, especially as my old fellow was the one who slept with me and followed me around. His constant yowling used to annoy me - I wish I could hear it now.

ClifftopView · 23/09/2023 01:57

I'm sorry OP. Mine was pts two days ago as well. The doing is the hardest part, even when you know it was the right thing. The house feels a bit empty.

TheShellBeach · 23/09/2023 13:20

Oh that's so sad @givemeasunnyday

I had to have two cats pts within 16 days of each other. It's very hard to cope with two losses like this.

TheShellBeach · 23/09/2023 13:22

Very sorry to hear about your cat as well, @ClifftopView

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