Please help, feeling like I need to rehome my cat

[Wantcattostoppeeing]

I'm feeling pretty miserable about one of my cats at the moment even though I adore her. For context she is one of a sibling pair of rescues, she has a love/hate relationship with her brother and they cannot be allowed outside due to a virus they both have.

Basically, if we leave anything soft out, she will pee on it, no matter how clean her tray is, if our DCs forget to pick up thier clothes, a cuddly toy that falls out of thier bed or if we leave the bath mat down after a shower. Same for anything boxy, so if the DCs have toys out she will climb in the box and wee in it. We obviously try and keep things tidy but that doesn't always happen.

She has seen the vet a couple of times but they believe it's a behaviour issue. We have put lots of trays about and tried pretty much every brand of litter but she will still find something else, even if it is in the same room. We have just had new flooring fitted and we decided to by a doormat to protect the floor thinking she wouldn't pee on a scratchy mat but within a day I noticed it was dripping with urine.

We waited until our DCs were older to get cats but we have a genuinely unexpected 3rd DC on the way. Now I am really worried about things like play mats, moses basket etc and a younger child who isn't as good at tidying up. I don't want to be one of those people who rehomes a cat when a baby comes along but I need to sort this out before baby arrives or I don't think I can cope with baby's things being weed on.

I suspect it is to do with our other cat, they do have some pretty epic fights which I always put a stop to when I can. I have seen him nip her when she has come out of the toilet. To try and chill them out I have used feliway but it has done nothing. I have always wondered if she would prefer to be an only cat in a child free house. She really comes out of her shell when the DCs are at school, our boy cat is napping and it is just me and her, she loves the quiet, calm atmosphere.

DH dotes on them and has been really patient, but tonight while cleaning piss out of the just cleaned recycling bin he has said that he wants us to consider rehoming her if she just once pees on something we have bought for the baby. I really don't want to give up on her, but will she be happier elsewhere? My head is all over the place. Any ideas for anything I may have missed?

Im not an expert but it sounds like she's really stressed and cooped up. Can you make a catio? What is the virus? Is it curable? I have a cat but does go outdoors and since grown up she's never done this.

A cat that is weeing that often in inappropriate places is likely a very unhappy cat. It might be fixed by rehoming but a significant proportion of cars struggle without being able to roam - recognised in the UK as cats have the right to roam.
This virus they both have? I would assume it is likely to be rife in feral cat populations anyway? Is it one that other domesticated cats are vaccinated against?

Do you think she's scared to use the tray in case her brother goes for her when she comes out? Is it a covered tray where she can't see if he's lying in wait for her? If it is covered, have you tried the standard no-lid trays?

Do you have a way you could put the tray in an area her brother can't get to? A chip cat flap on an internal door, maybe to a bathroom, where she can go in and know she's safe to use the tray.

If a healthy cat is doing this it's because she's unhappy, cats really do prefer to be alone. I learned that the hard way recently when I tried getting a kitten alongside my older cat. The fighting was unbearable.
Contact a good rescue and ask them to find her a new one cat home. You can't live with cat wee everywhere and a young baby, that's just not fair on anybody.

I assume the virus is something like FIV. So they really can't go out.

We have boy/girl rescue siblings who are 8 years old. We’ve had them since they were 8 weeks. Our boy cat has been doing similar behaviour for about a year. They have a 90% love relationship with occasional fights so it’s not that. Our vet also thinks it’s behavioural. She did suggest some medication but it was just a shot in the dark, was expensive and it would make him sleepy so I didn’t pursue it. We’ve used Feliway and it did help a bit. They are 100% indoor cats and always have been.

We won’t rehome him but my kids are teenagers so it’s easier to manage. They keep their bedroom doors closed so he doesn’t wee on their clothes that haven’t been put away. Boxes are ok as long as there’s nothing left inside. Bath mat is also ok but if we leave a towel in the bath it gets peed on.

As long as DH and I are meticulous about never leaving clothes lying around in our bedroom then he is well behaved there. Sleeps on our bed without issue. It does get very frustrating when he does it but we all love him so much we couldn’t rehome. I am not sure how it would be manageable with small children however as you will always have soft things lying around. I can absolutely understand considering rehoming in your situation.

Does she have a cat bed or somewhere soft that’s just for her? We have a box with a blanket, a cat basket and a cat tree with beds. He shares them with his sister and never weed in them.

Would you rehome just your female cat? As siblings the other one might fret for her even if they do fight. Ours will have a massive ding dong in the hall and I’ll find them 5 mins later curled up in a ball together asleep.

Thanks so much for your kind replies everyone, I was expecting a flaming. They do have FIV, we did ask the rescue if we could build a catio but they said please keep them inside. I feel awful about keeping them in as I have always had outdoor cats and never had a cat with health issues outside of old age but FIV it a bit like HIV for cats so it's serious. We can't catch it, just other cats.

That's a great idea about the chip flap@GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut, there is a bathroom I could section off for her. It currently houses our boy cat's preferred loo but it's worth a try.

She has her own bed which she amazingly has never peed on, it's a pyramid one so she must feel secure in there.

I have thought about just rehoming her because our boy is very sociable and settled and he has formed quite a strong attachment to DS1, he sleeps in his bed etc. The two have very different personalities, but like your cats @Remaker they do fight but snuggle up together sometimes. I don't think they would fight so much if they were allowed out but that sadly isn't to be. Can you remember the name of the medication? Our vet didn't suggest anything like that, I wonder if being sleepy would be better for her than being rehomed.

You could have a go at creating spaces that the other cat cannot use to help her feel safer. Maybe a second high bed would help - my cat rotates her sleeping place to feel secure, and they are always high places. One night she’s in the porch on a high shelf, and another upstairs on my DD’s top bunk.

Personally I would build a catio despite the FIV.

But if she’s still miserable despite your best efforts, rehoming her is the right thing to do so please don’t feel bad.

IMHO some shelters can be a bit naughty about insisting that some cats must be rehomed as a pair, because they are "so well bonded". It can cause trouble further down the road as many cats prefer being the only cat in the house.

Peeing everywhere is a sign of great distress, it isn't normal cat behaviour, so it does very sound like another home would be a better fit for her.

A cat flap on an internal door with a chip in so only she can go into the room and the other cat can't. Have you got a utility room you could put an internal cat flap on, or the bathroom? It sounds like the other cat can bully her when she goes to the toilet. It really isn't her fault. If you can give her a little private space she might be fine.

I can’t see any reason at all why an FIV cat shouldn’t have a catio , it’s transmitted by blood / fluids not in the air .

In a very similar situation we rehomed one of our cats. She could go out, but was bullied by the neighborhood cats, and attacked by her brother when in the house. She was also weeing everywhere and we had a baby on the way.
We felt we had no choice, so put lots of effort into finding her a home and it was the best thing for her.
She lived the rest of her days in a child and cat free home, being spoilt rotten. I wished we had done it sooner.

@Wantcattostoppeeing the medication is called Meloxicam. It’s an anti inflammatory and it was recommended as he’s a middle aged cat so might be getting some aches and pains. Not sure if it would be suitable for your cat but worth asking.

A cat that pees everywhere is not a happy cat. By the time they resort to that kind of behaviour they're usually pretty miserable and stressed, unfortunately.

However saying that I wouldn't happy with the vet brushing it off as behavioural - I would ask them to take a urine sample and check it for infection and crystals - both of which are fairly easily treated and managed, but that can cause inappropriate urination on soft surfaces.

If she gets the all clear and her tests are negative then I would look to rehoming her somewhere where she's the only cat in the house, ideally with no children tooZ

I have two cats that HATE each other so hugs op, life is ll about stopping them being around each other. (No help that our puppy unfortunately doesn’t like the one that is definitely more bullied than bully!) Someone said above about the rescue possibly saying about them being rehomed as a pair even though they don’t need to be and I’d agree. She might genuinely be miserable with your other cat and may be happier on her own. The thing is do you trust the rescue implicitly? Because with her problems they might honestly just pass her off to someone not thrilled with her problems and bless her she didn’t ask for her sickness or for having a cat about she doesn’t get on with! I’d say if you do have to have to her thread so carefully and possibly go to a different one? Best of luck with the cats and the baby op!

Try 3 litter trays, fill with ultra clumping litter as it’s very soft on paws and other litters are too rough especially for indoor only paw pads. Wilko used to sell it cheaply years ago.

Then try a capsule off amazon called Cystease, it calms down any stress related cystitis. You mix it in wet food and it’s very palatable.

You can try fishing wand toys for the boy to wear him out with minimum effort so he hasn’t got the energy to attack her and make sure food, water and trays are all in open spaces the boy can’t trap her in, no bottleneck areas.

long term you can foster her at home while a rescue looks for a suitable home for her.

Let them out! It's better than them being cooped up and miserable and stressed. Some cats are just not suited to being indoor.

Or build a catio.

Toddler they are FIV+.

I'm with the "build a catio" brigade here. If you're really worried about them passin FIV on, you can make it with double sides about a foot apart so there can't be physical contact between them & another cat.

DBro had a similar problem with his indoor Burmese a few years ago. When one of their old girls died, they got a pair of siblings. Everything was 100% until the remaining old cat died, then suddenly the brother started on his sister big time. He would chase and attack her, and she was terrified of him (he was much bigger too). They tried everything they could (DSil is a very patient woman) Right up to separating them then reintroducing etc.

In the end they re-homed the boy as an only cat where he was very happy & chilled. They kept the girl and got a female rescue, and they get on just fine. So it could be that it's the bully that needs to be an only cat?

Apologies if I mention things that have already been suggested but I've only skimmed the replies.
Has she been tested for a UTI? One of our female cats suffers from regular bouts of stress induced cystitis. When it flares up she will wee in random places around the house.

Have you tried Feliway plug ins around the house? Apparently they're good for helping stressed cays. I'm going to buy a couple to see if the help our stressy cat! You can also get a spray so could try spraying any areas she regularly wees in to see if it makes a difference.

This may sound a bit extreme but, is there a room she's allowed in that could have a chip-cat flap put in the door so that only she can go in, and not the other cat? That way she could have some alone time.

It must be a very difficult situation. One of ours doesn't like our other 2 but at least she can take herself outside to sulk!

FIV cats can't go outside.

I agree with building a catio though.

I didn't realise that FIV can't go out. Definitely build a catio. Then at least you've tried everything.

It's OK toddler I didn't even though what FIV was before I met mine at the shelter!

They are my first rescues and my first cats in a long time so I was trying to follow the rules the rescue set out to the letter. But I have been thinking long and hard about things today and I think I will try them out in a catio. I suppose maybe the rescue were worried about them escaping but there is less risk of that than them escaping from the front door. When we went to the foster house mine were kept indoors but all the other cats were in catio type things outside, so I wonder if they have had a cat escape before.

She likes her cat shelves so I am going to purchase a chip door for the bathroom and put a couple of shelves up, it might look a bit odd but if it works I don't care. I suppose if that doesn't work than she must truly want to be an only cat.

Thanks again for all your help everyone, wish us luck!

You say they are a pair of rescue siblings, have you been in touch with the rescue organisation? They should provide back up ie support you and the cats, advise and rehome if appropriate.

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure if anyone will see this but I wanted to post an update. The catio seems to be working! We have barely had an accident since she has been allowed out in it and boy cat has been so much nicer to her. I think they both had cabin fever and thanks to the decent sized catio my DH has put up they now have some freedom despite thier FIV status.

Thank you so much everyone for your advice. I can't tell you how happy we are to be able to keep her.