DP wants to get rid

[Urgi]

We have an almost 3-year-old cat.

Brief history;
We found DCat at the side of the road at around 5 weeks old. We should have taken him straight to our local rescue but we took him home.
6 months later, tried to relinquish him to Cats Protection, they took him but I was in bits and so went and got him back an hour later.

DP was worried about our furniture (leather sofa, etc.) so that was moved to another room and 'new' furniture was bought - already cat-scragged. DCat doesn't really scrag much at all, he has a post and uses that, or he goes outside and uses the trees.

DP really doesn't like DCat, at all. Resents him. I don't want to believe it's because I love DCat but I think it is. He thinks my love for the cat is weird.

We also have a very elderly dog, a rat, and some fish.

I am starting a new job next month which means I will be at the office every day, I currently WFH 3-4 days a week.

DCat sleeps all day, except for his lunch break. He used to sleep on the bed but has recently been banned from doing that because cat fur is covered in urine.. He goes out all night (his choice - he won't stay in as much as we have tried). He doesn't run around or pester to play, he just sleeps. DP says he will not have the cat in the house (he WFH and is renovating the house at the moment). It doesn't fit with 'our' life, isn't right, and he doesn't want to not go away (won't let anyone in to feed the cat). So my choice is to rehome DCat and break my heart or leave my 10-year relationship.

I am stuck. I do not want to rehome DCat. I don't see why we have to. He is no trouble. It has caused almost weekly arguments since we first brought him back. I'm not joking, either. Every day it comes up. Every. F*ing. Day. He just has to meow and purr walking into the kitchen and it triggers DP.

DP won't be happier if DCat goes, he'll find something else to have a problem with. I'm fed up. I'm done. HELP!

I fear a photo may be even more outing than the post alone!

@Urgi : The first time I’ve posted this on any thread -
LTB !!!!

@Yiayoula I am proud to have taken your LTB cherry!

Thank you all for making me feel so much better about this

@Urgi : 🤣🤣🤣🤣

And I’m proud of you for choosing your cat rather than that poor excuse for a partner …
Good Luck !

I would always choose my cats over a man. Rehome the DP

I’d worry he would drop the cat off at a rescue when you’re at work. Anyway, agree w/PP - cat clearly isn’t the issue. It sounds like he’s pretty selfish and I nkind to you.
You might find Lundy Bancroft book Why Does He Do That? (you can download on kindle and read in private) an interesting read. Hopefully most of it won’t reasonate with you. Good luck!

Your husband sounds horrible. Keep the cat and dump the husband.

He sounds awful, dump him and keep the pets. He’s just not an animal person but they don’t get to tell you what to do.

You can’t leave cats outside it’s cruel.

Let us know how you get on with the foster @Urgi . I'd offer to have them but it would start ww3 with my 2!

This in spades

I might be wrong, but it does sound like the cat is bringing you more happiness than your DP.

It sounds like you love the 🐱 a lot as when you handed him in you rushed back to get him. Your DH sounds really nasty and controlling. He sounds jealous because you love the 🐱 tbh. I'd be dumping the controlling DH and keeping the 😺 for company. The 🐱 will love you forever and never judge you or criticise you. As you have identified if the 🐱 went your DH would just find a different stick to beat you with. I know which one I'd be keeping and which I'd be dumping too. You will feel happier without controlling husband.

Finding a foster home for the cat is a good call. Good luck.

Definitely leave! Hope you're okay

Interesting that he went and got the cat back. Does he like to have something to hold over you? Regardless choosing between him and the cat shouldn't be hard!

Agreeing with the posters who said he's using the cat as a stick to beat you with - that may well have been in the back of his mind when he went to get the cat back from the rescue.

As you said yourself, if it wasn't the cat it would be something else. And I find the timing interesting as you're starting a new job working out of the home soon - so you won't be in his sphere of control as much. That could have triggered him into being even more of a shit about your Dcat.

I also noticed in your OP that you said losing the cat would break your heart, yet you've not even hinted that losing your "D"P would upset you all that much.

There's always the possibility that he will harm the cat to get rid, but that would be stupid on his part because he will then have lost an excuse to bully you!

www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_litter_tray/4712040-i-miss-my-cat-so-much?postsby=SadandCatless

Please don't end up like this poor lady, whose OH rehomed (or said he did) her cat!

The fact that you’ve repeatedly asked if you’re unreasonable about such basic, bare minimum things is worrying, it shows you need to do work on yourself to ensure you’ll never again accept such a low quality man. It’s awful that you’re dependent on this shit boyfriend to house you, you must feel very vulnerable.

Once you’ve found somewhere to live, you should take delight in not giving this man a conversation, if he sees you packing and enquires, just say ‘yeah, I’m done. I don’t find you attractive, at all. Byeee’. Don’t waste any more of your breath, or life on this specimen.

Yes, it's a LTB not a LTC.

New job and a new start for you. A third "positive" - you get to keep the cat. Please don't fear the changes; embrace them. You will feel so much better when you don't have him dragging you down.

I wish you all the best and hope that you manage to sort things soon so that you can LTB and keep your DCat. Good call on temporary fostering - I'd be terrified that your "D"P would do something to your cat. He might not hurt him, but might scare him away, put him out and not let him in etc. No way would I want to risk that.

Just wanted to update quickly (I'm at home this week so not getting on here so often): we discussed separating at the weekend and it has been awkward ever since. We both I think know we need to, it's just that actual pulling of the trigger.

I have also discovered no deposit renting through a local agent, so am just waiting for a pet-friendly property..

Good for you! I hope it goes well.