Please can you lovely people reassure me I won't feel like this forever after my incredible puss was pts?

[WhyOhWhyDoWeDoThisToOurselves]

Hi all, I'm not a frequent poster on this board, but have name changed as details could definitely be recognisable.

We had to have our incredible cat put to sleep last night. It was pretty unexpected following a sudden illness (that had probably been there for a while but we didn't know about). She was 11 and we'd rescued her from a fosterer who freed her from horrific abuse, including being abandoned for weeks with a litter of dead kittens and being kicked.

As a result she became overly bonded to us as her new human family. She stuck to us all, me in particular, like glue. She followed me everywhere - each time I went up and down the stairs, to the loo, in the bath, stayed with me on the chair next to me in my office and slept every night literally on top of me on my hip. She waited in the window for me when I did the school run, she howled when she didn't know where I was in the house. If we played a board game or Lego she would come and sit herself in the thick of the action. She chatted to us all the time - we could have some quite lengthy conversations!

It was all such a whirlwind yesterday as it all happened so quickly. There was no doubt what needed to happen but none of us felt prepared (well as much as you ever can anyway). The vets came to us and it was an incredibly dignified- and dare I say it - death. She was snuggled on me on her favourite blankie and we had gentle music playing and a candle lit.

But today I feel like I am missing a fundamental part of me. I veer from smiling at happy memories to emptiness to uncontrollable sobbing. At times I want to be physically sick.

I know all the things about the fact she had the best life with us and gave us so much joy etc...but it's only a crumb of comfort. I feel totally bereft. I also feel sad and guilty she's now 'on her own' as she needed us her family so much. I wonder how she'll cope without us, wherever that may be.

I know the rawness of this pain will fade over time but it just doesn't feel like it at the moment.

I don't really know what I want from this post, but I just know you lot will understand.

God bless you, you won’t feel like this forever. It will ease but your wonderful memories of your wonderful cat will remain. Do you feel up to sharing some pictures with us

It will ease in time. But I still occasionally weep over my old boy cat, who was pts in my arms nearly 6 years ago. And after I lost my dog very suddenly, I couldn’t physically eat for nearly a week, I was absolutely floored by grief. Grief is the price of love, that’s what they say. It won’t be this tearingly raw forever. But you have lost someone you loved, so you need to grieve. I always write a long letter to each pet I’ve lost, talking about all my memories of them and telling them how much I miss them. It helps, a little. And there is a cartoonist called Jenny Jinya who writes very well about grief and losing pets. Your girl knew just how much she was loved. My sympathies to you.

I’m so sorry, I dread this happening with my current cat as I’m bonded to him and vice versa so much. I’ve lost cats before and also dogs and it’s such a terrible time. My coping mechanism is to get a new cat/dog asap. I know it doesn’t replace them but it keeps you busy and stops the house feeling so empty.

I promise you won't feel like this forever .

What will happen is that, for a while, it will be completely overwhelming. Then gradually, there will be spaces of time where is isn't overwhelming and you can feel normal, and as time goes on, those spaces will get longer and longer. It will still hurt and you will always miss your dear puss, but you will reach a place where you can carry on and remember the happy times you had together.

I find it helpful to gather photos and create a little memorial to my departed pets. Remember, she will always be with you in your heart and nothing can take away your memories.

@SoCrossAboutThis I like to think that my departed cat chooses my next cat for me and makes sure our paths will cross, e.g. by making his/her photo the one I notice on the rescue website.

Oh dear, quite a prickle of tears here for my gorgeous girl (also rescued, bonded) who died 3 years again almost to the day. The first year was bad, but then it got easier. Never would I have not had her, even with the pain of losing her. I still talk to her occasionally and expect to see her little face appearing.

My sympathies to you. However it sounds like you had a great life together.

I found doing a collage of photos and a poem as a homage to her a help.

A 'catless 'house is awful. I'm so sorry .
I remember my mum going out side to call 'Miss Scarlet ' in one night two days after we lost her.
Mum said really quietly as she shut the door 'Oh I forgot'.
We are all here and understand how bereft you are feeling. Xxxxxxxx

The only solution I have ever found is to get another cat.

I know for some posters the right answer is to leave it a long time until they feel ready.

But for me the pain is so overwhelming, and the cat-shaped hole is so big, I am looking for a new cat pretty much the following day.

The new cats are never a 'replacement', everyone has their own personality and needs, and have been completely different to each other. But given this is and always will be a cat owning house, the arrival keeps you busy (and triggers a lot of recalling happy memories of cats gone by) while the grief eases.

My neighbour has a similar approach to dogs - she always has a younger dog and an older dog to try to make sure her house is never dog-free.

It definitely does get easier, OP, I do remember those early awful raw days though, take good care of yourself 💐

She’s not on her own. She’ll never be on her own, because you’ll be forever connected by your memories of her.

Sending you a hug, op - my darling dad got a bit glassy eyed years after our spectacular cat had to be pts when I was in my twenties; my brother was the only one strong enough to stay with him; and I was a mess who had to come home from work for sobbing too hard.

I know that feeling of loss and really wish you some calm - go for a walk if you can and look at some nature - few snowdrops or daffs may help. It will pass but it is very bloody hard whilst it’s raw.

The closer you were, the more it hurts to lose them.

I loved and missed all my cats when they died but losing the little cat who ran to me, who followed me everywhere, who slept snuggled up to me was so, so painful. Reading your grief for your lovely girl reminds me of mine.

But she was a once in a lifetime cat and I was lucky to have her. The pain eases with time, and although I will never stop missing her I have so many happy memories of her, and I am glad to have given her a happy life and, at the end, a peaceful, pain-free death.

She was worth every tear.

Oh OP, you write about her so lovingly especially about her being your little shadow.
It won't always feel this bad, I promise.
What always helps me is to create a little memory box for them. I put a letter or poem and a bit of cat nip, sometimes a toy, and for my last cat, who was everything to me, a piece of dried lavender cut from the bush she used to sleep under.
Take care. Be kind to yourself x

I am so sorry OP 💐
The first cat we lost was sudden and I would honestly say it took a couple of years for the grief to settle. We've lost more since and have one with a poor prognosis just now. It's just as hard with each one, they break your heart.
But one of our younger rescues has just come and sat on me whilst I type this, she never sits on me. She is purring so loud.
I don't know if you will feel able to get another at any point, do whatever feels right for you but it has helped us to get more after a couple of months.
In time it will get easier.

I'm really sorry about your cat OP. Time really is a great healer. When I lost my first cat, I had to get sleeping tablets from the doctor. I couldn't eat or sleep. I was vomiting and got by on cups of tea. I sobbed constantly and felt I'd never get over her passing.

But in time I could remember her without crying, smile at what antics she got up to, can still remember how she felt, I was most afraid I'd forget. I've since lost two more cats (her sister 11 months to the day) and my beautiful boy at only 9, it hasn't got any easier.

Don't put a time on your grief. It affects everyone differently. It's an awful reminder what a hole they leave in our lives when they pass. Sending you love x

I’m so sorry, OP. Sending you comforting thoughts and thinking of your lovely kitty xxxxx

I'm so sorry for the loss of your lovely cat. I've mourned the same for all 6 of mine that have passed especially the last one who was so special. I found it very hard living without her and that was two years ago. I got 2 more pretty quickly because I couldn't bear the silence in the house. They will never replace her but they are slowly healing my heart.

@PlaitBilledDuckyPuss I think Maia sent Cheddar. They have very similar mannerisms. And it was two good to be true that she was in the rescue at the right time. The stars aligned

Cheddar came home two weeks after Maia died and helped so much. You will feel better.

@CatChant 'she was worth every tear'
Perfectly put.
Xxxxx

It’s so, so hard to lose them but it does get better in time. Tears in sympathy for the loss of your little shadow

Thank you all . Today is a tiny bit less painful...just a little. I miss her so much. Tomorrow will be the first time I'll be in the house all alone though, I'm dreading it.

Here's my beauty and best friend

Damn, it won't let me post a pic

We had our dear boy PTS in August 2021. He was just shy of 18 and we got him as a kitten.
I thought I would never ever get over losing him. Every day after I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I have had plenty of cats over the years living to a ripe old age, so I don’t know why this was so hard.

I said no more cats. I was done. The hurt was too much.

Two months later in the October my very ill daughter begged for a kitten because she was so sad with our dear boy.

i said no, over and over. She threatened to walk to get the kitty. ( she’s very unwell with anorexia so I didn’t want her to do that)
I eventually gave in, the little guy is now 18 months and I love him so much. He filled a broken hole in my heart that I didn’t know was fixable. He has brought us more joy than we could have imagined.

That line, she was worth every tear just sums it up so beautifully. Some just hold a little piece of your heart forever and they've earned that. The pain will ease but that empty spot in your heart stays and is a mark of honour that your girlie chose you and loved you. I'm so proud of the two little holes in my heart and hope to be lucky enough to earn more.

Practically, I have gorgeous paintings of my two soul-pets and a tiny tattoo of one's name so she's always with me.

I'm so sorry for your loss, but pleased you got to have that love in your life.