New kitten a big mistake?

[2FelisCatus]

We got a new kitten the week before Christmas and our old cat is just not having it. We did scent swapping, feliway, slow intro with lots of treats for both. The older cat keeps attacking the kitten at least a few times a day. So she hasn't hurt him but he's terrified and screaming. I wonder if this simply isn't going to work?

It'll work eventually. They might not be best friends for a while but the kitten will grow large enough that he won't be in danger. If you only got the kitten before Christmas, this is a very new situation. Give it time.

For now, your responsibility is to keep the kitten out of danger. Many people start off by putting a new pet in its own room for a week or two. Whatever you do, separate them so that the kitten is safe. Sooner or later, the cat will likely get curious and will approach the kitten. That isn't guaranteed but if it happens, then you can relax a little.

Don't do anything to hurt the relationship, like lavishing the kitten with love and food if the cat isn't getting the same. Distribute the food and love fairly!

These situations take time. I don't know of any situations that don't improve though. Good luck.

It really hasn’t been that long. Two weeks, three max? How long did you keep them separate?

We got kittens this year and it took at least 2 weeks before we let them out of one room. Our elderly cat wasn’t enamoured but by month 3 was sleeping curled up with them. It’ll take time.

Are you making sure you play a lot with the kitten so they’re not bothering the older cat?

@NoSquirrels, that's a great point. It's important to keep the kitten exhausted so he isn't hyper and bothering the cat!

Hi op I did this a few years ago and I will be honest with you, my 2 tolerate each other but barely. I have to keep my older girl in our bedroom as she just hisses and growls at the other cat. The younger one is not particularly bothered but is wary. They can just about be in the same room together. If they are outside then the young one chases the older one.

I have had cats before and it was successful, it can be hard though. If I knew how hard it would be I would not have got the second cat 🤷. I hope you are luckier than us.

It's been 3 weeks. We kept the kitten in his own room for a week. Then we introduced them through a dog cage and fed them lots of yummy treat. All will seem fine and then the older cat will start stalking the kitten eventually pinning him into a corner. The kitten doesn't approach the older cat all. He's quite afraid of her. At night I keep them apart and only together when I'm in the room. It honestly seems like the older cat is hunting the kitten. I've had to pull the older cat off the kitten several times. So far I can't see any actual damage to the kitten. All day yesterday it seemed peaceful then this morning she's right back to hunting her. 😞

I got my two girls end of November and they still don’t get on with my old boy. We have had to put the kittens in their own room. My eldest is only just coming around to them, but we have given him plenty of space and attention and taken it very slowly.

the kittens go to their room/have the first floor of the house when the eldest has his morning nap down here. They are allowed free roam of the house when he is outside (which is more frequently now).

they all get fed together now, this was on the eldest demand. He noticed they got an extra mealtime per day and seemed bothered wanted to be included at supper time so we have cuts his morning dose in half and we now give it him at supper time. This was they all feed together this has made them bond more, he doesn’t mind them rubbing up against him at meal times now as he’s too bothered about his food and seems more relaxed.

when they annoy him he will get them in a headlock or hiss, he’s started to realise this is unwanted behaviour (particularly the headlock!) but we have let him hiss as this has slowly trained the kittens not to push it with him. If he’s getting annoyed he gets extra attention and cuddles

i think it will take a good few months for him to get used to it, but respecting your older cats space and understanding their needs is the main thing I think.

@2FelisCatus, at this stage, I wouldn't shut the kitten away in isolation, but I would use a cage in an open doorway to keep them visible to each other but separate. That way they can get used to coexisting.

The kitten will grow larger so your concerns about hunting will lessen over time. Again, this is a very new situation so I think it's too early to worry.

Battlecat98 mentioned a situation where the cats still don't love each other, but in the majority of the situations I'm familiar with, affection develops over time. It can take a looong time, but it does happen.

When you see stalking or anything else destructive going on, step in gently and divert the older cat's attention. Keep a close eye on things.

I have been stepping in but it hasn't been so gentle as she goes into hunting mode and is fully locked on the kitten. I've started wearing the fireplace gloves! How long should we give it? If the kitten needs a new home I don't want to wait too long for her sake.

@2FelisCatus, keep stepping in. Whenever the cat goes into hunting mode, distract her gently. Do it every single time. It'll pay off. Don't get sick of the situation and step back. For now though, do use that cage divider between well-trafficked rooms so that the cats are separate but neither is isolated.

If they're fighting with each other constantly eight or so months from now, I'd consider moving the kitten along. I honestly don't think they will be though. For the first couple of years of the kitten's life, the cat probably won't be his number one fan. Kittens are crazy and older cats are like adults around kids. They need a break.

Make sure to break that stalking habit and maybe also try giving the older cat a place to hide and have alone time, like a little carrier-sized box. I hope it works out!

Hopefully things will settle down but unfortunately it doesn’t always, cats often don’t appreciate a friend. Sometimes the existing cat will even leave. I would rehome the kitten.

How do you suggest I distract gently? She's not interested in anything else. I could use food but then wouldn't I be reinforcing the hunting behaviour? Hunt the kitten = get a treat?

I would always physically stop her from stalking. For example, pick her up, look directly at her, say "no," and then give her some attention.

She likely feels threatened, so my advice is to focus on calming her down, making her feel good, breaking the habit of behaving in a frightened or hostile way to the kitten. You won't have to do it forever. The dynamic will change as the kitten grows, even if it's just that the kitten is no longer so helpless.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry. Just make sure to give the situation plenty of attention and not let those bad habits (any stalking, any bothering the cat by the kitten) get cemented.

I shall keep interfering when the stalking and attacking happens. The kitten has never harassed the older cat. He's far too afraid of her. He's not tiny either. He was 4 months when we got him so nearly 5 months now.

Has kitten been neutered yet?

My older two despised my kitten when we first got her, wouldn’t have her anywhere near them for weeks, possibly even months. They’re all curled up together on the spare bed right now a year later she still gets the occasional wallop from the older girl because she’s quite annoying but they all get on fine now.

Our resident female cat aged about 10 months was against the 2 brothers we bought to keep her company - all Burmese cats. The boys were aged 13 weeks. We did the separate rooms and all that upstairs for about a week, and then as we have an downstairs open plan house, I borrowed a large dog cage to keep the boys in downstairs to protect them. Resident cat would hiss at the newcomers in the cage. Then one day I thought it unfair that the boys couldn't explore their new home, so resident cat was put in the cage whilst the boys had a roam. First one kitten went up and sniffed noses through the cage and then the other. And then they were all the best of friends. My husband couldn't believe it when he came home that day to find all 3 in a friendly pile in the same cat bed. And apart from girl cat playing a little too rough sometimes when the boys were tiny, they remained the best of friends.

I introduced 3 unrelated rescue kittens to my already multi cat household a few months ago. There were a few hisses and swipes at the beginning from my most dominant males but mainly they just ignore the small ones now.
They learn to get along.

@NoSquirrels not yet - the vet said 6
months.

It's heartening to hear that it worked out for quite a few people.

My older cat hated my new kitten, took about a month for her to stop hissing and trying to attack him. About 3 months later she started interacting with him. Had him a year now and they are best buddies - she grooms him and they sleep curled up together. He still winds her up with his enthusiasm, but they get on so well. I was beside myself for the first few weeks though, thinking I'd made a terrible mistake.

My 'kittens' have never gelled with my older cat. There is a sort of uneasy truce and 3 years down the line they can be in the same room but there's zero affection. If the older cat runs, the younger ones give chase but they have never actually come to blows.
I would be a bit concerned by the level of aggression your older cat is showing. Mine have persisted a long time with low level peevishness but are easily discouraged from being horrible to each other!

My eldest cat is very tolerant towards my three younger ones. The younger ones have kind of lost interest in him now, but they all eat and sleep together. He did hiss and meow at them initially, after l kept them separate for couple of weeks. I make sure he has his own quiet space, and give him plenty of fuss as well as treats.
It can take time, both my sister's have 5 cats each, mostly strays and rescues, and they have all come round.

The fact that he is an entire male will probably be a big factor here. I would expect this behaviour to continue until you get him neutered and neutralise the threat.

At 4 months is the standard recommendation. If your vet is not confident to do it before six months I'm sure other vets in your area will be.

He doesn't have to do anything to enrage her. She can smell the threat and is acting accordingly.

Is he spraying yet? Because if not he will soon want to spray everywhere in your house that smells of a cat that's not him.

And that's going to escalate the war.

Have a look on YouTube for Jackson Galaxy videos, you may find some good tips there.

As a pp said, these days 4 months is recommended for neutering unless they are absolutely tiny.

Definitely book him in for the snip. We had our kittens done at 5 months.

We got two new kittens which has pissed off our older cats. We introduced them just like you did. I'd never done it before, just left them to it to work out their differences before. This scent-swapping etc bollocks is just that imo - bollocks. I'll never do it again.

My cats have always made friends within a month or two. Not so this time. Months, it's been, months and months. The two kits are sweet natured, do all the right things when confronted by my older cats but I am feeling very forlorn that they are never going to be friends.

Nexxt time - and htere will be one - I'm just leaving them to it like I always used to.