Sad to have to give kitten back to breeder

[8e88e]

I'm absolutely heartbroken writing this.

We adopted a cat back in 2020 from the RSPCA. He is very timid and skittish. I have always wanted two cats but once we got my boy I decided he wouldn't do well with another cat so we left it. Then last year our neighbours cat started coming into our house and my cat was fine with it! He was so chill about it, I was shocked. But it made me think oh he must be fine then maybe we can get another after all.

We recently got a kitten as I thought a kitten would be less threatening. We watched all the videos on how to introduce properly and slowly and we have followed it completely. My cat is NOT happy. He won't come near me, won't sleep in any of his usual spots, doesn't want to come inside and when he does he spends most of the time crying. He is currently hiding in the corner of my bedroom right now even though the kitten is in another room.

I know people say it can take months but it's really distressing seeing my cat like this and knowing I caused it by bringing an intruder into his home. He wasn't aggressive to her at first. Her scent didn't bother him, then when he saw her behind baby gate he hissed a little, but seemed to be coping ok. But now he has gone backwards and suddenly got worse. Growling at her very loudly with ears back etc. Poor little girl just wants to play with him.

Even though people say it can take weeks or months, I just don't know if his personality type is ever going to accept her and not be scared of her. I don't know whether to stick it out and keep trying or get the hard part over with and give her back now while she is still young (10 weeks) enough to find a new home quickly.

I am honestly in tears imagining her not here anymore. The funny little things she does, her little squeaks, seeing her zoom around the house (while cat is out), falling asleep on my shoulder. I love her so much and the thought of dropping her back with the breeder and coming home to a house without her is breaking mt heart. But I know that it's selfish and I can't let my boy suffer.

I just needed to get it out anyway and get it off my chest and see if anyone has any wise or comforting words

Kittens are fairly robust! Our kitten dealt with our cat and a 3 year old wanting constant cuddles! You mentioned the neighbours cat earlier - it's possible they went through similar in the garden and they'd just worked out their status before the other cat came into your house. In the nicest possible way, they're cats, they're animals and you've got to let them crack on. They need to find the balance between themselves, even if that involves a swat and a bop at the kitten!

She is SO CUTE!!!

They’re both gorgeous! I hope you find they eventually come to an understanding!

Aww! She looks very similar to ours - fiesty little things! She'll give as good as she gets in no time! Also worth noting that our older cat, we got as a kitten. We had another cat who was 3 or 4 at the time. They got on well, but my god, they rough and tumbled too - it was like watching a wrestling match! Neither was ever harmed and within minutes would be snuggled up asleep next to each other.

Probably not helpful for you, but when we got a kitten its boundless energy annoyed the other cats. So our solution was to get a second kitten. They then did all their zoomies (so much zooming) and play fighting together and stopped harassing the older cats. They now all rub along fine - although he still gets the occasional swat when he's being particularly dickish.

He might be picking up on your stress as well tbh - this is all completely normal. It’s not going to make him ill. He’s not going to seriously hurt her.

Our two are not related. We got two kittens and one sadly passed from kitten flu. We then got another a few weeks later and Jesus, the first did not like her. Understatement. I’m not going to lie, six years later and we still have issues. He’ll suddenly chase her out the house (several times a day), occasionally attack her for no reason, aggressively groom her until it devolves. But they also curl up with each other and us on the bed at night. She goes out more and he’s the one she makes a beeline for when she comes back in. They’re basically like an old married couple, bickering all the time.

Just chill and let it play out. Feliway every room in your house. Give them lots of treats when they’re in the same room. He’ll relent. (They’re both BEAUTIFUL btw!)

Here’s our two:

We introduced a tiny rambunctious kitten to our very timid and introverted grown up rescue cat. Poor big boy was absolutely terrified of this little scrap of a kitten. It must have taken a good 3 months for him to tolerate being in the same room as the kitten without panicking, and a further 6 months or so for them to be relaxed enough with each other to sleep on the same sofa - but it did happen. They were never best friends but harmony was eventually restored and they lived happily together for yeàrs.
Now timid big boy has sadly died and we're wondering if we can risk introducing a new kitten to our now fully grown up rambunctious lad who is anything but timid.
Keep going!

Hmm, well we got a boy kitten when older female cat was 5. It's been two years this summer and she still doesn't like him at all. He's a little git to her as in he chases her sometimes, pounces on her and generally is an arsehole (but a very loveable one). Obviously a lot of this is him being young and wanting to play. Having said that, they can tolerate each other and they both sleep on our bed at night, and can often be found asleep on the same bed through the day. Just wanted to highlight that not every story ends in up with cats cuddling up and becoming best friends; sometimes tolerance is the most you'll get.

Are you using feliway? A few plug ins might help him

My cat rejected her kitten for 2 weeks because I took the kitten to the vets for 20 minutes. All hell broke loose in my house and I thought it would never end.

Once your kitties are settled (as im sure they will), always take them to the vet together regardless of who needs the appointment. One can reject the other upon return home due to smelling different. I wish my vet had warned me before my kitten's appointment, as I was concerned they'd never bond again which can happen. Enjoy your kitten...

Seriously way too soon to give up. My 14 year old is a complete Mummy's boy, very territorial but has had 4 other kittens join our household over the past 5 years. He has hated them for about 6 months each time. But loves each one now, even sleeps with them. Persevere. It'll work out in the end.
We've now got a pregnant female ready to pop, I've no doubt he'll get the arse again but will definitely move on after a few months.

The staged introduction seems like hard work!

I was told to introduce the new kit bum first so the reigning overlord can have a good sniff of the underlings parts at their leisure without having to face the said underling head on.

But I was young and stupid back then so probably under thought most things.

However, it did work and I had a steady stream of foundlings pass through my home as fosters without incident.

Did supervise all time together though, and kitten would be shut in a “safe” room when I was away from the house, just until I was sure the kitten was old enough to not do anything daft, like fall in the loo.

your cats are both lovely. Let them get on with it!

Make sure older cat has some safe spaces to go to away from kitten when they are in the same room. Up high is good so some shelves or furniture big boy can climb up and kitten can't. Also some very small spaces kitten can get in that big boy can't fit into, if it gets a bit rough.

Also try having big boy in the room when kitten is sleepy and relaxed. Wear her out with play and food, wait until she's asleep before bringing him in. If he is food oriented give lots of treats so he associates kitten with nice things happening.

Hissing and hiding is normal - just keep giving big boy lots of attention and cuddles away from kitten. TemporaryCat is very nervy & reactive and jumps off my lap at any movement and panics at loud noises. But he has got a lot better and braver now, so it does improve as they start to feel safe. Also adding to recommendations for lots of Feliway and try spraying catnip around too, if Big Cat likes it. Makes TempCat very dopey!

Have you got a feliway plug in?
You also need multiple litter trays and water stations.
Good luck!

Glad you e been reassured. Feliway plug ins are great - will calm him down and relax him.

They will be fine - I foster cats and dogs and you are looking at about 3 months normally before everyone has got used to the new situation.

I've got 2 cats at the moment - introduced the other way around (failed foster older cat) and my young rescue.) they hated each other for ages - but they are outdoor cats so didn't need to meet that much.

I wouldn't say they are best buddies now but they rock along together and hunt together -unfortunately successfully.

I can't even remember how long it took. A year? The older cat is quite traumatised and feral and the younger one is a sweetie but I'm quite relaxed about this things.

The younger very small one is the boss.

I had a very skittish cat. He would hide if someone came to the door and if it was someone who had come to visit he remained hidden until at least an hour after they had gone. He never went out as he was too scared. We got a kitten. He was terrified. The kitten did not particularly go near him at that point and for two whole weeks the only time he came out was to eat and use his litter tray. One day he came out and began playing with his toys and interacted with the kitten. Two days later they were playing together, eating and sleeping together. They just need time to adjust.

What a gorgeous kitten!

My cat hissed non stop at our new kitten for at least a month.We‘ve now had him a year and big cat loves to play with and lick the head of her new friend ❤️

OP your cats are so beautiful! I just wanted to give another reassurance that it will get better - we also got our black beauty in 2020 and she is very very skittish, adopted our little calico beauty in August last year - did everything "right" as you did, but first girl just couldn't cope with the energy of kitten! The guilt I felt for both of them was so bad.
Fast forward to now and while they are not best friends they will happily sleep on the same couch for hours, and often give little head bumps to each other.
Hang in there 😻

I have a psycho cat who lost his feline “friend” (the other cat he loved hated him!) so I got 2 kittens to cheer him up. He instantly hated them. 4 years later he still doesn’t like them and spits at them, but they muddle on together. They just work around each other really. Wouldn’t have dreamed of getting rid of the 2 kittens just because nutter cat hated them. The (now grown up) kittens are ace!

So glad I posted this now because I feel much more optimistic today.

I just have a question. What is better, feliway friends or pet remedy? I have heard mixed reviews for both but seen a lot of people say pet remedy is better. It's also cheaper so I could afford two but could only get one feliway. I suppose the difference is that the feliway friends one will be different to whatever is in the basic pet remedy but I'm not sure which one to get.

Has anyone tried both?

if this helps- I have a sweet but very standoffish female cat (wants tickles, no way she’s getting on your lap). We got her when she was 1 and hadn’t been socialised properly. We love her to bits (and spoil her rotten!) but we did feel a bit shortchanged that we weren’t getting the full cat experience but had accepted it and left it at that. She has is exceedingly well trained to grovel for her attention. We take what we can get!!

but she did form a bond with a neighbour’s cat. No idea why as she hates every other cat. He used to come over to get her to play with him. Sadly they moved away so decided we’d try and get another kitten as we thought she might miss him and a rescue one just happened to come up.

the intro did not go well. We followed all the steps, waited for an instant happy ending but there was hissing and screaming and we weren’t sure what to. Eventually the hissing stopped but it got into constant fighting (no claws or danger thankfully) but territory asserting and it got quite daring breaking them up.

we persevered (calming sprays everywhere) and I’d say it took 6 month until things were calmer and a year before they had their groove. The younger cat loves her and keeps trying. The older cat tolerates. They don’t sleep near each other. They occasionally play fight but they just rub alongside each other now without any incidents. Even survived a cattery visit in same kennel without issue.

if you can put effort in, give it time but it is hard work. Totally worth it though. I love having 2 cats and I think the older cat enjoys having the company of the other one (she will deny it though!!) . I even think there is now a little bit of affection. I wouldn’t say they are bonded but they share the space happily.

16 days is nothing.

I think my lovely 8 month old kitten hid under the bed and hissed for about 3 weeks at our new 4 month old kitten.

They're pretty much best friends now.

Everything you're describing is normal.

Best advice we took was this - I hadn't realising I'd been encouraging the hiding and hissing by feeding our girl under the bed (I was worried she wouldn't eat)

Do not pander to your cat. Feed as normal.

And just to say, your boy looks just like my previous boy! He'll come round!

Hang in there OP. 16 days isn't long. My boys took around 5 weeks, then suddenly one day they were friends. Cats are weird, adorable, but weird.

Feliway and continue the slow introduction, slowly move to feeding near each other (not too close). Playing with both cats at the same time with a kind of fishing pole toy or something like this can also be good, if your older cat likes playing.

Kitten will soon learn the boundaries, might get swiped a couple of times but will be ok. Just don't leave them alone together until you're sure things are good.

@Drfosters aw I love this, thank you for sharing. I'm trying to accept that this is going to take longer than I thought. I knew they wouldn't get on instantly but I was a bit naive thinking it would be smooth sailing after slow intros.

While I am at work my male cat usually has full run on the house and sleeps on the bed. I only work from the office 2 or 3 days a week but I was hoping they would get on sooner rather than later because otherwise the kitten is going to have to stay in the spare room for the whole day while I'm at work which I didn't want to happen. I could give her the upstairs and male cat the downstairs but he is used to sleeping on the bed. All of kittens things are upstairs in the spare room. I was hoping for them to get along and be able to share the whole house and keep each other company. My sister comes in to be with the kitten a few hours of the day on my office days atm but it's a bit rubbish for kitten to be kept to the one room while I'm at work 😢

Not long enough.

I have 3 my eldest took 6 months to get used to my second one, and after 3 years she still hates my third. She just tolerates her.