Giving up a cat

[Catproblem]

You’re all going to hate me but please hear me out

Firstly we HAVE a cat. He’s 8. We’ve had him four years, and got him from Battersea at Old Windsor. He was incredibly nervous and it took him about three years to settle. He still hides when he hears the postman, dogs, or children walking past. We’ve no idea of his past, but I don’t think he was happy. We love him so much.

My 24 year old daughter lives in a rented flat 4 hours away in a city. She took in a street cat, that her friend found and had him for about 2/3 months. She sent us so many photos and videos of this cat. She deflead and wormed him, and he spent hours sitting on her lap. He wouldn’t leave her alone for a second. She said he was lovely. Earlier this month her landlady found out, and said she couldn’t keep him. She begged us to take him, and so we did.

Obviously we kept him in a quiet room for the first few days, but he was desperate to explore. Now he’s out, he attacks our cat constantly, and our cat (who is huge) is terrified.

We’re real animal lovers and all our pets are from rescues (we also have guinea pigs), but I think I would like to rehome this boy. I think he needs to be an only cat. I know things might improve, but I think my first priority is our actual cat.

My daughter says no one will want him and he’ll be put to sleep because he’s not the most attractive, and she thinks he’s old because he doesn’t have teeth. I’m not convinced. Watching him flying across the room to attack our cat, I don’t think he’s that old. I think he’d make a lovely pet for someone, or a couple.

Are there shelters that don’t put cats down? I’d love some advice on where to contact. We’re in north Hampshire, not far from Reading and Basingstoke. I’d rather not take him to Battersea as that’s where we got ours, and I’d just feel awful.

Im prepared for abuse, but this isn’t my mess

has this street cat actually been taken to the vet and scanned for a chip? I’ve had friends whose cats have been returned to them after 5/7 years when someone who has taken it in as a stray has finally been to a vet…

There are plenty of shelters that don't put cats down. I'm not sure of the logistics for you but Celia Hammond has a centre somewhere near Hastings and a couple in London. New Moon Rescue is based in Clarendon (and we've just rescued from there).

Also don't feel guilty. Not all cats can integrate and plenty don't. Not only will your old boy be completely stressed but the new cat will also be highly stressed so both unhappy.

Sorry, I forgot to say that my daughter had him scanned at the vet and sadly no chip. She was sure he’d had an elderly owner, as he was such a lap cat, but honestly no idea. He’s obviously had a hard time

Have you tried Cats Protection? They have branches all over the place. They don’t PTS unless the cats are really sick.

I was just looking at cats protection! Thanks @Maxipaws. I had it in my head that somewhere does PTS, and obviously I wanted to avoid that one.

picture of Wilf __

I wouldn’t feel bad about this - both your cat and your daughters’ will be very stressed and it’s kinder to separate them. She could alternatively find someone else to take him, or move somewhere that allows cats, but that’s not on you.

Thank you all. I’ve been trying to call CPL all day, but no reply. I’ll try again tomorrow.

Wilf is gorgeous, he would be snapped up!

Firstly, has he been neutered? You’ve only had him for a few weeks? He doesn’t look terribly old, he looks like an unneutered tom cat. Introductions take time and should be very gradual, separate rooms initially and allow them to sniff each other through the door to get used to each other’s scent, if you do introduce them, supervise and if they fight, clap your hands.

We’re really trying to make this work.

We were led to believe he’s elderly, and we would just need to provide end of life care ( I know there’s no ‘just’ about it), and that he was too old to be neutered, but I no longer believe this. He doesn’t have teeth, and his coats a bit dandruffy, but he plays, and is quite energetic, and really loves people (although can’t stand our cat). He’s off to the vet next week and we’ll keep trying for a bit longer. I’ve never given up an animal in my life, and our current cat was horrific for the first few years after we got him. He attacked hands constantly, and would wait in the dark to attack us at night. He’s just gorgeous now.

any advice for dandruff? He’s not mad keen on being groomed, and he doesn’t have loose fur when you do. His fur is much shorter than our other short haired cat.

He's not neutered?!

Then it's no wonder he's attacking your resident cat - Toms are renowned for it.

Neuter him and I guarantee he'll be like a different cat in a few weeks.

I think a vet trip for now, even if he is an older gentleman, neutering him will help, my Dad rescued a semi-feral cat, very similar, aggressive, hostile towards his cat, he had him neutered, treated for worms and fleas, initially my Dad thought he was older about 10+, he was estimated to be 4, tom cats often look aged from fighting, he’s 17 now and settled into a loving cat and learnt to get along with my Dads other resident cat.

Oh and dandruff tends to be linked to diet, so try a sensitivity diet, or one higher in protein.

If you get him neutered and he's still incompatible with your own cat a few months later, then at least you have made him into a better rehoming prospect for another owner.

👍🏻

Some cats just hate other cats and I agree that it would be best for your existing cat to give this one up for adoption.

I’m in a similar position (& massive animal lover same as you). It’s so hard isn’t it, I’m actually getting so depressed with it, it’s making me not even want to be at home. I keep persevering for now but my resident cat hates me & the new cat☹️

i think neutering will really help & then could you give it a period of time to see if it settles down any? He’s certainly v handsome too.

While that can be true, we are talking about a Tom cat, so I suspect much of his behaviour is because he's not neutered.

My neutered tom hates absolutely every cat he sees and no amount of time will change that, that is why I suggested rehoming the new cat.

You're missing the point - which was that it's worth seeing if neutering will make a difference before putting the cat through the stress of yet another new home.

I volunteer for cats Protection, we never put a healthy cat down.

BUT, at my branch we have a awaiting list of over 100 cats wanting rehoming. That’s in addition to the strays that come into the centre.

@CheapWine
Sorry a bit off topic. Are you able to rehome cats that have bitten their owners unprovoked and attacked on multiple occasions. Or are they put to sleep?

No they’re not put to sleep, they can often be rehomed as stable cats, farm cats, sometimes live in garden centres. As long as they have two meals a day and a warm place to sleep.

Also, “nasty” cats can sometimes be rehabilitated in the right environment. For example a single person home, no other animals or children etc

@CheapWine our resident cat was a biter when we first adopted him. He’d attack hands (me and my daughters, never my husband). He was horrible. When the girls left home he switched and became much more chilled. They love him, and had never hurt him, but I guess the house was more chaotic with them at home. It took three years for him to calm down.