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The litter tray

Join our community of cat lovers on the Mumsnet Cat forum for kitten advice and help with cat behaviour.

Original poster

DP wants to get rid

72 replies

Urgi · 16/03/2023 12:45

We have an almost 3-year-old cat.

Brief history;
We found DCat at the side of the road at around 5 weeks old. We should have taken him straight to our local rescue but we took him home.
6 months later, tried to relinquish him to Cats Protection, they took him but I was in bits and so went and got him back an hour later.

DP was worried about our furniture (leather sofa, etc.) so that was moved to another room and 'new' furniture was bought - already cat-scragged. DCat doesn't really scrag much at all, he has a post and uses that, or he goes outside and uses the trees.

DP really doesn't like DCat, at all. Resents him. I don't want to believe it's because I love DCat but I think it is. He thinks my love for the cat is weird.

We also have a very elderly dog, a rat, and some fish.

I am starting a new job next month which means I will be at the office every day, I currently WFH 3-4 days a week.

DCat sleeps all day, except for his lunch break. He used to sleep on the bed but has recently been banned from doing that because cat fur is covered in urine.. He goes out all night (his choice - he won't stay in as much as we have tried). He doesn't run around or pester to play, he just sleeps. DP says he will not have the cat in the house (he WFH and is renovating the house at the moment). It doesn't fit with 'our' life, isn't right, and he doesn't want to not go away (won't let anyone in to feed the cat). So my choice is to rehome DCat and break my heart or leave my 10-year relationship.

I am stuck. I do not want to rehome DCat. I don't see why we have to. He is no trouble. It has caused almost weekly arguments since we first brought him back. I'm not joking, either. Every day it comes up. Every. F*ing. Day. He just has to meow and purr walking into the kitchen and it triggers DP.

DP won't be happier if DCat goes, he'll find something else to have a problem with. I'm fed up. I'm done. HELP!

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 16/03/2023 13:35

Your problem is absolutely not DCat. Keep the cat, get rid of the man.

Children? If not, easy decision given the atmosphere you've described at home

Original poster
Urgi · 16/03/2023 13:43

Yep he got the cat back. I made all the arrangements to relinquish, he called to get him back (because I was in bits). We've had this 'the cat can't stay' argument constantly since then..

No, no children, no marriage, quite clean cut so I can, when I am able, just go..

OP posts:
Megifer · 16/03/2023 13:47

Urgi · 16/03/2023 13:43

Yep he got the cat back. I made all the arrangements to relinquish, he called to get him back (because I was in bits). We've had this 'the cat can't stay' argument constantly since then..

No, no children, no marriage, quite clean cut so I can, when I am able, just go..

So he wanted to be your hero but has punished you and the cat for it since?

He sounds quite the catch. Does he have a solid gold 9 inch penis? That's the only reason I can fathom why you're putting up with this shit 😬

RosesAndHellebores · 16/03/2023 13:48

Might be helpful to have this moved to relationships op.

Original poster
Urgi · 16/03/2023 13:49

Haha no! In fact, our physical relationship has all but vanished! He says because of my illness (I have IBD and had quite a bad flare at the beginning of the year), but it's been off the boil for a long time..

I fear we are both in a bit of a habitual relationship..

OP posts:
LadyGaGasPokerFace · 16/03/2023 13:49

You don’t have a car problem, you have a dp problem.

Crazyshihtzulady · 16/03/2023 13:51

Cats are very clean creatures, of course they're not covered in urine FFS!

Sounds like he's jealous of the cat.

smileladiesplease · 16/03/2023 13:52

Your dp is a cruel twat.

JorisBonson · 16/03/2023 13:52

I would be rehoming him and having a lovely time with DCat.

On a side note, read Cat Lady by Dawn O'Porter, fabulous book.

Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 16/03/2023 13:54

Get rid of your partner. Ugh.

SoggyGround · 16/03/2023 13:56

Reading your posts it sounds like your relationship is dead in the water. I know that isn't actually what you posted about but I'm trying to be reasonable as my first instinct is keep the cat and get rid of the DP!

Reading your updates you both sound miserable and limping along because it's easier than splitting up. You only get one shot at life. Don't be with a miserable twat who is making your life miserable. Your cat sounds adorable and perfect. Of course his fur isn't covered in urine (your DP has either seriously misunderstood what he was told at college or is making up bullshit, probably the latter). Cats are very clean, their fur is covered in dander (essentially cat spit as they constantly lick themselves to keep themselves clean).

Keep the cat and leave the DP, I guarantee once the dust settle you will be happier. (And in the meantime don't let him bully your cat.)

Walkinginthesand · 16/03/2023 13:58

This reminds me of a feminist greetings card from many years ago

Picture 1: irate man to woman with angelic cat in background “either the cat goes or I do”

Picture 2: cat with thought bubble coming out of head “sorry to see you go, Roger.”

sausage767 · 16/03/2023 14:10

He sounds like a miserable git. You and your dear kitty would be much happier without him.

Imtryingnottobother · 16/03/2023 14:12

Maybe you could get the cat into foster while you sort out your finances and get ready to leave. In meantime dp will either find something else to focus on, or probably do an about turn when you actually do ‘get rid’ of the cat will promise to change. Remember what he was like before and don’t fall for it.

beachcitygirl · 16/03/2023 14:21

Keep the cat
Lose the twat

TheHouseNextDoor · 16/03/2023 14:21

It's him, not the cat.

He's abusive if you can't go on holiday with your mum - because it's no worth the arguments. That controlling you. It's abusive.

Take the cat and go.

Dartmoorcheffy · 16/03/2023 14:26

He sounds horrible. You're not getting anything good from this relationship so I would leave. It will never get better.

CantGetDecentNickname · 16/03/2023 14:30

Human sweat contains trace amounts of urea, so you could argue that humans are covered in urine!

If your DP will simply find something else to argue with you about after the cat has gone, then it is him that is the problem. I'd suggest asking your DM or a friend if they could house the cat for a few weeks (you'll need to set a limit) while you find alterative accommodation. I wouldn't trust DP near the cat.

Good luck

Topseyt123 · 16/03/2023 14:37

I too say dump the partner and keep the cat.

Do you have anyone who could foster the cat while you look for a place to live? I wouldn't trust this arsehole to look after the cat or make sure it came to no harm while in his care. Because in truth he really doesn't care about the cat or you at all.

YourPastryNeedsLard · 16/03/2023 14:42

This is such a sad read. And definitely really not about the cat.

Use it as a trigger to go, OP.

Boleynforsoup · 16/03/2023 14:44

I might start a rehoming centre for awful DPs.... I'd do a roaring trade on the taking them in side, but I'm not sure I'd get many willing adopters Grin

eurochick · 16/03/2023 14:45

Rehome your partner. Keep the cat.

Boleynforsoup · 16/03/2023 14:48

As an aside how can a vegan treat animals this way?! I'm vegan and compassion for sentient beings is top priority. Get rid of the 'd'p, keep the cat.

Original poster
Urgi · 16/03/2023 14:54

I have decided to look at a foster place for a few weeks for DCat, while I get things in order.

Funny how writing things down can bring such clarity.

Thank you all for your advice and opinions, too

OP posts:
endoftheworldniteclub · 16/03/2023 14:58

I promise you the cat is way cleaner than your partner. Do you have a photo of the furry little one?