Please can you lovely people reassure me I won't feel like this forever after my incredible puss was pts?

[WhyOhWhyDoWeDoThisToOurselves]

Hi all, I'm not a frequent poster on this board, but have name changed as details could definitely be recognisable.

We had to have our incredible cat put to sleep last night. It was pretty unexpected following a sudden illness (that had probably been there for a while but we didn't know about). She was 11 and we'd rescued her from a fosterer who freed her from horrific abuse, including being abandoned for weeks with a litter of dead kittens and being kicked.

As a result she became overly bonded to us as her new human family. She stuck to us all, me in particular, like glue. She followed me everywhere - each time I went up and down the stairs, to the loo, in the bath, stayed with me on the chair next to me in my office and slept every night literally on top of me on my hip. She waited in the window for me when I did the school run, she howled when she didn't know where I was in the house. If we played a board game or Lego she would come and sit herself in the thick of the action. She chatted to us all the time - we could have some quite lengthy conversations!

It was all such a whirlwind yesterday as it all happened so quickly. There was no doubt what needed to happen but none of us felt prepared (well as much as you ever can anyway). The vets came to us and it was an incredibly dignified- and dare I say it - death. She was snuggled on me on her favourite blankie and we had gentle music playing and a candle lit.

But today I feel like I am missing a fundamental part of me. I veer from smiling at happy memories to emptiness to uncontrollable sobbing. At times I want to be physically sick.

I know all the things about the fact she had the best life with us and gave us so much joy etc...but it's only a crumb of comfort. I feel totally bereft. I also feel sad and guilty she's now 'on her own' as she needed us her family so much. I wonder how she'll cope without us, wherever that may be.

I know the rawness of this pain will fade over time but it just doesn't feel like it at the moment.

I don't really know what I want from this post, but I just know you lot will understand.

I’m tearing up reading these and remembering our special boy. The day after he died I was a complete mess, I took the day of work and spent much of it crying and hugging our other cat. Eventually you do remember the happy times rather than dwelling on the sadness of loss.

We got a new cat a few months later - no cat can possibly replace another, they’re so different but it does help. It also reminded me of things about our old cat’s kittenhood that I’d forgotten such as trying to cover up their food! It was the right step for us.

I went through this last week. we got two rescue kittens in 2014. They were found in a bin. We were big on Breaking Bad at the time so they were Walt and Jesse.
Walter was my boy. He was always on my lap and had more personality than any cat I've ever known.
We went the theatre on Friday and when we got home he was upstairs on our bed, already cold. My beautiful boy. I'm in tears as i sit here typing this. He was only eight.
We have two other cats, but they don't have my heart like he did.
We buried him in the garden yesterday.

Our darling cat was pts when she was 20.
I cried and cried.

There was an enormous hole in our lives. It upset me so much to keep finding her hair in soft furnishings.

But... she had a splendid life with the best food and gave us so much love in return.

I still miss her six years on but now have a dog who is wonderful.

I have a special vase on a shelf and her collar is draped round it. I'll never forget her love but feel gladdened that she was happy in her time with us.

You WILL become used to your darling cat's loss but be happy in the knowledge that your darling was loved and happy.

Give yourself time. You are grieving a loved one, a special friend who's been a big part of your life for a lot of years.

Take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself 💙

Love the names! 🫶🏻